Is This Normal Behavior?

Have you been open with your husband lately? Or have you guys just been avoiding each other? It's always good to talk to your mate about what is bothering you, men tend not to be open alot like women are but it will help you get your thoughts out there and let him know how you been feeling lately. It could be that he is maybe a little scared that there is going to be a new member in the family and is thinking about the changes and expenses that come with a new baby. I too went thru something similar with my two pregnancys, so I understand the emotional state that your in, and how your mind can wonder off. All I can say is communication is everythig in a marriage even if it's a touchy subject. You know your husband, catch him when his not busy to talk and submit to your husband whats on your mind. He could be going thru the same emotions you are, its harder for men to show emotions to them it seems they are weak, but truly that can make him a stronger man for you and your children. I hope I have been some kind of help to you. God bless you and your family.

K.,
I know that this must be quite difficult for you. I guess my only suggestion for you is to hash out whatever it is that needs to be hashed out now before the baby comes. I do think that your gut is right unfortunately...I am not necessarily surprised about the lack of sex, but not spending time together and not sharing a bed is NOT normal. In fact, I am shocked that neither of you has said something. Here is the harsh reality - if he has checked out emotionally - find out now and figure out your next move. You can't change other people and you can't control their actions, but YOU are in control of your destiny. I have often times told people in troubled relationships (I divorced my first husband in 1998) that I would rather be alone and happy than married and miserable. This baby is a blessing no matter what the circumstance is in your marriage, but it is not wise to wait to confront him. You need to develop a plan for the future and if your husband doesn't plan on being in it, then find out. It sounds like he is having an affair - it actually sounds kinda textbook. If you are too afraid to confront him, there are computer programs out there that record key strokes. I know that sounds paranoid, but you have to be able to work with the truth. I will say a prayer for you and your little ones. Make sure that you have a strong support network around you now - family, friends, church, etc. I will pray for you and regardless of the outcome, congratulations on your new bundle of joy!

I would bet he is distant because he is writing someone online. Also when men are unfaithful they also are not so happy to be tied with another child at the time they are not happy in a marriage. Men love sex any time and when they withhold it there is usually a reason. I would go into the computer and go to the clock on top and look into his history, what sites he is on. Be very caucious. All of my friends got divorced when we had two children. All of our husbands cheated on us. So be wise and safe. Gather as much information you can and keep very quite about it. Hopefully this is not it but a warning. G. W

I am so sorry to see that you are going through this alone. I think back when I was pregnant and my husband was there for me every step of the way. I some times think he would walk on water to make sure that I am taken care of. No I am not saying he perfect because no body is perfect but the way your husband is treating is wrong. I noticed that someone had gone back and looked at your past posts and so I did the same. I have seen way to many times that you have posted on her how he has hurt you emotionally. I am not one for divorce I never have been and never will be so I would suggest to you to get some counseling. You need to explain to him that you life with him and you daughters mean everything to you and that there is something wrong in your marriage that needs to be fixed. You don't want your daughters growing up around the hostility and frustration that you are feeling. My one piece of advice to you is talk to him about getting help and sweetie if that doesn't work maybe going and staying with your parents for a few day will get his attention.

I personally had the best sex ever during all 3 of my pregos up until delivery. In fact mine were all scheduled C's so we had sex the night before because we new it would be a while before we could go there again. but even my husband of 11 years was a little frightened of having our 3rd. It puts a ton of responsibility on them since they feel they are the providers. Hopefully this is all that is going on. I would not pressure him into talking about it but if you do feel like asking him, do it in a non threatning way and let him know that you are nervous about a new addition and all the responsibilities that go with it also. Good luck, A. J

You're NOT gross. Some men just find it hard to see their wife in a sexual way when she's carrying a child. Relationship Rescue-Dr Phil. Read it! :)

Have you spoken to him about his distance? I understand your gut feeling, and that's an important voice to listen to, but get all the facts before you make any rash conclusions. Talk to him. He isn't being a very caring husband right now and it doesn't just sound like cold feet to me. He could just be very uneasy about having this third child and taking resentment out about that on you.

I would check the computer and I would sit him down and talk. Listen to your gut - if you think he is having an affair, there is more than just "new baby nerves" going on. Don't wait.

K.,

I would definitely do a history check on your computer to see what it is your husband is spending so much time on the computer checking out. Honestly, this sounds much worse than being nervous about the new baby (I've read a few of your past posts that refreshed my memories that this has been an ongoing issue for you and him). You are in a delicate place physically and emotionally right now and I certainly don't want to make it any worse for you but your instincts are probably more right that you would want them to be. Your husband is there physically but it sounds like he is long gone emotionally. If there is no physcal contact between you, I would be very concerned because men are driven by their need for sex so him going completely without it for so long would be almost like asking him to stop breathing. If you think you can handle the truth, start investigating, especially with the computer. If you need to leave well enough alone for now until you have had the baby, then do that. I really hate that this is what you are going through. This should be such a blessed time in your life but you're obviously hurting quite badly. I wish you well and hope everything works out in the way that is best for you and your children.

