Independence for 11 Month Old

I see you're a teacher. Are you gone all day? Does your husband work?

If so I'm afraid that you're just going to have to suck it up and pay attention to your lil' one. He misses you.

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This sounds like normal behavior. Before little ones advance developmentally (walking etc.), they often become more clingy and "babyish" first. He needs reassurance. Can you keep him physically close to you while you do what you have to do - a sling, a backpack or just moving him very close? I often made dinner etc. with my daughter in a backpack once she was old enough to sit up well. Once walking begins, more independence naturally develops, then you have new problems to deal with! They grow up so fast!

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Hi R.,
Your babys world revolves around you and your husband and that is a GOOD thing! You want your baby to know you can be counted on. Children have to develop "me in the picture" before they can grow - the world does revolve around them!!! Esp at 11 months old. Eventually he will toddle off with you in sight, but not needing you every minute. Be patient! Though I do understand about wanting to eat - can he join you in his high chair and eat too; or would he be happy in a johnny jump up type thing that you only use for "special times" or toys on the exersaucer that only come out at special times? It is good that your baby notices that when you are there and when you are not. You are making strong roots. He is only 11 months old. Don't expect too much too soon. Keep up doing what you're doing!

I wish I had some advice, but my son is 18 months and still rarely likes to play alone, He may go off on his own for a maxium of 3-5 minutes, but that's it.
When I need to get dinner taken care of I put him in his high chair and give him a snack, that buys me about 10 minutes depending on the snack, LOL!

Hello, R.. The advice from Kathryn J. is sound, good advice. My son (who is 12 now) was like that. I just started leaving him alone just a few minutes at a time, gradually building his time so I could play with him or get things done without hassles. Yes, I agree that time with your child is important, however, time alone is good, too. It gives them opportunities to discover their own skills and to learn independently. Great for when they are ready for school! After all, mom and dad are not always going to be with them 24/7. They need to learn motor skills, etc., and that's hard to do if they are constantly being held. Let them know they are still loved, play with them, but do have time away from them (even if it's in the kitchen for 5 minutes). L.

Hi R. -

I live in a ranch style home so have no worries about stairs anywhere. All three of my boys loved their walkers at that age. I would put them in it, give them a couple toys and maybe some Cheerios then I would walk away and do what I needed to. They fussed at first for a bit until they realized they could move the walker and come find me. They would constantly follow me around the house while I cleaned or made dinner and sometimes I would have to push them backwards to make them walk the distance again to get to me to give me a couple more minutes at whatever it was I was doing but they eventually all figured out how to entertain themselves and "get into" things they wern't supposed to. Eventually I was following them to keep them out of trouble. I loved that time in their lives and wish I could get it back. My boys are 14, 12, and 7. I guess eventually I'll have grandkids to enjoy that time with again but I sure do miss it from my own boys. They grow up soooo fast.

Hope this helps - S.

Hi R.! I would recommend the book Toddlerwise. It shows you how to introduce things such as playpen time, blanket time, etc that will teach your child how to play alone. Good for mommy and good for baby too! You shouldn't have to entertain your child all the time- will they do that in a daycare or in school when they start going? They need to learn they are part of the family, church, school- not the center of those things.

I know this won't help immediately, but...
have another baby!
Mine are only 14 months apart, and they are great companions to each other (they are 11 and 12 now). If I had it to do over again (and I were younger at the time) I would have had a third baby right away.

Good luck.

Can one make dinner and the other play with him? When you have babies that young, they demand that much attention. When they are toddlers, they can play by themselves for a little bit at a time, and even that can be a struggle. My husband and I both work full-time, so when we come home, we don't expect any alone time until our daughter goes to bed. That is just the way life with kids is. Maybe you could give your son dinner at the same time with you, or a small snack of finger food. If you both want to make food, he can sit on the floor or highchair with some plastic food tubs and some plastic utensils and he can play while you cook. He just wants to be around you after being apart from you all day. He is too young to be in front of a DVD or T.V..

