Just curious...anyone Else's Child Do This??

Talk to the center's director. Find out if the crying is continuous and out of control all day or if there are things throughout the day hat your child is actually enjoying. Ask for a daily record of diapers, activities, nap times, etc. Most places use these now and they're a great way to convey to the parents what is going well, what needs improvement, and how the parents can help out at home.

Our daycare director is straight off Nanny 911 or SuperNanny. She has become very much part of our family. She's direct, to the point, and has had a large hand in helping us grow to be the parents we are today. She knows when to snuggle and when to walk over a child having a tantrum on the floor. She personally relieves the teachers when there are behavior issues, shortages, and for restroom breaks. She knows every child in the center as well as their personal ins/outs. She doesn't have any problem removing a teacher or administrative employee if they are sitting on their rears too long and not interacting with the children repeatedly or if a parent sees something they don't like repeatedly. The director is supposed to run and tight ship and be the person you go to. They set policy and tey should be very involved with the daily activity of the children. If you're not comfortable with the director at the center you're using, secure a spot elsewher and remove your daughter.

I wouldn't have my son in an in-home provider at this point since our first basically tried to tote him around town, pass him off as hers, and even wanted to paint a room and furnish it for him. Our second in-home provider cancelled when her kindergartner was ill, which is understandable though inconvenient. Then she came back from a break at Christmas to tell us she had mononeucleosis at some point and couldn't watch any of the children after another week (2 if absolutely necessary). The unpredictability was a killer since my husband and I both have to work full time.

It's probably very normal that your daughter is experiencing seperation anxiety since she's used to being with you and is at a new place with new people and no mom around. That being said, the staff should be sensitive to the fact that she may be having a little difficulty transioning and should be trying to help her AND help you. I'm sure removing her pacifier cold turkey is also adding to the situation. I don't believe putting her in a crib while she cries for an hour is doing her any good and it's certainly not going to make you feel any better about the situation.

I'm sure she'll be fine in the long run and will not suffer b/c of the hour in the crib incident but you are paying good money to have your child well cared for and this doesn't sound like good care. You won't feel good about leaving her there if you are questioning the kind of treatment she is receiving. I would start by discussing your concerns with the director of the center to try to see what kind of suggestions she/he offers to improve the situation and improve your comfort level. I'd also ask neighbors, friends and co-workers if there's any place they'd recommend and try to find a place that is a little more flexible, it's good to have options. Good luck!

I haven't read all of your responses so I'm sorry if someone said this already, but can you sneak in a few times during the day unexpected to see what she's like when you aren't there? That way you could see if she is unhappy all day or just when she sees you or when she's tired. It may also give you a chance too see what the teachers are like when a bunch of parents aren't around. Hopefully it would reassure you that she is actually okay when you're not their and that she is just going through a clingy phase, but if not it would give you an opportunity to decide that you need to look into finding other care.

i'm going with katheryn z on this one... trust your instincts. you have them for a reason.

Hi M., I am going to make this short and sweet. Pull her out. Never put your child in a day care setting. I used to work in day care and actually quit because of the things I seen. You are not over reacting. I am not sure about your situation, but PLEASE for her sake don't take her back. I have always used private in home sitters, and they are much cheaper anyway, and have always felt more comfortable leaving my child with an in home care giver due to the fact that they don't have as many children to be responsible for. Even if it's not possible for you to pull her out right away, start looking now. Good luck, and listen to your child she is trying to tell you something.
Best Wishes to you and your baby girl.

M.,

I have my children in daycare and although it isn't a perfect situation (it never can be when the state allows a 5:1 ratio of children to caregiver, if you are careful about your selection it can be very good interaction for your child. Unlike home care, the teachers get lunch breaks and there are always extra people around to allow for potty breaks and such.

I guess the two things that really bothered me about your situation is that she fell out of a chair (why wasn't she strapped in) and that they stated that they didn't know what to do. Have a discussion with them on what you would like them to do if that situation happens again. Is there something special that you have used to calm your daughter down? Did they try to give her he paicfier at that time? If you want to be called then tell them that. I have a few friends that started their children in daycare right around the same time you did your daughter and they all said it is a little harder at this age, especially if they do not go full time. Use this link to check out the day care. It will show you if they have had any violations during inspections and exacty what the violation was.

http://jfs.ohio.gov/cdc/

If they check out ok, give your daughter a little more time. Your daughter is going to cry no matter how long you stay and try to comfort her and it is much easier on everyone if you just say goodby and leave. You're not being a bad mom if you do that!

