Kids Missing School

Updated on March 01, 2013
J.R. asks from Powell, TN
53 answers

I told my 3rd grade daughter this morning that if she and her sister (1st grade) don't miss anymore days of school this year that in late April or May I will let them both miss one day just to take a day off. They have both only missed one day each this year. Well, I did not talk to my husband before I told her that and when I told him this morning, he got very angry. He said that is ridiculous and that will not happen. I agree that I should have talked to him about it first, but I don't really think it is that big of a deal. My Mom always let us take off a day once a year or so just to do something fun. I like to take a "mental health" day off work every once in a while too although I haven't taken one in a while. Most kids have missed many more days than that. What do you all think?

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So What Happened?

Wow-I didn't expect such a response on this, but I appreciate all of your opinions. I talked to my husband on the phone about this on my lunch hour. I apologized for not talking to him first. We talked about it and he is now fine with the idea. I am not encouraging my kids to go to school if they are really sick. If one of them does get sick and has to miss a few days before then, it is fine. I will still let them have their "fun day" as long as they haven't missed too many days. I believe in our school district they can have up to 5 unexcused absences without it being a problem. Both of my girls love school and are doing great. I actually sat both of the girls down this evening and told them that I had made a mistake by not talking this over with daddy first and that some kids miss more days because they are sick more often and they have been lucky, but if they are really sick it is okay to miss school.
BTW- I was a very good student throughout school and went on to college and have a great job that I do not miss many days of work at. My hubby's mom would never let him miss a day of school like this and he went on to drop out at the age of 16-so it doesn't mean if you give your kids off a day here or there they will turn out terrible-just sayin. I am trying to be careful about it all though and that is why I was asking everyone's opinion.
Thanks!

Featured Answers

K.I.

answers from Los Angeles on

Some people are really weird about this subject.

I allow my kids to play hookie a couple times a year...as long as they are doing good in school, I see no harm in it!

10 moms found this helpful

V.K.

answers from Minneapolis on

My aunt used to do this with my cousin. If she didn't miss any school all year, in May they could take a mental health day and go to the zoo.

My aunt passed away last year, today would have been her 50th birthday, and I know that my cousin is thinking about those days at the zoo.

I know that this is a tradition I am going to start with my kids when they get older, because I saw how special it was to my aunt and cousin. My husband isn't thrilled at the idea... But I have 3 or 4 more years to convince him (Do kids start school at 5 or 6 these days?).

8 moms found this helpful

X.O.

answers from Chicago on

I didn't take my first mental health day off school until I was a college student.

ETA: We have June-August for fun days, right? Isn't that enough?

6 moms found this helpful

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R.M.

answers from Cumberland on

"If you give them an inch......" Do you have any experience with the human teenager? It's Hell, and I am capitalizing the word because you will come to believe that you are in it and it's a real place-and, yes , it does have 9 circles. You perhaps don't realize that whatever you do now will impact how they become; and there is no more formidable opponent than a teenager. There is a name for a day off devoted to fun -it's called Saturday. Good luck!

14 moms found this helpful
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W..

answers from Chicago on

You're basically encouraging them to go to school sick in order to get a "fun" day, which is teaching a skew of priorities.

FUN isn't a reward in lieu of work.

Teach them proper work life balance so they can set boundaries and NOT get burned out.

And then there is the hubby issue...... He has every right to be mad. This can be another teaching moment with your kids about how to be a responsible adult in a relationship where you decide things TOGETHER.

12 moms found this helpful
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A.L.

answers from Charleston on

I side with your husband and agree with @Robin M. below.

My 4th grade daughter just missed 2 days of school because of the stomach bug, and the make up work took her most of the day Saturday to do (with my help). And she had all the homework she missed to do as well. It was exhausting in itself to complete, and she was upset because she was finally feeling well enough to want to go outside to play.

In my opinion, my kid's job is to go to school. They are taught this in preschool. Mommy's job is to take care of the house and their needs. Daddy's is a graphic designer. Their job is to go to school and do their best.

It's not worth it to me to go through hours of make up work for a "fun day". That's what the weekends are for. And there are also teacher workdays and half-days in our county that we use for fun days. We have a teacher workday or half day every nine weeks. Why not use those as your mental health day? Why reward with a day off when you have to make up the work anyway?

Just my 2 cents!

