Ito Make My DS Go to a Class He Doesn't Want to Go to or Not

I do not make my kids participate in sports they don't want to, but if it's a class I've had to pay for and that they requested, I do insist that they finish out the session (although I suppose if they go and are miserable or refuse to participate, it's still a waste of money).

Maybe talk to the teacher and see if there's an actual reason? Or if he has suggestions of things that have worked before with other parents in the same situation.

I have done both. If it is a team sport and my son is part of a team then yes he had to finish out the season / class. however we have also started things like music lessons, art lessons etc that my kids hated for whatever reason and now we don't finish those out. but we also don't let them sign up for any more of that type of thing.

I also agree with STACY B.

I would have the instructor have a talk with your child. I do think it's important to have your son finish the session. It's not a good idea to allow him to just quit, this could set a pattern that will be harmful to his future.

this is a tough one. i know 99% of parents will say 'make him go' to teach follow-through and commitment and all that good stuff, and to a large extent i agree.
but there are exceptions.
he's very very young. making very young children keep very long commitments (and to a 6 year old 10 classes is a very long commitment. you don't say how many he has to take) can set you up for years of resistance to trying new things. of course we don't want our children to be dilettantes, and spray our money around wantonly, but a 6 year old really DOESN'T know what he's getting into when he expresses interest in something.
the first thing i'd do would be to have a very calm, low key conversation with him (no grilling!) and try to get to the bottom of his sudden aversion. did he get thrown hard? is there a bully? is he scared of the instructor? did someone at school make fun of him for taking the class? was he overtired the last time he went? is he hungry it's time to go? if you can identify the source of his resistance you may find it's something you can work on.
if that doesn't work, you need to make a decision based on your family philosophy and your son's personality. don't allow the censure of other parents to sway you. a habit of quitting casually is a bad thing. but occasionally the healthiest and kindest thing to do is to walk away from something that is turning out to be a huge psychological battle.
we were pretty adamant about our boys finishing what they started, and i can't think of much of anything they didn't. my older son didn't love soccer, but he finished his first and only season. he took two sessions of martial arts, then was done. my younger wasn't as much into sports, but did years of baseball and some basketball, and finished the seasons he started. with one glaring exception. he wanted to try football, and we signed him up without much bother. and he HATED it. we went to 3 or 4 practices and he really really loathed it. we agonized over what to do, since like most young parents we did place a lot of emphasis on being there for the team, follow through and so forth. but we also respected our little boy. we decided to forego further football, and guess what? it didn't turn him into a lazy bum. it's possible to quit something occasionally without it turning a child into a quitter. clear communications and modeling what the family considers important are key to both being consistent, and being flexible when it's called for.
khairete
S.

I think most people do this at some time or other, and many of them aren't six and a half years old.

Something looks and sounds exciting and fun, so you HAVE to do it - and then you discover that it involves learning, and learning involves work, and work is tiring, and then it's not fun any more.

Please tell your son that since you signed him up for the classes, he will go and he will participate. The time to take a break is when the session of classes is over. He doesn't have to keep at the sport until he is a black belt! For the present, though, he will go and he'd better not throw a fit. (Could there be some sort of small reward for having a good attitude? This could be a teaching opportunity about good attitudes.)

Your son might be worried about something at class as well. Have you talked to his martial arts instructor? You should.

On the other hand, maybe your son is just not really ready for martial arts - it's a pretty intensive sport - and maybe he does need to be at home. But AFTER he has finished this round of lessons.

When we started our kids in activities we always made sure they understood that when money was exchanged for the activity they were in it for that season. At the end if they didn't like it we didn't do that activity again.

Next time he wants to sign up for an activity, I would say "no" not now. You didn't finish the last activity and I'm not sure if you are serious about this one. Cause and effect.

I had a "rule" with my son that if he committed to a season of something (baseball, basketball, etc.) and I paid a fee for it that he has to complete the season. Oh, he could sit on the bench, he could sulk, whatever, but he was going. LOL Normally when we got to the activity he settled right in and enjoyed himself. Even if it turned out to be not his favorite thing he knew there was an ending date and that he did not have to repeat the activity next season.

I would keep explaining that he made a commitment, that this does cost you money - put the money in terms that he can understand - This class cost the equivalent of X movies, X Happy Meals, something concrete that he can relate to - and that once he finishes this sessions he is free to never take another. Also explain that if he does not finish this session that the next activity that he wants to do you and Daddy will have to seriously think about because you are just throwing dollars away on his whims. And yes, at 6 1/2 they can understand this.

I get respecting his feelings - but, um, he needs to respect the monetary and time commitment that you made to satisfy his wanted a 2nd class. Now is a perfect teaching moment for that.

What did he say was the reason he does not want to go?

Talk and listen to him another time when he is not having the fit. Tell him youjustwant want to know why.

As a child sometimes they do not know the reason, until they talk it out.
He may be a little emberassed to admit the reason.