Blessings,
G

I would think it's weird that he doesn't even sleep in the same bed with you... that alone would be a cause of concern for me.

Just because he has another child with someone else and he's done having kids... doesn't mean you should be done. And then to ignore you like that at home. I would say they are some underlying issues definately. What is he doing alone in another room on the computer all night? Is he chatting with anyone, or looking at pornography? And even if he does feel gross about having sex right now (which I hear some people have that issue)... you can still be intimate and close without having sex.

It could be as simple as you two not having quality time and he's bored and in a rut (it happens with lots of marriages)... but it usually passes once an effort is made with little date nights and some good conversation on a daily basis. If that doesn't help, than there may be more going on.

Definately talk to him to evalutate the relationship and try and make things better (my hubby and I do this when we get bored with each other, and it's always a positive experiance). Maybe talking to a good counselor to get things as settled as possible before the baby arrives is a good idea. Perhaps your religious counselor or obgyn can recommend someone.

This behavior is normal for self-centered jerks. Sorry, I guess I should say this is a hard time for him and try to talk to him and work things out. But, honestly, you need to lay it all out on the table for him. I know you dread the confrontation - but you will feel better once you get this out. You need to ask him why he is acting the way he is and tell him how he is making you feel. Tell him that even if he isn't that excited right now or he is worried for whatever reason, it isn't going to change the fact that you are having a baby and he should be man enough to be there for you. He needs to quit being self-centered and start thinking about you and the baby instead of acting like a child himself. Sorry to vent, but it is really upsetting hearing about what you are going through. Keep your safety and your children (and unborn child) in mind. If things get worse, seek help and advise from a friend. You may have to weigh your options. I don't know your situation -so I can't say what would be best. But, I wish you the best of luck and I'll be praying for you!

I am so sorry to hear the sadness and emptiness in your writing. I'm not sure why you allowed yourself to become pregnant by this man after what happened the first time around - and then knowing he didn't want more kids. I pray he comes around and that he is being straight with you about everything and how he spends his time. This is no environment for Mali or the new baby on the way!

You really need to sit down and talk this out. It's the only way. Sneaking around and trying to catch him at something will only stress you out and you need to keep yourself and that baby of yours safe. God bless.....and good luck!

One idea is to write him a letter. Kindly explain your feelings without accusing him of anything...dont even mention the idea of another woman. Express your concerns, tell him you miss him, and ask him to respond. This will give him time to read, without you getting emotional during conversation, and then think before he answers you. There have been a few times when this act opens up great conversations with my husband and myself. The best part is that I can be calm and rational on paper, but not so much when I am sitting there with him looking at me like he has no idea what I am talking about:) Best of luck at this hectic time! ~A.~

First I would say to try and stop stressing because your baby feels it. You dont want to stress out so much this far into your pregnacy. I am not a cynic but I am really nosy so when MY husband spends too much time on the internet - I question him point blank and I look at what hes been doing. If you feel that you can remain calm and relaxed - then have a sit down with your husband and ask him point blank exactly what you have asked us. You have got to have the courage to talk to your husband - I know personally that this is sometimes difficult because you dont want to make him mad or push him away more but try and talk to him in some way and continue to pray.

This is very sad to hear but it just kills me that this situation as far as what husbands do is so common - what is wrong with that species??? I dont get them.......

I don't know who informed you that it was common to have sex right up until you have the baby, but that is misstated. Yes it is possible and some couples do, but not everyone has sex up until the time they are due. So, I don't think you should feel like you are ugly. I believe if a poll was taken and you asked specifically how much sex couples had during each month of the pregnancy, it would taper off drastically as the time got closer. Even before pregnancy stastics vary from couple to couple. I believe your husband is avoiding you and yes, I to would wonder if he might be having a relationship with someone else. Sleeping on the couch all of the time is a red flag. That may happen once in awhile, but it is not common to sleep alone all of the time. The other red flag is that he is on the computer alot. There is nothing wrong with being on the computer, but it can be easy to get pulled into a relationship online. The question is, whether it is just via computer or in person. The next question is how far has it gone. If I were in your shoes, I don't know if I would confront him either or wait until the baby is born, but it isn't going to be easy anytime you do it. First remember that cheating on ones spouse can be overcome, more so if it has not been consummated. Second make sure you have carefully thought out what you will do if you don't like his answer, so that you are not without a plan and you don't make a rash decision. I'm not trying to make you doubt him, but even if he isn't having a relationship with someone, he is not really having one with you and it needs to be addressed before it gets worse. I wish the best. God Bless

the sex thing is completely normal. and the distance thing might be too. he might realize he will soon have no more alone time and it will be all about baby. but my husband did not want to go "head to head" with the baby. plus i gained 60 lbs when i was preg. it was all belly and he did not like it much. it freaked him out. i told him it was okay and reccommended. but he declined. have you told him you would like to spend more time with him? do you go into the room when he is on the computer? see how he reacts. some times just telling him how you feel will change things.