10 moms found this helpful

A.C.

answers from Salt Lake City on

No, we do not do this. Doesn't your kid's school already have plenty of vacation days? Ours does- between holidays, Parent Teacher Conferences (in which the kids only go half day), Fridays (half day) and Teacher Prep Days (oh and lets throw in a handful of bad weather days) I often feel like the kids are "on vacation" more than they are at school. I also think that letting them stay home without being sick is a bad habit to get into. There are a lot of school districts that require a doctors note for an absence, even if you as the parent "authorize" the absence, and some districts even fine the parents if children do not comply to the attendance policy.

7 moms found this helpful

M.W.

answers from Chicago on

I agree with your husband. In our school district, our kids get so many days off (holiday, teacher institute day, half day, 5 hour day, etc) all in one month. They've already had 3 for the month of Feb.

Now the last two days before Christmas break, there's no work being done. It's just parties. Additionally, our school district was facing threats of violence. So we took those last two days to begin an early holiday break. Mainly because we were not comfortable with the communication from the district on the threats that came the same day as the Sandy Hook shooting. Had it not been for the threats, our kids would have enjoyed their classroom parties. But to just take a day "just because"..... NO!

7 moms found this helpful

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

you are SOOOOO going to get toasted!
but i'm totally with you.
when my kids were in PS they always got one day per school year to take off for no reason at all. they were good students and good kids, and there was nothing happening on any given day in school that they couldn't make up.
my younger son reminded me the other day about how we even played hooky with homeschool sometimes. one day i was bustling around getting my briefcase loaded up for work, packing snacks, and asking him if he had his schoolwork in his backpack (he often came to work with me.) he looked wistfully out the window at the beautiful late spring day and said 'i wish we could just stay home today.' i looked at that face and i was done.
we climbed trees. played ball. had a picnic. brought a blanket out and read aloud sitting in the orchard. took the dog for a long walk.
it was magic.
create some memories for your kids!
'perfect attendance.' huh.
;) khairete
S.

7 moms found this helpful

L.A.

answers from Austin on

I am passionate about this subject,

School is the only JOB your children have. It is a necessity that will continue all through college or other continued education.

It is the way they will be able to succeed in their future. You and your husbands attitudes towards the importance of school, is the most important to your children.

We believe that education is one of the most important parts in a persons life. We are privileged as a country to offer it to every citizen i this country.

Malala, is a girl from another country that was shot in the head for speaking out to allow all of the girls in her country to be able to attend school..
http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/newsdesk/2012/10/th...

If you make it important, your children will take it seriously. Sure it can be said 1 day of skipping school is not a big deal, but what is the point if it can be avoided?

Sure you can ask a teacher to allow you to skip a day, or to go on a trip.. what are they going to say? No.. They will say sure, but it is sending a message that education in your family is not quite as important to the other families that make sure that IF their children are healthy, they will be at school.

Teachers work so hard for each day they teach. They are already trying to make sure every child in their class is getting concepts. Along with academics comes personal responsibility. If they miss a concept or a technique.. they may never have that in their "bag of tricks" for the future.

Your responsibility on this team to educate your children is to make sure they are fed, healthy and AT school with an attitude, I am going to do my best today.

I will also warn you. There may be a time when there really is a reason your child will need to miss school. Illness, a death in the family. Do not waste a day in case these unavoidable instances pop up. Better to have saved days off for real serious reasons, rather than a play day..

Reward perfect attendance with an extra fun day during spring break, summer break, or a school holiday..

And make sure you and your husband are on the same page about this type of "reward"..

7 moms found this helpful

C.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

My kids are older and in ALL their years of school has missed less than 5 days total...ever...so no, this is not ok. JMO but school is their "job" and they need to be there unless they are very sick. You only get a certain amount of time off in the real world and if they think its ok to take off whenever they want for work, they are going to have a hard time. I agree with your husband.

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S.P.

answers from Birmingham on

I see strong differing opinions on this one! I am on the side of a day off for you to spend with the children is never a bad thing. Our children were never ones to fuss (NEVER) about getting up for school. Always ready early and very motivated to do well. Son is currently in college/pre-med and doing wonderfully! Daughter wants to be a teacher in her future. I did the same as our parents and tell them they can have one "hooky" day during the 1st part and again in the 2nd part of the school year. They don't ask for an extra and I have always enjoyed spending that time with them for sleeping in, having a good breakfast and watching tv, shopping, taking a hike, etc. That time goes by so quickly and I wouldn't trade those days for anything. Sometimes the weekends are so busy that taking a week day is perfect. Much more quiet. Our friends pretty much do the same thing and the kids appreciate the down time. They have even used it to do extra school work while sitting in the recliner just relaxing and writing or reading. School is very tough these days with the academic requirements and rushing. These two days a school year made a big difference to our children's mental well being.