He does not like the other kids.
This session is harder.
Now that it is summer, it is light outside and he is missing out on playing with his friends.
Last time it was dark at that time and nothing else to do.
He does not want to miss a tv show that comes on at that time.
Different instructor.

Give a safe time to just be honest. No judgement. No interruptions, just listen carefully, to what he is saying. Maybe while you all are in the car running errands.

I would encourage him to finish this session. Because of the money.
Once you hear his reasons for not wanting to go, you then tell him the reasons you think he should finish.

1. He asked to do this session.
2. It costs lots of money and will not get it back even if he does not go again. This means you and dad worked to make this money so he could take these lessons.
3. People that make commitments, keep them. He is not too young to talk about commitments we have made. That this happens to ther children and grown ups, but they finish what they start.

He is not too young to understand this. It just needs to be said out loud.
Never underestimate your child.

This is just another of those life lessons every child needs to learn. It happens all of the time, the child just needs to learn it is safe to tell us the truth, and it is good for him to think about his reasons and choices.

Yeah I make my kids finish up paid for lessons.

Your husband needs to keep out of this. If he doesn't like it, then HE should drag your son to the class. Tell him so.

I would assume your son doesn't really like it because he gets thrown on the mat.

I would take all his toys and box them up and put them out of reach. Every single one. Tell him that until the whole session you paid for is over, he cannot have the toys. Sounds like harsh punishment? So what! He has to have a tangible consequence that means something to him. The only thing he gets is books (and no electronics of any kind.)

I also would not let him pass the time with television.

This will teach him that if he says he wants to take a class, he has to finish up the class. When he whines to you, tell him to go whine to his father.

My son pitched a fit one day at speech class because he was tired of working on speech. Those sessions were billed at over $100 per session. At the time, we weren't sure insurance was going to pay, but it wouldn't matter if that weren't an issue. I was NOT going to let this happen twice a week with my son. I took him home and put him in his room and told him that he could only come out to go to the potty. I took him a sandwich and he had to eat it in his room. I had never done this before. After 3 hours of solitary, he begged to go to speech. I told him that another little boy who wanted to learn how to talk better was with his teacher and that she couldn't see him anymore that day. I told him that he'd stay in his room for 2 days the next time he did it.

I never had that problem with him ever again.

Your son is older than mine was at the time. You have to come down even harder with your son for him to get the lesson of sticking with something - and not just this course. The way to do it is hit it hard and fast. I really mean it - take every single one of his toys away.

Dawn

You pick them up and take them. They go to class and if they choose to not participate they sit there and watch the rest of the class doing their stuff.

Most of the time kids do this because they know if they throw enough of a fit they get their way 100% of the time.

Once you do this a couple of times he will start to go when it's time.

I do literally mean pick him up and take him. I did this once with my granddaughter. I had to be at work at the store inside the gym and she had class 15 minutes after I was supposed to be at work. I had no choice so I picked her up and put her in the car. It was a mess. But she has never resisted since. She gets her stuff together and goes to the car.

If she truly does not want to do a class then we'll talk about it but once it's a done deal she goes until it's over. If she is having issues such as someone is bothering her or making her feel bad then we discuss that at any time. But to just decide they aren't going...not going to happen.

If you paid for the set of sessions already, then HE GOES TO THEM. He made the commitment, therefore he must go. You don't try to convince him, and he doesn't get a choice. He gets ready, he goes. Don't argue the points with him, just inform him. Don't bargain with him. Don't bribe him.

"Sorry buddy, you made a commitment and we paid for the class so it's your responsibility to go. Get in the car."

"I know you don't want to. Get dressed and get in the car."

You can acknowledge and respect his feelings and still force him to go.

Extra-currcular activities are supposed to be enjoyable. If it's no longer enjoyable, then the money you've spent is being wasted whether he goes or not.

Two years ago I signed my daughter up for soccer. She wanted to join because a lot of her friends were doing it. She did not like soccer at all and dreaded going to practices or games. But we made her go. It was a miserable season for all.

For me, never again will I sign her up for something because her friends are doing it. (This has seemed to help)

But to answer your question, yes we made our daughter finish the season.

I don't think it would hurt to ask him why the change of heart. What did he like before that he doesn't like now? Maybe that will give you a reason to why he's not enjoying it.

ok so he did it for a while, asked to keep doing it and now doesnt want to.

so what changed?? unless he can give you a solid reason, I think i would make him go, and all other priveledges would be suspended unti he went.

Now if he gives you a valid reason, his buddy was going and now isn't, the instructor teases him, there is a new instructor, what ever then maybe.

I think it was great to send him to his room, unless his room is full of toys. like my kids :)

anyhow good luck this is tough you knowyour kid best are power struggles lilke this a usual occurance?

I go through this with my kids - 6 and 7. I don't always make them go. They're kids. I bet when they're 16 and 17 we'll look back and realize how young they are. But I'm not a complete pushover. If they had a particularly busy day and don't want to go I let them skip. If there's no good reason, I typically say fine, we'll go and you can sit and watch with me. Then they typically say ok they'll participate and like it. I figure making them show up at least isn't giving in totally but I'm taking into account their age by not making them go out there. And they're not being rewarded - ie: get to watch tv - instead of going. Or I'll suggest doign some math instead... But like others said, talk to him too about why he doens't want to go anymore.

