Is Pre-school Really Necessary?

I personally think pre-school is great, but not necessary. My daughter loved it but I probably wouldnt have forced her to go if she hated it.
My friends son refused to go after awhile, so she let him quit. He did perfectly fine with a great attitude when he went into Kindergarten and he still loves it.

I do not believe so. Yes they get social skills, but he will be in Kindergarten in a year. My generation did not have preschool and we ended up fine. My daughter had a nanny and did preschool in the morning at age 3 -5. It mostly helped me with play dates so I could get some sane time with adults. She only bonded with one child and after preschool, we never saw them again. She loves her friends from kindergarten (now in 3rd), but I do not think the preschool made a difference. Her best friends are from down he street from where we live. My son went into a full time preschool at 3 because my nanny quit, and he is not great socially (he does not like to lose). The issues were not in preschool, but are here now in 1st grade, so he did not necessarily benefit from preschool.

I would say, do what is best for you. And if he does not like it, and you are ok with keeping him with you, then do that.

I have 4 kids, and none of them attended preschool. When they were younger, they would occasionally gripe, "Why does everybody else get to go and we don't?" I never saw the need.

They all started kindergarten ahead of their peers in most areas, and have been in Advanced Placement programs for the rest of their school years. My two oldest graduated from high school with honors, both got into their 1st choice college, and graduated there with honors as well. The younger 2 are still in school, and they're both doing work several grade levels above their age.

One size does not fit all. Kids don't need preschool to be successful in school or in life.

Nope NOT neccessary at all. None of my 3 kids went to pre-school. We couldn't afford it AND I didn't want to send them. I figured I had 5 years for them to be MINE and only mine and I was going to take advantage of that 5 years.

All 3 are academically ahead of their peers and had no problems socially when they started school.

Preschool is not necessary from an academic stand point - as a SAHM, you could easily teach these skills at home - I did with my oldest.
BUT, it sounds like your little guy really needs PreK for the social and routine experiences. Personally, I don't let my kids say "stupid" or "dumb" and especially not when referring to school and classmates. I would tell my little guy to change his attitude or face some punishment. I would say that there was lots of fun things that is happening is his day, but his poor attitude is preventing him from fully enjoying it! You said that he has improved, so I would absolutly continue with PreK. And I would set up some punishments for any bad drop off behavior or negative talk at pick up time. This attitude needs to be addressed asap or it could effect his entire school life and his future work career.

I also have to add, after re-reading your question - If his older brother is making fun of him for singing songs or doing things that are actually age appropriate for a 4 yr old, then THAT family dynamic is what needs to be addressed. Of course if your younger one is treated like that, then he will then in turn treat others like that. If he is made to feel "stupid" and beneath the older brother then he will want to put himself above something else, which in this case turns into complaining about PreK.
But I also agree that he needs to be with other kids his age - not 2yr olds.

I'll chime in here:

I am a preschool teacher. In my opinion, the biggest reason for having a child enrolled is so that they can learn how to move through the day in a group and so that they can learn how to do the work of taking turns and problem-solving with other children, with adult coaching.

My four year old son is in another preschool, and precisely for this reason.

From the program you have described, I think your son isn't getting enough in the way of peers his age. Children at this age tend to start playing in groups of 3 or 4, and he doesn't have the numbers of peers to play with in this way. So, he might be getting bored. Especially if the curriculum is also appropriate for two and three year olds. He's there to learn the social piece of school (which is what his kindergarten teacher will want to see) and might not be getting enough peer socialization of the same age. And yes, you can teach all the pre-K self help/skills on your own.

If it were me, I'd look for a new program for September; one which focuses on his having a larger group of peers his age--4s and 5s. And please don't worry about the upset at drop off occuring in 4th grade or middle school-- kindergarten can be tough, but kids do come into their own about what is socially acceptable at drop-offs by the time they hit first grade. They become more aware of the perceptions of other children, so he *will* more than likely get it together.

Also, I've learned with my son *not* to ask him how his day at school is. He has discovered that having a 'not good' answer gets a lot of attention and questions from the concerned and caring adult,and boy, can we get sucked in! Now I ask him *who* he played with, or *what* he played with. This invites him to give me the facts, without his judgement or reinterpretation of them. (and fours can be dramatic) This has seemed to produce more positive retellings of his time away from me.