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S.G.

answers from Los Angeles on

I'm sorry, but 1st and 3rd graders shouldn't need motivation to go to school. They should be in school every day. Period. Now, if you as a family choose to take a day for a special reason, vacation or whatever, that's one thing. But why do you need to make such a big deal out of it.
If you were talking junior high or high school kids skipping classes, that would be one thing. But elementary age? give me a break!
I'm always surprised at people who pull their kids out just for the heck of it. I've pulled mine because we were headed out of town, or had a funeral or whatever, but not just because. Now I have checked my kids out a little early because we had plans and needed to get an earlier start.
I'm with your husband. Ridiculous. Sorry. Wish I could back you up on this one.

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J.C.

answers from New York on

Can you just do a fun Saturday instead?

Although I don't think what you did is a big deal or wrong, it's more important to be on the same side with your husband.

You can always tell your kids a little white lie and say you didn't realize that what you hoped to do was against the rules. They will understand.

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J.O.

answers from Boise on

I had a very similar rule in my house. Keep your grades up, don't miss any unnecessary days. Meaning faking your sick, let's face it, kids get sick and that is beyond their ability to control. And doing well in the house, and you would get one day a semester off.

I did this for two reasons. I liked the idea of a reward without paying for grades, it also allowed me the chance to get some one on one time with them. With 8 kids, it can be a challenge so this was just one more tool in my arsenal.

Dad's over reacting. Should you have talked to him first? Who knows, this doesn't seem like a lifer altering choice. It was a spur of the moment, fun/reward type thing. Not ever single thing should have to be ran by each other. Sometimes as moms/dads we make a choice in the here and now, and shouldn't be made to feel like we did something wrong.

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L.R.

answers from Washington DC on

"I told my 3rd grade daughter this morning that if she and her sister (1st grade) don't miss anymore days of school this year that in late April or May I will let them both miss one day just to take a day off."

What happens when one of them gets sick or hurt and HAS to stay home?

Is your deal off for that one? For both? (Is it a good idea to make sister one mad at sister two for being sick, which sister two cannot help or prevent?)

You were not thinking when you made this deal. Now if one of them feels sick she has a real incentive NOT to tell you -- so she'll go undiagnosed that much longer. If one of them gets sick or hurt while at school, she has an incentive not to go to the nurse for fear she'll be sent home and that will mean you revoke their fun day off.

Can you see how you basically have offered them a reward for not admitting to being sick or hurt? And how bad an idea that is? And that you've set them up for being very upset if they do get sick because they'll think, "I lost my fun day off"?

The posting says they've each only missed ONE day of school this year. So why did you even have this discussion with them?

You made this into a question about your husband but it is really about your own choice to even raise this issue with young children who have now heard the message that they get a reward for not being sick -- which is something they cannot control. You might have said "I don't mean if you're off sick, that's OK," but don't you realize that kids do not hear that kind of thing. They only hear: Go to school, get the reward, stay home, lose it.

Your husband might just be so mad because he sees what a bad idea this was and what a poor message it sends.

I don't mind the idea of a mental health day --let me be really clear about that. The mental health day off is NOT the real issue. The way you presented it as a reward for something they have zero control over -- that's the issue.

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V.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

I think that you messed up by not talking to your husband first. You may not have recognized it as such beforehand, but skipping days of school for mental health is not "just part of life/school". Not every family/parent has the same views on it. It might have been normal in your family growing up, but that doesn't mean it is a given in all families.

It may not generate quite the same level on controversy, but it falls under the same categories as other parenting decisions (how to discipline, if/what religion/church to attend, sleepovers or not, paying or grades or not, allowances, choosing own clothes or not, etc). These are all things that give messages to your children about life and about your expectations of them and societies expectations of them and how to deal with those expectations. Obviously, your husband has a different take on it than you do.
You should not have assumed.
Always discuss these kinds of things with the other parent before raising the issue with the child.

