2 Questions: Discipline and Another Potty Training Question....

Hi T.,

I've been dealing with my three year old whinning lately too. We've taken the "I don't understand what you're saying" approach. While it doesn't always work, its one of our only options while on a road trip. Some times I'll try and make it into a humorous thing and say to my husband, "Gee, I think Zoe's voice has gone out of range, I can't understand what she's saying." And then when she starts to talk normal, "Hey, honey, I think she's coming back into range, I can understand her now."

With the potty training I think you just need to be patient and stay proactive on the asking and getting her into the bathroom. Eventually she'll recognize the urge and want to get there on her own. My daughter did very well with the incentive of a M&M if she went on the potty when she was first training. Once she got the hang of it, we had a "Bye, Bye M&Ms" party where she got a whole bunch with ice cream. After that she was fine with going without getting a treat.

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You mentioned that the whining was worse in the morning. I was experiencing the same thing. My daughter was out of control and irritable in the mornings. I suspected it was the sugar in the "normal" breakfast foods that she was eating. I switched to eggs, plain yogurt, etc and was amazed by the change in her temperment. Hope this helps!

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Regarding the whining: if they whine to get what they want, just say "You need to ask nicely, I can't help you when you whine like that." And you could even say "Can you say 'Can I please have some milk, Mom?'" and when they ask nicely, THEN give them the milk. If they whine, don't respond. Just say you don't respond to whining. The only way they will continue whining is if it works. So don't let it work! Good luck! :)

I do two things when it comes to whining. Sometimes I'll say to my son, Mama doesn't like to hear your whining. You need to talk in a normal voice. You just tell mama when you are done whining. And I'll ignore him for a little bit. And if he's still going at it, I'll ask him are you done yet? And ignore him some more. And then usually after I ask him the second time he'll be done whining. Ignoring them drives them nuts. Because they want that attention even if it's negative attention. Other times I'll keep repeating to him over and over that you need to stop whining, talk in your normal voice like mama is doing right now, you need to say (for example) juice please. So this teaches them to not whine and always use their normal voice.

Potty training, some kids get it really quick and others take a while. If you just started then that's completely normal for them not to tell you every time. When I started I took him every 30 minutes. Then I did come up with a schedule on when to take him. I would get her into underwear ASAP! Probably not this week, or a month from now, but like after she's been working at it for a few months. The underwear helps A LOT because they can feel that the underwear is wet. Where with a diaper or pull-up the pee just gets soaked up right away and it doesn't bother them. Good luck!

Hi T.!
I have had to do the whining thing four times, it gets easier with time, I would tell my children that I wasn't going to talk to them or answer them until they stopped whining at me. It worked out pretty well.
As for the potty training, it could very well be that she may be too busy to notice that she has to go until you mention it to her. I know it sounds strange, but it's true, I do it all the time. LOL Keep reminding her that she needs to tell you when she needs to go. She'll catch on eventually. Don't get frustrated, she'll catch on before too long.
Now if I could just get my 11 yr old daughter to get a move on in the morning without me having to remind her to brush her hair and teeth I'll be happy. Reminding your children to do stuff continues on through out their lives.

My son doesn't exactly whine, but he does do the fake cry thing when he doesn't get what he wants (I know all you moms know EXACTLY what I'm talking about, lol).
We have a time out spot, it's our little front vestibule, and he has to sit there until he's done with the fake cry. It hardly ever takes more than a minute, and I'd guess it's usually about 30 seconds and he's done. Apparently being able to run around is more fun than fake crying. :)
Good luck with the potty training. We aren't quite there yet, but I'm not looking forward to it.

Whining is a normal stage that lasts for almost a year - or can last longer. Stopping it is not really an option and punishing for it doesn't work.

Your children need to learn to use their words and asking for words in place of whining will help: "I can't hear what you are asking me... do you have words? Do you need something? What is it?"

YOUR communication informs their need to whine. The more you talk and ask for good communication the easier it will be for them to learn it.

It sounds like you have very high expectations of your two year olds around communication T. (note that you want your daughter to tell you when she needs to pee).

Keep in mind that they are two - not four or five. Communication is what they are learning at this stage - so you need to ask for good communication. You won't be able to force it, so canceling your expectations and being patient while they grow will help.