And kudos for not sweating the academics! I know so many parents who fret on that one. I try to tell them that it all comes together so easily in kindergarten, once we get the other foundations (social/self-help/self-care) skills down pat!

I would be concerned with the negative attitude....does his older sibling actively dislike school and he is copying him I wonder? I wouldn't take him out and here is why. If he realizes that his bad mouthing school works and you take him out he will be so empowered when he goes to Kindergarten. You do not want him to think that all he has to do is to say it is stupid enough and you will pull him. That sets you up for a bad year let me tell you.

No, preschool is not necessary, but it can be beneficial. I find a preschool program with 2 and 3 year olds a little odd. There is a HUGE difference in those ages. It sounds more like a mother's day out or day care program. Have you considered looking into another program? One meant just for four and five year olds. It might meet his needs better and he may enjoy it more too. There are also programs that are shorter lengths of time (My son goes from 8:30-11 three days a week). Knowing he won't be gone long may help with the separation anxiety.

I realize this was 30+ yrs ago, and things are different now, but I went to preschool but my younger sister didn't. Not because anyone loved/hated it, but because English was not spoken in our home when I was young, but by the time my sister was old enough for preschool, I had already brought home the language. Anyway, my point is, my sister was valedictorian of her high school class, so I don't think it ruined her life to skip preschool.

I don't think it's NECESSARY, but I do think it is nice :) I have five children and all but one have gone to pre-school. I liked that they had "their" time and I could accomplish something uninterrupted. My son that did not go just didn't want to be without me. He played fine and social skills were strong when we had playdates and with neighborhood kids, he just didn't like that group setting - and I was ok with that. He played nicely on his own and wasn't clingy - he just liked knowing I was nearby. I think it depends on personality and your child's needs. And yours :)

If he's in a class with 2 yr olds, he's going to be miserable. Is this preschool or daycare? Honestly, there is a huge difference! My son is currenlty in daycare (not quite 3), but will be transitioning to a preschool program in the fall. The preschool program is divided by age and he will be with 3 and 4 yr olds only. Younger than that is really daycare.

Candidly- he's with babies and his 4 yr old version of that is that the kids are "dumb". I would stick with preschool, but find one where he will be around children his age (if not slightly older).

Preschool isn't necessary, but it is very beneficial. You could certainly provide your child with plenty of enriching activities, but the bonus of preschool really surrounds learning how to learn in a group setting which simply isn't going to happen 1:1 with you!

I would look into different programs b/c it doesn't sound like this one is a good match!

5hrs a weeks is not enough to me ... maybe it was supposed to be 5hrs a day? If it is not a daily couple of hours thing then it is pointless. It sounds like he is not in Pre-K but in a mom's day out type thing where you drop him off for an hour a day or for 5hrs for one day or 2.5 two days .. no matter the combo of days/hours it is just plain not enough and not consistant enough. Plus, Pre-K is 4/5 (depending on birth) y/o ONLY. So, from the info you gave go to the School Dist. and enroll him in the Pre-K there, I think you and he will find what you are looking for.

It's not necessary at all for him. Yes, he would probably know all the necessary preliminaries by that time.

However, it's necessary for you. Your 4 year old can certainly be without mom for 5 hours a week.

As he matures, and goes to a different school, he might like it just fine. You'll have to wait and see. Right now, he's still at an age where they often prefer to be with mom. But that will change soon.

Keep your five hours.

Honestly, I think preschool is a great thing for kids. You obviously just haven't found a good fit for your son. First off, I think you need to find a preschool where he would be with other kids that are 4 years old. Around here, they would never allow a 2 year old and a 4 year old in the same class. Preschool is to be with kids your own age.

Second of all, and most importantly, you need to find out why he has such a bad attitude about preschool! There are days my son doesn't want to go, but he always has a good time, and truly enjoys school! Again, if you think it is the school, then you need to switch. At this age, school should be fun and enjoyable!

Third, I have many friends who teach/have taught kindergarten. They say that they can always tell the kids who have had a good preschool experience versus the kids who didn't. Those kids get "basic" school procedure and rules, and have an edge on the kids that didn't go. I think you just need to find a school that fits your son better so that he still has the benefits of preschool when you send him to kindergarten.

P.S. Why isn't he going until 2013? My son is also 4, and we are waiting to send him until he will have just turned 6, but that's because he is an August baby. He will still be starting in 2012 though...just something to think about, because if you think he is too mature/bored now, it's not going to get any better by you holding him back...

