Is This Alarming to Anyone or Just Me?

Break out the change jar and teach him. Start paying his allowance in quarters.

Teaching starts at home.

At my son's school he started working on $ in 1st grade. and they did it in second. I assume it's an on going thing. He isn't home right now, otherwise I'd ask him if he knows how many quarters are in a dollar. all kids are different. Maybe you should be glad his focus isn't on money. there is always a bright side!

Well, my daughter is 10 and she knew this answer a couple of years ago, but sometimes she forgets because there are so many other things she is learning. She is a straight A student. Some kids just forget certain things, but are smart in other areas. I wouldn't worry too much. Just go over money at home with him, and ask him what time the clock says, etc. My daughter can tell you all the square roots a year ago (something they don't learn until 5th or 6th grade) but sometimes can't tell what time it is. It's all what they are interested in. I just try to work with her on everything.

Yup. I think you're overreacting.

Here's why:

- This isn't a consistent concern/worry. You're not concerned about an overarching delay...like problems with math, or with audio/visual (You can have kids ace every test, but not be able to answer verbally, or vice versa...come up with the most INTRICATE and well thought out answers verbally, but flunk written tests left right and center), or with reading, etc., so forth, & so oN. You asked him a question and he didn't pipe up with the right answer. Kids do this. Heck, we adults do this. For many many many reasons ranging from thinking of something else, to freezing, to feeling put on the spot, not having your mind "in gear", to plain old forgetting.

- There's a reason why there's so much repetition in any schooling environment. They may very well have just covered money a month ago...but if he's focused on long division...what happened a month ago would need a bit of refreshing. Same token, if they're working on money...he might have to refresh to remember long division.

- Oops...I forget...because we school all year round...It's summer. Has he been out of school for the past few months? Has he been handling money/ doing math works over summer break? if not, take a DEEP breath. You say you work full time. Ever take a two week vacation and come back and have someone pop you a question from something that you worked on shortly before you left? Have to think about it for a minute, or go look it up? Imagine a 2 month vacation. Yup. We're all human. Even kids.

On the parent conference:
- <laughing> TRUST me (both as a teacher -elementary & college kids- and a mum), if every time your child fumbles an answer, doesn't remember something, blanks, blows you off, does the "I don't know", or the "random guess" that they don't even bother to take the time to think about it, you are in their school the next day demanding to know why...

1) You'd be there nearly every day.

2) Because you'd be in there every day...They'd send you to their psychologist, to get the 411 on what's developmentally appropriate. Which all of the above are... ESPECIALLY for elementary kids. :) But the rest of us do it, too. It's expected that an adult won't remember the right answer all the time -even if they know it-...for children this goes quardruple. Yet for some reason we pin these reeeeeaally high expectations on our kids to remember/retain info better than WE do.

My suggestion would be this:

1) Watch for patterns. Does your stepson "freeze" when verbally quizzed? Does he have problems with numbers or letters (reading/writing/or math)? How's his overall self confidence? How is his recall? How is his overall memory? These are all issues (plus many many more) that can be addressed. Knowing that quarters = 1/4's = 4 pieces of a whole...this is all memorization. Like learning a song, or the capitals, or the order of presidents. Just memorized facts. Even the math with money is usually surround how it's spent.

2) Evaluate. Aka...find out strengths and weaknesses and play to them...encouraging the strengths and bolstering up the weaknesses. This can be done at home and/or done by a professional. Having a private evaluation costs about $400. Having one done through the school is free. In either case, you need to make sure the person evaluating is good at what they do.

3) Be excited & interested in what they know v. horrified about what they don't. This = your kids will share with you a LOT more.

Take my neice. She's 10 and reads at a 1st grade level. Her old school needed 'no child left behind' money, so when she started failing they stuck her in special ed for 2 years...where she got NO help whatsoever...she was 'diagnosed' as on the autism spectrum by the school, and essentially just left to sit in a class with kids who really had autism, a bunch of poor ESL students, and a few kids like her who were behind their peer group, etc. But special ed kid's test scores didn't take away from the 'nclb' money...so there she sat. None of whom were getting the intervention they needed. Her parents paid for private eval...turns out not autistic at all. SEVERE dyslexia coupled with embarrassment/guilt/shame.

