I have a 25 month old that has been absolutely indecisive today. He doesn't say "no", but he says what he wants (and always something within reason) like "I want to play upstairs", then when I say "okay, let's go" he whines "I want to play down here" so I say, "ok we can stay down here and play" then he whines, "want to go upstairs". This can go back and forth endlessly without him making up his mind. If I try to offer a different option he might say okay, but then we start to do it, he says he wants something different. I tried time out since we use it as a place to calm down and think, not punishment, but then when I go to get him out he says he wants to stay in time out so I say okay let me know when you are ready to get out and leave him alone, but then he yells that he wants to play and when I go to get him he throws himself down and cries to stay so I leave out of exasperation and a need for timeout myself! This is very unusual for him and has been happening all day. I asked if he had pain and he won't answer (usually he would) so I gave him a dose of children's motrin thinking maybe he is teething or has an ear infection (a common problem for him) and that this would stop in about 30 minutes, but no luck so I guess pain was not the issue. Help!!! before we both go crazy!
thank you all for your comments, I have received lots of good ideas, but he has been great and normal since, so I haven't had a chance to try any of them yet. My husband and I were talking about it last night and he asked if things had been better. He mentioned something that fits a lot of the advice you have given, but puts a name to it. He is going to Trevecca currently to be a counselor and is in a human development class now. He just read last night that children this age engage in a lot of "private speech" essentially, they think out loud in commands or requests. An example in his text book was a girl all alone in a room coloring and saying aloud: "don't color on the carpet. color in the lines." So I think that I probably smoother him conversationally. I have always tried to listen intently to his every word and always respond with something. Perhaps I need to allow him to just talk unless he is specifically addressing me. Perhaps his "want to go upstairs, no want to stay downstairs" was never intended as a question to me, but rather him thinking aloud to make up his mind and then I went and interrupted his thoughts trying to him help him make up his mind rather than letting him think it out on his own. Anyway, no issues to try this on yet, but I now have an arsenal of great ideas to try out when it happens again! Thank you all!
I don't have any advice for you, but I did want to say that I have the same issue with my 2 year old son. It just started recently, but it is so frustrating. Maybe it's a phase, but if nothing else you can know that other moms have the same problem.
Ali
Mine did the same thing...sometimes when the whining would start I'd just walk away and stop responding altogether or say "Well I'm going to go do this (not including her in the statement)"; and then she'd come to me or just stay where she was and play.
Another thing to try (and this works for me in situations where it doesn't really make sense *why* it would work) is to give him a choice of two things. Just say, "Do you want to A or do you want to B?". I think maybe sometimes keeping the choices down to either-or helps them focus. It doesn't always work but sometimes it was/is the only thing that works. Go figure.
Terrible Twos!!!
My daughter is going to be 3 in two months and we are still going through that. Sounds like he's just getting started! My daughter used to be so agreeable, "perfect baby", no problems or health issues. Then WHAMO she gets an opinion!!!
When she starts up really badly it's usually due to a couple different factors:
Is he off his schedule or tired?
Hungry, in need of a snack?
Bored?
I try to meet these needs first, but when its a rough day and I can't figure out why she's onery I try some of these:
Get out of the house and take a walk, remove him from all of his "options".
When things get really rough and he wants to stay in his bed (my daughter does that too) put some books or stuffed animals in his bed (works best if you put quite a few in) and let him entertain himself.
Sounds like he's an only child right now?? Do you have playdates with other kids?? My daughter is and will always be, so maybe when the baby comes things will get better!!
HANG IN THERE, sounds like the terribles are coming on!
Oh?? Do you feed your child cow's milk??? Try Soy Milk instead, My daughter has never had any dairy or ear infections. I have read SO MANY STUDIES that it can be related. PLEASE TRY SWITCHING!!!