Definitely NOT necessary. I have my 4.5 year old daughter in 3 days a week for 2.5 hours per day. And while the facility is fantastic, the teachers are great and she likes it, I regret sending her. WHY? Because I feel like I'm paying $125 per month for her to learn a crappy, back-talking attitude. I feel like I could have waited another year till kindergarten and not *paid* for this attitude problem, you know? She's not learning anything I'm not teaching her at home, and is actually learning MORE with me!

My younger two will NOT be going.

It seems as if preschool is more and more important and is often actually expected of children in many parts of the country. I'm not sure why, because a lot of things should be learned at home, too.

You might talk to your son's teacher. Does his attitude during the school day match with the attitude he brings home? It could be that the "It was stupid" business is to impress you for some reason! Or does your son need more of a challenge at school? Or... is he echoing his older brother's attitude about preschool? If big brother talks as if prechool is babyish, that can sink into little brother's mind.

A lot of changes happen between preschool and middle school, so I don't think you need to worry about middle school yet! :^)

Just to chime in on the same age group issue people keep mentioning. DS (5) is in a Montessori which stress a mixed age classroom (his classmates range from 3-6). There is a lot to be gained from interacting with both older and younger children. And while preschool is not strictly necessary, it seems odd that your son is not enjoying it. It seems like all the kids at our preschool truly do love it.

I agree that preschool is not necessary, but also can be fun and helpful for the child. I also agree with those that suggested you find another preschool. I have a four-year-old in preschool right now. I am a SAHM and my older daughter is shy plus we have all-day kindergarten where I live. I was concerned about sending her to six hours of school cold turkey. I talked to other moms in my community and learned about a small Christian preschool that focused on treating each other kindly and did lots of field trips. It is a very caring environment where the teachers are actually allowed to hug the children. It took my daughter from September until January to finally open up with the teachers and start playing with the other kids. Now she tells me about her friends at preschool.
Long story short, I think it is important to do some research--other moms are great resources--and find something that suits you and your child. If you choose not to do preschool, maybe you can find another mom to take turns watching kids so that you can have that free time.

No, preschool is not necessary for all kids and you have to do what you think is best for your son; there are lots of alternatives where your son can learn the skills (particularly the socialization skills) that preschoolers learn. However, before pulling him out, talk with the teachers to get their opinions of how he is doing and how his attitude is. What kids tell mom & dad about their day can be completely different from the reality. Perhaps you need to rephrase your questions in such a way that he is forced to think about and answer in a positive way???

No it's not necessary for all children. I think it benefits the kids that have a hard time separating from parents, need social skill, those that have parents that don't teach them at home, getting used to listening to other adults, etc if your son is 4 right now why won't he go to kindergarten in 2012 when he turns 5? Having him wait until he is 6 in 2013 seems silly to me. It seems like he needs to work on his social skills if he is 4 and calling other children dumb. He needs to learn how to get along with others and learn everyone is different. My son is 4 and he goes to preschool wind knows that he doesn't have to be friends with everyone but he can't go around saying mean things about them. He has to respect everyone. Also who is to say that the attitude isn't stemming from the fact that hed rather be home with you and is trying to get you to give in and take him out of preschool by complaining about it enough of time, or maybe he'd to better with other 4 year olds. Our preschool is for kids age 3-5(by sept 1) no 2 year olds I don't think at 2 they have the attention for school which could also be part of why your son doesn't enjoy it. Is this real preschool or "school" at a daycare? That makes a difference too.

I think it is important. They learn to listen to another adult. to get along w/ people they don't really like. To sit still. But, I also think 1 yr of pre school is enough. My kids all loved preschool. So, it was an easy decision.

Going to kindergarten may be difficult for him if he doesn't go to preschool, but it is obviously something you need to weigh and decide. Based on the way he talks about school, it sounds like he is parroting his older sibling. I've never heard kids of the same age at this age talking that way about school. I could understand if he didn't like it, was scared or whatever, but boredom is something older kids say. If you could get the older sibling on board with supporting him, that could go a long way. This also seems like an opportunity where you can teach your son to find the positives in a situation. This is a low grade version of whining. If he feels this way about play based activities now, doing math and spelling lessons will be seriously difficult for him down the road. Best of luck!

