Is She Hitting on My Husband???

seems to me she is interested in him.. He needs to go to their superior and report it. Also, he needs to document all contact she makes. There is such a thing a harassment, sexual or other wise.

I would have him file an anonymous claim with the HR dept.

And her actions are WAY BEYOND a work ethic. Either she's interested or crazy.

Good Luck

Wow! That IS freaky! :(
I would tell him to not communicate with her outside of work. It's really not necessary and if there is an emergency, to email him or something.

If the email does not work then you will just need to address her directly, in person! Not over email, or phone but in person. She's not afraid to step in your family's personal space, then you should not be afraid to step into hers and tell her to back off.

i think having your husband address her at work will hurt more than it helps. Besides, women are manipulative and have office protocol on their side (sexual harrassment).

Unfortunately you will never have the whole story unless you are present to witness the actual events, (i.e. her having access to his cellphone). She should not feel comfortable being able to casually pickup the phone and call your husband and you need to make sure of that.

i hate to say it, but chances are they are already closer than you know if this type of behavior is going on. He may think it's innocent all the while just blabbing away, not realizing he's giving away vital details that could be used against him for manipulation of him.

Tell him to definitely KEEP HIS DISTANCE! If she wanders outside of the office again with her contact, then you are fully justified in putting her back in her work place!!

I think she may be hitting on him also. He should speak up now that he values his time outside the office. Also, if both your husband and you feel she is overstepping, why not have him hand you his cell next time she calls. Just be very civil and confident. I would say that my husband in the middle of something and he would like to know the nature of the call. Ask if this call can simply be handled tomorrow at the office. Hopefully this will send a message to her that you are quite involved in his life. If I were in the situation, it would be very difficult to take the back seat for too long. Good luck.

i think she's totally crossing the line! this happened to me a few years ago too...it really put a lot of stress on my marriage b/c i was always questioning the situation, and hoping that it was all her doing and not my husband sending the wrong signals. he needs to step up and let her know that you don't appreciate him having contact w/ female coworkers after work hours. if she's a normal person, she should immediately get it, and even feel embarassed that she caused this stress in your marriage. good luck!

Regardless if she is hitting on him or not, SHE IS OVERSTEPPING HER BOUNDARIES!!!

This needs to be stopped IMEDIATELY!! Tell your husband that he needs to talk to her (ALONG WITH THEIR SUPERVISOR, NOT ALONE) and get all of this out in the open ASAP. If he tries to handle it by himself, she might turn it around to a sexual harrassment suit and you DO NOT want that.

ESPECIALLY if they are EQUALS, this really needs to go up one step higher and get handled right away. NO, dont WAIT A WEEK, call him and take care of it TODAY!!! TELL HIM, he really needs to Cover His @$$ (CYA) If she is "stalking him" or trying to figure out a relationship with him (obviously knowing he is married) she will fight back and can turn this around very easy. Please don't let her do this. Remember, he needs to talk to her WITH A SUPERVISOR, NOT ALONE!!!

Good luck

PS, I used to work for the Federal Goverment and have seen stuff like this for years. It can sooooooo easily get turned around if this gal means business. Watch his back!

I personally think she IS hitting on your husband. Just see what happens. Make sure she knows that he's married. Start setting pictures of you and your child on his work desk to see if she notices.

It sounds like this woman does have an unnatural interest in your husband. He should do as Joseph (in the book of Genesis)did when Potipher's wife was after him RUN! He should transfer out of the department, or if she's sexually harassing him, report her. At any cost he should stay clear of her. Read what Proverbs says about an adulterous woman and the snares she causes to a man.

A good book for you and your husband is: "His Needs, Her Needs Building an Affair Proof Marriage" by Willard F. Harely,Jr. Any married couple should read it. One of the best take aways for me in the book was the love/emotional bank illustration. The wife could be a beautiful, sweet, attentive woman who makes daily deposits into her husband's love (emotional) bank...but suppose she's also often tired taking care of the kids, etc. Then along comes Ms Co-worker who is always complimenting and building up this woman's husband. This woman seems to understand him and she's such a good listener. Her deposits into his emotional love bank are growing faster than his wife's. They decide to go to an innocent lunch. Then the meetings get more frequent...and you know the rest of the story. He may love his wife and at the same time have a long term affair with this woman.

