Intimacy Issues?

Updated on February 28, 2008
L.A. asks from Nashville, TN
10 answers

How embarrassing, but is it just me or are there others? Ever since i found out i was pregnant i haven't wanted to you know get intimate with my husband. I feel very bad for him even though he is very understanding. It's been seven months and i still have the same problem. The doctor tells me that having sex while pregnant is very good for the baby and even helps induce the pregnancy, but no matter how much i try to want to i just don't. I really do feel bad for my husband because i love him to death and love cuddling with him and everything, but sometimes i think something is wrong with me because my friends tell me they wanted to more when they were pregnant and I'm the opposite! Maybe i shouldn't be putting this out there but oh well, I'm sure it wont hurt to hear peoples opinions.

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So What Happened?

Thanks to all of your responses, they really made me feel alot better! I'm glad im not alone!

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A.M.

answers from Raleigh on

I was not interested while I was pregnant either. It depends on the woman. It sounds like you have a great husband so maybe you should just give it up once and awhile. Thats what I did.

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V.C.

answers from Louisville on

Sweetie, I totally understand, but beware, you need to be there for him if not someone else will.... I am not assuming anything, I just want you to be aware, he will grow tired of taking care of himself... You can just get into the most comfortable position you can with being PG and be there for him.
It is vital, you may not realize it but once the baby is here and you are tired... etc...you will expect him to be understanding. He doesn't want to be 'selfish' by coming to you after all you are PG... right. BUT you are being selfish if you are not putting his needs above yours.
Life will get much busier and you will be more tired for a long time after the baby arrives but you still need to make time for him, don't assume just because you don't want it, he doesn't. Men associate sex with Love. They are wired completely different than us ladies.

Don't deny him, it might be quick anyway and be over with before you can blink. ;)

((hugs))
This is not meant to offend you, it just coming from an woman who has learned a lot over the years... trust me.

I know you will do what is best for you and your family.

1 mom found this helpful
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M.C.

answers from Fayetteville on

It happens. With my first pregnancy my drive was through the roof. The hubby could not keep up with me. The second pregnancy I wanted nothing to do with him. lol. It's sounds mean but that was how I felt.

I hear it's normal for this to happen. If everything is fine between you and your husband then I would say that it's the hormones. My husband was understanding as much as he possibly could be but I knew at times I should give him that kind of affection. It was hard but I knew that he was feeling rejected. He was kind and told me it was okay but he later told me it really tore him up inside (after the pregnancy). He knew it was difficult for me and he wanted to be there for me how I wanted him to be there but he said it was difficult. I talked to my doctor too and she told me to focus on the intimacy that we shared before I felt that way. I knew a big part had to do with my body changing, being huge and not feeling sexy. She told me not to think about those things and to try focus on my letting my husband love me at those moments. My husband on the other hand thought I was still a knock-out and always told me I was beautiful. If anything keep that open communication with your husband. I sure hope you feel better about this soon. Your not alone, everyones story may differ but I hope you can take something from each and feel better.

1 mom found this helpful
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D.W.

answers from Jackson on

I didnt want to do it either. I felt bad for my husband but I felt worse for me if he even thought about touching me. There are other things to do besides the actual act of sex. You can just help him do his business and he will just have to learn its that or nothing. Is your husband demanding of you? You might try to ask him to help out more with housework. Or take a break the both of you in the bathtub. After all, Nothing is sexier than a man busting some suds or vacuuming...lol--
everyone told me pregnancy brings about amazing sex dreams or nightmares. I was lucky to sleep most of the time. I think everyone is different.

Good Luck!

D.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.S.

answers from Chattanooga on

Hi L.

don't feel embarrassed. I know with my first pregnancy I wanted sex all the time, with my second pregnancy I hated even the thought of it! I would have been fine if my husband had stayed 10 feet away from me the whole 9 months :)
We just talked about it and come up with a compromise of what would work for us. We negotiated how often we would have sex and what we would do...sounds funny but it is what got me through that pregnancy. My husband was very understanding, but a little frustrated since I wanted sex all the time with my first pregnancy.
Good Luck to you.
J.

1 mom found this helpful
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K.S.

answers from Nashville on

LOL. I love your post. I am 14 weeks pregnant with #3 and going through the same thing! I almost force myself to do it just cause I feel so bad. lol But the good thing is usually once we get started it's great. My doctor said some woman have super high sex drives while pregnant and others have lower ones. Yours must be low right now but should be back to normal after you have the baby and your hormone levels even out. Good luck with your baby and your not alone. :)

1 mom found this helpful
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M.E.

answers from Lexington on

girl, i know exactly what are going through. with my 1st pregnancy, i had such awful morning sickness, sex was the last thing i wanted. once the morning sickness was over, i started having bleeding probplems and other complications, so we were jsut scared to have sex and my ob advised against it any way. then after i had the baby, i was nursing and exhausted from being a new mommy so i still didn't want it. it took almost a year after the birth of my 1st child for us to regain some since of a normal sex life. maybe once a week. of coarse by general standards, once a week is pretty good, but my hubby still has the labido of a 17 yr old, so he wants it every night and gets frustrated because most of the time i'd just rather go to sleep, or if i actually want to he's on the computer and by the time he gets off, i've lost interest. well i got pregnant again, and things were going fine, we had sex one night and then found out like a day later i lost the baby. well my hubby blamed himself and said if we hadn't had sex, it would have happened...which is not true. well i got pregnant again about a month later and so far things are going good. but with my hormones, working, taking care of my 22 month old, having had the flu and still recovering from the cough, i jsut haven't wanted it...again. we went about 3 months with out then had it a few good times, and now it is going on a month again. it has nothing to do with my hubby, my love or attraction for him...it's jsut me. i just don't want to. if i break down and give in, i enjoy it once we've started, i just couldn't care less if we even got started. i just try to reassure my hubby that i still love him as much as ever and that things will get better...eventually. i try to also be intimate in other ways, cuddling, kissing, massages, a warm shower or bath together. and sometimes, just to be a good wife, i just give in and do it, to make him happy...at least for a few days...lol.

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C.

answers from Charlotte on

It may have something to do with the fact that you are carrying a baby girl. The baby's horomones do affect you. When a woman is carrying a boy, her testostrone levels actually raise too. This is why you hear of women who have a high sex drive during pregnancy having boys. This isn't always true b/c the pregnancy itself can raise and lower different horomone levels. However, I would bet in your case, your estrogen levels are higher, lowering your sex drive.

1 mom found this helpful
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B.A.

answers from Raleigh on

I have three children, and in all three pregnancies I had no desire for sex! YOU are not alone!!!
My sister wanted sex more when she was pregnant, so I thought something was wrong with me! To me it was a "chore", or unwanted obligation that I had to do for my husband! After the baby is born you will probably not get back the sexual desire for at least six months! Every women is different! Your hormones are focused on nurturing the baby, and not getting pregnant! You are going trough the natural cycles! Don't worry you are right on track!
After the baby is born try using sexual enhancements! ( If your not going to breast-feed)!

1 mom found this helpful
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A.W.

answers from Memphis on

You are not alone. I felt this way as well. I was way too large and my hormones were completely in charge of my body...and intimacy.

Hang in there, girl. Your mojo will come back!

1 mom found this helpful
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