3 Year Old & 6 Month Old Twins Upstairs or Parents?

Updated on August 20, 2009
V.Q. asks from Denton, TX
27 answers

Surely, I am not the only one with this dilemma. We have a two story home, Master is down, along with office (which we made our almost 3 year old's room). We now have twins, who currently share a crib in our room.
Originally, my husband wanted to move our 3 year old upstairs when the babies came, but I didn't want to do that, I don't want my 3 yr old to feel like she was "cast out" now that the babies were here. I wanted to move all 3 of them upstairs when the twins were 6 months old (which is around the time they won't be able to share a crib any longer).
Now that the babies are here...my husband doesn't want ANY of them going upstairs, for fear of my 3 year old climbing the railing and he never cared for the babies going up as it was.
He now wants us to move upstairs and have the twins in our Master bedroom, but leave our furniture down (as it won't fit into a bedroom upstairs). This just seems ridiculous to me!
I know there are other parents who have 2 story homes & babies! Was this an issue for anyone? My thought is- baby proofing doorways & the stairway...right?

Thanks ahead of time for any input!

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M.T.

answers from Dallas on

I also have almost 3 years old and almost 1 twins. They are all in one room down stair. Master is downstair with one room, they sometime call it study. The first 6 months of twin, my 2 year old sleep upstair in her room. But at sometime, she got a bit jeolous and I felt bad for not giving her much attention. So we let her sleep in the same room with the twins. They are all in the same bed on the mattress and using pillow to block them.

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B.L.

answers from Dallas on

I am sorry I can't see any child being upstairs & parents down or even the other way. This is not a normal thought, but what if a fire happened? Could you get to them?

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K.B.

answers from Milwaukee on

I don't have multiple children, but I have the same type of home and I have had my daughter upstairs in her room since she was 20 months old. We did put a gate in at the top of the stairs and lock the doors to the rooms that we don't want her to go in without supervision (such as the office and guest bathroom). We discussed with her that she should not get out of bed at night and if she needs us to call out because we can hear her on the monitor. Now that she is 3 1/2 years old, she does get out of bed to use the potty and we are getting ready to remove the gate from the stairs. I think that you should move the older child upstairs now and tell her that she's so lucky to be such a big girl now that she gets her room upstairs and that her little brother and sister can't wait until they are big enough to get a room up there too.

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S.M.

answers from Dallas on

Our twins did not sleep well together or in the their crib...so they slept out and about in the house (in swings and bouncies). We converted our dining room into an area for all of their stuff. At 2 months, our pedi wanted them in their cribs in their own room...so they got moved upstairs. Not a big deal..yeah...you gotta climb...but oh well. My kids got REAL good at climbing the steps up and down real quick (with supervision). We have gates at the top and the bottom (when they started to crawl). We are also putting a gate downstairs at the kitchen entrance (just to keep them out). We bought a configurable gate to go in the dining room so that is their play area.

I think your twins (and the older sibling) will be ok upstairs.

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E.C.

answers from Dallas on

To ease your concern about the upstairs thing b/c I was slightly concerned about moving our 2 year old upstairs b/c of some sleeping issues with our children sharing a room. We had a 6 month old and 2 year old at the time of transition upstairs. Honestly, it went very smoothly. We got her room already - painted, furniture, etc. Introduced it to her as her "new room" and allowed her to play in it every once in a while on the weekends. Finally, we transitioned her to a full size bed and her new room upstairs during nap time on the weekend (I work FT during the week). By Monday evening she was sleeping in her room; however, I slept on the floor the first night. By Tuesday she was on her own (with a monitor of course). We put a baby gate at her bedroom doorway and at the stairs and it was completely fine. She never even tried to get out of her bed. She could have b/c we had a full size matress on the floor - she slept on that for a bit. It was much harder on me than her. There was no jealousy at all of her younger sister having her crib or her room. I don't know if it will ease your husband's fears; however, maybe it needs to be a small transition for your husband as much as it is for your child! Just start with naps and as he sees that it is fine I am sure that he will ease into the idea. Good luck!

By the way, our daughter is now 2 1/2 and still upstairs. We removed the baby gate at the doorway a couple of months ago b/c it was not necessary. Your child is older so I am sure they will do fine.

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K.S.

answers from Dallas on

When our second child was born, our first child was almost 4. We lived in a Cape Cod style house with one big loft-type room upstairs and two smaller bedrooms downstairs.

