29 answers

Inhome Childcare Vs. Daycare

Hi! I have a 5mth old and I need advice on getting his caregiver to follow the schedule I set for him! She seems to feed him more than he needs to keep him docile I suspect. He seems happy there but I wonder if it would be better to simply move on to a formal childcare center.I have tried discussing this w/her and yet she somehow manages to smooth over the issue and imply he is being fed as I requested. I feel foolish asking this question but should I just remove him from in home care to a place where I my requests will be followed?I don't want to but I need my child to have a consistent schedule to help w/his evening meal and bedtime transition....any insight for a new Mommy would be appreciated...

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So I am comfortable w/the woman who keeps my son after realizing that she isn't hurting him.Its just new Mommy freak out!Unfortunately just as I come to this realization I have to move my son after all to a facility where I can save more money.Nothing wrong with the place I just want my son to be well cared for and loved and nurtured.My question is does this sensation ever go away...feeling like you are overwrought and the only person who can care for your child.JUst wondering!

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Unfortunately, that feeling never goes away. My son is now in first grade and I am still feeling that way. You are his mommy...and you are always going to know what's best for him, better than anyone else. Good luck. :o)

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First let me begin be saying I know exactly where you are coming from. However, I strongly recommend you DON't put your child in day care! I got a job (after two years of being a stay at home mom) at a day care, and my son became enrolled there as well. I had problems with the teachers in his class from day one!! They didn't help me with the endless efforts of potty training at all, and to my horror his rear was never wiped after he went "doo-doo" in their class. The next day, I again went in and explained that my son needed to be told to sit on the potty, and that his rear needed to be wiped because he has not mastered that task, yet. They assured me that they had wiped his tush, although I knew better because I had examined his rear the night before! Then, twice he was sent home (two days in a row) with soiled clothes because he had wet them. I know that things like that happen, but when I asked my son if he had gone potty at all that day he said "no". So, I again had to ask them to make an effort to put him on the potty. Well, by my second week employed there, I returned home that night to find my son had pooped in his diaper. (He had not pooped in his diaper for over six months.) When I asked him why he didn't tell his teacher, he innocently said, "I scared!" He had such a bad diaper rash, which he did not have in over a year, that I had to get him prescription cream after a few days of rawness and bleeding. He had sat in that poop for so long that it was caked on his butt, and I literally had to scrape it off with a wipe. Needless to say, my son and I no longer attend that day care and I refuse to ever put him back into a child care center. I'm not saying that all daycares are bad, because I'm sure there are good ones out there...but my experience was not one I wish to explore further!! I am currently looking for children to watch in my house, as a means of socialization for my son. I love children and I was horrified at the way that this facility allowed those individuals to remain in contact with children!! Let me know if you ever need a care giver for your son!!

2 moms found this helpful

I have two children and work at in-home daycare. My children attend there for free. I worked two summers at another daycare and until my second son was born, I was a substitute teacher. Both the in-home daycares are very good. The first one I worked at only took children age 2 and up, but we only fed the children at meal times and we did a daily story and project. We also played outside when the weather wasn't terrible. At both places there are two "teachers". At the in-home daycare that I work at now- the parents have all told us that we are doing a great job. (We have only been open 5 months.) We try to do exactly what the parents want us to do. Each parent gets a daily sheet telling how their child ate, slept, and what activities we did. With infants every meal- time and amount is recorded- as well as when they slept. That way if my "boss" fed the baby last, I know how long it has been since they last ate and can figure out when they need to eat again. That way we don't get infants' feeding times mixed up. We can have four children under the age of two in our in home daycare, plus up to 12 total. I also know what it is like on the other side. My oldest son was in in-home daycare for a year. The first place sometimes only gave him one bottle in 7 hours, and they complained that he screamed all the time. Other days he got three bottles in seven hours. He was only there eight days. The next in-home daycare provider was good, but after two months she decided that she didn't want to do in-home daycare any more. So then my son went to a woman who used to babysit me ( a family friend), she watched my son and her grandson. My son loved it there. It was very nice to be able to leave him and not have him crying, but then she had to get a better paying job, because her husband wasn't working as many hours- he could no longer get overtime. Then my son went to a great in-home daycare. She was a grandmother and took the time to rock my son to sleep. One day she had him and another baby sleeping on her chest, while her partner watched the other children. The only reason he left there was because I had my second son and we could not afford to send them both to daycare. So I stayed home for a year until my brother's girlfriend and I started our own in-home daycare. There are good in-home daycares out there. Where I live there are NO DAYCARE CENTERS. I live in a rural farming town. I also agree with the others who said that your son maybe hitting a growth sprut. I breastfed my boys, so I had no idea how many ounces they drank. I always sent extra formula in case they drank all the breastmilk. (My youngest stayed with his grandparents from time to time, when I needed childcare.)

