Do You Allow Your Kids to Stay Home from School for "Mental Health Days"

Probably not going to be a very popular opinion but...

I let my kids take "mental health days" once or twice a year. The deal was, there couldn't be any tests that day and it couldn't be on a day when they had a big project due.

My feeling on this is...once you get to be an adult, your responsibilities are so great that while they are still in their childhood, give your kids a day here and there (unscheduled and unexpected) to relish in a day off. When my girls were little, I would go in and quietly wake one of them up, wink at them in the eye, tell them that I thought they had a "terrible fever" and keep them home with me by themselves. After I would take the others to school, we would stay in our jammies, crawl into my bed, eat our cereal while watching t.v., talk, nap, giggle, and spend some real quality time with each other. We wouldn't have soccer games, laundry, shopping, or any chores that day...just the two of us.

We didn't do this often but I will tell you this...they remember these days dearly, as do I. By the way, two of my daughters are college graduates (one in May), both coach soccer teams, are responsible, don't play hookie from their responsibilities or jobs and love spending time with their mama. Isn't that what it's all about anyway?

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Isn't it called "the weekend," and "school holidays?" I think kids get plenty of mental health days. Shoot, I wish I got a fraction of the amount they do!!

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I suspect the answers differ depending upon whether momma is home or not.

I'm not. I'm at work, teaching high school. I don't have the luxury to take my child out of school for the day.

Given that there are parents who complain about teachers having so many "days off," I find this question amusing (especially given that I put in 100 hours last week). There are folks who want year-round school so that they don't have to pay for child care when school is not in session. Then they want to take their kids out at their convenience, but want school in session at their convenience, too. They want school to have flex-time for the students but not for the teachers. Let's make it flex-time for all parties involved, perhaps?

If a K student needs a mental health day, the K student needs to learn a new approach to life. That does not mean skip work. That means learn how to approach everyday life in a way that does not result in stress. That goes for the rest of us.

As a teacher, I see too many kids getting "mental health days" who don't need them. Then there are some who could use some training on how to de-stress themselves during the day or after school, but don't get the training. Again, this is basically an approach on life question.

When my mom took me out of school for a dentist appointment (no choice, one car, dad worked at night, the dentist was a distance away), I didn't want to miss school. I would cry. I would be scared that the truant officer would find me. I know, I was a worry-wart. That's not the best approach to life. Being nonchalant about school and work is not a good approach, either.

I have familiarity with kids missing first hour in order to sleep, but they have missed submitting a paper, and have an excused tardy, and want to get full credit for their paper.

I have familiarity with kids who are seniors and have permission from their parents to slack off their final year. Now, put them into a classroom of 36 kids and try to teach. Let's all discuss the story we read last night. Wait a minute. . .Who read the story last night, raise your hands. Anyone? Hmmm, fallback lesson plan is. . .? Why is that my responsibility????

I know of seniors who feel that they are entitled to Senior Skip Day and taking the day off to get their hair and nails done for prom. They'll tell you, "We have a test that day? But it is Prep for Prom Day! I won't be here."

I know of students who have been admitted into college, and then have been told they are no longer invited based upon their senior year scores.

These kids are learning a slacker approach to life. They feel entitled to missing days of work at no consequence.

On the other hand, I also familiar with these kids.

I also know of parents who send their children to math and science classes during the summer and on weekends so that their children will be further along than their cohorts. These kids go to college for math and science while in high school because that is how high their ability is. They join Science Olympiad to compete with other students across the state and nation. They apply to MIT and get accepted.

I know of students who are taking four Advanced Placement tests in one year, all in the month of May, and take "days off" to study for the tests. They are working so hard, they don't know what day it is.

In the International Baccalaureate program, the kids are done with classes in May, but attend and study and take their year-end tests. They have that many tests to take.

These are the kids who are working hard, but they don't take mental health days. Some seem to need them, and others don't seem to need them. What they need is training in how to approach life.

There is a push that a teacher's income is dependent upon the performance of the student. Would you want your income to be dependent upon someone who is allowed to miss attendance at school?

