60 answers

Is She Hitting on My Husband???

My husband had a woman transfer into his department. At first, everything seemed fine. Then she started calling him in the mornings before he even had to be at work, usually about something that was unimportant and could have waited. My husband was running late one morning and she called him 3 minutes past 8 a.m. inquiring about where he was. She is not his boss but are equal in position. She took a photo of my husband using his cell phone and sent it without my husbands knowledge. She claims that she did not realize she took or sent the pict. This weekend she sent a text message not once but twice regarding something that did not even pertain directly to their job. My husband is a little freaked out. I think she is trying to find out if my husband is interested in her as more than co-workers. What do you all think?

****UPDATE*** He sent an email this morning to entire dept. asking that he not be contacted after hours for it interferes with his family time. Let's see what happens!

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What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

She still calls but during work hours and according to my husband all are work related.
But things between he and I have become very strained. I do not know why and he is not telling. Thank you everyone. I really appreciate all your input.

Featured Answers

seems to me she is interested in him.. He needs to go to their superior and report it. Also, he needs to document all contact she makes. There is such a thing a harassment, sexual or other wise.

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I would have him file an anonymous claim with the HR dept.

And her actions are WAY BEYOND a work ethic. Either she's interested or crazy.

Good Luck

1 mom found this helpful

Wow! That IS freaky! :(
I would tell him to not communicate with her outside of work. It's really not necessary and if there is an emergency, to email him or something.

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More Answers

If the email does not work then you will just need to address her directly, in person! Not over email, or phone but in person. She's not afraid to step in your family's personal space, then you should not be afraid to step into hers and tell her to back off.

i think having your husband address her at work will hurt more than it helps. Besides, women are manipulative and have office protocol on their side (sexual harrassment).

Unfortunately you will never have the whole story unless you are present to witness the actual events, (i.e. her having access to his cellphone). She should not feel comfortable being able to casually pickup the phone and call your husband and you need to make sure of that.

i hate to say it, but chances are they are already closer than you know if this type of behavior is going on. He may think it's innocent all the while just blabbing away, not realizing he's giving away vital details that could be used against him for manipulation of him.

Tell him to definitely KEEP HIS DISTANCE! If she wanders outside of the office again with her contact, then you are fully justified in putting her back in her work place!!

3 moms found this helpful

that is a thin line she is walking and it sounds like on the edge of sexual harassement to me. These phone calls is how stuff gets started, trust your husband, I am sure he feels very caught in the middle because he needs his job, but he wants to please you and yet he doesn't want to make any waves at work , yet he doesn't want her calling and texting him either. your husband needs to tell her nicely " I am happily married, I love my wife and my family is my priority, we have a strictly business relationship." I know that jobs are hard to come by these days but this could turn into something very unwanted if he doesn't put a stop to it now. I am praying for you and your husband. God bless.

2 moms found this helpful

I think she may be hitting on him also. He should speak up now that he values his time outside the office. Also, if both your husband and you feel she is overstepping, why not have him hand you his cell next time she calls. Just be very civil and confident. I would say that my husband in the middle of something and he would like to know the nature of the call. Ask if this call can simply be handled tomorrow at the office. Hopefully this will send a message to her that you are quite involved in his life. If I were in the situation, it would be very difficult to take the back seat for too long. Good luck.

2 moms found this helpful

Regardless if she is hitting on him or not, SHE IS OVERSTEPPING HER BOUNDARIES!!!

This needs to be stopped IMEDIATELY!! Tell your husband that he needs to talk to her (ALONG WITH THEIR SUPERVISOR, NOT ALONE) and get all of this out in the open ASAP. If he tries to handle it by himself, she might turn it around to a sexual harrassment suit and you DO NOT want that.

ESPECIALLY if they are EQUALS, this really needs to go up one step higher and get handled right away. NO, dont WAIT A WEEK, call him and take care of it TODAY!!! TELL HIM, he really needs to Cover His @$$ (CYA) If she is "stalking him" or trying to figure out a relationship with him (obviously knowing he is married) she will fight back and can turn this around very easy. Please don't let her do this. Remember, he needs to talk to her WITH A SUPERVISOR, NOT ALONE!!!

Good luck

PS, I used to work for the Federal Goverment and have seen stuff like this for years. It can sooooooo easily get turned around if this gal means business. Watch his back!

2 moms found this helpful

I agree. This is inapropriat at the least. He needs to report her to protect himself. It would be very easy for her to turn this around on him.

2 moms found this helpful

It sounds like this woman does have an unnatural interest in your husband. He should do as Joseph (in the book of Genesis)did when Potipher's wife was after him RUN! He should transfer out of the department, or if she's sexually harassing him, report her. At any cost he should stay clear of her. Read what Proverbs says about an adulterous woman and the snares she causes to a man.

A good book for you and your husband is: "His Needs, Her Needs Building an Affair Proof Marriage" by Willard F. Harely,Jr. Any married couple should read it. One of the best take aways for me in the book was the love/emotional bank illustration. The wife could be a beautiful, sweet, attentive woman who makes daily deposits into her husband's love (emotional) bank...but suppose she's also often tired taking care of the kids, etc. Then along comes Ms Co-worker who is always complimenting and building up this woman's husband. This woman seems to understand him and she's such a good listener. Her deposits into his emotional love bank are growing faster than his wife's. They decide to go to an innocent lunch. Then the meetings get more frequent...and you know the rest of the story. He may love his wife and at the same time have a long term affair with this woman.

You are wise to be alert. It doesn't mean you distrust your husband. Just as you would be aware of the friends your children keep, you should pay attention to who is in the company of your husband.

2 moms found this helpful

I personally think she IS hitting on your husband. Just see what happens. Make sure she knows that he's married. Start setting pictures of you and your child on his work desk to see if she notices.

2 moms found this helpful

i think she's totally crossing the line! this happened to me a few years ago too...it really put a lot of stress on my marriage b/c i was always questioning the situation, and hoping that it was all her doing and not my husband sending the wrong signals. he needs to step up and let her know that you don't appreciate him having contact w/ female coworkers after work hours. if she's a normal person, she should immediately get it, and even feel embarassed that she caused this stress in your marriage. good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

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