1 mom found this helpful

T. hard call there .....If he seems happy there well i would write a set schedule for her send the food for each meal and no more and ask her to please do what you asking her to do ...I put my dd in daycare at the age of three and they took very good care of her and stuck to my routine pretty much and daycare cost alot of money i dunno what your situation is with your inhome care sitter ...but also u got to look at daycare kids get sick too more often its a fact if you can take time off work and be home with your baby when sick that is what u will be lookin at too ...but as the child gets older then u would want him/her to interact with other kids too ...its hard but if she dont want to follow your schedule did u explain to her that he needs to stick to your schedule so its easier on you at home and nightime ...its ignorant if she dont and if hes fed the same way everyday well then she shouldnt just give him food to make him happy and quiet babys yell and scream for other reasons not cause there hungry maybe he does need some more atteniton but i know the infants and my daycare its not one on one there at times it can be but other times theres way too many babies to be that way ....i would just start sending enough food and a snack for the baby as long he is there and ask her nicely if she could please keep it at that at 5 months i would leave the baby in home care .....I think if i had to put my baby in daycare then i would of lost my job lol even at the age of 3 i was having to take off work cause she was always catching something ....but thats the way it goes ....good luck on what u decide any ??? please feel free to email me ...D.

Unfortunately, that feeling never goes away. My son is now in first grade and I am still feeling that way. You are his mommy...and you are always going to know what's best for him, better than anyone else. Good luck. :o)

Hi T.-

We had our daughter (she was 6 months old then) with an in-home sitter when I first went back to work. Although she was good with my girl- it soon became apparent that it wasn't going to work out- for various reasons- nothing MAJOR, but I just wasn't so happy. It seemed that my daughter wasn't getting as much interaction and LOVE that I wanted her to have - among other things, not feeding on my schedule, not napping properly, etc. I was kind of feeling like she loved our money a little more than she loved my kid- so I pulled her out and put her in a local daycare center. I LOVE the daycare! My daughter blossomed! They take such great care of her there, she learns so much, she has friends there and it's fun. Plus, they LOVE her as much as I think she should be loved. I just can't say enough about how much I love her daycare center! In fact, my mom was toying with retiring and watching my daughter, but I told her to forget it because I wasn't taking her out of daycare (I probably would let grandma watch her, but you get the point!). In fact, now that my emotions have settled down- I really am relieved to have my daughter at a school where they have a schedule, are monitored by the state, and are certified in many different areas. Another mom I know has done extensive research on daycare centers and here are 2 resources she's uncovered about how to find a good daycare. We're in PA too, so this will work for you.

This site was very helpful http://www.dpw.state.pa.us/Child/ChildCare/

I'm not sure if this is the number but you can try 800-222-2108 and ask them if someone can help with pre-school information on citations or complaints

Good luck! Don't feel too guilty about leaving her- the reason we go to work is to provide them with great lives-well into their futures too. I think it's great if people can stay home with their kids, but for me, I need to work right now to keep us in our beautiful home in this great neighborhood, I want to take her on some great trips, send her to college, help pay for her wedding and help her buy a house and then spoil my grandkids. Working now will help me do all that for her. You're doing the same stuff. Don't feel guilty!!!!!!!!!! Take care and keep us posted. C.