Originally, we planned to have us upstairs and the girls in separate rooms downstairs. Trekking up and down the stairs to get the baby at night didn't last long before we moved her crib upstairs with us.

We tried every combination of room assignments during our 15 years in that house.

I like your plan of moving them all upstairs when the twins are 6 months. I'm a realtor, and I've seen some heavy duty gates installed at the bottom and top of stairs to child proof and prevent accidents. A child monitor in their rooms or at the top of the stairs also makes sense.

Have you considered moving into a different home?

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K.P.

answers from Dallas on

V,

We had the same issue with our girls. We initially started with each girl in the crib in our room downstairs. When the second one was born, we moved her into our bed and the 2nd one to the crib. We finally moved all the girls upstairs and we moved our bodies to one of the bedrooms upstairs, but every thing else stayed in the master downstairs. No biggy we sleep upstairs at night so we can hear them and dress downstairs, etc.

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N.

answers from Dallas on

I can understand your husband's hesitancy to put the children upstairs alone. I had similar fears, which were only validated when I went to a safety seminar for parents that was put on by the Grapevine Fire Department for my Parents as Teachers group several years ago. I asked the fireman during the Q&A part of the presentation about the same situation where the parent's room was downstairs and the children's rooms were upstairs and he said in his experience, he would not put a child under the age of 6 upstairs if the parents were not upstairs as well. He recommended keeping the children downstairs until they were old enough to know what to do during a fire including getting downstairs by themselves and using a safety ladder. We ended up letting our daughter sleep in our room in her own bed until she was 5. She was pretty advanced so we felt she was ready to go upstairs by then. We now have our younger son in our room and will probably wait until he's 6 before we let him go upstairs because we don't feel he will be ready by November when he turns 5.

I know the likelihood of a fire is slim, so it's maybe not something you'd be too worried about, but the fireman said he's seen more than one family who did not have enough time to get their kids downstairs before it was too late.

In your case, I don't think there would be anything wrong with the arrangement your husband suggests, but I too don't think co-sleeping (everyone sleeping in the same room) would be a bad choice either. It's really what your family thinks is best, but for safety reasons, having your young children on the same floor when you're sleeping is the most prudent choice.

Blessings,
N.

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L.K.

answers from Dallas on

That seems a little ridiculous to me to! I have a friend who has a two story home and their 4 year old is up stairs and they are downstairs. They have this plastic sheet thing (you can't hardley see it at all) that goes around the verticle part of the railing. Make climbing, putting things through the bars much harder. Pluse they also have a gate at the top of the stairs plus at the kids door as well. I personally have always had my daughter in her own room with the door shut because this is the kind of situation I wanted to avoid. My thought is, that's why they make baby monitors! Not to say either way is right or wrong, do what works for your family. I don't think you should have to give up the master bedroom for your kids. Hope it all works out for you!

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L.M.

answers from Dallas on

It sounds like you need to move to a single story home!

If that's not an option, I would recommend all 3 kids in master and you and your husband in the study.

At least until you can move! Lots of luck!

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D.W.

answers from Dallas on

Hi,
I don't have multiples but my boys are 17 months apart in age. Our kids each slept a year in our room in a portable crib. But we did move them into a shared room up stairs when they were just about 2 1/2 and 1 year old. My oldest was a good sleeper and was in a toddler bed. Never got out of bed, we did keep a baby gate at the top of the stairs and a nightlight. We didn't have much of a problem by having them upstairs, as we had no choice. No way would we move upstairs.

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R.W.

answers from Dallas on

I run a cleaning business and two families that I clean for have their children upstairs. They both have latch locks outside of the doors. The children will knock on the doors when they wake up from their naps. Just a suggestion.

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B.T.

answers from Dallas on

And also "in case of fire". Keep that in mind, and figure out whatever you do with that scenario in mind. You can always move them up later, when they are older.

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C.S.

answers from Dallas on

Maybe its time to get a new house?

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S.T.

answers from Dallas on

Childhood is but a fleeting moment. Be near them now because if you choose to not be near them when they are teens they won't want to spend any time with you later. There is nothing wrong with moving upstairs. Do what works for your family. There is nothing traditional about the traditional American family living arrangement.

