LOL - my sisters and I always joke that my brother could give my parents an empty bag "full of his love" and they would ooh and ahh over it endlessly and disregard the actual "gifts' we always buy!
One year I bought them tickets to a lacrosse tournament (they are big fans) and my mom actually called me a few days after Christmas asking why I split the cost with my sister (it was $120 for the pair) and pretty much said I didn't spend enough money on them. OMG I was like 8 months pregnant w/our second and we had spent over $1000 to get to NY for the visit.
So - this year I went out on a limb and bought them tickets to see Toby Keith and Rodney Atkins (they are big country fans) in concert - they were spendy ($200) but since we spent that amount on my MIL (Kindle Fire) I felt it was fair.
Of course - after I clicked "buy" my sister emailed me and said "ehh...they probably won't be into it" - can't win!
Anyone else experience the same thing???
Thanks - just for the record - it's not about who can spend the most. I always try very hard to get gifts my parents will appreciate - my Mom just tends to be a brat about these things and my Dad is just along for the ride - I don't think he cares either way. I have a sister that already told me they won't like the concert tickets but my other sisters thought it was a good idea and one of them is planning to get a corresponding night stay at the casino where the concert is being held - so I hope they can go and enjoy themselves.
I just have my brother, we get together at Thanksgiving, agree on the present, one buys and threatens the other's legs if payment for their half isn't prompt.
I believe this is his year to buy. :)
My sister has more money than I do. I don't try to match her spending. I get what I can afford to get.
I don't have this problem with my brother. He thanks me for doing what I do for our parents and his family. Fortunately, I am financially able to do more than he can and I always put his name on my gifts to my dad.
For instance, my dad is retired, lives alone on a small fixed income. I ALWAYS fill up his gas tank for his winter heating and I usually send some sort of food than can be frozen and used when needed. I hate that he chooses to live the way he does but it was his choice to spend all his $$ and spend his life hunting and fishing (both of which I don't care for ahd he knows it).
My brother and his wife, God bless them, live paycheck to paycheck but they have the biggest hearts I know. They became foster parents about 5 yr ago and the 1st baby they got was a beautiful 6 month old mixed race baby girl. She was found on her mom's dead body and no one would claim her. Move forward, 5 yrs, she is fully adopted and huge part of our family. They also have another foster child in their care right now as well as an exchange student. So for them..... I send a whole ham or some type of food that can be used that everyone likes and I send each child something they would normally not have otherwise.
For my mom and stepdad, they have 5 pensions going, are very frugal and need nothing. I do not spend as much $ on them. They rarely go out to eat so I usually pick a place I know they like and make sure they have a very nice great dinner, at least once.
I try to focus on what they need and how I can help without them feeling like I am handing out to them which really hurts their pride. SO, holidays and birthdays.... I hit them hard with things I know they need.
My sister always gets better/more expensive gifts but I have given up worrying about it. They have 2 good incomes and no kids while we have 2 little kids on only one income. In a good year I try for thoughtful and/or handmade gifts. I expect it will all balance out in the long run so as long as no one feels bad about it.
Fortunately, most of the people in my life have come to accept that they will get a small gift, but one that is selected with care. This can be anything from a functional tool, to a kitchen gadget, to a beautiful scarf, to art supplies. I gave up years ago trying to compete with anyone over gifts. I have such a tiny budget that for me, it really has to be true that it's the thought that counts, not the cost.
If somebody gripes about a gift that I give, I have been known to get discouraged and stop buying anything for that person for awhile. Including my mother. It's sort of like ignoring a tantrum in a toddler. But I suffer for months looking anxiously for the perfect gift before I give up. I wish I could get over that part.
Nope, my sisters and I are always in it together. After all, its about our parents, not us. :)
We usually all spilt one large gift or work together to get them stuff they really want or need.
And your parents just sound ungrateful. I would stop getting them anything if thats how they felt about it. Ridiculous.
I have one brother and they have money. It used to bug me but my mom and dad never made me feel bad. One Christmas I was still in school so we were living on one income. I was so upset because we didn't have any money and I wanted to be sure the kids had a Christmas. I made my mom a decorative wreath out of watermelon fabric. I'm not crafty at all and she was so moved that I put that type of effort into something for her.
This year, my brother and I went in 1/2 for our dad. I brought the gift card, he sent me the money. :)
Hi H & H-
I am the 'sibling' that hand makes gifts...lol...THAT ALWAYS reduces my mom to tears...
My brothers were the one's for 'big ticket' items...I am the one that hand made a light weight shawl for my mom (in her fav spring colour) and hand embroidered hankies (she gets a raw rash from tissues) for mother's day...
I could not compete with the 'bro's' with $$ (and BOY...Do They have $$$$$$$)...BUT...every year...I nail it --- with thought out...and hand made...
I know time is short...but I always have some 'project' with me...and work on it waiting to pick up kiddos...when someone else is driving...etc.
I have even 'wrapped' a partially completed project...given it...taken it back...and finished later!! lol
Maybe try a gift that takes more 'time' than $$???
Just a thought!
Best luck!
michele/cat
My brother and I used to split the cost of gifts for my parents but no matter how creative we got my parents would walk in the door about 5 days before Christmas with the same gift we had purchased. It never failed :-(.
Nope, I'm an only child! =)
My parents are gone now...but if there was a way us 3 sisters could put "life" in a gift bag...we would all give everything we had....to hell with money.
My sister is able to spend more money than I can on gifts and often does "show me up"..my parents however are wonderful. They are gracious and thankful and don't expect anything really. They love photos and just spending time with everyone. It doesn't bother me that my sister can spend more...I am glad that she is able to do so much for my parents because they deserve it. I hope I can be as gracious to my own children as my parents have been to us!!
My brother can do no wrong in my mom's eyes. Whatever he gets her, she will call me and go ON AND ON AND ON about what a perfect and wonderful gift he gave her. I figure I just can't win!
My siblings think it's all wrapped up in spending money, which I currently don't have a lot of. But even when I do my gifts have for the most part been handmade items like afghans, or blankets, or a photo album with pictures of the grandkids, etc. This year I took about 40 pictures I had of the grandkids from this year and made photo books on Snapfish. I had a code to "Buy 1, get 2 Free" so I get one, and so do each my Mom and Dad (they'd fight over 1, lol.) I find they always like the "thoughtful" gifts, even when I haven't spent a lot.
Nope, I am an only child. But my BIL doesn't show us up at all...he doesn't even bother to send his parents gifts at all. That being said, if he actually deems to send his Mom a Mother's day card, she gushes like he just invented the cure for cancer! Nevermind that we are the ones that always send cards for all birthdays, anniversaries, etc...and have for years....Grrr.....