I too am a first time mom and understand your feelings about childcare, scheduling and the guilty feelings for working. My daughter is now a little over 2 and here are my feelings. I was unable to stay at home with my daughter so I put her in daycare thinking and hoping that my schedule will be followed to the tee and all my concerns will be treated as I wanted especially since I had worked in a daycare and therefore have been on both sides of the table, so to speak. Overall, I have to say, that daycare has been a wonderful place for my daughter. She is ALWAYS happy to go and always happy when I pick her up. The kids keep her busy and stimulated in more ways then I could ever at home or with a private caregiver. My daughter is so happy there she sometimes refuses to leave! Although my issues with daycare have not always been about food. I did have my "problems" (2 teachers have confessed that they were told that I was a "difficult" mom because I monitor EVERYTHING). For me, when my daughter was 5mnths old I had specific requests about the pacifer, her "binky", the way her bottles (breast milk) were heated, etc. The binky battle was that I had only wanted her to have it during naps, well several times I came in to find in in her mouth. So, when she was 7months old, against the daycare's wishes, I took it away. Having never been really additiced to it and they primarly used it to keep her docile. It took her 3 days and she was over it.

My daughter, is as I mentioned, over 2 and my daycare issues still have not changed much. I do not always like everything that they do. Currently, the issues are with giving cookies and such as a snack instead of fruit or something healthy, but overall, I always have to look at how happy, healthy and safe she is. During this past month, my mother has been living with me and she has been watching my daughter. At first I thought that this was the answer to my prayers. My own mom, the women who raised me, helping me raise my daughter. Well mom isn't as she was and even though she has made amazing headway with potty training, there are minuses to this situation. My daughter is drinking more milk then I would like and I have no idea what she is eating. She does not have the child interaction as she does with her daycare friends, she is not running and playing outside as she would at daycare, because my mom can't keep up with her.

Basically, what I am saying to you, is that no matter where or with whom your child is cared for. It will never be perfect. You will always have concerns and issues. If you feel that the daycare route is how you want to proceed, please keep in mind that your child will be sick more often. (During this month it has been the first time my daughter's nose has not been runny since she joined daycare. And having worked in the daycare environment, you can be super clean and still the kids will pass the colds around.) The ratio's may not always been in state guidelines. (Another one of my battles) And the "teacher" personality may not be as you would like. Believe me I still have/had a laundry list of issues with daycare because I believe that I can do it better... but in the end, there is no perfect situations, only perfect ideas.

Best of luck to you.

There is a good book called "Boundries". Advice is nothing, I support you to follow your motherly instincts it's what you can trust. Now, evening meals- does that mean solids, and if so then maybe you can just rethink the "meal plan". Babies can be randomly introduced to solids (that includes liquified) but don't feed them a meal of it until he's at least a year. It's not neccesary and even disagreable with the function and ability of thier body systems. This might be a health issue more than a personal issue and the babysitter might be on the right track by feeding him when he needs it rather than making the baby follow the plans. How is it that you know she's lying without proof and when she says she's following your plan? This is a big deal! You know if someone is lying about one thing then they are about another. But why would you think she is? That's a question you need to re-ask yourself what are her motives? Is it apathy? Does she not trust you? Does she not respect you? Is this a gut feeling? Then again, how do you know it's the feedings? Maybe he feels something about you're being out, even at five months that makes him anxious and is messing with night bed time. Don't feel guilty if you have to work just do something about it,(like be extra affectionate when you get home and before you leave.) Ok here is a great book: "Protecting The Gift". After reading that book I was obliged to take him out of the pre-school. (It's about how much we should believe in instinct.) Most people don't in this type of culture.

You are totally normal, and you will never change and shouldn't. Having said that.. you should try to see where your caregiver is coming from. I don't know if it is different in homecare, but I work ina daycare setting, and I have to say children act differently when they are home and when they are in the care of another person. I have had parents tell me their child will eat every 4 hours...meanwhile 2 hours after a bottle the baby will be screaming it's head off. After trying every other possible route, you make him/her a bottle and they suck it down and are content. And now the parent is angry that the child was fed too soon. I don't know exactly whats going on there i only know from experience, but would you rather have a baby crying from hunger or fed a little sooner. I know it's tough when they are on a schedule, but sometimes you just have to be a little more "laxed" about it. As long as your child is not being hurt in any way. Hope this helped..and Good Luck!

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