If you tried to talk to her about school she'd clam up faster than anything. BUT come to find, she liked dead things. Ummmm...which is why her parents REALLY took her in to get eval'd. She kept coming home with dead animals/reptiles/fish. When her parents finally stopped yelling at her and asked why...she told them she was trying to figure out a) the difference between the alimentary, respiratory, cardiac, and neural (her words) of creatures that had died from b) injury, old age, or poison. My SIL picked up the phone and started calling for evals...to get her OUT of the class that had her counting duckies, and coloring in-between-the-lines. (Have I mentioned loooooousy special ed program through that school enough???)

My neice can barely read, but she'd memorized the anatomy and physiology of anything that creeps, crawls, walks, swims, or flies that's native to where she lives in E. Washington. Once someone qualified got ahold of her (and she changed schools, and the dyslexia started being dealt with)...guess what? My neice STILL hates to talk about school...but she WILL lecture you all afternoon about chemistry, anatomy, and physiology. She's a cool kid. Really cool...but don't you dare ask her about literature, unless you're commiserating with her instead of judging her. She's been judged for so long she can smell it a mile away. And at this point hormones are starting to kick in, and she doesn't just go silent and unresponsive anymore...she'll give you a piece of her mind. Usually involving swearwords. I really, really, like this girl. She's got a lot of s****.

Anyhow. I think, point being, to relax...take a deep breath and sit back a bit...but keep an eye out for what's really up. Totally normal kid stuff...or a problem to be intervened on?

Good Luck.

Over reacting...perhaps...but truly does he really NOT know? or was he just being 9?

Now i think you have a bigger problem here..you said "if this was my son" what do you mean he is not your son? Did you not marry his father? Just because he is not "biologically" yours does not mean he is not your son. If he is your husband's child, he is your son. I have worked with enough blended families to know that ALL CHILDREN need to know they are loved equally.

Imagine this...he tells you he doesn't know how many quarters are in a dollar, you get upset but do nothing. YOUR son tells you he doesn't know how many quarters in a dollar, you run to the school, raise a fuss and get him the education he deserves. How does your step son feel? Unloved, not as important, like an outsider, someone whom you do not care enough about to make a fuss over...nice. And how do you think he will react to that? Do you think he will respect you as a parent? Look at the whole picture. This boy is your son. D., i play "mom" to EVERY child that comes into my life. My daughters always have kids in my house, they wash their hands, help set table, do the dishes, sweep, they are told what is appropriate and what is not AND they are loved, equally in my home. And these are just the neighbours kids. This boy is the son of the man you love. Loe him jsut like your own and you will not question ever again if what you are doing is correct.

Now having said that DO NOT count on the school to teach your children, that is your responsibility. Schools teach a few basic concepts, but truthfully, if you want your child educated, you MUST be an active participant.

Money is a very easy concept when it is taught properly. I recomend this:
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On the main page www.HeyYouGetReal.com, there is a special on for just $23, all three of our top selling ebooks - Teach Your Kids the New F-Words...Financial Freedom, Food Rules and a bonus book, Money Cents for Kids. You will be glad you invested in yourself.

B.
Family Wellness Coach

I think maybe something else might be bothering you, D.? This is a tad over the top for not knowing 4 quarters make a dollar.

Yes, you can call the school and BMW (*itch, moan, whine) about how your step son doesn't know such a basic thing (because we've never forgotten something simple at some point). Or, you can simply pull out a dollar and a bunch of change and do a quick review at home. Follow it up with a trip to the store so he can buy something and gain some practical knowledge and experience.

As a teacher and a mom, I can tell you that stuff like money is covered ad nauseum, but since kids don't typically handle money, it's all academic until they do. Have you done your part by helping learn how to use money at home?