I have a5 year old son and a 4 year old daughter so as you can see mine was a little rough... both went thru this at the same time my son decided he would wait for his terrible two till she hit hers.... one wanting to one thing and they other wanting to do another... the best way i found to deal with this is let them have alone time set them in thier play area and have at it use it as mommy time make it an every day thing for an hour a day or more if you choose just not all together and with in at least ear shot of him let him play let him focus on his imagination this is the time that they go thru what they have learned the day before and that day so far give him building blocks and learning toys so that he can help his imagination grow
its hard for first time new mommies to give the freedom that is needed they feel like if they are not there they will miss something.... not true by not alowwing him the alone time he is missing out.... if you are worried he will do omething cute and you will miss it then sit with in eye veiw but still give him the room to spread his wings....as they say let loose the leash mom just not to much
hope it helps :) best of luck
I believe when children reach the age of two they are beginning to test their boundaries. He may just be trying to get your attention. I would just let him know he has the option of playing wherever he chooses, and that he doesn’t have to ask. This might be a little hard to explain to him, but eventually he will understand its his house to and he is allowed to explore his play areas with out asking. As far as he might not be feeling well, I wouldn’t give him any medicine for anything, because if something is bothering him the medicine may make him feel better for the moment, but you will not know if anything is bothering him in the long run. Let him tell you when he feels bad, even if it takes him awhile. He may just need something to snack on or may just need some extra nap time. You should try to get him involved in whatever you are doing so he won’t feel left out and this will give him some distraction.
HI! Mine went through something similar. I found that many times they wanted to play by themselves and not with mommy. So I stopped following them or trying to engage them in an activity and let them explore and try things out on their own. You may want to try just telling him ok to whatever and let him go-- Obviously there are always safety issues but his room or the family room should be areas he can be in safely with little interference from you.
Or he could just be having a bad day.....It happens to the best of us! :)
Good luck
First of all.... I love the name J..... so pretty.
Now, it sounds like he is tired. Maybe he didn't sleep well or just didn't get all his sleep out. When my little girl does that and it drives me crazy, instead of getting myself upset I just say, "oh, is it time to go night-night" Then if she continues, I gently pick her up and say, "ok, since you are whining, you must be tired so we are going to go night-night for a while till you can wake up on the other side of the bed." I take her up, and she is crying of course, because she doesnt want to go. But I walk out and in a few minutes, I don't hear her anymore. She is still in a baby bed so I don't worry about her. (not sure if yours is still in a baby bed or not... but you can do that when you know they are confined and safe.) Then in about 10 or 15 minutes, if she isn't asleep, I will go up and get her. She is usually in a great mood after that. If she falls asleep then when she wakes up she is all together a different person.
That is just what it sounds like to me and going to bed helps more than you know and it also gives me time to take a deep breath when she is driving me crazy.
Two is a tough age ... for the child and the Mommy! ;) I have a son who will be three in February, and I totally remember things like this with him when he turned two. The thing he did that would completely get on my nerves is he would ask for a specific food (which I thought was so neat when he started having an opinion and asking for things by name), then he wouldn't eat what he asked for! Ugh! That made me so frustrated!
I just think they are honing their communication skills (which are still somewhat limited) when they are two, and sometimes they just want to use what they learn (without really understanding the full intent to which they are utilizing their skills). They have all this new learning to try out, and are still quite emotional little people! ;)
All my friends and I that have two-year-olds have been through very similar things (indecisiveness, temper tantrums, changes in mood, etc.) ... and some days our kiddos drive us nuts! :) I'm pretty sure you'll find it's just a passing phase (as most things are with little ones). Just remember, it will get better! ;) Good luck!
I believe that you are experiencing common 2 year old behavior. My son did the exact same thing and it nearly drove me insane. The good news is it will get better. It must be a control issue for this age group. We had a couple of weeks of this, and while I can honestly say that I didn't handle it as well as I could have my advice to you is to try not be sucked into the game. I tried to fight it and be the the authoritarian but in the end it did no good and I only became more frustrated. Do your best to be as loving as possible and walk away to regroup if you must. I remember telling my husband that my day was spent dealing with one battle after another---in retrospect I wish that I would have been more patient and less worried about establishing control. Whether we like it or not we can't win every battle.