So, what do I think? I think you need to go back to your girls and say--oops! You know what, I didn't think to talk to your dad about that first... so never mind what I said until Dad and I talk it over.
Then, talk it over with Dad. And what you already told your daughters has no place in the conversation. You can always choose a different type of reward for good attendance.

By the way---I also grew up in a family where we didn't take "mental health" days. Maybe you did and you think of it as good and healthy and deserved. But that is not how I was raised, and not what I think about them. There are other ways to reward your kids without sending a mixed message. And for the record, whatever you may think (or others may think) about mental health days for adults at work, I seriously doubt a THIRD GRADER needs a mental health day from school. If they do, they have some serious issues at school that need to be addressed.

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G.W.

answers from Dallas on

Wow, I'm really shocked to see how passionate people are about this topic! Well, if it makes you feel any better, we has a rare day back in January on a Friday where the temps were in the low 70's. I emailed my twin boys' first grade teacher to let her know I was taking my boys to the Dallas Zoo. She was absolutely fine with it and wished us a good time. As far as consulting your husband, well, that one is tougher. I wouldn't even think to ask my husband, he's very laid back and doesn't dictate how and what I do with my kids.

And I don't see this as teaching your kids to be lazy. Even the teachers occasionally take a day off for personal reasons.

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B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

We never did this in our house - not growing up and not with our son now.
Being out of school is for when you are sick.

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N.G.

answers from Dallas on

I don't see why it's a big deal. My daughters both do very well in school, and I don't mind them taking a day off every now & then. Usually it's in the form of them trying to act sicker than they really are, and me choosing to indulge in it to let them have a break. As an added bonus I get a break from work too :) Life doesn't have to be SO freakin' serious all the time...

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B.S.

answers from Lansing on

For me, as a kid, we never had "just because" days off in fact on many of my report cards I find perfect attendance.

For me, I can't help but correlate your thinking to the coworkers I work with that "cough cough" aren't feeling good today but miraculously come in the next day fine! Many times this puts much more stress on me because it is not something that is planned for. I am all for people having time off, vacation time and or true sick days because yes I do believe people need the break. But I also think that's why we are given vacation days so things can be planned for and I think that is why kids are given summer vacation, spring break, winter break and so on. Its not like these kids aren't getting breaks! So call it as you may, "a mental health" day the truth is in my opinion you're just teaching your children that its ok if you call into work "just because" and for me that is not ok. I have never pretended to be sick just so I could stay home and I'm guessing that's because the behavior did not start with my parents teaching it to me.

I know a couple parents in my daughters school that do it and I am actually very good friends with these parents and respect them. It's just that for me it's more about teaching my kids about responsibility that maybe will stick with them later on in life. And my oldest daughter is actually super proud that she is currently carrying perfect attendance this year! That in turn makes me proud!

Although I admit I have not necessarily stuck to my rule of thinking. Last year I did take both my girls out of school for a week in May but it was a vacation we planned with my parents, brother sister and their families and because of all of our different types of jobs it was the only time we could all take off of work together. This is not the norm nor do we have anything planned like this in the future. I tell my kids it was a once in a lifetime trip. :)

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M.R.

answers from Seattle on

J., you don't need anyone's approval with how to manage your mental health days and that of your children's. If I had a husband who was that black and white about having authority over such insignificant decisions, and did not trust my mothering/parenting, I'd probably for sure do it just to prove who's in charge while he's gone. But that's me and I would feel suffocated by a husband who demanded such perfection. Your kids sound like wonderful and responsible students and treating them to a day with you sounds like a fabulous way to build some special memories.

You'll see extremes on every topic on this board, even here.

I have annually and intentionally taken my kids out of school for travel purposes, every year. They will be missing 3.5 days in April, not just one. Yes there is make up work, but my kids are pretty much straight A's and involved in athletics and clubs. They are not learning to be irresponsible IMHO.

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F.C.

answers from Tampa on

Mental Health Days are important for people of all ages. When I was in HS my school allowed 1/Semester for Freshmen 2/Semester for Sophmores..etc as they knew students can burn out.

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S.G.

answers from Grand Forks on

It sort of sounds like a reward for not getting sick, which is a funny thing to get a reward for. I have never done the mental health day, either for myself or for the kids as I really don't see the point. I also never used up my sick days at work just because they were there. (I thought that was abusing the system.) They get enough in-service days and such that we get to spend doing fun activites, and we spend every weekend doing fun activities.