I hope whatever's really bugging you gets resolved soon.

Being a step mom can be challenging. I am also the step mom of 2 daughters, who are now grown and out of the house. I also have a son who is younger and still at home. I was a little concerned that you said, "If that was my son I would have been the first one at school the next day". He is your son! When you married the boy's dad, you agreed to be a step mom. I think a step mom needs to do the same things a mom would do in order to help the child meet his potential. It sounds like you are trying to blame the mom. Your household is as responsible for the situation as much as his mom. I think this is a big problem with steps. No one truly takes full responsibility for the child. I feel bad for your step son - he needs help. YOU can help him. I would talk with the son (in a very loving way) and let him know that you are concerned about his school work, but that YOU know that he has a lot of potential...that you believe in him and will help him to catch up in any way possible. Then, I would talk to the teacher to see what he needs to work on and I would help him at home.

I live in a great school district, Irvine. Even so, it is a lot of work to get children through school. My son is an honor student - but this takes a lot of work. I support his school work every day. I make sure he does his homework. If he is having trouble in an area, I personally help him to understand. Teachers just do not have time. Your son could have got behind in school as his parents were getting a divorce, his dad was remarried, you guys had another baby. These situations make the child feel left out... like they don't really belong anywhere. It can be very difficult for these kids and this stress makes it difficult for them to concentrate on school work. The very best thing that you and the dad can do is to love him, support him and accept him, as if he were your own son. He desperately needs your help. It will be much easier to help him now, than when he is a teenager.

Good Luck,

K.
(MSW)

Loving place here - your post was dripping with criticism and judgementalness. If you know you're not doing right by your step kids change your behavior. These are children and can use as much adult love and direction as possible.

Yes, he should know that 4 quarters are a dollar. I would ask the teacher - is there a learning issue etc. In the meantime perhaps you can help him. I also work full time and have 3 kids so I know how busy you are, but as parents we have to stop running to the schools everytime a kid does not know an answer to a question.

Some kids don't like to be "quizzed." He may have been playing dumb. My daughter does this when people quiz her.

If he truly does not understand money, have him help you with cash transactions, and enlist his parents' help as well. Be proactive. Have patience.

Remember, your step kids didn't ask to be born, didn't cause the demise of their parents' marriage or ask their parents to split up, and didn't choose you -- yet that was all thrust upon them. Please show them some love and compassion - it will go a long way.

Hello, Teachers start to teach money values in kindergarten. By this time, your step-son should already know the value of a quarter. However, there could be several reasons why he couldn't answer your question. It could be a learning disability, he could have just forgotten, it could have been your approach, it could be his refusal to answer you. I don't know how your relationship is with your step-children, but if it is good, I would try working with him on money value. If he isn't getting it, have your husband make an appointment with the teacher to discuss it. If he is doing well in other areas, I wouldn't make a big deal of this. It will come. It is good that you are concerned because he should have this information by the age of 9. It is possible his mother is already aware of this and hasn't shared it with you.
As a step-mom, you are able to sit back and enjoy your "step" kids without being responsible for everything in their lives. I would just take advantage of that.
Good luck with your precious family.
K. K.

He should learn this in 1st or 2nd grade. Also parents need to reinforce skills all the time. I send home the skills that is taught to the children a couple of times a year and parents really need to reinforce this. Money and time are great things to work on at home. You can use an allowance system to help your stepson. Lots of kids learn at different paces and many kids forget a lot over the summer.

I'm sure that the step-parenting situation complicates things somewhat, but I do agree with the other responders that some teaching has to happen at home. I'm less concerned that he doesn't know how many quarters are in a dollar (perhaps he has learned fractions in some other context in school), but more concerned that he hasn't been taught about money management yet.

I give my 4-year old $1 allowance each week (4 quarters) and spare change occassionally. This gives us the chance to learn about counting money, the opportunity to talk about how much things cost at the store, how to save, how to give (she puts one of her quarters in a "giving box" that we use for charitable activities/causes), etc. Perhaps something similar would work for your kids?