This approach is creating imbalance between what the student is responsible for and what the teacher is responsible for. Pressure has been put onto teachers to get students to perform at higher levels. One basic thing that parents need to take responsibility for is how the child approaches school and school assignments. How is after school time used? Getting exercise? Family dinners? Chores around the house? Watching TV? Hours of video games? Review of school assignments? Independent exploration of things one is curious about life?

We as a nation have a dilemma. We must decide what characteristics we want our citizens to have. Slacker who lets others work, work "hard enough" and for enough hours, hard-working only in what we like, hard-working in what is best for our country? People who see work as play, and have an acceptance of hard work as fun? People who try to avoid work and have no curiosity about life? Who do we want our kids to be, and how do we create them to be that way?

For me, I'm trying my best to raise a child who is curious about life. I try to have her look at life as every moment being a moment to learn. Right now, she's creating a neighborhood map for us to go on an "adventure" later today.

I don't give that responsibility to the teacher.

Perhaps moms let kids play hookie because they know that kids grow up fast and moms want to cherish that mom/kid time. I can relate to that. Truly. I cannot believe how much my child has grown since September. That means we need to re-evaluate how much time we allow as a nation for family time as well as how we want to relate to school.

For me, family time does not come at the expense of learning time, but learning time does come at the expense of hours of training to excel at sports. Exercise does come at the expense of the "entertainment" of TV. Playing an instrument does come at the expense of sitting and listening to music on the iPod (because one is making music oneself). Drawing and daydreaming and creating does come at the expense of a tidy house (paper is everywhere with drawings on all of it, and I like it that way).

What characteristics do we want our children / citizens to have?
What skills do we want our children / citizens to have?
What priorities do we want our children / citizens to have?
How do we want our children / citizens to approach life?
Are we willing, as a nation, to accept the consequences of our choices for our answers to the above questions?

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My parents never let us miss school unless we were sick. Even then sometimes they would send us anyway, because soemtimes once you get yourself out of bed and get ready you actually start to feel better. If we got to school and still didn't feel good we could come home.

I have to say, I am a huge fan of not letting kids miss school. It really taught me to take my responsibilities seriously. I don't miss work unless I really need to, and employers notice this. I teach at a university, and it's quite rediculous how much some students will miss and how many expect to be able to make-up exams for really weak reasons. I can't believe how many of them don't realize that it is their job to be there for an exam unless they are in the hospital or bleeding their eyes out. They should not be missing exams.

Sorry, guess that I'm just a bit frustrated. Guess I agree with your husband.

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"I" have had mental health days by letting my son stay home :)

ETA: we've always done private, so no one's paycheck was in jeopardy. I pay tuition no matter what!

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No...they can use their Saturdays, Sundays, teacher-in-service days, holidays, actual sick days, Spring Break, Winter Holidays and Summer Vacation for "mental health days".

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The way school is being taught these days, how far behind kids get - nope no mental health days. My son will stay home from school for the following reasons:
Sick - contagious - on medicine went to the doctor sick
Funeral - depending on the effect he may have a day or two to greive at home
mmm yep that's about it - maybe the occasional travel day IF it had to be but I would try to have him there for half the day if possible. When I was in highschool my mother allowed me to join in on the Senior Ditch Day and other things like that - but with HER permission and I had to meet a whole lot of her requirements to do so.

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we pull our son every once in while from school to do a fun day. in fact in a couple of weeks he is going to miss a monday from school to go with a small group from our church to go to a camp for on overnight. he'll have homework but we'll have friday and saturday to get it done. and then the following friday is a half day so a friend and i are taking our boys on a mini vacation for an overnight of fun so they will miss that day too!! i feel missing a day here and there is fine....as long as they understand homework will still be there!!!

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No I do not allow my kids to stay home for no reason. Actually I encourage them to go no matter what unless they are REALLY sick (or have a fever which never happens).

You won't last long in the workforce if you take off for every cold, sinus infection, or 'mental health' day. Do you really want to set them up for failure at such an early age? You are their first teacher so set a good example and send them.

PS There is plenty in life we do not WANT to do but we HAVE to so buck up and just do it!