How much longer is the session? Do you know why he suddenly changed his mind and doesn't like it anymore? Have you talked to the instructor to see what may have changed or to come up with strategies to make classes more engaging for him?

6 1/2 is not too young to understand either the money involved or honoring commitments. My son understood it when he was 4. I think I would maybe talk to the martial arts place and see if it's possible to get a refund or maybe postpone his classes to another session when he might be more amenable to it. I totally understand making a kid finish what he starts, so I do lean toward making him finish out the session. But I also know you're still throwing good money after bad if you make him do something he doesn't want to do. He's not going to get anything out of it anyway, and it's a headache for you besides. If you do decide to let him drop the classes, maybe you can think of ways to make him earn part of the money you spent back? He can still learn something from this.

I waited till our son was in 2nd grade before starting activities.
He was more ready for it then.
Since he asked for it, finish out the session.

You should follow through-the only other thing to do is explain the situation to the school-though they may have some inclination-and see if you can get back some of the money you've spent. How nice that your husband takes it upon himself to parent you, as well.

I think u need to find out happened in class that made him not like it anymore. A kid he doesn't like or the teacher too rough, maybe physically too challenging and something medically could be going on making it harder that we don't know or will find out if he quits. U need to call the teacher or sen say or master and tell him or her what is going on and you need done insight to how to help your son. I would try to solve the problem and make him go and work on solving it with you. If it doesn't get better call the teacher again and even ask for money back because ur som was miserable. They don't want to hear that and will help make it good for your child and if they don't then they should give your money back!! Make him go to work on what's happening but obviously something is wrong that's why he's not going like he used to!

Did he give you a reason? Is it about the teacher or another kid...maybe make sure it's nothing like that.
If not...then I agree in having him finish the session you paid for.

I think it is important to make him finish out the session you already paid for because it's a life lesson - you make choices and then you either reap the benefits of a good choice or you suffer the consequences of a poor choice. So no matter how much of a fight, I would make him go. THEN no matter how much he might beg in the future, I would not sign him up again.

What happened at class to make him not want to go? Have you asked him for his reasons? To change that quickly something had to have happened with a teacher or student. I would investigate and have him finish with you or your husband watching the whole time.

You make a commitment, you stick to it. He chose the class, He should finish up the session. You are the parent, you decide whether or not he goes. There is no way I would let my daughter out of a class she chose to take. I would've pulled by her the hand to car & from the car to the class. If she chose to fight me, she'd get punished, end of story.

Also, have you asked him why he doesn't want to go? Maybe something happened that's making him not enjoy it anymore. Maybe talking to the instructor will help, as well.

I understand the angst. My DD did the same thing with a gymnastics class. I had finally agreed to let her quit at the end of the session. But two classes later, she decided that she actually liked going and wanted to continue. Now she's training Level 10 and working towards elite. I sometimes think I should have let her quit immediately (LOL).

I simply told my kids that they couldn't sign up for anything else until they finished the session. It did involve a certain amount of dragging to get them there to finish the session. Neither of my kids seem unduly upset about having to finish things that they don't want to do yet and I have respected their wishes not to sign them up again. Ironically, they seem to come back to those sports/activities after a year or so and want to try them again.

He would definitely go if he lived in this house. Even if he had to sit and watch because he would not participate, he would be there. He is old enough to understand that once you sign up and it is PAID for you go.

My daughter knows the rules she takes a class she has to finish it. At 6 and half though I did not let her take any classes I could not watch. Are you watching to make sure he isnt be bullied or something. If the teacher allows you to watch the classes and he is fine in class I'd make him finish it. If the teacher has a problem wiith you watching classes then take him somewhere you are allowed.

You are the mom and it is your decision. I have always been of the thinking that we must follow through, hence, they had to stick out football, swimming, yes, martial arts etc. etc.For at least that term, that season. Only when my son was hit in the face with a hardball and there was blood everywhere (I believe he was about the same age) I decided if he didn't want to go he wouldn't have to because I wanted him to do something like that when he was ready (which he did eventually and liked it). And sadly, yes it is about the money, these things cost a lot. And since he wanted to do it, despite the fact that he is young and small he can learn to deal with it appropriately. And then next time he doesn't have to do it. If he is doing meltdowns and it is possible, start getting him ready for this a little earlier and tell him he is allowed to act silly for awhile but then it is time to deal with it. However, if there is something terrifying or horrible to him help him verbalize why he is so uncomfortable with it. In addition is there any reason why you couldn't ask the instructor if you could sit there and watch? I did that for Tai Kwan Do (sp?)and eventually found myself taking it for a short amount of time. I do not think they get it about the money, many don't for a long time, but he can learn the lesson of sticking it out.