I know that you have a lot on your plate, a complicated family situation, and that you're heart wants to do the best you can for all of your children. But, schools are never going to be perfect and we have to fill in the gaps at home. Good luck!

My 6 year old son, who just finished Kindergarten knows the answer. So, to me it is alarming. Are you sure he understood the question/was paying attention to you when you asked him?

Oh, my gosh, don't get me started on current math teaching methods. (It's not the fault of teachers; the methods are dictated by the district according to the curriculum they purchase.) My oldest daughter was 16 and in honors calculus, (making A's!) but could not make change without a calculator. If I insisted that she try, she'd be in tears. Before my youngest started school, she had a great grasp of numbers (and the fact that they represented something,) but after 2 years of school she was hard pressed to count correctly. In our district, they assembly-line the information at the kids so fast, they're in algebra books by 4th grade, but that means they've covered the material SO FAST that the simple arithmatic never sunk in. (This is one big reason we now homeschool.)

When you discover gaps like this in education, fill them in as best you can, without saying, "Why don't you know that?" Just say, "When you divide something in four, each piece is called a quarter, like a quarter cup of sugar. Four of those make one cup. That's an easy way to remember how many quarters will make up a dollar. Four of them equal onme whole dollar."

Geez, some of your responders were a little harsh! I think you are just truly concerned about your step-son & trying to respect his bio-Mom, trying not to make her feel criticized. Step-son or not, I do agree that you shouldn't jump to blame the teachers, though.

I don't think you're over reacting - I too would be suprised if a 9 year old didn't know this. But I do think some of the other people are right, maybe he just didn't want to tell you. Maybe you can subtly ask some other questions here & there to see if he really does not know or if he is struggling with Math concepts. Try to see how serious this is before you take any action.

Well, my son and daughter could answer that (they are 4 and 6). I know my daughter's kindergarten learned about money but with my 4 yo what he has learned has been at home. I guess, not to defend the school - but maybe he wasn't paying attention that day/week or it just wasn't interesting enough to absorb? Parents need to teach their kids as well and since we take them shopping and they see us paying for things all the time, we have a better opportunity to give the kids some hands on experience. This is just my opinion. It may be that they did teach and that his parents have also and it just hasn't sunk in. Get him a piggy bank, have him earn money and teach him from there. Once he gets to buy something with his own money - he'll start getting it.

$ is taught in first AND 2nd grade, yes he should know by 4th.

Hi D. I think most 9 year old's know that 4 quarters make a dollars, most kindergarners know that. I would see if there are other things he should know that he doesn't before you head up to the school. J. L.

They should know that by that age/grade level.
At least in our public school district, they are introduced to it from Kindergarten. My daughter is now in 2nd grade... and they know it.

I don't know... if this is the same in all schools/ages/grades.

Perhaps talk with his teacher and see how he is doing...

All the best,
Susan

It is alarming, but we can not depend on our school system to catch everything about anything. It is up to us (as parental units) to actively take a part in our children's education and make sure that when their little behinds enter the "real world" they are fully equipped.

Maybe you, dad and bio-mom can agree on which part you each will keep up with (unless you want to take it all on, don't know the dynamic there)

In my humble opinion of course!

They start counting money as early as kindergarten. Money should be close to mastered by 3rd grade. It's not always the easiest thing for kids to learn, especially if math is not their strongest subject. There are things you can do at home to help them learn that. Using real money works best. Just run through drills, what is a penny, nickel, dime, quarter and dollar (usually in bill form by now). Put coins and dollars together and have him count them up. Doing this at least for 10 minutes each day will help him have a better understanding. Some kids need it to tactile (where they can touch it) to be able to visualize it. See if this helps. Every child learns differently, my daughter was in 5th grade and still had a hard time reading an analog clock. Everyone is just different. Hope this helps.
~~D.