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S.S.

answers from Sacramento on

My children live going to school and do well, but their father and I occasionally let them have a day off, mainly for travelling or events. Right now we're abroad travelling and the children are taking over a week off. I figure new experiences and different cultures are worth a lot educationally!

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J.B.

answers from Boston on

I don't think it's a big deal for kids, but it's not something I would do (it wouldn't occur to me) and yes you should have run this by your husband. My husband was recently off work for two weeks (unexpectedly) so he was going to take the kids out of school for an extra day to go tubing or something of their choice and they were all like "no thanks, we've got vacation coming up and are really busy at school" which I thought was pretty funny.

I do find the "mental health day" for work to be a little immmature if, like many people, you call in sick to do it instead of using a vacation day. Taking a vacation day here and there to do nothing is one thing, calling out sick when you're not is another.

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A.W.

answers from Kalamazoo on

I've been known to let my kids miss school to go to the zoo together or something like that - I think it's fine for them to miss for some good family fun!!
However, I would NEVER use this as an incentive for them to go to school.

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J.P.

answers from Lakeland on

You should have mentioned it to him first, but I don’t think it should be forbidden. I have told my daughter that she can take a "day off" because she gets straight A's and has never missed a day of school. I figure everyone (kids included) needs a day off now and then and one day missed will not get them failing grades.

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J.G.

answers from Chicago on

My high school rewarded honor roll students by giving them a blow off day a semester. It was great!

I think a day off every semester is reasonable.

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M.O.

answers from New York on

This doesn't seem terribly, horribly out of line or anything, but I personally wouldn't do it. I don't like signalling that school is optional, because as kids enter the teen years, they can really take that concept and run with it. And I'm pretty careful not to model dishonestly (even "white lies" [isn't that a weird expression, btw]) in front of my son. I would never call the school and tell them he was sick when he wasn't.

Since you've already offered them something, what about just changing it around. As in, "Sorry girls. Daddy and I talked it over, and we think it's pretty important not to miss school. Instead of that, let's wait until the end of the year and have a little family party with ice cream sundaes [or whatever] to celebrate what great students you've been all year."

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K.H.

answers from Boston on

It is unfortunate that you and your husband feel so differently about this. I think it is fine to miss an occasional day of school. Growing up we had family holiday days too. My father travelled a lot, so sometimes when he was home my parents would keep us all out of school. This happened very infrequently and it didn't cause any issues for us.

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A.G.

answers from Dallas on

If they're being honest, how can they control being sick?

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H.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

I don't see a problem with it at all. I did it as a child and we have occasionally taken my son out for "appointments" i.e. to go to Disneyland. As matter of fact we are taking a vacation to Costa Rica in May. As long as he is doing well in school I don't have a problem with it. Where you went wrong was not talking with your husband first to make sure you were on the same page.

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S.B.

answers from Dallas on

I just took a "mental health day" with my first grader. It's the first time we have done this and it was only done because I wanted to take him to an event that was ONLY happening during school hours. A once in a lifetime kind of thing. We had a great time. And I don't regret my decision one bit.

The difference is that I didn't use it as some carrot. It was a complete surprise to my kiddo, he knew nothing about it until I showed up at school. He did go to school for part of the day, I just got him out very early. I talked to his teacher to make sure he wouldn't miss anything vital that day. And I definitely discussed it with my husband first. And we don't have plans to do this annually - like others have mentioned, our school district always seems to have a lot of days off. This event was something special.

In my book, there is absolutely nothing wrong with taking a day off occasionally. I imagine your husband was more upset about not be consulted. It's possible, that he really does feel strongly about the kids being in school. And maybe he was upset about promises made to your kids that you may not be able to keep. What happens if your kids get a bug next week and miss two days of school? They will be upset that they "ruined" the family day.

Since your husband feels so strongly, I suggest you talk to him and compromise. If he won't agree to a day off from school, maybe he'll concede to half a day? Or maybe you will just have to plan a weekend event on a Saturday. Although I agree with the premise that it's not a big deal, it is a big deal to him. As his partner, you should respect that.

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T.M.

answers from Tampa on

My personal opinion only: I tell my kids that everyone has a job in our house...their job is to go to school. I don't allow them to miss school unless they are too sick to go. At least in Florida, they get a ton of days off for vacation...seriously, everytime I turn around they have a day off for something. I think that it is really important to stress the importance of school to create a good work ethic early.