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L.P.

answers from Dallas on

When our 2 were little, one was almost 3 yrs old when our second was born, they were upstairs. We only kept them down in our room for about 8 weeks, then up they went. My husband and I both agreed that they would be upstairs, so there was no argument over that. When our older son was out of the crib we just put a gate at the top of the steps, he wasn't a climber on the gates. And, the gate we bought had an alarm on it when it was opened, so if he did get it open we would hear it.

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L.S.

answers from Tyler on

You are lucky to have the downstairs room. We lived in a house where the Master was down and the other rooms were upstairs. My son was 1 at the time and we LOVED having him upstairs. I did scare myself a couple of times by leaving the gate off of the downstairs (when we were all downstairs) and he climbed the stairs by himself.

If it were me, I would readily put the three year old upstairs (and explain that it is a privilege and a place to have some time away from the twins who will get into everything). Then, I would leave twins downstairs in the office. This is really just for a matter of convenience since your room is downstairs - for laundry and nighttime stuff. Then, I would move them up at 1. I have found that by 1 they are really more independent and don't need you as much (at night or whenever).

We now live in a split house and have an "office" next to the master and our most recent baby was in the office next to the master for the first year. Then, I moved her over to the other side of the house. It's been heaven since she moved. I now don't wake up to every little grunt and grown that she makes while she sleeps.

-L.

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A.E.

answers from Dallas on

Definitely put them upstairs. I have a 4yr old and a 2yr old and when the little one was born we had him in our room until he was 6 months old then we had a video camera monitor in his (both of their) rooms. It let us know if he was rolling over and would go back to sleep or if we (I) really needed to go up to him. We also installed gates at the top of the stairs until the older one could go down the stairs safely. Now we have a small handrail about a foot below the main one for them to hold onto. One Step Ahead has them but we bought ours from Home Depot for much less. Good luck with working this out with your husband, but I think your right.

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S.M.

answers from Dallas on

Do you have a problem with the 3 year old getting out of bed? If so, having her upstairs shouldn't be that much of a concern. When my oldest 2 were babies, we were all upstairs (master up), but I still worried about my kids getting out of bed and trying to come to me and having to pass the stairs on the way. I used 2 methods depending on their age and my own preferences, but I put a child knob on the inside of their room. This helped for time outs, and if they woke at night, they couldn't open the door. I had a baby monitor and could hear if they called for me, so I pushed that with them "if you ever need mommy in the night, just yell for mommy and I'll come". And I did go to them if they called. The other option was a gate at the top of the stairs. We put it up at night for the same reason, if they wandered out of their room, they couldn't fall down the stairs.

If it were me, I'd either move the 3 year old upstairs, or everyone. If you just move the 3 year old, then you make it a big deal "guess what! You are such a big girl now that you get to get a big girl room UPSTAIRS!!! Isn't that cool! How about if you pick which room you want upstairs and we'll talk about making it yours?" If you can let her pick between some rooms upstairs, that would be great. At 3, you should be able to persuade her to pick the room that you want her to have. Tell her she can pick her room color (within reason) and have the room painted so that she is excited about the move. Don't move the twins into her room downstairs right away when she moves out, give it a month or so, then move them in. Or, again, I'd say put the twins upstairs too, but that's climbing stairs in the middle of the night. Finally, just because their rooms are upstairs doesn't mean they'll play up there, maybe that is your husband's concern? My kids only played in their rooms when they were little and their rooms were upstairs if I was also upstairs - if I was cleaning or putting away clothes, if not, they were downstairs and we just kept a basket full of toys and some books downstairs to play with. Oh, another idea for room safety while they are upstairs is to put a gate on their door. Meaning if you want their door open and maybe you can't get a gate on your stairs, you can put a gate in their doorframe so that they can look out of their room, but they can't get out of their room. I used to do that while I was cleaning upstairs so the kids would stay in one room and play and the door was open so I could still see them easily.