As far as the whining, I've told my children, "I can't understand you when you whine. You need to use a big boy/girl voice." Then, I ignore their whining until they talk nicely. Though, I have found that whining is pretty normal for a small child and you have to constantly remind them that you won't give in to whining.
Potty training is very difficult at first. It took FOREVER for my son to finally tell us when he had to go to the bathroom. I got into the habit of setting a timer for every 30 minutes, and later 60 minutes, and taking him to the bathroom each time the timer went off. It was long and sometimes discouraging but, it only took him about a month or so before he was going on his own. That sensation of "I need to go potty" is not really natural to a little child. Good luck! It's such a blessing when they are finally potty trained!

Can't help much with the potty training as i still have to remind my 3 yr old boy to go too! But with the whining, i used to tell them i couldn't hear them when they talked to me in a whiny voice, they needed to use their big boy (girl) voices and they would have to repeat what they said in a non-whiny voice before i would respond and that seemed to work well as long as i was consistent with it. Someone else gave me that advice and i'll pass it on in the hopes that it'll help you too!

Hi T. -
I got this info from a class I took from Love & Logic. (www.loveandlogic.com) If they are whining, tell them "uh, oh, your whining is hassling my ears" and bring them to their room. Tell them "you can come out whcn you are done" If they come back out, and are still whining, repeat. If you keep consistant at this, they will go to thcir room as soon as they hear "uh, oh"
-D.

If they really are only two (not 2 1/2 or almost 3), then the fact that she doesn't initiate potty training on her own is completely normal. Actually, the fact that she goes at all is very impressive. Kids at this age don't remember half the time that they need to use the toilet, especially when for their entire lives, they have never thought about it before. Keep reminding her, and eventually she will just start to go on her own.

I can't help you with the whining, we are still dealing with that ourselves. My daughter was so easy to potty train, but my son was not. Eventually I started putting him to the bathroom every 30-45 min. Even if he didn't go he got the feeling and usually one of those times he would go. It took two weeks to be done, but by the end of the first week he started to realize the feeling.

Hi, T.! Isn't this just the age for whining?! We deal with that on a regular basis. Our youngest is almost 2, and can be sooo whiny! We do some of the things mentioned here--I can't understand, use your words, ignoring. Sometimes it continues to drone on, though. Or he sometimes gets really mad when we ignore him. We also use another Love and Logic idea. Instead of doing time-out, we remove him from the situation and put him in his room. We simply tell him he can come out whenever he's done fussing (throwing a tantrum, etc.). I was pretty skeptical of this one. I mean he's not quite two yet! But it has actually worked! So, just another idea. :)

As far as the potty training, the girls are still young! I think that if you want them to use the potty you will have to be responsible for keeping your daughter on a potty schedule. As she gets older she'll have a better understanding and be able to recognize when she needs to go. I had tried to p/t my oldest when he was 2.5yrs and it did not go well at all! Talk about stressful!. But 3-4mos later, all on his own, he started using the potty and telling us when he needed to go. From day one he had no accidents! After that, I've been all about letting the kiddos take the lead. :)

Good luck!

T., when your daughters start whining, tell them ONCE that you will not listen to, or speak to them, until they use "normal" voices and stop whining. If they keep whining, don't listen to them, or respond to their requests. If you can do so, walk out of the room.

On the potty training, she's just starting, so it's still your job to help her figure out when she has to go. She's still learning what it "feels" like to have to go to the bathroom. If it's hard for you to remember, set a timer or an alarm clock. And count your blessings--she's willingly going to the bathroom when you remind her!!

My daughter is 2 and loves to whin (and it happens more so if daddy is working long hours or traveling for work). My hubby is traveling right now so I am dealing with a lot of whinning.

What I do is sit her in her time out spot/rug and tell her that once she is done whinning, crying, screaming whatever then she may get up. I also let her stand there if she does not want to sit. If she leaves that small rug still whinning etc I tell her she has to go back to her rug. She usually is done in a minute or less, at first she was there for 5-10 mins but realized that I will not listen or tolerate the whinning etc.

We have been doing this for 4 months now and most times when she starts misbehaving I tell her to go to her rug and she does it with out me putting her there. I always get down on her level and tell her why she is in time out.

I have no suggestions with the potty training... it sounds like if you have to remind your daughter to go she is not ready yet. I tried potty training last week and this week but my daughter is not ready so I am going to wait a few month before trying again.

Hi T.,

About the whining...the rug suggestion was very good. I have a special place they have to sit until they quit whining, too.

Potty training...it is not unusual that you have to suggest going potty at first. I'm sure that you are already doing this, but be sure to tell her, every time that she has an accident, that she needs to tell Mommy that she needs to go potty. Is there a reason you are only training one of your daughters? I always found that it helped when you had more than one you were training....it was like they fed off of each other....like I can do it if you can, sort of thing.

C.