Insomniac Teenage Daughter

Updated on October 22, 2006
R.N. asks from Duluth, MN
7 answers

Insomnia does run in our family. I take a natural herb called 5-htp for my insomnia problems but my daughter refuses to take anything for hers. She won't take prescription medicines either. I bought her sleepy time teas but they aren't working. I home school her and I feel like she is isolating herself with her night owl schedule. Her bedtime is 10:30 pm but lately she wakes me up at 3:00 am with her questions about her worksheets and schoolwork. It is messing up my sleep schedule trying to educate her and then have time for my son who goes to school and comes home and needs my help editing a book he is writing and help with his homework. I feel stretched, and exhausted.

I am home schooling my daughter because she is an over achiever who has a 10th grade education even though she is in 8th grade. She just doesn't fit in with public schools. She also can't relate to her peers because her interests are reading, in politics, and health. She isn't interested in talking about boys and makeovers with her peers.

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So What Happened?

I think she has turned her schedule around today. She slept until 3:00am and now is up for the day. I have tried cocoa but I think the night owl schedule is my daughter’s way of getting alone time. It was my idea to home school because I have done it twice in the past and got positive results. She doesn't have to be isolated because she has the gym class at the YMCA available to her and she does have two good friends in the area. She has just isolated herself with her late night schedule. She is angry with me today because I announced to her that I am putting her back in school. She had her heart set on going to an expensive private school and when I couldn't afford the $4120 a year fee, that is when I tried to send her to the same school her brother goes to. She claimed all the teachers were horrible and I offered to home school. Her brother loves the school and its teachers. One problem I have is actually my daughters therapist who thinks the school is horrible too and when I told her I wanted to put my daughter in school again, she said, "You can't do that to her. My husband went to that school and he had a horrible time. Girls in 8th grade are such witches." I was stunned. I thought the therapist would support my decision and I felt like she was enabling my daughter by saying that in front of her. I am glad my daughter and her therapist love each other but I can't say I have as much faith in her therapist as I do in her partner (the therapist that I am seeing). I think her therapist is judging the school by something that happened to her husband many years ago. She is around my age. The main reason I no longer feel like home schooling is my daughter keeps acting like I am stupid and acts like I am not a good teacher. I decided not to put up with that anymore and decided not to take the advice of her therapist. I had planned to take business classes this winter because I plan to start a shop in 3 years and by home schooling my daughter my plans have been put on the back burner.

More Answers

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J.F.

answers from Rochester on

Have you considered depression? My depression causes horrible insomnia. Does she work out regularly since she's home-schooled? Exercise can help greatly if she is unwilling to take medications (as I was when I was young).

Have you looked into enrichment programs for teens with similar interests/aptitude? If she's big into politics, maybe look into debate groups so she can really put her skills to use. If she's intereted in health topics, is there a local hospital that will accept candystripers at her age?

Don't worry about her lack of interest in boys/makeovers etc. My sister was never interested in those things. They just weren't "her". Growing up, she seemed socially awkward, but by the time junior year hit, she had a full social circle and very close friends she's still in touch with. Let your daughter grow at her own pace.

Does she have social outlets? 4H, babysitting, volunteer work, church activities, etc? These activities might provide her with a way to apply her skills and burn up some of her energy that seems to be keeping her awake.

2 moms found this helpful
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S.

answers from Minneapolis on

I have to agree with Jessica's advice. I was into politics and reading more than giggly girly things in high school, but I still found my niche there, including taking AP classes. Not every teenage girl is like that. Just out of curiosity, who's decision was it to homeschool her? Have you talked to her about your concerns of sleep, both hers and yours? She's old enough to understand that waking you at 3 am is not appropriate. I second the concern about depression, as well as finding her some social outlet, even if public school is not the answer. There are other kids like her, I guarantee it. A young politics weekend(I did one in tenth grade, it was a total blast) or something else catering to her interests, like a book club could be helpful. If she is advanced, I assume she wants to go to college, and that will be a rude awakening if she is completely unused to social situations. Make sure she knows she is not alone, there are others kids who enjoy the things that she does, she is not a outcast or anything. Getting her involved can free up some of your time for your son as well. Sorry this is lengthy,this topic hits a nerve. Good Luck.

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S.R.

answers from Milwaukee on

as far as home schooling your daughter goes, to me that seems like you are allowing the isolation process to continue. being in public school is not a bad thing. you can always talk to the guidance counselor at the school to set up aadvanced classes for her. there are some highschools that will also cater to the needs of an intelligent mind, where she will earn credits toward her high school diploma, just like with high school children attending college courses to earn towards college credits. as far as not relating to her peers, it seems to me like she hasn't found the right set of peers to relate to. back when i was in school i was quite the nerd or overachiever, but my ring of friends was very diverse. i hung out with the cool kids, the science fair geeks, the jocks. why because in the end we all realized we were kids in the same school, and it is important for her to learn she is still a kid, albeit a smarter one than some of the others but life is too short to spend it judging or being judged. let her know it is ok to have the intelligence she does have and never lose focus on that. but in all honesty i would work to getting her back into regular school and that will start helping get her back on a regular schedule.

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D.M.

answers from Rochester on

Hello R.,
I can relate with your daughter when it comes to being a night owl. Insomnia can be inherited and both of my sons have it. I have tried a lot of different sleep aids for our problems and the one that I have found to be very helpful is Melatonin (300 MCG). I only take one tablet about an hour before I am going to bed and by the time I am ready to crawl into bed, it is already relaxing me. This is not for everyone, but it is wourth trying. It is all natural and won't hurt her.

Good Luck,

D.

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J.G.

answers from St. Cloud on

I too homeschool. My 7 year old daughter is profoundly gifted and also an insomniac. The lead teacher in our group tells me that E keeps writing her emails at 3 AM about schoolwork too. Perhaps if you are from the Willmar Area we could get together sometime. Email me directly: ____@____.com
I've been looking to connect with some other homeschool moms.

J.

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L.P.

answers from Madison on

does she sleep in if she stays up all night?? If she is getting her hours of sleep in, dont worry.

When I was homeschooled, I always studied at night. It was common for me to come home from dance, and study sometimes till 3am. I would sleep in until noon though. I focus better and am more productive at night since I am a night owl. I mostly did this when I was 14-15 yrs old. The only thing different in my situation was that I never woke up my parents to help me if I chose to study during the night. If I had questions or needed help, then I got it during the day. Just tell your daughter if she wants to do her schoolwork during the night, she can--but that you will only be available to help during the day.
Hope this helps. :)

p.s. let her sleep in if she wants :)

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B.M.

answers from Minneapolis on

I am sorry that's tough. I have insomina too. Once I am up at 5 I can't back to sleep. It's awful. Ugh. Best of luck and wish I had more to offer.

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