Lack of Manners and Poor Behavior in Public

I don't hesitate to discipline my kids in public. 'Oh you're embarrassed now? Maybe you shouldn't have been running like a wild banshee in the store, you know better'... I also have no problem saying something to other people's kids if they're doing something dangerous that their parents are ignoring.

It truly takes a village to raise a child... no one is going to sue me for telling their kid to stop knocking cans off a shelf in the grocery store. They might get mad, but then I remind the parent that if they'd been doing their job, I wouldn't have had to speak up to begin with.

Oh, and if any of you ever catch MY kids misbehaving, by all means, say something, I appreciate it :)

If this wasn't just a way for you to stick it to Jen for her earlier post, I'd agree with you. But this is more of a rant about Jen and her 4 year old (not 5).

Dawn

I think even normally well behaved kids will ZING you with something once in a while. Lighten up!

I think that too many people are afraid of their kids. They are afraid to hurt their feelings. They are afraid to be stern and firm. They don't know what to do aside from hit their kids, which is frowned on by many these days. They are more embarrassed about removing their children from somewhere than they are embarrassed by the behavior. Their own parents were lost or tried to be their friend so they never learned how to parent. They think they need to buy their kids' approval or confuse fear with respect.

I am not always happy when my child can't come to a wedding or something, but I understand. The one time that really ticked me off there were other factors. This last time the friends who decided no kids handled it much better. As far as restaurants and the like, DD has been MANY places, but if she's not ready for a table with cloth napkins, then it's not good for anybody if she's there. That sets her up for failure.

There are also other factors, like don't run out at nap or snack time. My DD can become a BANSHEE if she's overtired and hungry. It is MY job to make sure she doesn't get to that point. That's not her fault. It's mine.

There are still parents who can do it. I saw a Mom the other day with a baby in the cart and 3 other children orbiting her. They were quiet, well-mannered and didn't run anybody over.

Kids will all have "one of those days". Your job is to make them as infrequent as possible.

Parenting IS hard. If you aren't up for the job, don't have kids.

Are you really that shocked? I see adults all the time cursing, talking loudly and being extremely rude to people all the time and we expect more from our kids? Adults don't know how to behave in public, so how are our kids suppose to learn? I try very hard to be respectful of everyone and to treat everyone kindly, but I'm starting to think that I'm the minority. I try to show my daughter through example of how to behave and what is expected of her. Most of the time my daughter is very well behaved when we go out. I don't hesitate to take her anywhere, but I also don't hesitate to discipline her or even remove her from a situation if she is acting out in public.

I agree. It is so frustrating. I hate when I am out shopping and I have to dodge 5 kids who are running through the store unattended. And than their families wonder why they are career criminals by the age of 14. My kids arent really old enough to act out yet, but once they do I will not hesitiate to either correct their behavior or take them home and deal with it. Even as a parent with young kids, I have no issue with a place not being child friendly, I actually kind of like the idea. If my husband & I want a night away from the kids it would be so nice to go someplace without dealing with any kids. And Rachel D. Please by all means feel free to say something to my kids, I wont mind at all!

Eh, we all do the best we can. We all have different lives and different reasons for our parenting choices. Why not let's cut each other some slack and remember we all have shortcomings and nobody has perfect children?

:)

It is really trying, tiring and hard! I had 3 children in less than 3 years, so I know how hard it can be to discipline when out in public places or even consistently inside the home! As they get older it gets even harder.
HOWEVER...I haven't let difficulty stop me from taking my children out in public places, I take all 3 grocery shopping, dining out, the girls to formal tea parties (they love it), shoe and clothes shopping, and even church services, and I do NOT refrain from discipline in any of those places. Just the other day, I had to give my son a time out right in the middle of the grocery store. I had to take my daughter out of the restaurant because she was being a stinker and I wasn't going to allow her to disturb other patrons. Because my children know what to expect during our outings, they are very behaved 99.5% of the time. When they are not, they can count on getting the necessary talking to, or punishment. Boy oh boy, is it HARD and tiring, but if I don't teach them proper behavoir by taking them to do these things, how will they ever learn?

Here is my deal. I felt our child was pretty well behaved. But ANY time she misbehaved, or started to have a meltdown, I handled her. Either with
"Do you need to go outside?" "Do we need to leave?" or, "ok, we are leaving".. Yes, EVERY time.

She knew I was serious.. I did not care if I had a full basket of groceries, I was not willing to put others around us through one of her fits.. or attitude.

I knew she was young or little and she could be tired, or hungry or whatever, but again, that is not anyone else's fault around us and so I was not going to be using that as an excuse.. ever..

