Kid Wanting to Stay Home - Possible Fake Sickness - What Do YOU Do?

This is the only time I am lucky that my daughter is a VERY picky eater. I have started the practice of, if she's not feeling well, then she absolutely can NOT eat her favorite food (grilled cheese). She needs water or apple juice and crackers, and that's IT. I can tell if she's really sick, because she ASKS for water and crackers.

It helps, too, that early this school year, she was exaggerating a cough so she could stay home. I took her to the pediatrician (who diagnosed an early start to allergy season), and my daughter ended up with a flu vaccine for her trouble. Haven't had a problem since.

We use a reward system since this is a daily issue (no joke, daily issue since kindergarten and she's now in 4th grade) with my middle daughter, who is autistic. I wake her up with body brushing, a major reward. I give her more body brushing when we get downstairs because she's dressed and made it downstairs without screaming. I make her whatever she wants for breakfast and if she actually eats it, I agree to feed her. Another huge reward since I won't feed her any other time. If she gets her own socks and shoes and coat, brushes her teeth and washes her face, I let her play on my smart phone until the bus comes.

She doesn't get to play on the smart phone later after school unless she does her homework. That's hit or miss.

I had this happen when I was a nanny. I had one stay home that had a raging fever for a couple of days. The day he went back 2 of his little sisters were "sick" too.

I had went to get the boy some Egg Drop Soup because I was wanting Chinese. It felt really good on his sore throat. He also slept the rest of the day and the fever broke that night. He was so much better the next day.

The girls were obviously not sick. They were sitting and giggling and I overheard them talking about getting to eat Chinese for staying home. So I decided to put them to bed and not let them up all day. I fixed them broth in a cup and gave them dry toast. They weren't happy at all. They asked why they didn't get to have soup like their brother and I said he was running a fever and the soup had helped him get his fever over.

They went upstairs and within the next half hour they were ready to go to school.

The rest of the time I was that family's nanny I did not have ANY kids want to stay home for any reason other than actually being sick.

Our general rule is: no fever, no puking? You're going!

But everyone needs a mental health day once in a great whole!
They quickly learn that a missed day=extra homework and tests, make up work at recess. That's a pretty powerful motivator.

Your daughter is the female version of my 2nd grandson. He's a school hater so always an excuse or illness not to go. Once he's there he visits the nurse at least once a day. Today's visit was to let her know that he thought he was going to have a seizure. Kiddo doesn't have a seizure disorder, has never had a seizure, doesn't know anyone who has had a seizure, and we don't know where that idea came from. Anyhow, the nurse took his temp, told him that no he wasn't going to have a seizure and sent him back to class.

School is not an optional activity. Let her know that although you know she's not happy about having to attend school every day it's her job to go and learn. Tell her that you are proud of all the new things she's learning and how grown up she's becoming.

My teenager wanted to stay home today. It was rainy and ugly this morning and he stayed up too late night. I told him since I had to go to work that he had to go to school.

When he was younger it was the same. If no fever, no throwing up, no major asthma, he went to school. He always had the option of calling me if he did really get sick - at which point the school nurse would be able to verify that. I found that once he got to school he "forgot" to be sick anymore.

I also used the tact that school was his work, Because, let's face it, school is not always fun - it is hard. Just like Mommee went to work every day, so did he, so that later he could have a fun and interesting job like me.

I never had much trouble with daughter faking illness, however, I could tell when she was in the "mode".

I've always said "if you are too sick to go to school, we will call the Dr and see if we need to come in and you will need to stay in bed and rest all day so you will be better for school tomorrow". She always had a medical miracle about that time because she knew there would be no outside play, friends, etc.

Your daughter is normal.. all children go through it. I was more lax as my daughter got older and already had the habit of school in her head. There are times, especially when they are older that they just need to unwind and I have allowed her to stay home a couple of times when she was burnt out, ONLY if her grades were good..... she maintains a 4.3 now and has always been hungry for good grades.

hmmmm. good question because I think we all encounter this at one point or another.... so this is very universal.

For me, personally, there were no tricks..... from very early on there was just an overall "unless you are dead you go to work/school" attitude in our house. I think to the point that it was probably UNHEALTHY. It is only now that I am working in a cubicle environment that I really *stay home* if I'm sick. And that's only because I've seen the rapid fire spread of illness cross cubicle and it's not pretty.

