Is My 3-Year-old Regressing, or Is It Something Else?

Sounds like you're handling it just fine and he'll grow out of it. Preschool will probably help too.

While I do think his behavior is probably changing due to changes that are taking place in preparation for the baby as well as just him getting older and wanting to test you, I also think that you and your husband are going through changes in preparation for the baby and although you may feel like you are behaving exactly the same with him as you always have there probably are subtle differences. You may not be as patient with him as you used to be. It's possible you are starting to be more strict knowing that you are going to have a baby in the house soon and need him to be more "under control". You also both might be more distracted by other things going on and are paying less attention to him. It might even be subconscious on the part of you and your husband but I do think we all do it. I also don't think it's necessarily a bad thing! There is going to be a baby in the house that is going to take the focus off of your son, this is great preparation for him.

Good luck,
K.

It's very common for the older child to regress and also to become extra needy at the end of a pregnancy and also when the newborn arrives. Somehow they sense that their world is changing and their time with mommy (and daddy) will need to be shared.

My favorite book is "Siblings without Rivalry". It's an easy read with lots of good information. Another good one is "Mom! Jason's breathing on me!"

As far as your day to day concerns, three's can be very "weird" to an adult but they are going through normal development phases. Mysterious, unenjoyable, yet common. I would suggest thinking about things from your son's eyes and it may help you with some new ideas or insights.

For example, with the cookie - imagine a most wonderful food right in front of you. You love everything about it, the smell, the look, the anticipated taste. Your excitement about eating it is barely containable. Then someone says "no. Don't eat it." You feel deflated. Your're told when you can eat it. And really look forward to that. But then that changes. And changes. And changes again. You're really confused. Then you're DENIED what's consumed your thoughts for HOURS!! Talk about disappointment!!!

I would see the lying only as an attempt to give you what you are asking for. At three, it's not a deliberate lie in the sense that we lie. Yes, tell him that it's not the truth and that you see his food not eaten, but don't think that your son is turning into a habitual liar. Not believing the lie and pointing out that it wasn't the truth takes care of that. (I know from experience this works.)

A good, but long book (and audiobook) is Nuture Shock - which is where I got the info to respond to the two paragraphs above. My local library had it.

Give your son lots of love and work on learning how to look at things from a different angle so that you're not constantly at odds with him. It really can be done. You can email me for more information, start reading the books above, add Playful Parenting and possibly Kid's are Worth It to the list and you're off to a great start. Also the yahoo group positiveparenting-discipline is great for this type of advice.

Hang in there! It's not an easy spot, but it does pass eventually.

It is probably the pregnancy. They will keep testingyou and testing you. My now three year old is a new big brother and although he is really good, we have days like this. I did learn that when he does act this way he really does need a nap, so when he doesn't stop with the crying and whining he goes up to his room. If it is around naptime, he usually just falls asleep. Make sure he is getting enough sleep. Also, sometimes he pretends he is the baby. Making baby sounds, etc. Sometimes we do pretend. And then other times I say, it's time to act like a big boy now. Also, when he asks for a cookie, don't automatically say no, you can say, sure you can have a cookie after you eat some dinner. Dinner and food is a control thing. The more you force the more they won't eat. So try not to make food a big deal. Just say, you can have a cookie or whatever after you eat. Sure the cookies are for you but they are hot and after you eat they will be cool enough to eat. If he is still giving you a hard time it may be time to put him in a time out in his room. This works much better then a timeout next to you or near you where he can still get the attention that he is looking for. As for potty training, this is another control issue. I wouldn't make too big deal of it, but when he goes potty, just say, next time peepee in the potty, you don't want to be all wet and cold do you? and don't ask him do you need to peepee, just say, it's time to try peepee on the potty or let's pretend to go peepee. My son doesn't always like to go potty, so I just say, let's pretend and he ends up going pee. Keep up with the discipline. It is the hardest part of being a parent. and the most exhausting part. Tell him what a good boy he is and praise him when he does well at something. Also, tell him if he keeps begging or whining your answer is going to be no, so stop begging. Best of luck to you!

I do not see regression in your post, just a child pushing boundaries, growing and reaching to learn about their world.
My pedi told me that as kids realize that they are their own person and not an extension of you, they push harder on you.
They are also expanding vocabulary and trying to sort out their world and where things go. As exhausting as it is the cookie baking process (or any other such similar conversation) they ask over and over to make sure they get the same answer and that there are no exceptions to the rule.
It is a variation on the "why" question.
Yes, pre school will help a lot!

Search your gut here. What do you think? What is his functioning level?

If he is functioning at a two year old level, from his stand point, he was promised a cookie. A two year old is in the here and now. You can't promise a two year old a cookie later, and you are much better off not telling a two year old about the cookie until it is time for the cookie. Between two and three, kids do best when you tell them what you want them to do, instead of what you want them to stop doing, so you might try this technique for the things you tell him "not to do." It may produce better results. Are the messes he makes "sensory?" Does he dump out lotions, soaps, water, and other things he can feel? That may be a clue not to ignore.

Developmental delays do cause children to behave and function at a lower age level, not in all things, but in many things. I am most concerned by some of the words you are using, because they say a lot about how you have sized up your situation. Regression, and obsession are the two that concern me. Did he have skills that he lost? If so, consult a professional as soon as possible, that is nothing to mess around with.

Obssession is a frequent compenent of developmental delays, and that he cannot let go of things would be something I would watch. Not feeling the physical signs of a full bladder (not being bothered by that feeling) could be a sensory issue, and I would not ignore that. An over all missery and whining-crying about everything (not being able to express and communicate what he is feeling) is another issue you may want to expolore. Easy frustration is a tough one, kids are naturally frustrated easily, you have to be the judge of whether is is a problem beyond typical.

Since you are so consistent, and his behavior is not improving, I would question his ablity to adapt, which could be a sign that he is having atypcial developmental issues, and you might get some peace of mind with an evaluation from a developmental Pediatrican (found at children's hospitals) and at least you can quit wondering.

M.