She is now an adult now and this summer I have read quite a few of the questions and comments from moms here on the site and my daughter is also shocked at the lack of parenting, the excuses and the explanations for allowing young children to have a meltdown in public and the parents just expect everyone else to put up with it.

She has said, "I cannot believe they let their kids get away with that stuff. I do not remember anyone's parents allowing their kids to do that." She is only 21 so it is not like this was back in the dark ages..

Justify away, but do not be shocked when your children continue to behave like this and know you are not going to do anything about it.. and other children are around you acting just like this with their parents are making excuses..

We all understand children have meltdowns, do not feel well, have an off day, But YOU need to deal with that and not make the rest of the world have to deal with it.

It is just part of being a parent, missing out on activities, not being a part of everything and that plans will have to change.. We all know this when we got pregnant..

I do NOT hesitate to punish/discipline my children in public if they stare misbehaving...we have removed them from a restaurant ONCE when their behavior was atrocious!! and all it took was ONCE...

In a family restaurant - I won't allow my kids to run in the restaurant - it's NOT a jungle gym...

In many instances parents are too afraid to publicly discipline their children because there might be one freak who will follow you outside and take down your license plate and turn you in to CPS for "endangering your child" - and I agree with 8kidsdad - there were many books about parenting and being your child's FRIEND instead of being a parent...

Some parents are just plain lazy....let's face it....we have a society of entitlement going on so really? why bother? NOT!!!

And yeah - surprise, surprise, surprise!! I'm THAT GIRL - THAT MOM who will correct another child in a store or playground...if the parent doesn't like it - too bad - teach your child manners..if you can't do that - then please DO NOT become a parent!!!

I can't speak for all parents out there, but I wonder how much of it are parents being lazy, or just not wanting to bother, or thinking they will hurt their child's spirit or self-esteem if they actually try to rein them in and expect better behavior from them. As for me, I have no problem teaching my daughter how she needs to behave when we are at a restaurant or at the store and disciplining her when she's not complying. She knows at a restaurant that she needs to keep her butt in her seat (no standing on the chair or in the booth and no running around) and keep herself occupied with crayons and paper. But we also don't linger for 2 hours over drinks and talking when we know she's going to get bored. Children need limits and they need to know when they've reached those limits. I have to discipline her at home too - "No, you can't play with that toy right now, it's too noisy and Daddy is still in bed." Children need to learn that the world does not revolve around them - they have to show courtesy toward other people and consider their feelings too. It's not always easy but I know it will pay off in the end. But I also know that sometimes, if possible, it's way easier just to leave her at home.

nope not ok to misbehave because things are taking long...but generally playing after dinner is not misbehaving right? and i did say i do not accept this bahaviour normally...it was an off the wall occurance...if not i wouldn't have even thought twice to post about it right??

updated: i am not using others as an excuse...i still did giver her a verbal warning even with the other kids going crazy...and also I did state it was a one time occurance, she did say please and thank you when they brought out her food, sat and ate quietly and with a fork...followed all normal well behaved rules I have but did go crazy for a little, which I do not accept normally...again it was a pizza place not a classy resteraunt...and she was well done eating, she has to behave during eating and then can ussually play...in this scenario she was done for an hour...also I think its rude to J. leave too

I think you can't judge someone by one question and responses. I haev the same belief as Rachel D. that I expect her to behave and am fine with other people correcting her....I also think manners are well needed and discipline is too. My daughter is ussually the quiet well mannered one, which is why that whole thing did make M. think. It caught M. off gaurd in the middle of all of the hectic things going on and broke the tension, and did make M. laugh. I do think kids should behave in public at dinner but I also think if the wait staff takes an hour and a half to serve food when there is only one other family there, kids will lose patience. Also if you read my post she was quiet for the 1st hour and then got loud for for a brief time and that sittuation happened, and then I did give her a verbal warning and then she was quiet again, so yes there was a brief period she was a louder than i normally would allow but also the other 2 kids there were running around going ballistic, so even with those circumstances she was still more behaved than the rest, I didn't think my question needed to include that she was told to be quiet.... Also I did think that we will be working on her manners a lot in the next few weeks!

I agree. To all that says "it is hard" because you have lots of kids my dad came from a family with EIGHT siblings and all were taught manners (and were well mannered), I can from a family with 4 siblings and we were all taught manners and how to behave. Yes it is not easy but do not use the "it's hard" for your child's bad behavior. Sure some kids are "easier" to teach while other kids take longer to learn but don't give your kids the excuse of "it is just the way you are, so it's ok" feeling.

As some of the other mom's said it seem that part of it can be lazy parenting and wanting to be the kids friend instead of the kids parent. One of my best friends is this way with her two, a good Christian family, but very little follow through discipline so the kids rule.