I digress.......

Anyway, from a very early age when my daughter was sick.... it was not *fun* to stay home. If you were sick enough to stay home you were in bed. no movies, no TV. BED. That worked for my kid, because she liked to be active so being forced to stay in bed was a killer for her.

Staying home because you don't "feel well" wasn't an option. There has to be concrete evidence of illness. Vomiting. Bad diarrhea. a temp over 100. Framing those boundaries early I think is helpful.

I also don't think I ever approached school as something that was supposed to be *fun*. I approached it as on the same level as my job. This is what mommy does. This is what daughter does. Pieces of it are fun. Pieces of it are work. Pieces of it are NO FUN. But it all has to be done.
She also went to a Montessori school until 6th grade, so that is a whole different attitude about school. Which I think is quite helpful.

Now, I only had the one kid.... so I never had to deal with the envy that would come from one kid getting attention due to illness. I can see where that would be a tougher row to hoe.

My son did this last year in first grade. So, I made him stay in bed. After about 45 minutes of laying in bed with nothing to do he was "feeling better" and ready to go to school. He was tardy that day, but got the message that when your sick, and don't go to school, your in bed. From then on when he tried to pull the I'm not feeling well, he had to go to school, and if he still felt sick at school, he could go to the nurse. But, he never did. Once he got up and moving, he felt much better.

You might also try moving her bedtime up 20 or 30 minutes. She may not be getting enough sleep at night and this is making her "feel bad" in the morning when she gets up for school. I can always tell when my kids went to bed later than usualy because they are unmotivated the next morning.

Well, for starters, school pretty much isn't an optional thing. Start there. You don't really have to motivate them to want to go. You just have to make them go. They kind like it or not, but they are still going. Once they understand that, then you only have to determine if they are really sick or not. And if they are sick, are they sick enough to warrant staying home.

A mild sore throat doesn't cut it. A slightly drippy nose doesn't cut it (especially with a child who has allergies and is ALWAYS drippy). A fever--they are staying home. Throwing up? They are staying home. Diarrhea? They are staying home. A stomach ache? That demands more consideration, but may or may not be cause for staying home. Typically, they go with the option to go to the nurse if it gets worse.

ETA: oh, and like the others pointed out-- staying home means staying in bed. Our kids don't have TVs in their bedrooms, so that means no TV, too. And no going outside playing. And no fun activities after school hours either (no friends, playdates, going to the store, etc).

Our son is the same age. He really wasn't one to fake (so I thought). He said he was feeling light headed and thought he was going to pass out. I had him stay home in the morning and brought him in for the latter part of the day. He then two days later said he didn't feel good. Thought he was going to throw up. I told him, he could stay at home but he'd have to stay in his room to rest b/c I didn't want him to get the other ones sick. Magically, once he knew he couldn't watch movies all day, he chose school. I told him that if he felt bad, to let his teacher know and I would come to get him. She never called. Good luck!

Wow, timely post! I almost posted a similar question the other day. School called and said my son threw up on the bus. I came and got him and it turned out he threw up (barely) because the trouble-maker on the bus did something gross - or so, according to my son. Who knows what the real story is? In any case, he really wasn't sick and raring to go by the time we got home - 9:30 in the morning! I work from home and am currently extremely busy, so I was pretty unhappy about this turn in events, though really not anybody's fault.

This is the first time something like this has happened (previous sick days he was really sick), so I really wanted to teach him that a sick day is not fun and games. I had to resort to some TV, because I needed to get work done. However, no outside play, no vigorous play, no "rich" foods, no dessert (that one really got his attention) and no lavish attention from Mommy. I reminded him several times that a sick day usually means staying in bed all day and is not a get-out-of-school-free pass. I really didn't want him to get ideas from this incident. Ultimately, a sick day should be a comforting experience, but not a fun one.

Thanks for the post!

If the child is not routinely sick (fake or otherwise) and you don't know that there's a test or bully they are avoiding, I'd send her to school and tell her to see the nurse if she feels worse. If you do keep an iffy sickie home, treat the child as sick. No running around, no playing with friends, to bed early, only "sick" foods, no treats that might "upset" their system...