Our educational system SUCKS here in California and it only got worse with the no child left behind business. We're second worst in the nation. So it doesn't surprise me that your 4th grader doesn't know money. I was a teacher before having my child. It helped me realize how much more I will have to do at home. However, learning is a trinity... home must be involved, school must be involved and the student must be involved. If one section is missing then the learning will never be complete. Learning mostly takes place at school and is reinforced at home. If we were to be the ones who were primarily responsible for the learning we would be able to close up shop on the educational system and do it ourselves. But we haven't done that so we must think (except for teachers) that the educating should take place in a school. Kinda like work... we don't go to work expecting to sit there for 6-8 hours a day and do little to nothing and then come home to do our work. Makes no sense to do it to a student either.
I think I would mention it to the teacher, but not in an accusing manner. SImply say... I noticed this at home... do you think you could squeeze in an extra lesson on money? Now he or she might say no because they have these nonsense standards they teach to so just be prepared.

I see that you have already posted your update to this, so I'll address that.
The sad truth about our school systems is that there is a LOT of learning that needs to be supplemented at home. We can't expect that kids are learning everything they need at school. They're not. Our system also puts much more emphasis on reading and writing test scores, and other subjects get much less attention.
The bottom line as I see it for your situation is that you have a step son who needs some extra help. The thing is that everyone doesn't have to be aware that you are teaching him in order for it to happen, and that includes your stepson. You can do money games with him on your own. What about a lemonade stand? Play a game of pitching quarters into a cup, and keep track of your score with monetary value.
It doesn't have to be obvious that you are "teaching" in order to do so. For example, I taught my son to count to 100 by the time he was 3, by putting on temporary tattoos, where we had to count to 100 until the tattoo was done.
If your stepson is needing some help with his education, then just find ways to incorporate into a game or activity. No one needs to be made wrong for it. And your husband and his ex don't even have to acknowledge what you're doing. While it's nice to get credit, the bottom line is to do what's right for the kids. If you know what's needed, then go with it.
I know blended families aren't the easiest. Neither is taking the high road, but life isn't always about what's easiest.
Take care.

Coins are 1st grade curriculum now, but it is reintroduced every year. Sadly I get kids in high school who can't tell me how many quarters in $1.50. Is the 9 yr old special ed? What do his grades look like -- I know it is difficult to know when public schools use the 1, 2, 3, 4 rating scale. Have him practice counting change and finding the total. By the way, it may not necessarily be the teacher's fault -- they are expected to more with less and sometimes w/ kids that aren't fluent English speakers. I teach high school. In Algebra I get kids that can't SUBTRACT!! MANY can't multiply--- Sadly kids get passed on to the next grade when they've missed skills all along the way.

Hi D.,
The whole California school system freaks me out so I understand your concern. It's nice that you're concerned about your step son and you should also be concerned for your other children. I checked out every school before I bought my house to make sure that we had schools with high API scores. I do a lot of teaching at home... maybe too much... but I want to make sure that my son knows everything he needs to know. Just hanging around the house or when we go to the store or are driving somewhere - I use every opportunity to teach him something.

However, my son just finished first grade in LAUSD and they did learn about money and simple fractions. You don't say where your step son goes to school but you and your husband should speak to the teacher and get a copy of the curriculum so you can keep on top of what he is learning. They either didn't teach it to him or they taught it and he didn't learn it. You can even go back and speak to the teacher he had last year. Meanwhile, there are some great activity books that teach about time, money, etc. They have a bunch of them at Barnes & Noble, Borders, Toys R US, etc.

Good luck!

Your over reacting. Yes, the school is there to teach...but in my opinion...they (the school) is not the only place kids learn. HOME...in my opinion happens to be the first place that kids learn the most. So why is it the schools full responsibility that your stepson doesn't know that answer?

Honestly my 3 year knows this...
I think a serious talk with your husband and review with your step son would be good, maybe even doing some tutoring for him would be helpful. With a background in elementary ed and seeing the effects of no child left behind too many kids are falling through the cracks, I would address this quickly to ensure he will not fail.
Good Luck!