Now I try not to judge if it is the first I have seen the family, it may be an off day for the kid BUT if I always see the kid acting like that out in public then I start to wonder what the parent is realling doing if anything.

My kids are now 21 and 17, so I'm past that. *Although I've seen teenager's who are out of control too!

Molly, it is hard. We left a restaurant one time because my son wouldn't behave. Just had them box it up from the kitchen and we took it home. MY nerves were shot, I can't imagine how those around us were thinking!
But it's up to you to set the limits and enforce them as DVMMOM said. And you have to be consistent. In my humble opinion, it's not only the lack of limits/rules but the lack of consistent follow through on the consequences.

I've always seen myself as a pretty liberal parent. Meaning, I wasn't overly strict and for the most part let them be children! But there were certain things not tolerated and consistent consequences for bad behavior. And I'm not sure I ever laid a hand on my children. But they learned early on if they got 'the look' they better shape up!

Agreed, that even the best behaved kids will act out. And that I'm not quite out of the woods yet when it comes to a child's behavior, so never say never! But so far, I'm very proud of my children. I knew at a certain point I could take them into any social situation and I wouldn't have to worry.

I agree that parents are too lax about manners and discipline. I know we live in a very busy world and at the end of the day we're all tired...However, if people choose to be parents then you need to be a parent and teach kids properly. Mind you kids are kids and will still misbehave from time to time.I think we all did right?...Most importantly teaching kids to say please and thank you..sharing their things and saying I'm sorry when they do something wrong would go such a long way...

Its hard. Thats why. I have small children and its hard to manage them and go out to eat. Poor behavior would be corrected, but ultimately, we dont take the kids out to eat often, because its hard.

Thank you!!! My mom always told me that a parents job is to civilize their kids. Kids need boundaries and limitations. Giving into them only make them worse. The hardest job I have ever had and most rewarding has been as a parent. I was not afaid to say "NO" to my kids. When our son was small he would say my favorite word was "NO".

Our kids always said "please and thank you". If they forgot, I would say "what do you say" before giving it to them. I'm not saying my kids were perfect, far from it but they did know that if they acted up we went home. Do that a couple of times and they get the point.

I have to say that 8kidsdad often talks about how beneficial spanking is and then gives examples of how it doesn't work. (At least in the examples he uses.)

The kid in for "truancy" talking about how her mother would whip her if she used bad language. huh? I guess she only gets whipped for bad language and not for being truant? Or maybe she's getting whipped for both. It was obviously working very well.

8kidsdad's own child who screamed for hours after getting spanked. The threat of water being thrown on him finally stopped the screaming. Apparently (according to the dad), the spanking is what STARTED the screaming fit.

Why can't some people put 2 and 2 together to make 4? Why is their answer always 3 or 5? sigh.

I happen to agree with you. In the case of the mom who posted earlier, most people's responses assumed that the child was 2. She's not. She's 5. Responses may have been different in that case. Also, the mother's question had more to do with "silly stories" of things your child does to embarass you!

If my school-aged child was out-of-control (regardless of th reason or circumstances) we would have left the restaurant. Heck- if my 3 yr old can't hold it together, we get the check and leave. He loves going out to eat, so it's rarely an issue- eats with utensils, sits in his seat, colors and talks using an "inside voice". He gets one verbal warning and that's usually the end of it.

I was at the grocery store yesterday and a woman was there with her two children. The toddler was happily riding along . The preschooler was screaming at the top of her lungs throughout the entire store. All the mother did was ask her to lower her voice and kept repeating "Wow. You really need a nap." Finally, the older woman at the deli counter said "Well, maybe your shopping can wait until later. She's obviously in need of a nap and this isn't your child's fault". I wanted to hug this woman! GO HOME. Your child is over tired. The milk can wait. Common sense isn't always the driving force, but I really wish at times that it was.

When my son misbehaves in public, I ask him to stop and tell him the correct thing to do. However, I don't do this with any expectation that it will improve his behavior. It is just for the benefit of anyone around so that they know that I am paying attention and do not approve of his behavior.

Use a napkin, not your shirt! Be polite! Look but don't touch! Use your restaurant manners! No feet on the seat! Try to use a fork! Get up off the floor! Calm down! Did you know that you are lost?! The floor is not a trashcan! Don't stop to read that! Choose better words! It's not your job to fix that! Stop singing! Put that back where you got it! Don't knock that over! Use your indoor voice! Stay in line or you won't get a turn! Sit down!

My son has ADHD/Aspergers. When he is taking his ADHD meds, he seems quiet and well-behaved. He's not consciously making a choice to act different.