Terrible two's for sure! I did pick up on this however...
When is your baby due? You said you were pregnant in the "A little about me" section.
My three older children are mine biologically. The two oldest are 10 months and 4 days apart from each other in age.
My oldest daughter was too young to take on any "opinion" of Mommy having another baby when I was pregnant with my son, but my son was 2 when I was pregnant with my third (his sister).
It seems that the terrible two's accelerated with him more so than with his older sister who was 3 at this point.
Just as you described in your post, my son would do the same. It was half way through the pregnancy that I started catching on that half of what he was doing wasn't so much a normal act out of being 2, but it was more of a "Is Mommy still mine" type of behavior. But to confuse one more, he was still trying to be the "big boy".
Children can be challenging - that is a given. Understanding them is not always an option.
Be calm, loving, guiding, and and gentle. Talk, don't yell.
He's 2 years old. Give him a choice on Apple Juice or Juicy Juice for a drink. Give him simple choices for his age...but not for all subjects. If he's acting out, try this as it worked with my kids.
Whining and acting out would call for a "feel better rest"(what I called it to my children) and I would lie down with him on the bed. We would lay there and I would just stroke his hair on his head and talk softly. If he pushed my hand away, I'd just lay there and either sing a little song or pick up a book (kid book) and start reading quietly. Without fail, he'd settle down and listen to the song or get droopy from the hair stroking, or he'd get really insistent that I READ that book to him. Not always but more than not, he'd fall asleep and take a nap or a cat nap that left him refreshed.
Most of all.... I never forgot to tell him or any of his siblings when we went through these phases that I loved him.
Even in the most "souring" of moments when you want to pull your hair out.... step back and tell them that you love them.
You will survive this and so will your son. My children are now 17, 16, 14, 11 and 10.
This too shall pass. Good Luck (Big Hugs)
When i was pregnant with my second..my older one, which was only 1 and 1/2 at the time would do something similar...i live on post so going up and down stairs all day would get tiring so i made a room just with his toys so we could play downstairs just as good as we could upstairs..the only time now that he wants to go is when he wants to play with the bigger toys that we dont allow downstairs or when he doesnt think he is gettin enough attention...while we are upstairs he gets all of our attention and he realizes that now being 22 months...but while i was pregnant some other moms would tell me that my son could tell that there was another baby on the way and he could get stressed out about the feelings that come along with the new one..i dont know if that is all true but i started sittin with him during nap time or bedtime and we would talk about how lil bro will be comin soon and he eventually started kissing and huggin the belly and after a while he would let me do more and more without him getting jealous ..or thats what i thought...i know before i started talking to him about the baby and all, sometimes he wouldnt let me hold him only dad could..but once i started talking to him about it ..he started letting me do alot more for him...i dont know if that helped...but good luck and congrats on the new baby
hmmm, the only thing I can suggest is try telling him No. You have been agreeable every time he has changed his mind so far. So next time he says he wants to do something, try saying No, we are going to do ______ instead and see what his reaction to that is. Maybe if you are not so agreeable he will see that he is not pushing your buttons anymore and quit. 2 is SUCH a fun age! (that was total sarcasm in case you didn't catch it). Boy am I glad mine are past that. I'm now dealing with a tween girl. Not sure which is worse! lol
That is normal. It's called the "Terrible Twos". There is no functional reasoning at that age. They have to be taught what is right/wrong. If time out doesn't work, take his favorite toy away for age of the child (2) minutes. If time outs, very stern but calm "no's" or taking privaledges/toys don't work, you may have to resort to corporal punishment. I have one child that responded w/stern looks & taking away toys. And then my other child that ONLY responded to an occasional spanking, which I never thought I would need or do.
Hope this helps!
Welcome to 2. My daughter is almost three and as difficult as it can be, this has been or favorite year. She has learned so much it's amazing. She is a sponge and the things that come out of her mouth blow us away. It sounds like your son is just testing his boundaries. Be patient and bare with him. When I would get frustrated with my daughter, it only made her mood worse.
