Is My Son "Spirited"? and If He Is, What Now?

I think it's just the age. My daughter did the same thing. Sorry to say, but she's 19 months and it's only getting worse. She doesn't want to share you with your friends. He's starting to realize that he has choices and independence and he's testing it. You can't ALWAYS give in, so please don't stop socializing... you'll go crazy without adult interaction. He has to learn that it's okay to be angry and it's okay for mommy to have friends. The only suggestion I have is to make sure he gets Mommy and baby time...special time together. Good luck!

Give him time. He is a baby. Just keep what you are doing. I would definitely not stop socializing because he does not like it. I have said this
often, babies and little ones can be quite quirky! Then when you think you
have him all figured out, everything changes again. He does not sound
flexible at all. For me personally, I would work on that first. You do not want
him so regimented in a schedule or the way you do things, that he cannot
function if something is out of syc. Good luck.

He sounds typical to me.
Nothing unusual.
He is only 14 months old.

"Spirited" can mean many things. I'm wondering if he's a sensory processing disorder kid. You can talk to your pediatrican but he's probably too young for any type of evaluation.

T.,
Sounds all normal to me! : )

Look up separation anxiety - and check out Attachment Parenting international .org - they have a lot of ideas and good information for what to do at this stage.

wearing your baby is your best bet, especially if you are working.

Sadly it doesn't last forever. and when you wear your baby they become more independent - and faster.

pick fewer tasks to do with him in tow and more to do when he is asleep.

pick more tasks to dowith him that you can include him (simple dishwashing, fold laundry, etc) eventually he will HELP You!

lots more but email me,
M.

It could be that your child just has a challenging temperament (which I think is a part of what makes "spirited" kiddos spirited). Look up the "Temperament Tools" by Helen Neville. Your boy may be a "Tiganda Tiger" (slow to transition and intense) or a "Bear Cub Combo" (add active and curious to the former). Both these temperaments can include traits of persistence (aka stubbornness) and independence. These are really difficult temperaments to parent, but the book will give you some helpful hints and tools. However, at such a young age, it might be difficult to pinpoint.

There are also a ton of books about spirited kiddos (Kurcinka is the obvious author) and strong-willed kids. There is also a great book called "The Explosive Child" by Greene.

My 4.5 yo has definite (obvious) traits of a Tiganda Tiger with some possible "Bear Cub" traits. My 2 yo is less obvious at this point, but seems to be at the active/curious/challenging end of the scale as well. They are both independent cusses. I can't tell you how many times I've had my almost 2yo out and about and an older woman (always an older woman) will walk up to me and say something to the effect of "You've got an independent one there." The independence I can (mostly) deal with. The intensity and persistence, on the other hand, can really get to me.

Good luck. You're in for a wild ride.

He could be, but 14 mos is a little early to tell. It could just be that he's going through a phase of separation anxiety. For your sake, I hope that's all it is. Two of my three kids are "spirited". The oldest is 9. I started noticing that she seemed very intense, very willful, very EVERYTHING at about 15-18 months of age. I didn't know any different because she was my oldest, but by the time she was three, I knew I had my work cut out for me. She continues to be quite challenging and has only gotten more strong willed, defiant, and persistent every year. My middle child is a dream (thank goodness) because my 2 yr is the most intense of them all. At least now I have some experience with this, and I know what to do and not to do this time around!

If it does seem like he's going to be spirited, I highly recommend the book Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. This book was such a revelation to me. It helped me understand why my daughter is the way she is. I only wish I'd discovered it a lot sooner than I did. The thing we have struggled with the most is disciplining her. Spirited kids want to be in control all the time, and respond very poorly to authoritative directives, yelling, scolding etc...I was raised in a very authoritative household, as was my husband, so our instinct is to say something like "Go upstairs, put your pajamas on and brush your teeth". Sounds pretty simple, right? But things are never simple with spirited kids. They want to be in control, so if we want things to be peaceful, we have to say "Would you rather have your reading time first, or put your jammies on and brush your teeth first?" When we give her a choice, she's more apt to cooperate. We try to give her choices whenever it's possible and realistic. Some things are negotiable, others are not. You have to lay the ground rules down early for the non-negotiable things, then try to choose your battles on other things. Spirited toddlers need a lot of warning before a transition, and they need to know what to expect. I know my 2 yr old is spirited so I'm always trying to give him a lot of warning before we do anything. I'll say "after we eat, we're going to get dressed". Then, I remind him again when I'm wiping his hands, "now we're going to get dressed". I try not to let him see if I'm stressed because that really affects him. If he can tell I'm getting frustrated with my daughter, he'll actually come up and hit me. He behaves best when everyone is calm and using quiet voices. Yelling never works with spirited kids. It fuels their fire and they just yell back. I try to keep my tone very calm almost monotonous. When my 2 yr old is in the middle of a fit, I will pick him up and whisper very softly in his ear. It calms him down so fast because he wants to hear what I'm saying. I just tell him "it's ok, I know you're angry, I know you want ___ right now, I understand." Then I try to redirect him or get his attention on something else. Anyway, I've written a novel but this is what has helped me, and works for me. Best wishes!

He seems a bit spirited but not that unusual for his age. My 5 year old son is a lot like this in personality--he was a handful as a toddler (active and struggled with transitions) but it is getting better in a lot of ways (he is in K now and had a very nice conference with the teacher). Clingy is normal for that age. I wouldn't stop socializing but get him used to a few people who he can get to know at his own pace. Also either play with him and have the guest play too or explain he will have mommy time when the guest leaves. Active is hard in the winter since the best thing is letting him have plenty of active play. I bought a mini trampoline when my son was a toddler and we still use it especially when it is yucky weather. My son is still not great at transitions. Routine helps and giving a warning helps. I try to explain in ways a young kid can understand--3 times down the slide rather than 5 minutes for example. Sometimes he fights the transitions and I just push through because my son gets upset fast and then calms down pretty fast too (unless he is really worked up and in full tantrum mode). The running away when getting dressed is a common toddler game. My son hated the stroller once he could walk so I taught him the rules for walking with me. If he didn't follow them it was back in the stroller for a short while (it took until about 2 or 2.5 before we could leave the stroller behind most of the time). I also used a leash the same way. Sometimes you need to keep a toddler safe and contained whether or not they fight it. The other part that helped me was learning to not get upset by the tantrums or be embarrassed in public. I good book on managing toddlers will help you learn some tricks. I liked the Happiest Toddler on the Block but there are many good ones (try the library). Naming the child's feeling can help if you can do it before they are totally upset and no longer able to listen. I found that "terrible two" tantrums started about 15-18 months with my son and lasted past 3. My daughter is almost 3 and rarely has tantrums so personality of the child and your ability to manage the behavior both make a difference. So far toddlers have been the most work of any stage for me as a parent. But once you set up the rules and routines and teach them it gets better. By 2.5 or 3 I could see the discipline was sinking in and a lot of behavior could be headed off with a well timed reminder. Good luck.