You are wise to be alert. It doesn't mean you distrust your husband. Just as you would be aware of the friends your children keep, you should pay attention to who is in the company of your husband.

I agree. This is inapropriat at the least. He needs to report her to protect himself. It would be very easy for her to turn this around on him.

that is a thin line she is walking and it sounds like on the edge of sexual harassement to me. These phone calls is how stuff gets started, trust your husband, I am sure he feels very caught in the middle because he needs his job, but he wants to please you and yet he doesn't want to make any waves at work , yet he doesn't want her calling and texting him either. your husband needs to tell her nicely " I am happily married, I love my wife and my family is my priority, we have a strictly business relationship." I know that jobs are hard to come by these days but this could turn into something very unwanted if he doesn't put a stop to it now. I am praying for you and your husband. God bless.

I would say she is definitely hitting on your husband.
Visit him often at work and in front of her, give your husband lots of affection in the form of body contact, kissing, hugging, whispering in his ears...you have to get the message across that he belongs to you and that he likes it too.
Warm up at home first so that hubby doesn't use her as a way to get your attention in future. You need so be very subtle about it.

Yes, she is definitely hitting on your husband. My questions is this- Is it completely unsolicited? I know you said he was freaked out by it, but I just have to wonder if that's the truth. He may have been too nice or friendly to her, and she's now trying to take it to a new level. I'm not saying to not trust your husband, I'm just suggesting to be aware. She very well may be crazy, but she might not be. I have to wonder how she had access to his cell phone for the picture thing. People usually carry their phones on them. Is he innocently flirting with her at work, and now she's bringing it up a notch? If you suggest he go to his boss or HR and file a complaint, and he refuses..... well, it may be mutual. I'm not tryig to put bad thoughts in your head, just hoping you don't turn a blind eye to it. Good luck!

KEEP YOUR EYES WIDE OPEN!!!!!! She is definitely hitting on your husband and if he shows the least little interest......watch out. Been there done that. This girl was hired as a sales person. My husband was supposed to help train her. She began calling my house asking if he could give her a ride to work because her car broke down. I didn't like it at all and of course he'd say, "Well, do you want me to call her back and tell her my wife won't let me???" (Of course you don't want to seem like the "bad guy".) Then she'd call him if he was off and ask where he was. Once she called during dinner and was hysterically crying to say her old boyfriend who lived in Malasia had malaria. My husband was telling her to "pull yourself together." Me and the kids were thinking something horrible had happened to a family member. When he got off the phone and told us, I kept saying, "Why is she calling you????" Later I found out she got involved with a married man and had a child with him. She didn't last long at the company because my husband's boss was a woman and could see how she was hitting on everyone. Girl.........watch out!

This is to weird, Your husband should ask her to stop, or he should visit HR and just mention to them if they have a suggestive way to stop this. It is wrong, no matter what!

If she does it after this e-mail, he should go to his boss or to HR.. like I said this is freaky and very very wrong.

My hubby had a woman in his dept that seemed to just always be around him. He didn't really think it was a problem until he heard that other people had noticed that she was always around him. He just gave her the major cold shoulder. Men are good at that when they want to be. I think he could just start by not taking her calls or calling her back. Talking to her professionally but cutting communication other than that. As far as the cell phone incident he can just make sure she doesn't have access to any of his belongings. I am sure he hasn't done anything to lead her on, I am not saying that at all. But guys really can be cold if they need to be so I think turning on the ice will give her the hint and get her attentions turned somewhere else.

I think she needs to back off! There are two sides to every story so maybe her intentions are a cry for attention because she's depressed. Who knows? But your husband should not be the target. I would just have a talk with her. If you and your husband talk to her together that would take care of the situation quickly. You can do this tactfully. Don't worry about hurting her feelings. Your marriage is more important and even if your husband is freaked out it is still a burden to your marriage.

Yes I thank she is hitting on your husband.your husband should talk to her about calling him about unimportant things, if that doesn't stop her then he should go to her boss.this lady could be sick and take her feeling too far if something is not done now.and by all means pray for her.

A woman knows when another woman is after her man! Trust your instincts, you are right. Kick her butt (just kidding). But hubby needs to send a clear message that he knows she is "fishing" and he is not taking the bait! Good luck!