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Absolutely.

((Overly long answer edited))

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My mom used to pick me up early on a beautiful spring day, randomly and we wouldn't know about it in advance. It was great, we'd (my sisters and I each got our own day) get called to the office and walking up the hall there she would be standing with a big grin on her face! It still counted as a full day of school, but we'd get out early and get to something special, one-on-one, with mom. I plan to do the same thing for my dd when she starts K next year. :o)

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Heck yes! It's for MY mental health as well, LOL!!

It's only once in a blue moon, and never if the girls have testing or something REALLY important (it's all important, but you know what I mean)... the kids know that it's NOT okay to not go to school just because they don't want to or think there's something better to do, school is their job right now...

But on those gorgeous, perfectly clear, sunshiny days when the river is calling... I'll pack a picnic lunch and pick them up early from school, we'll all throw our bathing suits on and go get some much needed fresh air and sunshine!! *I* can't help it, I need to get away from life sometime's too :)

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No. Saturdays and Sundays are our "mental health" days.

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No.
Our school district's motto this year is "Attendance counts. Every day. Every one". My kids did miss two days earlier this year for a family reunion and we will try really hard to not have something like happen again. Next year we'll have two in high school and it's too hard for them to miss any school. Having a senior, freshman, 6th grader (first year in jr high) and a kindergartner and it will be too hard to try to keep up with make up work!

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As long as there isn't a set pattern, say every Friday or Monday ; ) I don't see why not. As a matter of fact, since we are doing in-home hospice for my father and there are three of us families living together, my 10 year old nephew's principal has agreed to allow him to do independent study because of his mental stress.

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No.
Though once they were in high school I did allow the occasional sleeping in and missing first period (due to late homework the night before.)
They get LOTS of days off, minimum days, etc. plus we sometimes take off early on Fridays for a trip on the weekend so they get PLENTY of down time.
Also, the schools lose money every time they are absent so I don't like to add to that!

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they're our kids, aren't they?
khairete
S.

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My daughter has not had a sick day since first grade, she is now in 4th. She's amazingly healthy. I told her that if she didn't have a sick day until March this year, she could pick a day to do something fun. She's on her way to her first "mental health" day!

I don't think having one special day off a year (or even more) is setting them up for failure at a job. I think we need to learn how to prioritize, get our work done, and allow some fun, too. I let my older two take the occasional mental health day in high school and they are now both college grads, one will have an MBA in May. I'm not raising my daughter to fill the kind of job/career that allows absolutely no flexibility in how, when, and where she does her work. That's not the life I've built for myself and not what I'm teaching her to aspire to.

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As long as she is keeping up in school yes.
I expect to be working and traveling occasionally and absolutely plan on bringing my DD along here and there or taking her out of school when I have a day off every now and then.
There are many important things that school does not teach and I think spending a little extra time with our kids will be an opportunity for valuable lessons.
However, if my child was struggling in school and clearly could not afford to miss a day, I would certainly make arrangements around her school schedule!

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We tend to travel a couple times a year and so we take our son out of school on occasion. So, no we don't do mental health days. Also, the personality of our son is such that if you give an inch he wants to take a mile. He would be CONSTANTLY begging to have another stay at home day and would drive me nuts. But I see nothing wrong with doing that - it sounds fun actually!

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I usually let my girl stay home every once in a blue moon. At least once a year we do the 1/2 price Wednesday at the zoo and her Grandpa usually comes down every couple of years from Idaho and I'll let her stay home for a day of it.

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I never let my kids stay home unless they were sick. Playing hooky is playing hooky and you are not learning. I have to go along with hubby on this one

What are you teaching your child about taking time off just because when they go to a job? They won't have a job if they kept this up. I have a co-worker who likes to do this and was called into HR about it. She did straighten up her days off only because they told her if she didn't she would not have a job.

Sorr what you learn now is what you do for the rest of their life.

The other S.

PS My son will be out of work for about about four months due to an auto accident yesterday because his legs were broken. Now that is a reason not to go to work. But the pain involved is no fun. So think about what you teach.