Good luck.

C.

I have sent both of my children to in home child care providers for over 3 years. My son just turned 4 and my daughter is almost 2. It's much more intimate so if will feel more like they are at home. As long as you find someone you can feel good about and trust I would go that avenue over a day care center. Also, I pay $20/day for each of my children (about a 6 hour day) to my current sitter and my old one I paid $3.50 per hour or $110/week (depended on part time or full time.) This may be something you want to look into.

Bottom line: trust your wonderful mothering instincts. If it doesn't feel right, listen to that little voice (which is really often RIGHT) and look for a new daycare situation. I know that's extra work given that you're doing full time college and full time single mothering (you're amazing, by the way), but it's worth it to feel that your daughter is in a loving environment where she is both physically and emotionally very safe and secure. You'll be more effective at your studies/work while she's there, and she'll feel better in a better environment. Go with your gut!!!

M.,

I went through a similar situation with my daughter. I would say trust your instincts. My daughter was constantly sick at her old daycare and she would cry every morning when we would leave the house and would cry hysterically when she saw me in the afternoons. It sounds like there is a problem at this daycare. I would look into other daycares in your area. I am nor sure where you live but I have a great daycare near me in Stow. You can message me if you want more information or if you just want to talk.
Good Luck.

Ok from the point of a private caregiver there are some things i want to point out. first you said there is always a child crying when you drop off or pick up your daughter and that they don't seem to be doing much about it, so where is the child at when they are doing this are tehy in a crib or confined in any way? how many children are there the larger the group the less individual attention and the more likely that there will be a child upset i have 4 kids of my own and babysit and it seems like just when one gets settled another gets unsettled. second you said she's been getting worse again since she has gotten over being sick and that she still isn't feeling great. pretend your in her shoes you still feel yucky and now you have to go someplace away from mommy and you can't have your pacifier, well that sucks, and the first few days back is always hard, i dred mondays cause the yoonger kids cry again when mom leaves and it breaks my heart. but it happens every monday or anytime there are not here for a day or two, it's hard to come back just like it's hard for you to go back to work. now for the bump on the head, yes things happen and even when children are being watchedand 10-2 means that they can't always have thier eyes on each child individually, but was she in a high chair or booster and was she straped in? if so and she climbed out and fell or she was in a little kiddie chair and fell, it happens even to the best of ppl. so the only thing left i guess is her sitting in her crib crying and maybe this should ahve come up first because it sends up a big red flag, if she was inconsolable for an hour why didn't they call you? i mean really. i hate to do it and i put it off for as long as i can but i've done it. the only decent explanation would be if she had her pacifier and in order to try to calm her down, trust me it really does make sence that she can't walk around with it, can you imagine keeping track of 10 of those things. but before you jsut go pulling her out (unless teh crib thing happenes again tehn i jsut might myself) there are some things that you can do to make thing easier. first don't let her have her pacifier except at nap and bed time, i knwo you don't mind finding it on teh floor but would you wnat another little kid to and have them chewing on it? second don't sneak out and don't stick around and make a specticle of leaving, tell her the night before you are going to daycare and get ehr ready and tell her what is going to happen hug her kiss ehr and pry her off you and tell her you'll see her after work and walk out, the bigger scene you make the bigger scene she will make, nothing is worse tahn teh parents that stay and go poor baby i know i'll miss you too it's those children that cry for an hour before we can move on withour day, she really will be fine but it might jsut be that it isn'the right sitter for her. not sure what county or where you live but most places offer aid through the department of job and family services for childcare and a lot of in home providers accept it so it's osmething else to look into. good luck.

i personally will not use a "corporate" daycare, they are too damn expensive, I found a wonderful women who has a small in home childcare, she used to work with my aunt at a daycare years ago and she did not care for their ways and started her own, she is a thousand times cheaper! plus meals are included and a morning and afternoon snacks included as well, she accepts daily, weekly or monthly payments and as her rule you must come to her home and meet her shee how she does things etc, plus she'll stick to the schedule you have your daughter on,not make you adjust to hers as the corp centers do, let me know if you want more info.