T.,
I am sorry to say that it does very much sound as though this woman wants to be more than just a co-worker to you husband. I would do as many of the others suggested and report her to his boss or flat out tell her to back off. I had a similar situation, not through my husbands work but through a past friend of his that I never liked. I am sorry, yet happy to say that she is no longer welcome to be anywhere near my family and especially not near my husband. I do not even allow my husband to speak about her at all. I would truly suggest that you guys get a handle on it and right away before she does something not only to jeopordize you guys, but your husbands job. We all know how sexual harassment goes and it is usually not in favor of the man. Good luck in tossing out the trash. :)

It appears this is the sort of woman who has not regard for a married man. My advise would be for your husband to nip this in the bud ASAP as to not send the wrong messageand let his voice be firm.

good for you on that update! that was a wise move! and kudo's to your husband for telling you and wanting to put an end to it! if this doesn't work you could try having him tell her directly that he doesn't want this interaction with her because he is a married man. If it makes him more comfortable since he has to work with her he can say that you are not comfortable with it. but if she is the pushy type he will have to hold back on the worry of hurting her feelings and even go as far as to let human resources know if she won't back off, that he feels she is acting inappropriately in the work place. You should give your husband love and support and let him know how proud you are of him for doing what is right for your marriage. You know it seems all too often these days, the men like the attention and let it go, while you take a women in the same situation and she will claim sexual harassment in the work place. Men should be comfortable and not have temptation forced down their throats while they are working hard for their familys just like women. you have a good man there, hang on to him and love him extra for his efforts! bless you both!

Not sure. But as long as he is clear on being with you, what is there to worry about. This sounds like a great lesson in setting boundaries, looking at insecurities we may have (not saying you do) and any other thoughts and emotions that this brings up for you. Quite a growth experience I would say. Congrats on this co-creation.
Love,
Z..

PS Am interested to see if the email is successful. This is like being in a live soap opera. :)

In my opinion.....yes!!!! You're husband needs to set boundaries and or, talk alot about you and your child when he's at work. If she doesn't get the message that way, then she needs to be told that her behavior can be interpreted as sexual harrassment and your husband should never ever be alone with her. If anything should ever come up that might be questionable, then it's his word against hers and that never ends well. Boundaries are best....set time limits on phone calls and about business only...and stick to it! He could always say that he isn't comfortable with continuing their work relationship outside the office.

Take care and pray that God gives your husband wisdom and strength in this situation.

Rev. Rieley

Trust your instincts. She is stepping WAY over the line. If she was a man it would already be turned in as sexual harrasment. He needs to talk to his boss about her. If he is really freaked out then he really needs to take action. The things you see in movies do actually happen.

Good luck.

The only way to stop such behavior in the workplace in this day and age is to reposrt her. That is all I can offer. That will stop it. The rest will be up to him. Good luck.

I had a similar situation.....yes, she is hitting on your husband.

I would give her "polite" phone call.

She defiantly seems interested. Some women will cross the line. I would have him talk to her and say that he doesn't need to receive messages from her out side of work hour and only about work during work hours. Then don't answer her calls outside of work. She can leave a message if it is urgent and if not don't respond. Good luck!

Good move on your husband part!!!!!! It shows that he is not interested in her.. The email sent to the entire department was good so that even his boss will see it. I also feel that your husband should take the entire situation to his boss and make him/her aware of all events that have taken place.

Secondly, I am curious as how she got your husband's phone in the first place; did she take it off his desk without his knowledge if so that is invasion of privacy and theft.. because if he did not know she took the phone and also took his picture she has really gone beyond the office policy and procedures. She sounds as if she is a office trapper: one who lures men/women into trapps and then trys to get money. She is a homewreker and does not care about you him, or your baby... Your husband as I am sure realizes how serious this is... she may not be wrapped to tight... I know she will be probably be pissed off that he sent an email out but too bad... she needs to be expose... you might need to report it to the local police department... and realize it or not.. this is a form of sexual harassament....

I think she needs to learn her boundaries. I also believe she is crossing hers. Is she single and looking for a man. If she is your husband needs to make it clear foe her to look elsewhere before you have to tell her and believe me you may need to. Hang in there and let him and her know what is not exceptable.