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My mom used to pick us up at half days when we got good grades on our report card. Then we would go to a movie and lunch out. I totally plan on doing this when my daughter gets to school.

For me it's not hurting their education, and we are creating special memories.

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It depends on the situation at hand. Elementary school is easy to catch up if you miss a day, especiallly if you know the plans for the week.

As kids move up it is harder because the rules are tougher and the work is tougher. My daughter did miss a little (less than 5 days total) in K-5 elementary. In Middle School.. (grades 6-8) she only missed when she was sick and she missed 1 day for a funeral which was out of town.

In High School, many kids are working on AP and Honors classes. Her high school (grades 9-10) she missed NO mental health days. She was focused on her GPA for college, yes at 14/15 she had her goals set for college and knew what grades they were looking for. She didn't want to be home even when she was very sick for a week last year. I was at the school getting her work and she was working from home. Are there kids knowingly taking mental health days.... yes... most of whom were not college material, not in AP/Honors classes and ones who just floated along the way through school with the attitude of whatever happens, happens.

Now she is in Sr High (grades 11-12) in the 11th grade. She missed 2 days sick and the catch up was hard but she managed it. You could not pay her to take a mental health day in High School or Sr High School. Not only are the grades extrmemly important to her, the make up work is harder because they require all the makeup work to be done within a specific time AND that you stay on track with what is going on in class now. So all makeup work is done during lunch, before or after school. When she was sick last fall, upon her return to school, she met teachers at 6am to go over make up work. Fortunately, we are in a good district and a good school and the teachers will do whatever it takes to ensure succcessful students, especially if the students are putting forth efforts. She is also on the cheer squad which does take her out of a class now and then and she works very hard to make sure she is up to speed. She is in all AP/Honors and maintains very good grades.

So your question... in elementary school I was much more apt to allow a day to sleep, etc. However from Middle School 6th grade up we did not take mental health days. It depends on you and your family.... my daughter is much like her dad and myself.. very driven with specific goals in mind which sometimes takes some sacrifice to achieve (no mental health days) .. In the long run, I know she'll be fine. We love our weekends and any holiday from school and we use those as mental health days. Our weekends are rest/homework/ relaxation days.

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No. They don't get to play hookie. Soon, it won't be at your discretion but at theirs. It sets example of priority and responsibility. Except for certain commitments, such as visiting grandparents/relatives, doctor's appointments, school should be their primary responsibility and priority.

Attendance, effort, responsibility, structure, and community/social integration are all part of what they learn at school. This is the part they don't forget.

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i think its ok. my daughter is in pre k and we took her out early thurs. and went to disney land.

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There are previously scheduled days off from school...those I believe are scheduled mental health days. For the most part, no I don't give her an occasional mental health day. You're either sick or not.

Added:

When she's in HS I will make the same deal with her that my mom made with me "work your rear off the first three years, don't get yourself into trouble, and there will be lots of slack during Senior year".

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Coming to this question as an educator (teacher aide, but working in public schools nonetheless), the schools really count on the attendance. They are paid by the state for every child that is in school... if a child is absent, unless for an excused absence (medical/illness absences), the school doesn't get money that day for that child.

In these really lean budget times, every day counts.

I'm sorry, but that is how it is looked at in the schools.... and why administrators discourage taking the kids out for vacations and such during school.

It is unfortunate that we have come to that point, but we have. I remember having my cousins visit for a few days, and going to school with me! They can't do that kind of thing anymore.

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My kids had two a semester. The only requirement was they could never be taken to get out of a due assignment or test.

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I keep them home everyday, so I say go ahead as long as they don't fall behind. Time with family trumps school that except for the basics, much is forgotten. Unfortunately, the worldly influence is not forgotten:(

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As a teacher, I say no, it's really not OK to let a kid skip school for things other than illness or family emergencies. You really never know what they will miss - it could be a special visitor or a concept that they just can't get the experience of at home. Not to mention, in KG and 1st they are learning the building blocks that they will base future knowledge on. That being said, if a family does choose to take a child out of my class it's best if they check in with me to see what the child could be missing. That way, if there is a big event/concept/project the student will miss I can let them know and parents can decide if they want their child to miss on that day (those days). I typically don't send work home in advance if I know a student will be absent but do allow them to catch up on return (just as if they were sick). I have never let my daughter stay home for anything but illness but on the other hand she loves school and would be upset with me if I kept her home. Often even when she is sick she argues about staying home. In the end, you know your kids best and if they seem to need a break then you are the one to make that decision with your husband. If they need breaks often, it may be a sign of other things going on and you should check into why they wish to stay home. If you're a stay at home mom, you could always volunteer at the school or in their class to have a better idea of what's going on.