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C.P.

answers from Dallas on

Hello V O

I would put the kids upstairs. you can have better control. if they wake up before you...they'll be coming down to you and you can hear them much better. if you have gates at the top of the stairs then you don't have to worry about them opening doors, getting into stuff in the kitchen, etc. Good luck! ~C.~

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A.

answers from Dallas on

You can absolutely put them all upstairs, as long as you have some safety measures. I would put door knob covers on every door upstairs, and a gate at the top of the stairs. I would put a monitor in each of the kids bedrooms, and you should be fine. We have done it in the past and while at first it seemed so strange for me, it was perfectly fine. Good luck convincing him! ~A.~

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G.W.

answers from Dallas on

I didn't take the time to read all of the other responses, but here's my two cents... We have a similar situation (master downstairs, kid's rooms upstairs, two boys, two years apart). The thing is, although we always want to be prepared, we also must remember to live in the "now" and not the "what if." Yeah, there could be a fire, but you should already have a plan for that. Plus, a fire is more likely to start downstairs where (I'm assuming) the kitchen is than upstairs. You also have to consider safety. With you guys upstairs and the kiddos downstairs, the possibility of your 3 year old getting out without you knowing it is great. Move those babies upstairs in their rooms, get some good baby monitors and enjoy the sanctity of your bedroom.

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E.W.

answers from Dallas on

Yes, we have a two-story home with the master downstairs and kids' rooms upstairs. We have had them upstairs since they were babies. Very early on (before my older one was even crawling, actually), we installed baby gates (the kind you actually screw into the wall, NOT the pressure-mounted kind) at both the top and bottom of the stairs. We have never, ever had a safety issue with the kids being upstairs at night. My older one will be 5 in October, and she has had no problem going up or down stairs at night (we leave a light on over the stairway at night); in case of nightmares, she will come all the way to our room. I really don't see a problem with that with a 3-year-old. However, what we are currently doing with my 2-1/2 year old (this is also what we did with my older one when she was between 1-3 years old) is we put a doorknob cover on the INSIDE of her bedroom door to keep her from coming out of her room at night. We also have a baby monitor in her room; we can hear her if she wakes up and we can go to her if she needs us. It's never been a problem. I've also heard of people using safety gates on their kids' bedroom doors in case the kids want their door open at night. Honestly, though, using a combination of stair gates, some kind of bedroom door safety guard (i.e. doorknob covers or gates) and/or baby monitors, there shouldn't be any problem whatsoever in having small kids upstairs and parents downstairs. Hope this helps!

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R.H.

answers from Dallas on

sorry i didn't read the other responses, i just wanted to add our own story to your mix; it might help!
we have a two-story home and two toddlers. we made the master bedroom downstairs into the play room/linen closet/family closet. what a breeze it is to put away laundry & it's great having the kiddos right there playing and interacting with me downstairs as i go about preparing meals in the close-by kitchen, getting ready in the morning (in the master bath), etc. sleeping quarters are upstairs for all of us, so it's easier tending to the young ones at night too.
maybe a similar set-up might work for your family?

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C.P.

answers from Dallas on

My son has been upstairs by himself since he was 3 months old. The only problem we have ever had is on the nights when he wakes up every 2 hours and I keep having to climb the stairs @ all hours of the night! We have a baby gate at the top of the stairs.

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T.S.

answers from Dallas on

Our son turned 3, three weeks before our twin girls were born. Our master is down and all our kiddos rooms are upstairs. We allowed the bad habit of our son sleeping in our room before the girls came because my husband traveled extensively and I didn't want him upstairs alone when we just moved into our new home and were the only house on the block.

Anyway, when my husbands traveling slowed down and I got pregnant with our twins, like you, I didn't want to banish him upstairs out of nowhere and make him feel unwanted/unloved. So we told him that when his sisters went upstairs to their room, that he would also be going to his own room that the girls needed their big brother upstairs with them. So, when our girls were 5 months old, we moved them upstairs to their nursery into their own cribs and him into his bedroom. It went smoothly and I am so glad we did it. We did have two baby monitors. One in his room and one in the girls room. My husband had one monitor on his side of the bed and I had one on my side. Best thing we ever did.

Please move the kids upstairs! Y'all deserve your own sanctuary. The kids will be fine. Mine are now 10 and 7 and no scars from going to their own rooms. :) As a matter of fact my girls requested their own rooms (apparently just for their stuff), because they still sleep with each other in a twin bed in one room or the other (or in their brother's double bed 80% of the time). :)

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C.T.

answers from Dallas on

Our masterbedroom is downstairs and all the other rooms are upstairs. We moved our first child (now 2.5) upstairs to his own room at 5 months, and we moved our 3 month old upstairs a couple weeks ago. We haven't had any issues with them upstairs. We don't have the stairs baby-proofed, we just taught our first son how to use them properly and watched him closely until he could use them safely.

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