Although my son has never been to a daycare center, he has gone to a home provider for the last 2 1/2 years. I know that this has to be a hard decision. I was even nervous about sending him to a home provider. As having worked in a daycare myself, not all daycares are bad. Expensive YES! But not all the people there are bad. Also just an F.Y.I. there are too home providers that can be mean to your child. I don't mean to scare you or anything, just stating the facts. this past feb I switched home providers. my son was so excited the first four weeks that he was attending. but came week five, he was absolutely refusing to want to stay. I did give it another week and then I pulled him out. But the difference is that my son is older so he was able to tell me why he didn't want to go bakc. I would give it some more time. Like another week or two. Like you said she was out for a total of 5 days. it doesn't take long for a kid to detach from something. Since im not there i can't say if the girls are being mean or not, but you did say she has not been herself 100%. So probably the only thing that she wants is her mommy. But I would tell them that you want her to have her pacifier if she is unconsolable. Theres no reason to let her cry if they have a solution.
I hope everything works out.

Dear M.,

I have just gone through this with my 19-month-old son. I had been out on maternity leave for 4 months, and he got used to being with me and his Dad. Going back to daycare was very tough.
He cried terribly in the morning when I was dropping him off, and he would wail for an hour at home after his Dad would pick him up.
3 weeks later he doesn't mind the daycare at all, goes willingly to his teachers while other toddlers may cry. In the evenings he is still a bit upset, but that may be due to him being overly tired.
Keep in mind that any change in routine will be upsetting to your daughter until she gets used to it again.
As far as illnesses go, if this is her first time at the daycare, brace yourself. My son had started daycare when he was 3-months-old through 15-months-old. Out of all that time he wasn't sick maybe 2 months total. That's just how it is when babies interact. And he did have accidents, even drawn blood, when he was learning to walk. Toddlers have accidents at home too, no matter how much you watch them yourself.
If you have to work, but want to have your mind at ease, investigate the daycare. Make sure it is state accredited. Make sure they have video cameras in rooms, and that there is enough supervision. If there is an accident, they are supposed to fill out an accident report. Also you can drop by the daycare without a previous notice to see how things are there when they don't expect you.
I call every day to check up on my babies. I also get to know his teachers. My daughter started the daycare as well, and of course she got a cold right away. As upsetting as it is, I can tell you from experience that next time this year, when you have a cold she may be immune to it.
Good luck to you and your daughter.

Hi M.,
When my daughter was little, she went to an at home daycare. I would drop her off in the morning and she would cry. I would go to pick her up in the evening and she would crawl to me crying. I started getting the "she cries all day and when I leave a room". And then I got "I will work with her for another week and if she doesn't stop, I can't watch her anymore." I pulled her from there immediately. She didn't cry for anyone else. I should have pulled her sooner. I hate to think what was going on. If you have concerns, go with your gut. I have since quit my job and I do in-home daycare. I have one little boy who cries when his mom leaves but she comes in and sits down and talks for 15 minutes in the morning. I think it confuses him. He thinks mom is staying. He stops crying ususally within 5 minutes after she leaves. When they come to pick him up he doesn't want to go home. As for the pacifier. I don't let my kids that I watch walk around with one either. If that is a big deal for your then that should be another reason for you to pull her. When I first got them, I let them have it for about 2 weeks to let them get used to being here. I then started to gradually take them away and give them to them at nap. It really grosses me out to see another one of the kids walking around with someone elses pacifier. I dont' think you would want that either. Just like someone else said. For you to find 1 pacifier with 1 child is no big deal. But to find multiple and have multiple kids walking around with it in their hands and mouths is just not sanitary. If they get really really upset (does not happen too often) I will let them have it to calm down and then when they get occupied with something else I put it back in their bed. Back to the original. Talk to the sitter with your concerns if that would make you feel better but you need to trust your instinct and do something.

I would give it just a bit more time to see if she adjusts. If after sometime and ur child is still doing this...please go with ur feelings! I had a HUGE issues with a daycare! Not to try and scare you but yes its not the best enviroment unless u hv the money to put ur child in a nicer one. U said above that thats a issue. What i did (same situation as urs) is i went to the job and family serives and got a homedaycare list. These mothers are state cer. Get pop up visits from the state. Hv alot more healthier ways in runing than just another sahm. If ur r able the state will even pay so much of ur daycare cost from these homes they list. My biggest thing i learned is to go with the caretaker whos done it the longest,(stay away from young caretakers ...they cant handle the stress of many kids) and ck there nums they give u to see how the other mothers like the daycare in the providers home.
goodluck and go with whats best for ur child. Im lucky mine little girl is ok today. She showed signs ..the screaming crying, not showing any adjustment. I just thought oh shes not likeing me to leave. Nope children adjust. If the daycare is a good one she'd be or become happier. Those r clues i would really pay att. too dear:d
takecare,
R.