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Nope - but my reason why is more from the teacher perspective. As a teacher myself, when students are gone they miss so much in my class alone, not to mention their 6 other classes. Make-up work never replaces what is actually taught in the classroom. That can never be replicated. One of my students who was out last Friday missed an exam in my class, a pop quiz in another, and an in-class essay in a third. Only my exam was know about before hand. The quiz was a surprise, and the in class essay was ater a brief introduction on a poem. She now has to come in to school at least two and a half hours early or late this week just to make all of that up, as there isn't time in class to do so. In my opinion, the make -up work just isn't worth it.
My second reason is more personal. A hard work-ethic is so valued in this day and age. I don't take days off for "Mental-health" days, and I wouldn't want my kids to learn that that is ok.

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My oldest started kindergarten (all day) this year and while I'm not adamantly opposed to a "mental health day" I just don't see how she could need one at this time. I have played "room mother" a few days this year and they are under no stress whatsoever in the classroom. Very fun, group learning. I wish my kindergarten could have been like that. My daughter is sensitive to stress - won't sleep or gets up way early - so I will know if something is up immediately. In my personal opinion if they are learning and taking in the information and having fun - why would they need a mental health day?

If a ever decide that they need a mental health day I plan on only allowing it maybe once a year. They have a "holiday" off school almost every month that is teacher inservice and then they have big breaks in the middle of the semester and year. I don't really see that I need to give them a mental health day.

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I will randomly pull my kids out of school for something. But there was never a time when my mom would or I would just let them stay home "just because".

Kids do have an occassional day off. It's called 3 months in the summer, spring break and teachers inservice.

All of us should be so lucky.

Sending good thoughts your way.

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when I was in high school my mom let me once in a while as long as I was getting straight A's.

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I would absolutely let my kids miss school if they needed it. I would NOT let them know that though. My kids are in K and 2nd grade and have never needed a rest day or mental health day. They have been sick and stayed home. One thing you can do if they are tired or need some mommy time, you can always let them go in two hours late or pick them up two hours early so they get the learning they need, the mark for being present, and only recieve a tardy but yet can spend time with mommy, sleep in, etc
You are a good mommy and sometimes we need to be a little lax on them.

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My mom gave us one day a year. If the kid isn't trying to skirt a test and isn't absent a lot, I'd give a day per year, but not frequently. My sks went through a phase where every other Monday they were "sick". DH and I figured it was mommyitis and he finally had to lay down the law. Yes, he understood that they missed her but they had to go to school, too. Also, if the kid was up too late, they didn't get to sleep in. They still had to go to school. When they were younger, a sick day for them meant a PTO day for us, so that was very limited.

My sks don't skip classes (and the automated system that says, "Your son or daughter was absent for one or more classes today" helps us keep track) and have done really well in HS. If they were having issues, maybe my answer would be different. My one day in HS was Senior Skip day and nothing was due that day and no tests. Some teachers (but not mine) had pop quizzes. If my mom had said no, I would have gone in anyway. I saw it not as playing hookey or being told school wasn't important but being allowed one day a year (if I even took it) to just breathe. It wasn't like I could go anywhere. I was stuck in my country house with no car.

Higher grades can be harder to catch up. My SS is allergic to February or something and would get sick every winter. When he missed several days in a row, he struggled to catch back up in his AP classes.

As far as Senior Year, we acknowledge senioritis but we also tell them that now is not the time to slack off. When SD brought home a C paper, we had a little chat about priorities. Senior year is not "give up year". Working hard the other 3 years gave her room in her schedule to take a fun class like cooking. That's her reward.

