In-laws Taking Care of My Baby

I took care of my sister-inlaws baby from the time he was 6 weeks old until he was one. I think she went through a lot of the same things you did. The hardest part for me was when we would have a family dinner or something and her son would want me to hold him and not his parents or grandparents. But I learned from the caretaker side of things what to tell her and what not to tell her. If the baby would rollover or situp for the first time while at my house I would not tell my sister-inlaw until she told me he did it for her. THen I would act surprised and say I can't wait to see it myself. I think this really helped my sister-inlaw not feel so bad for leaving him here. When her son turned one she started taking him to another daycare, (they were driving 30 minutes out of their way to use me) I like this better. I miss taking care of my nephew but I think it is better for the whole family.

I used to work in a daycare and there were many babies and kids that came to prefer us over their parents. It is sad and I could tell that it really bothered some of the Moms when their babies would cry when they came to get them because they wanted to stay with us. But you have to think of it this way if you are working 40 hours or so a week then thats a lot of time that your baby is spending away from you and with someone else. So try to feel good that your baby is happy and comfortable with you sis in law. And if your baby is really fussy with you then ask your sis exactly how she takes care of him so you can do the same.

I babysat a kid who did the same thing. The mom took a few more weeks off and that seemed to help. I think she went back to work when the baby was about 4 months with no problems. I don't know if that's an option, but the baby has now graduated high school and is very close (in a good way) to his mom. Congratulations!

Of course your baby is getting used to your sister in law. She is becoming the "mommy" figure in his life, because she is with him more than you are. I mean, how weird does that feel to say, "when I have him, even on the weekends?" You sound like the babysitter. Your instincts are right on. You have justified guilt for not being home with your newborn. I think you have way too much on your plate. When your son starts school, you will have the whole day to work and/or work on your Master's. I'm here to tell you, 6 years goes by in a flash! I suggest you make a plan to be home. That means looking at the budget and figuring out what you can live without, like cell phones, cable, expensive clothes, etc. Try your hardest to make it all work on your husband's income. If that isn't possible, work part time at night while your baby is sleeping to make up for a little lost income. Go to your husband, tell him how much you want to be the mommy of your son, and how you know he is man enough to take care of you all. Unless you both were raised by feministas this is the natural way to feel, and your husband will be proud that you have created a budget, and a way to take care of your son and your home so that your husband will have a loving environment to come home to. Most women these days think this is June Cleaver mentality(only exists on old tv shows)and won't work. However, I have been living this life for 7 years now. It isn't because I am lucky and have a husband who makes loads of money. No, it's because we made the choice that I would be the one staying home and taking care of our kids. I wasn't going to give that job to anyone else to do for me. We planned like crazy when I was pregnant, and of course we were a little scared when we looked at diaper prices, but we made it work through 2 kids. Quick story, I just recently started working full time at night as a Caregiver for elderly at an assisted living home. I have only been working for about a month, and my husband came to me and asked me to quit my job. He sees how tired I am, and doesn't want the kids to miss out on having fun with Mom this Summer. We know my husband will be laid off at the end of the year, so I was trying to earn a little money to stick in the bank, you know, to help our family. Come to find out, my family needs ME more than we need a PAYCHECK right now. You have no idea how proud of my husband I am for thinking this way. I am also proud of myself for creating my footprint as a mom my kids want to hang with all Summer. When I told my 7 yr old son that after 5 more nights of working, I will have the whole Summer off, he jumped up and down screaming, "YAY." When I asked him why he is so happy, he said, "because, then we can actually be with you." My heart melted and I knew it was the right decision. I worked when they were sleeping, but they knew I was gone. I guess it bothered them to know I wasn't in the bedroom next door. I also had to take a couple hours of nap time after my husband got home from work, before I had to go to work. So, I missed time with my husband and kids, and they felt it. So, I can always go back to work when school starts. My point is, don't underestimate the importance of you to your son, husband and home. Good luck and follow your instincts. We have them for a reason.

It is normal for a mother to feel guilty about leaving a small child. I guess if it was still a "Beaver Cleaver" world we would never have to. I don't feel that you are hurting your son in any way. I got to stay home with my first child until she was five and I look back and think that those were the days. I had to work when my others were young and I feel that whether I was home or not it worked out for both of us. You are fine and it will be very rewarding to you when your son says that he wants to grow up and be strong and independent just like mommy and daddy. My son always wanted to sleep with his bus when he was little. That warmed my heart!!

Another thought for you would be that the baby feels safe and secure with his aunt. That is important! It is so hard to try and do your job when you are worrying about the security of your child. Things will probably turn after a while and he will cry to stay with you. That is a tear jerker also. Just don't pass on your fear and anxiety to your child. He will need to make this adjustment some time and he will never forget who Mommy is.