Hi MY name is L. it sounds to me you need to change child care providers.

If I were you, I would take her out of there. I understand that maybe your daughter is more sensitive than most other children (I know mine is). It took my then 2 y/o son 5 weeks to not cry when I dropped him off at daycare. But then I would find out that he would stop after 3 minutes. But when I came to pick him up, he usually didn't even want to leave. He was having so much fun he would make me stay a little bit and play with him. Granted my SIL watches him, but I would hope it would be no different regardless of where I took him. Maybe the solution is finding a better daycare that will help your daughter adjust instead of just throwing her in the crib because she won't stop crying. It sounds like these providers either don't know how to handle the situation or don't care to handle it. Either way, your daughter doesn't belong there. Do some more research on centers or, heck, ask the Mamasource moms! They'll let you know where to send your daughter! But just like other moms said, TRUST YOUR INSTINCT!! Even if there's a little doubt, run with it. Because you KNOW you'll be kicking yourself HARD when you realized you should've done something sooner. Best wishes to you!

Hi M.,

It's hard to put your child in daycare, isn't it? And when they cry while they are there you just feel horrible. I have a 20 month old that I put in daycare part time (usually 2 days a week) about 3 months ago. Prior to that she was home with me. She was getting sick all the time at first, but now that it is summer and her immune system has built up she is better. Part of your daughter's crying may be because of not feeling good. And, since she is a sensitive child, about the age that kids go through a clingy stage, plus going through a huge change starting in daycare, she is probably having a hard time adjusting. Some of the crying is likely due to all of that. At first I was thinking that she fell out of a highchair, but now I realize that you must mean she fell out of one of the little chairs they use at a table. Once she gets used to balancing, she'll be able to stay on the chair better. As far as the pacifier use goes, my daycare also only gives them out during naptime because kids like to "share" and that just spreads germs and makes your kid sick more often. That was fine with me because my daughter only gets hers at naps, when she is very upset, or if we are out and about and she is overly tired. They should allow your daughter to have her pacifier if she is really upset, or if she is either being held or in the crib by herself. A red flag for me is kids crying and no one consoling them. Greta (my daughter) seems to go through phases- sometimes she is clingy when I drop her off (but she never throws a huge fit), and some times she is fine. For awhile she would run to me when I came to pick her up, but then she went through a phase where she would show me the toys and keep playing until I said "Bye" and looked like I was leaving- then she would run to me! Now she is back to coming right to me again with a smile on her face, unless it is during snack time, and then snack is more important! =) Overall, my daughter adjusted fine, and unless she is sick, does really well. All this being said, if I were you, I'd consider a different daycare. I know the good ones cost a lot (I know mine does), but the peace of mind that you get when you know that she is in a good place and is being taken care of is well worth it. Take a look at other daycares, including in home daycares. Get recommendations from other moms, websites, and visit in person. Look for kids with smiles on their faces, clean kids, clean rooms, no bottle propping, crying kids getting attended to quickly, teachers that seem like they really care and want to be there, good sanitation practices, an "okay to drop in anytime" policy, and a place that gives you a good feeling about it. If you post where you live we can give you some suggestions. I've always heard that Little Red Schoolhouse is great place. I know there are some websites that let people rate daycares. If I can find it again I'll post it for you. Good luck, and trust your instincts. I know money has got to be tight with you in college, but maybe you can swap childcare with a friend to keep her out of daycare, or pay a family member. If not, I hope you find someplace great that will work for both of you.
Best wishes,
C.

M.,
*Trust your instincts.* I think as mothers, we will always question the way others handle our children, but if you really feel like something is wrong, remove her from the situation.

My daughter, 13 months, has recently started to cry when I leave in the mornings, but she's always in a good mood in the evenings.

If your daughter was really fine after she fell from her highchair, she would have been upset & cried for awhile, but I would think that after an hour she would have calmed down. Also, about the highchair- do they have straps and a tray to hold the children in? If they are being used properly, it doesn't seem probable she would have fallen out to begin with.

Another concern I would have is the pacifier. It's not the daycare's place to decide when she can/can't have it. That is your decision and they need to follow your wishes on that. They can make suggestions if they want, regarding those issues, but ultimately it's up to you.

In-home daycare is much less than I ever expected it to be. You might want to look into it. We pay our babysitter $35/day, which is alot cheaper than any daycare I found. I used many different avenues to find an in-home provider so let me know if you want some ideas on how to find one.

Anyway, good luck with any decision you make. I know it's hard, but please don't ignore your instincts.