This is an easy one compared to the one whose husband is biting back on the lure of his ex girlfriend...for that you should be amazingly grateful!

Usually your gut is right...this time there are two guts that are right.

The first thing your husband has to do is to discuss this with his boss. Make sure he doesn't accuse her of anything, just tell his boss he is a little uncomfortable about her actions and communication. (This will partially protect him if she gets nutty and tries to cry sexual harassment against your husband).

NOTICE: Depending on the atmosphere of his office, you can not rely on human resources or his boss to take the situation seriously...I have seen things like this blown off as the "guy's imagination, or wishful thinking." This next step is to protect him!

The second thing for him to do is to write this all down on a piece of paper. Everything she has done, when she did it, and how it made him feel. Then he needs to put it in an envelope and take it to the post office. See if they have any kind of stamp (like a date stamp) that they can put across the flap on the back. Then send the envelope to yourself and DO NOT OPEN IT (until you need it in court God forbid). This will help estpablish a timeline because the postmark will prove the date it was sent. (This is how people used to copywrite song lyrics back in the day, because the postmark proved when they had the song written). Now all of this is preparing for the worst case scenario, but in this day and age, paranoia can be a saving grace.

OK, so the last thing he should do is confront the woman. Keep the conversation very light and casual as if it is no big deal, but have him tell her he prefers to keep business at work, and that when he is at home he prefers to have his focus on his wife and children and not have to address work issues. Tell her if she has a question, he would be happy to help if she would stick to sending him an e-mail. If it is something that requires immediate attention, she should contact her supervisor.

He can still be courteous, but distance himself from her. Under no circumstances should he go to lunch with her or have her ride in his car. They should not ever meet behind closed doors, if she comes into his office and closes the door, (if he has one) he should promptly get up and open it back up. Sorry the world has loopy ones out there and sorry for you she went to work with your hubby.

Even so, count your blessings that you have such a devoted man! Also, make sure you give him lots of extra lovin...and praise for how he has handled this situation.

Yes! If it walks like a duck , quacks like a duck it is a duck! Use your women's intuition and nip this in the bud before something happens!

It sounds like this woman is stepping over her work related boundaries,and I would strongly suggest that your husband do several things in order to avoid any further stress later.

1) Speak directly to an HR professional in his company just to ensure they are aware of this issue because this could constitute harrassment, hostile work environment, and even sexual harrassment if she has gone all the way there...

2) Speak to her with his supervisor in the same meeting, advising them both that this is a problem and should be dealt with hopefully, with a positive outcome so that all parties can salvage a good working relationship.

Your husband took a very positive step. Sending this memo will raise an eyebrow somewhere, and may open up the dialogue to this issue. Plus, he has now documented that there is a problem of this sort.

he really should go to HR, not to tattle but perhaps to see what HIS options are. Perceptions are a funny thing and if she brings this to HR's attention first, he may lose any ground he had to start with, because and sorry to say it, "he's a male". And what do we usually think? (Think Clarence Thomas)...

Good luck. I surely hope this gets resolved for you all and that your marriage isn't affected by this.

Yep, she's hitting on your husband. He needs to be very direct on the front he's not interested and happily married. It will probably hurt her feelings and that's an uncomfortable situation. He needs to focus on all interaction with her to be business only, unless he's bragging about you. I would recommend he decline her phone calls outside of work and discourage any conversation not work related. It's a tough place for your husband. Be grateful he's freaked out by it and not a sponge for the attention.

I think you're on the right track. He's just going to have to be direct, though.

You need to talk with your hubby about this and make sure he doesn't give her any reason to believe there is more to their relationship. He also needs to tell her to stop calling and just wait until he gets to the office - she is intruding on his family time. He can do this nicely or sternly. Once she sees there is nothing more than a work-relationship she will look elsewhere.

Alli

I think you should be very proud that your husband has responded that way. I have learned after 16 years of marriage as long as you take pride in looking good for your husband and try to keep things "alive" in your marriage, you will always have a faithful partner. Good luck and I think your instincts were right.

