Inlaw Only Wanting to Take 1 Child

I can understand where both of you are coming from. You don't want the younger boy to feel left out while your in-laws probably don't want to spend the amount of time it takes to care for a 15 month old for a whole weekend. Lets face it, it's ALOT of work! Maybe you should come up with a plan where they take the older boy up north with them and take the younger one for the day to their house. When he gets older he can also go up north. Some times older kids do things younger kids can't. You might find they are more willing to take him if they don't have to do it over night. Good luck!

I have to say that I don't agree with your decision to tell your in-laws that they can't spend time with your children if they don't take them both together. Granted your mother-in-law should have handled herself more like an adult in the situation, however, a better suggestion would have been to request that they also spend one on one time with your younger child. My parents dealt with the same situation with my sister. She had 3 children and she would get mad and insist that my parents took all 3 at once and it was just too much on my mom. Besides, children need one on one time with their grandparents. When they are "always" sharing them they don't get that. At 15 months old I wouldn't insist on them taking him for the whole weekend either as it is a lot of work to keep up with a toddler. At this point, I feel that you and your husband need to rethink your approach. I also think that you need to call your in-laws and make things right. Even though she could have handled herself better, it seems as if you have probably really hurt them. Children need their grandparents to be a part of their lives and it doesn't sound like these are terrible grandparents we are talking about here. Obviously you feel that your children are in a safe environment with them. Also, be very careful not to let your children hear you discuss this situation AT ALL as they do pick up on biased opinions. Hope this helps.

Hi T.---I have a couple of thoughts for you to consider. We have always lived far away from my kids grandparents. So they've never had the opportunity to spend much time alone with them, by themselves or all together. Cherish that your kids get to see grandparents on a regular basis.

Your kids are small. They require more effort for their care. I would think that it would be more than fair and acceptable that they visit individually, provided the other child gets an opportunity at another time and place.

Having said that, it is important for your boys to learn as soon as possible that all in life is not fair. Not that one should be excluded over another, but that there are certain priveledges that come with being the oldest child, and right now that seems to be extra time with grandpa and grandma up north. The baby doesn't know about all of this so it doesn't matter to him right now. Don't project your fears of unequal time with their grandparents on the kids. You may set them up for a rivalry when there is none. It's just a matter of timing right now. Things are likely to change as they get older. As long as grandma and grandpa also spend time with your youngest at other times and locations, I would think that is appropriate considering the ages of your kids.

When my kids were younger, my in-laws would take each of them, one at a time, one summer at a time, to spend a week with them in Iowa at 'horse camp'. They have horses and wanted to share that experience with them. But they only would have one grandchild at a time for safety reasons. We have grandchildren #'s 1, 2, and 5. So our youngest had to wait 5 years for his turn. That's just the way it was.

Things are not always equal, but we can work to make them fair for all. It takes cooperation and compromise. I pray that you can repair the rift between you and your husband's parents. Remember, it's not about you and it's not just about equal time with grandpa and grandma.

So, unless your in-laws are showing preference for your older child at times other than trips up north, I wouldn't worry about it. Good luck. D.

I'm kind of on board with the other responses. I personally have a 3 1/2 year old and a 2 year old. My Dad has openly said that he can't wait to take them for a weekend, but when they are a little bit older. He wants them out of diapers (the youngest is not potty trained yet) and able to communicate what they want. I completely understand this sentiment, babies are a lot of work and especially at 15 months! I bet once they are both older they will want to take both of them for the weekend.

Dear T.,
It sounds like this is blown way out of proportion, maybe on both sides. As a mom and grandmother, I see both sides. A 15 month old is so different from an 3 yr. old and I can see why grandparents might not want them both at the same time. They can interact much differently with the older child and maybe they are afraid of dealing with 2 at once- it is a lot of work with a such a young child. As a mom, I don't know if I would want to send the 15 month old away for the weekend- that is very young. This would be a good opportunity for you and your husband to spend time with just the little one, while big brother is away. I think it is nice to let them have some special time with grandparents alone, and as the little one gets older, I am sure that the grandparents will take him along more, and sometimes alone, too. There is nothing that says your boys need to be together at all times. They aren't a package, they are individuals, and it will do them good to be apart at times. I know that this problem can be solved, so try to extend the peace pipe to your in laws. I would die if I couldn't see my grandchildren