My SS used to be "sick" every other Monday and his mom would totally play into it and keep him an extra day whenever possible. It got to the point DH was taking him to pointless doctor's appointments and basically read him the riot act for wasting DH's time, leave and money. DH let SS know that being home was no joke - SS could lose credit for school, and it cost DH money. He also addressed the underlying "I want more attention but I don't know how else to get it" that SS seemed to be feeling.

Do you discuss what she learned that day? Maybe if she felt that she had something important to share she'd be more excited for it?

I never made staying at home any fun. If you were sick, you stayed in bed, no TV, no playing, just rest, quiet and reading.
Of course if one of my kids was REALLY sick, and home for more than a day or two, I would let them watch some TV, to break up the monotony.
But really, if you make being home from school boring and tedious they won't want to do it.

I think it depends on the child and what's been going on. Clear case of feeling fine and no one's been running around like crazy for various activities or something, then I think sending them and telling them they can come home later if they don't feel well is fair. But I will say I faked being sick as a kid and I think my mom knew at times and let me. And I have a graduate degree, several professional designations that took several years to get, same executive job for 15 years etc. So it's not necessarily horrible if a child wants to take a break sometimes. They're still just kids. It obviously can't become a habit and maybe my mom let me bc I was overall super conscientious and a hard worker. So a child who is always trying to slack off is a different thing. I guess that's why I say it somewhat depends on the kid and circumstances vs a blanket always make them go. I remember a friend's father was a dr so unless there was a fever, they had to go to school. Last check she hadn't done well professionally at all and didn't go to a good college. Another friend also always had to go. I was home sick way more often than her and same outcome as the other friend - not particularly successful etc. I wouldn't worry unless she starts to do this frequently.

First of all when my kids are home sick, no video games, none of their TV shows until the time they would be home from school. They are in their rooms and in bed, if they do make it downstairs the TV is on our show, hubby or mine, usually hubby would be home and they wouldn't dare asked to watch their shows. My kids would go to school being a little sick and trying to stay home. That's how come I knew when they were sick, they were really sick. Now our youngest, 9.5 year difference from middle to youngest now. Is sick every day practically, well he says he is. Same rules apply, however, my husband stayed home and took care of him since he was an infant, only 6 now, so he gets away with some of the things. If we do really keep him at home, he's usually pretty sick.
What we have found, is if being home isn't that much fun, then they tend to prefer school over staying home. Now my oldest, girl, has had some really bad menstrual days that daddy doesn't understand, but mommy does and she's missed school for that. She's a senior now, but not every month, but every once in awhile I do let her miss because of that.
Since your daughter needs a "special" day, when you notice this, maybe say, you'd take her out after school since she's been healthy and have some ice cream or something small. Or say, maybe we'll go shopping, something not all the time, but once in awhile when she needs it.

I remind them that No School = No Friends/TV/Toys/Etc... They must be in their bedrooms and if it is on a Friday then the rules are for the whole weekend.

Updated

I remind them that No School = No Friends/TV/Toys/Etc... They must be in their bedrooms and if it is on a Friday then the rules are for the whole weekend.

Yes, I think we have all gone through this! And the kiddos have certainly duped me a number of times where I allow them to stay home "sick" and by the end of the day they are asking to go play with friends outside. So, here is what I have learned and what policies we have put in place:

1-You don't stay home from school unless you barfed, had diarrhea or a fever in the last 24 hours or if Mom and Dad are alarmed (to the point of "You look awful and need to stay home!)
2-Everyone feels 10 times worse in the morning. Kiddos are reminded of this and told to get to school. They can always have the school nurse call me if they are not feeling better by lunch.
3-sick means in bed, resting. Not playing video games all day and getting Mom's attention. I have ^&** to do! I work from home, so a kid home from school is a major disruption and I cannot have that. So if you are claiming you are sick, you darn well better be SICK and in bed!

I think it mostly takes putting on that blank, matter of fact face (if you get to sympathetic, it seems like not only do the kids start to feel even more sorry for themselves and "sicker" but I also start to fall victim to "oh! Poor baby! I would hate for him to go to school and feel sick all day!" and I always regret it! Always! I feel like it is better to just shrug and say, "School is your job and you need to be there unless (see 1 2 and 3). I hope you feel better soon, see you later" and hand them their backpack :)