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T.S.

answers from Dallas on

We call ours "Our lazy day". He is only able to do it if he keeps his grades up and it is not in a month where they will already be out a day. My son is in the 4th grade. It is a nice reward and a day he gets to spend with his Momma. During his summer breaks, I will take lazy days from work so I can have a day with him.

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L.N.

answers from New York on

big deal. not worth discussion or 45+ responses.

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A.S.

answers from Boca Raton on

I think it's great . . . life DOES tend to reward the diligent, and it sounds like they have been diligent getting to school all year.

Then again traditional school doesn't have much to do with the way real life works imho.

I agree that you should have discussed it with husband first, but it sounds like a simple oversight. Not sure why he's so up in arms.

Your heart is in the right place imho. Then again I homeschool so I already have a non-traditional POV.

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H.M.

answers from Dallas on

I know several parents that do that. Shoot some schools even allow for a vacation. One week that is the principle will give an excused abcence for. Yes you should have talked to your husband first but since you have already told them you would do it I don't think it's right to take it back. but that's my personal opinion.

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❤.I.

answers from Albuquerque on

The problem I see is what if they really are sick? You can't really control that. You don't want them going to school sick and getting other kids sick because they're looking forward to a fun day, right? Instead of basing it on attendance maybe base it on report cards instead. I remember when we had snow days my mom made us write out reports from encylopedias, blech! My mom never purposely took us out of school. Heck, I even feel a little guilty sometimes when I keep my daughter home sick. They do get a fair share of off days throughout the year for a fun day, it seems.

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D.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Not a big deal. I would let DH know that you had no idea it would've a big deal to him, so next time you and he can discuss all school decisions together w/o the kids present.

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L.G.

answers from Austin on

I see both sides. The problem is that you and your husband are on different sides. Out of respect for your husband, you need to tell your daughters that after thinking about it (don't even mention your husband), that you really want them to see school as something important - or whatever your husband's values are toward school.

Besides, if one of your kids is sick, they may not tell you because they want to earn the special day. Why not have a special day on a weekend where you let them plan something fun...

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L.L.

answers from Rochester on

I see that at least one person has suggested that you don't need your husband's approval to make these decisions for your children...and I completely disagree. Decisions need to be made together on ANYTHING that carries weight and importance...and this issue certainly does, because it does set a precedence for behavior.

I don't think it's okay to skip a day just because you want to in a public school setting. That is teaching them to skip school once they hit high school because they want to do something "fun" instead. I think this idea will backfire on you if you keep it up.

I don't mind taking off school if you have a reason...if you actually had an event, etc. But I don't think you should just "take off" for no reason.

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A.R.

answers from St. Louis on

Hi Jenny,
It is a matter of expectations or what you want your kids to learn in life. When my kid attended school (now he is home educated), he only missed school because of illness and a couple of times because we had to travel overseas because of a funeral and wedding.
In my opinion, when this comes just to take a day off for nothing or sleep in, I don't think is worth it. Kids have plenty of vacation, holidays, days off, snow days, teachers'conferences and meetings...so why do the kids need more and more days off?
Now that we home school, the kids still have a schedule and a nice routine. I want my kids to value education and learn responsibility. Life is not easy and the more well prepared they are, the most successful they will be.
Jenny, leave that day off when they actually need it; if they do well at school, offer them a nice trip out of a state, or to a place they love during real vacations...or why not just a trip to get an ice cream?......Well, that is what I think.

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

I think it's no big deal, especially since they've only missed one day thus far.

Maybe you can compromise with hubby. Change the day off to the end of May, maybe in conjunction with Memorial Day holiday since they really aren't doing much in the way of learning new concepts that close to the end of the year.

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S.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

Well, I have no problem with kids missing school now and then for a mental health day or for real reasons, but you are kind of muddying the waters by connecting the two. By offering to reward them with a "mental health" day for good attendance, you are implying that they already have their own control over when they miss and how much. They really don't have any control over this issue. They get sick or injured, that is out of their control. They want to "play hooky", even that is out of their control because they are little kids, they would not be able to do it without going through you anyway. It's not like you are trying to motivate a couple of truants here. That's the part I don't get.