Yes she is hitting on your husband and a good thing that he told you about it, ya'll must be really close. Anyway she is harrassing him and if he makes her mad she can turn the story around and her being a woman they may would take her side. I would tell your supervisor and confront her there with a witness she can't twist things. I work in a co ed enviroment and I'm telling you this stuff happens all the time. When a woman gets her feelings hurt that you don't want her she can turn it around and say you harrassed her.

Hell, yes! Your hubby needs to set her straight about the meaningless phone calls to him when he is at home. He needs to not take her calls or if he does, tell her that he is with his wife and family and would prefer that she keep her questions for when he is at the office. She needs to start acting like a professional business woman and less of a bimbo.

Good luck.

I think the email was the right thing to do. This way it let her know and everyone else he is a family man. I would think she was hitting on your husband or testing him.

Dear T.,

I think this woman is way outside the boundaries of a co-worker or a friend. Your husband could file a suit for sexual harrassment; but, first he MUST tell her to stop in no uncertain terms ! It would be best if he did this in the presence of another person and kept a journal with all interactions.

Good luck and best wishes.

T., your husband has the right reply. Now if the woman continues...I think he should confront her directly and ask her not to continue calling him at home, everything can wait till he arrives at work. She may be over zealous being a new employee. However, if that doesn't he should address his manager and/or human resources and notify them of the problem. I hope everything is just a misunderstanding. Best of Luck.

Deb

Yes Girl, She's hitting on your husband and your better take care of that before it gets out of hand. Let it be known to her that you see whats she's doing and let your husband know if he doesn't say anything then you will, Girl I dont trust no woman because they can be sneaky, I know what im talking about ok, been there done that. You see if you dont nip it, He will start to feel flattered, and think your going over board, If the co-worker sees this she will feel like she has the upper hand, I played those games back in the day.....Girl dont be stupit, Sorry I just have to come out and tell you. She is out of line............

V.

Sounds like your husband is reacting the way he should be. Hopefully she will get the message when she receives the text to all of the employees. Some times you run into stuborn women so he may have to start being more straight forward with her and let her know she is causing problems to please stop. There are your few women who may get a thrill to know they have the power to cause problems so you have to read the signs if she is one of these pysco's becareful to respond the right way. Good luck and let us know if she gets the hint

If your husband is truly freaked out by her behavior, he needs to confront her by phone with you present and end this situation once and for all. There is no need to be rude to her but simply let her know how he is feeling in order to avoid a situation that could become bad.

She is hitting on your husband. I would recommend your husband discreetly go to his human resources department and document her ALL of her actions thus far and officially (but absolutely discreetly) "file" that first report of harrassment. Then, as some others have said, he must not engage in any response outside of work-related exchanges. He is going to have to be extremely aware and consistent with his actions (else this may turn on him). If she does start trouble, he will have the evidence he needs with his report to human resources. If he has physical evidence (emails, call logs) -those should be presented for the file.

Stay on top of this T.. Be alert and make sure she stops this or doesn't start it up again later. Way to go Hubby for taking care of this!

Have him go to his boss or human resources at his job and ask them for their assistance in the matter. He need to report her first. He should not attempt to address this himself. He might create a bigger problem. Make sure he doesn't tell others at work because then the rumor mill gets going!

I think you're intuition is telling you correct. She's trying to see if he's interested. Your husband needs to straighten her out, probably should also go to HR and have them talk to her.

Maybe I'm wrong. But it sounds to me that your hubby is probably a decent fellow and she is probably a little too flurty. If it were me, I would suggest to my hub to make sure that he is REAL CLEAR that he is happily married and has no interest in her. He doesnt have to be cruel or disrespectful. I also wouldnt get in the middle of it. Hes a big boy. I think if you approached her , it may fuel the fire. If she is a normal human being, she will back off. If not, make sure you lock your doors....dont want to come home to find somethin' boiling on your stove.

HTH,
Margaret

She is absolutely hitting on your husband!! He needs to have a talk with her to let her know that she is crossing the line with the phone calls and such. If he won't do it YOU need to have that talk with her. Believe me, she'll deny it, but most of the unwanted behavior will stop. But I'd still keep an eye on her! And if she moves on the the next married man be sure to give a heads up to his wife!