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We don't have that issue yet, but we do let her slide here and there with daycare already, so I can see us letting her have the occasional mental health day.

In opposition to another answer, I've always taken mental health days, and I do just fine in the working world! Sometimes knowing that there's an option to take a rare day "just because I can't face it" helps me get out of bed. And sometimes actually taking that day means that I get back on track at work, rather than pushing and pushing and sitting at my desk resenting being there.

I wouldn't make it a regular thing, but sometimes feeling good about where you are going is as important as being there.

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Hmm, this is a good question.

I guess my issue is, when they get to the age where they are older & independent, how do you prevent them from thinking it's okay to cut school?

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Only when we have visits from my parents ( which is usually just once a year) do I take him out for a day while they are here. He gets a lot of days off, as well as two week breaks( Feb and April Vacation) , not to mention snow days, etc.

I let my kids stay home every once in a while when they want. My daughter is in 8th grade all Pre-AP classes and my son is a Senior in all AP classes. They both work hard to maintain high grades. They both know when will be an easy day for them to miss (which isn't very often) so when they ask, I usually say yes.

I don't do it very often, but my son is in the 4th grade and there's been once or twice where I let him stay home from school for no definite reason. He's been a straight A student since he's been in school and weekends are filled with his extracurricular activities, so I think it's just fine to let him unplug and rest his mind sometimes. My son is 9 years old has always been on the honor rolls and plays two sports, in Academic Games, chess (including tournaments), in a Pre-College Engineering Program, recently attended a pre-med workshop, has taken music classes and currently taking art classes. His weekends and school breaks are filled with tournaments, classes and the like. Even during the summer, he is enrolled in a summer camp with a school schedule.

I have a STRONG belief that you have to be happy AND successful. If a day home from school ONCE a year is going to make or break the other 364 days of the year of work that I've instilled in him on work ethic, never quitting and working hard then I have a lot more to worried about than if he missed a day on chemical change in Science. (Especially since he learned about that two years ago on one of those "relaxing" weekends that some of you have the luxury of having.

And to some of the moms virtually "attacking" this idea as setting a standard for a bad work ethic as an adult... I am SURE that you all do not use any paid time off (sick, vacation, flex, holidays) days that you have for work because that might show your children an example of a bad work ethic when your office has holidays when it is closed that you can use for mental health.

To L. O., I am sure that you and your husband will decide what works best for you and your two children. And I am sure that they will be healthy AND happy individuals.

If they do well in school, I say heck ya! I had lots of mental health days...shopping, movies and lunch with my Mom and Gramma. I have a ton of memories of Gramma, who has passed away now, that are way more important to me than being bored to death in in school. That said, I was an A student and always in the top 5 percent of standardized tests. If I had been a struggling student I'm sure I still would have gotten the occasional day off but not nearly as often as I did (probably a day off every two months or so). AND my mom always made sure that it wasn't on a test day or that nothing else important was going on in school.

I've called my (afternoon session) 4-K kid in for sleeping. Not sending a crabby/tired kid off to school. What's the point?

As he gets older we'll see. It'll depend on if someone is home that day otherwise it "off to school" for him.

My kids aren't in school yet, but I remember my mom and I playing hookie (when I was in junior high and high school) like one day a year. It was great fun! We would go to the mall and shop and then have lunch. It was a great bonding time and I was an "A" student. I wouldn't do it on a day that I had some important thing going on either. I was responsible enough to tell my mom if something was going on at school. I say, go for it!

My kids aren't this age yet, but my parents didn't pull me for "mental health" days. However, I would occasionally miss school on a Friday and Monday so that we could do a weekend trip or something like that.

I really feel strongly that kids sometimes need an extra day to regroup or figure things out etc. If my children ever need a mental health day, I am all for it. Recharging your mind and emotional health is just as important as physical etc. I don't however believe that playing "hookie" is the best message because I want them to know them importance of school and that staying home is not a free ride. Its for a specific reason that they would have to meet the standards beforehand.

So...yes, I think your hubby should let up a bit and let them have a day to recharge. :)

M