Don't worry, before you know it, your child will be packing their bags to college and you'll be just hoping he comes home to visit! I'm only joking but seriously, it is my experience that the first 18 months are full of continuous and constant interaction and supervision. Little by little they will be able to play and find things to occupy them. An 11 month old literally lives to have interaction with mom or dad. We could only get 10 or 15 minutes out of the saucer a day and is no where near as fun as riding moms hip or being the focus of attention. My only advice is to make dedicated play time for 10 or 15 minutes and then try to get 10 or 15 minutes of time for yourself. A hip sling or backpack also works for us sometimes when our one year old wants the contact and to see what i'm doing. I do not think you are alone in not having adequate time to prepare a meal or eat in peace! My second child is just about a year and it does help having an older sibling to occupy her. Of course, she is still my hip baby and she has her own way of telling me that she needs interaction time. I think you are just feeling frustrated and believe me, i think we have all been there! Hang in there, it does get better. I definitely do not believe that too much attention is spoiling him--after all, he is still a baby and is totally dependent on you for all of his experiences--all the playing, holding and attention you shower on him now will help him become a more confident, independent and loving person down the road! Just try to enjoy the fact that he can't get enough of you! easier said than done i know :)

My little one (10 months) was the same exact way. Actually, she would become very upset if we put her down. My ped. told me to just keep putting her down for a few minutes at a time. She said it was ok if she screamed for a bit. She said increase her time little by little and she would soon be able to entertain herself for a chunk of time that would allow me to do something (empty dishwasher, make my other girl dinner...) It was hard to hear her cry but now she will sit and entertain herself for quite awhile.

Oh R., start now even if he cries or you will be entertaining him for the rest of his life, my 10 year old, first child still can not spend alot of time by herself she got all the attention because she was the first child and my second child can entertain herself because my first still had to have all the attention even after her sissy came along. I know its hard to hear them cry, but it will be good in the long run please learn from my mistakes.
Good luck.Jen

One thing that has worked for me is keeping my baby in the same room as me - in the highchair with some dry cereal snacks while I clean, on the floor with a toy while I cook. I tried to baby sling him around but he is just too dang big (28 pounds at 8 months). I think building up a few minutes at a time wouldn't hurt. Sometimes I do put him in his crib to keep him safe (from himself) while I switch laundry or something.

Like others have said, I try to see this constant playtime with him in a positive way, a cute phase that I know he won't be in forever (same thing with night feedings).

Hi R.

Every baby has a different personality...that being said, my 13 month old stopped having anything to do with being confined in an exersaucer 5-6 months ago...as soon as she could crawl. We just let her have free reign (safely, of course) keeping an eye on her and teaching her what was ok/not ok (soft/ gentle warning of "no no"/taking hand away until she understood). I think it is beacuse of this (plus the fact that she has a 7 and 8 year old always trying to play with her 'their way') that she just really likes to just sit and play sometimes by herself with all of her toys that are scattered all over the house. That way, whenever I have to go to another room to do something, I let her follow me and she plays in that room...i had even let her play with our christamas Tree/Nativity making sure to have safe/non-breakable ornanments within her reach and always when I am in the same room. Babies love to play with items that we use every day...pots, pans, spoons, phones, etc. Try maybe to make your home a place where there are minimal no no's ...and when all else fails, give the baby a snack in the high chair. My daughter loves those apple/pear chips at Costco and it usually buys us 20 minutes without giving her too many unecessary calories. This stage will pass before you know it, but teaching the baby to be more independent can be as easy as giving her/him new landscapes/scenery.
Good luck

I'm sure you've got lots of wonderful toys for him to play with, but if you really need to get something done I found the Baby Einstein DVDs really great - I know that little ones really aren't meant to watch much TV but I've got three extremely bright boys so I think it's fine in moderation. Good luck - Alison