Hi M.,

It sounds like you have a lot of things already thought out regarding pros and cons. Only you will know what is right for your son.

I too, was not sure I wanted my daughter to go to preschool, but it did turn out to be a positive experience. She was, however, in a class with kids her own age. Is there another school you can try out with kids that will be his same age?

For me, preschool was helpful in me deciding whether my daughter was ready for kindergarten, since she has a late birthday. It also helped with some socialization, since she is an only child.

All in all, just remember to trust your own instinct, and if something doesn't work out, you can always go back to your old school or decide not to send him at all. Also, if you had not already, you might consider speaking with your son's teacher or the preschool director, who should be able to give you some good ideas or thoughts on the matter.

Good luck with your little guy!

L.

I won't think it is a MUST. But, it may be a good "rehersal/test" for Kindergarten. I would be more concerned about the behavior. I got a feeling that your son actually doesn't like this pre-school. We have sent our son to preschool when he was a little over 2. There are other issues happening, like too long hours etc... but, eventually, we found one preschool that he really likes... and the problems seem all gone... so, check out his comment about the school. It may not be "going preschool" issue it may be just this is not a right preschool for him.

"pre-school" itself isn't necessary. I was not going to send mine but right after my oldest turned 4 she was begging to go. Her class was all 4 year olds. I would look into gettting him into some 4-year old only activities though. Just so he can hang with kids his own age.

All children are different, it may be that your son hates being left, not going to pre-school. I would not say it is necessary because my sons didn't go, but had no problems with kindergarten, however my daughter did go. There are benefits to pre school pr a daycare that has pre school acyivities, for the interaction with other children, but it's not a do or die thing. J.

My kids (3) never went to preschool and they're all in a grade above their peers. Try a class at Parks and Rec. for exposure to other kids his age (we did gymnastics). He'll learn to stay in line, take turns and be around kids his age.

Pre-K programs, Kindercare, and the like are grouped by age. Even on base the drop off daycare keeps the kids separated by age. So a two year child is not in the same class as a 4 or 5 year old.
Pre-K programs who serve to get the children ready for Kinder are only 4 year olds.
I would look into another facility.

And no, it is not necessary, but it does teach the children basic classroom manners, like raising hands, sitting quietly and taking turns. The pre-K programs now are more like our kindergartens in the 60's and early 70's.

Also many youngest are more worldly than our firstborns. Simple things like Star Wars at 3 for the fourth child is nothing, where it was just coming out in the theaters for number one when he was 8.
Older kids have a way of teaching their younger siblings that school is stupid and bringing other negative attitudes into the house, especially if they are unhappy with their own class.

I have been going through similar issues with my 4 yo son. The last few weeks he has been really upset about going to preschool and I have been conflicted about pulling him out. I don't want him to form a negative attitude about school and why waste the money if he is so unhappy. But I really want him to socialize with other children his age.

If you want your son to stay in preschool, I would switch him to one where all of the kids in his class were the same age. At the begining of the school year, my son (who was 3 at the time) still was having potty accidents, so they put him in the 2-3 year old class. When he switched to the 3-4 class, he was much happier.

Also, my son just turned four last week and should be starting kindergarten in 2012. If your son is already more mature than the other kids his age, he will be very bored and unhappy if he is the oldest in the class.

No. It is not necessary.
If you are concerned about socialization, your little one has plenty opportunities for it: in the park, gym, playdates, family reunions, neighbors with kids of the same age, music lessons, etc. What it is important is the opportunities and teachings about sharing, taking turns, using "magic words" (thank you, please, excuse me..etc.), and he can learn these things at home, at friends' house, neighbors etc. During daily routine, your kid will be able to learn how to behave and conduct himself with adults and children the same age or different age, if you just expose him to that. Repetition is important as teaching him to be independent (potty training, washing hands, blowing nose,tying shoes, carry a tray, help himself, etc)That means you need to take your time to teach him all these things but having fun and playing every day.
Going to kindergarten WILL NOT be difficult for him if he does not attend preschool. Not at all. Many people I know (even myself) never attended preschool before going to K, and they turn into a very "normal", smart, educated and social adults and behaved normally on Kindergarten years. It is your loving teaching, patience and time which will help your child to be successful in Kindergarten, elementary grades and secondary grades and superior studies or whatever academic system you choose for him.
Good luck!