Is My Son Depressed?

Hi T.

I think it is so important to talk to your son and if he will not talk to you or another parent have him talk to someone. If you are not close to him or if he is just not comfortable opening up to you start w/ the family DR or ped and then they can direct you to your next step. Your son may not know what his problem is, it may just be every thing. Teenagers have it rough, I would not want to be a teenager again. Raging hormones, peer pressure. It is a lot and if kids are not given the tools to deal with all of what goes along w/ being a teenager teenage years can be even harder.

I think aside from depression it is important to make sure he is not being bullied or being a bully. Go through his room, his computer, his book bag. He does not have to know, but just check up on him. I do it w/ my 17yr old son all time. I think he needs to talk to someone.

As I said my son is 17, he graduates this May. I spent 1st through 10th grade (his dad, and I) fighting w/ him to do his school work and get his grades up. We dreded every year, we would fight w/ him, bribe, threaten, we even had him tested for an LD (he tested above college level), and took him to see a counslor. My son has always been a good kid, never gets in trouble in school, runs w/ a good group of kids, no drinking, smoking or drugs. He has a smart mouth from time to time but really a great kid. He just never had any emotions, he did not really ever ask for things either. He would admire things like nice cars, but never asked for stuff. He even had a hard time at the super market asking for a cerial or soda. In fact as a little boy he would avoid situations or tasks that required asking for help, like pouring a drink from a full bottle. He would just grab a glass of water and go on. As the years went on, more so after he got into middle school, he had really bad grades. We would talk to teachers and they would say he is so smart, good, and has so much potential if he would just apply him self. And he always has tons of missing assigmens. Right before his JR year and 16th B-day I bribed him to do well by giving him my car, w/ paying for insurance and gas and he still did not do well. One time my dad asked him what his passion in life is, what gets him excited or motivates him and my sons answer was he did not know. So we tried every thing! His counslor felt he had a few issues to deal w/, but on the whole he is fine and well rounded. So in a last ditch effort to keep his father from sending him to miltary school or my son droping out of school his dad and I took him to the dr. a regular md.

One of my sons friends suggested he has ADD. There is no way he has the H part of that, he has no hyper in him at all. I looked up tons of stuff on ADD and most of the symtoms are one in the same as being a teenager. But we talked to the dr. about it, we filled out a form, 3 of his teachers filled out a form and the dr. felt because he was going into his JR year we had to act quick. So he put him on adderall. I was really worried. My son has had nothing but a's and b's since and a whole new out look, he is positive, upbeat, has energy, has lots of friends ( before he was kind of a loner). He has really changed since he has taken it. I took him off of it over the summer to give his body a rest and his dad and a family friend he works w/ begged me to put him back on it.

I have to say I would have never guessed ADD,I was never even a big believer in that kind of thing. After seeing how the adderall has helped him be successful in school, at home and in life I am thrilled we where able to get to an answer before it was to late. He knows what college he wants to go to, and what he wants to go for and has no problem asking for gas money and a new ring tones on his cell phone.

I would just say don't let it go as a phase or stage. Stay on it, check up on him what he is into and what he is doing, who his friends are. Just so that you can keep him safe until you figure out whats going on. Like I said you can do it w/o him knowing, you don't want to lose his trust. If he finds out you are checking up on him just remember it is better to have him mad you then not here because he was doing something dangerous or got so depressed he did somthing really bad. It is for his own good and safty. he may not like it (if he finds out) but it is our job as parents to protect our children.

The only time my son knew I went through his stuff was when I found something to ask him about. But I did always leave his room clean. I just told him his room is realy my room I just let him use it and when he has a room in a house he pays for I will not go through his stuff.

Anyway, I wish you all the best just stay on it, and keep an eye on him. I wish your son the best too. It is tough to be a teenager today.

Keep us posted on how things work out.

Stay well

T.

T.,

Our daughter is ADHD, OCD and allergic to the world. Before trying medication, have you thought about natural supplements and vitamins? I've found these to be more effective and give her a sense of well being. You took him off the meds for a reason when he was in 5th grade, what were those reasons?

Try natural first and see if there's an improvement.

____@____.com

I agree with Traci. Watch him around his friends.."secretly if possible". Talk to his friends' parents to see if their children act similar. Chances are... he may be being pressured to try drugs or something annd feels alone because he won't do it. Keep letting him know that no matter what it is.... you are always willing to talk to him about it. Let him know that by opening up and talking to you that you will be non-judging. I know my oldest son... 24 now.... wouldn't come to me until I assured him that if he needed to talk, I would Listen and not judge him for what he wanted to talk about. We got through things together.

Hope everything works out well.

I went through the same thing with my son for about 6 months before he had a mental breakdown. My son has been on ADHD medication since the fourth grade. He is now in the 7th and making good grades. He was also on the wrestling team until he let his grades fall and got into some trouble at school. I had to get counseling for my son and he still sees a counselor. There are times when he still acts as if he has no emotions. I wouldn't pass this off as a phase. That's what my son's Dr.'s did and he suffered for it. Ask your son if he would give counseling some thought. It just might make a difference. It has helped my son out a lot.

If school there is like ours here, they wont't let him participate anyway until he get's his grades up. Never fuss, sit him down and let him know you know he can do better, to try just a little harder so you'll get to watch him wrestle. The teacher is trouble enough, you have to also be reassuring. I wouldn't say he's depressed, just preoccupied

queen

It very well could be depression. I went all through school with anxiety/depression and at the time we didn't see it. Looking back now, wow I don't know how we didn't. I always wanted to be alone, had a harder time in school period. I would recommend seeing someone. I'm on medicine now and feel 110% better. It is very important that he talks to a professional about this before it gets too far into it, like I did. I hope this helps.
K.

From the information you gave, I'd say that yes, there probably is something wrong that you should seek help with....at least a school counserlor or something.

I don't have any kids that age, but I went through a time myself where I didn't care the slightest about school...or much of anything else for that matter, and it's not easily just "gotten over" on your own.

My husband and I are raising our nephew who was diagnosed with ADHD in second grade. At the time, he was living with his grandma, and she didn't like how the meds made him sleepy, and took him off. He did ok, until this year. His mom has had another child, and he's started getting into trouble, and his grades are dropping, not too bad, but enough for us to be worried. We think maybe with the new baby, he may be dealing with some depression. I have not been a big believer in the whole ADHD thing, chalking a lot of it up to our society, lack of parenting, and my nephew's particular situation, always with a mom who's never really been there, and dad is out of state. I have tried every non-medical, behavior modification method I could think of, and nothing has worked. We've done punishment, positive reinforcement, points systems, all with no luck. Nothing seems to motivate him.

Anyway, the symtoms you describe sound a lot like my nephew. Our next step is counseling, and maybe meds, we're not sure yet, but he definitley needs something that we haven't been able to provide. If you find something that works, I would sure appreciate hearing about it.
Thanks,
A.

I believe that children go through a phase and this may just be his. My daughter also was failing the 9th grade even though she was one of two students that passed the state test at school last year. so what I decided to do was allow her to fail and now being reclassified is driving her crazy because she can't get into the school that she wanted to go to until maybe next year. sometimes we have to just allow them to suffer the consequences of their actions and not feed into the madness.