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C.C.

answers from San Francisco on

What do you mean by "if they don't miss any more days?" Do your kids pretend to be sick so they can stay home? Or is it just that they have been legitimately sick this winter and so they missed a few days here and there? I guess my answer would be different, depending upon how their attitude has been. I was always a great student, and I remember one time when my dad came to wake me up for school. I came out for breakfast in my school uniform, and he said, "What are you wearing THAT for? Go change; we're going to Disneyland today!" (I grew up pretty poor, so trips to Disneyland were few and far between, even though we lived in Southern California.) It was seriously one of the happiest memories on my entire childhood. So a well-placed day of hooky can be a wonderful thing. :)

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J.E.

answers from Minneapolis on

I never did this when they were in elementary. Once they hit 7th grade, they get 2 "personal" days/year to take off. My son always used his for hunting and now they take them for an extended weekend to visit their dad.
I did pull my daughter out of school early (half hour) last month for a haircut that I felt incredibly guilty about until my gf reminded me she's a A Honors student and can afford to miss 1/2 hour. When she took her permit test (school excuses them), I did take her and her friend out to lunch afterwards so that was the mental health break (I did the same with her brother when he was 15). The school was fine with it and they made up whatever they missed.
Being that you and your hubby aren't on the same page, I wouldn't do it.

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J.T.

answers from Victoria on

we got to miss school a few times a school yr. mom i really dont feel like going. so i didnt have to go that day. some days she would just say too bad your going. there was no consisitancy to the madness. it was what ever her mood was???

anyway today if you miss school its a note from the doctor and all sorts of papers to be filed make up work ... its not so easy as just missing school anymore. but you already are aware of the process it takes to miss school

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

We don't specifically do this. I might allow an "I'm not sure if you're really sick" day if the kid is otherwise doing well and I know she's not trying to skip a day for anything (like miss a test), but I treat it as a sick day not a skip day.

I think anything like that should be agreed on by both parents in advance. I would also not phrase it as "you can have a day to do whatever" but save it for a "mental health day" which puts a spin on it that is different than "I'm going to let you skip a day". If a kid needs a break for his/her mental health, that is different than "meh, didn't feel like it today." That's the biggest thing I'd change, because you still want to encourage them to go to school and see school as important and I think that's what your DH is upset about.

I knew that my mom would give me one day a year as a mental health day, but I had to use it wisely and if I didn't need it, it didn't happen. My senior year she approved me staying home for Senior Skip Day since I'd never asked for that before, but all the other days were honestly being burned out and needing to regroup. Sometimes your body is sick and sometimes your heart is.

We also wanted the kids to grow up and understand that you can't just blow off work whenever it was nice out. You need to use your sick time wisely and if your boss though you were goofing around, you might lose your job. If you take a sick day when you are not sick, you might burn leave you need later.

E.A.

answers from Erie on

If my husband ever questioned my authority with the children like that, he'd get quite an earful. Once it became clear that I was to shoulder all of the responsibility to raise them, since he began deferring to me from day one, I assumed authority to make decisions like that without his "permission". We make plenty of decisions together, but this would not be one of them.
But then, I am the type that does't much care what other people think of my parenting choices, so I wouldn't have even come here to ask a question like this. Keep your girls home, have a great day with them. The status quo is not always the right path for every kid. In your case, it does not sound like their attendance is a problem, and doing something like this will not "set a precedent" for how they behave in high school. Even our valedictorian skipped on Senior Skip Day. I got As in many many classes even thoguh i didn't attend all of them in college. To say that one day in grade school like this is setting them up to fail is ridiculous. Go for it. And stop asking your husband's permission for stuff like this, what is this 1813?

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M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

I can see both sides. Maybe you could compromise and just get them out of school early? Like an hour or two?

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L.O.

answers from Detroit on

Depends on the kid.. are the kids struggling with school? barely getting by in their classes? if so.. then no..they need to be there whenever school is in session.

If the kids are above grade level.. I think they can miss a day or so here and there. we took our kids (kinder and first grade) out for a week to go to disney. both kids are above grade level and it wasnt a big deal.

however... the trip was in november and in january and february.. they have missed quite a few days due to illnesses.

I do understand your husbands point that missing school is bad..but if you make it close to the end of the year without major absences due to illness I would give them a day off.

I think my kids have 4 absences due to vacation and 6 sick days so far this year.. oh and we have had 3 snow days.. so they have had lots of breaks..

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