She does sound like she's hitting on him -- it sounds like maybe he needs to talk to his administrators about this and let them know this is affecting his home life -- she has crossed professional boundaries more than once and as two moms here in Ireland both agree, taking care of a one year old is enough stress on a family without this.

Best wishes!
M.

Either she is the most clueless employee God ever created or she needs to be reported. I would have your husband tell her in VERY PLAIN english he is not interested in anything but work and unless it is a work related emergency she is to stop all contact with him at home. She is to turn over any and all effects she may have that have his picture on them or show him that they are deleted and she is to stop or he will consider it harrassment and report her to the proper OMBUDSMAN at work. I would make sure there is someone else present during this discussion. He needs to keep it professional and direct.

Good luck.

IT sounds like he needs to take it up privately with his boss since she doesn't seem like somebody who he can go discuss the matter with. And it should be noted specifically to her from him in a matter of fact way that NOBODY should be using anyone else's cell phones. Private property. She is way stepping outside her boundaries as a co-worker. Maybe she just needs to be reminded of that by your husband if it really is upsetting him. My husband dealt with a similar situation a few years back and even though it bothered him he was very passive and nervous to really stand a firm almost mean ground to her. But unfortunately some people need to be rudely awakened by the "interest" if you will and told to calm it down.

I would think the same thing. It sounds like she's definately hitting on him and will probably continue until your husband sets her straight. He doesn't have to be rude about it. Some women could care less if a man is married or not. It needs to come from him though so she knows that's a losing battle.

She is hitting on your husband. I would personally tell her to back off. If she doesn't, then he or she needs to leave. If your husband truly doesn't have anything to do with this, then he might could document these things, tell her to back off, and then if it doesn't stop, report sexual harrassment. In the meantime, make sure your husband has no excuse to fall for her. Fight for your man, even if it means getting on her level. You have every right to go to her directly. I heard someone once give advice on showing up to the office with cookies, etc. Getting the men in the office to see how wonderful a wife you are. They will get on your side and tell that woman to back off (if they are real men). Or at least, remind your husband of how good he has it. My dad always said, even if all you have to offer is beans...make sure your husband is full of beans, and it will be easier to avoid the temptation of steak. Crude, I know. But it gets the point across. I hope for the best for you. Fight for your man! Pray hard. Show him all the respect you can. Make him want to come home to you.

next time she calls in the morning before he leaves for work.....YOU answer the phone!

Your husband needs to put a stop on this now before it gets really out of hand. She either has a thing for him or is a little crazy. He needs to tell this woman he is happily married and to stop bothering him outside of work hours. Also, tell her they have a working relationship only and that is all.

My husband had a similar situation happen several years back between two co-workers. The fact is, he needs to get away from this situation ASAP!! If you think her behavior is inappropriate, imagine how their coworkers perceive her actions! In my husband situation, the co-workers were accused of having an affair by several employees. They went to human resources and complained. Due to company policy, they almost lost their jobs. The guy involved almost lost his marriage as well. He had to explain the situation to his wife and she got angry and left him. This was all because his female co-worker was acting inappropriately toward him... On a personal note: I am extremely sorry you are having to deal with this. I am also a stay at home mom and it is REALLY hard somedays. It sounds like your husband is being honest with you and not making excuses for her. The picture part was completely over the top! He needs to set some boundaries with her by not answering her calls during his personal time. I assure you she can leave a voicemail just as well as the rest of us. I hope everything works out for you. Best wishes and good luck.

This does sound like the beginnings of a stalker type relationship to me. I agree with Guille, your husband should be bringing this up with leadership at work.

Does he have any pictures of you and your child at his desk? If not, he should put one, but only one, on it. He should also be talking about you at work, while she is around, but just a bit. Don't overdo it because it could make her jealous and angry. We don't really know this woman's intentions, but it may be a subtle enough hint to her that he is happily married.

Good luck girl!

I think your early worries were not only rational, but completely right-on. I had something similar happen to me and I just knew that what the girl had in mind was not innocent. There have to be clear and firm boundaries from the beginning. It should not only be implied, but maybe even stated eventually as well, that all parties are there to be professional and to do their job. The texting issue is highly inappropriate, and very immature, and ESPECIALLY if somebody is already in a realtionship. I wish we all could be professioanl, do our job, and use the work place as it is intended to be.