In-law Issues

I think you need to call a moose a moose, stop avoiding the confrontation. Just show up, with them and tell them: I understand that this situation is uncomfortable, however, I am here to support my husband, who asked me to be here during this difficult time. Please respect his wishes for me to be here.
You can do this in a way to where there is no argument but put it out there, your husband needs you and that is what is important right now.

My EXTENDED family (not us), I'm embarassed to say, has always been one that is messy messy! Yes, I agree 100% with Sarah that anything you say would be seen as disrespectful at this specific time. If it were me, I'd go along and be there for my husband, listen to the stories or whatever, and steel myself against hurt feelings. This isn't the time. If they are rude, it is your husband's place to set them straight. You just remember "they're not the boss of you" (ha), and make it as easy as possible for your husband. I'll never forget how UNBELIEVABLY rude my husband's childhood friend was to me while we were staying there (WOW) and I took it in stride...but then Jeremy said it was time for bed and we had to go to our room. I was trying hard to swallow my feelings, and just got dressed in my nightclothes, and once it was too late for me to follow (no "public" clothes) my husband said "Ok, now go to bed". I was like WHAT??? (He's not the boss of me!) But he wanted me out of the room while he went and had a little heart to heart to set things straight on how to treat me, but it was fixed and never happened again. You be there for your husband and let him deal with the sisters, in front of you or not. Good luck.

You know, this is the saddest thing. Bringing someone else into the family circle can be a tricky thing. You probably are so different from them, maybe why your husband was so attracted to you in the first place but your differences make getting along hard.

Yes, it would hurt my feelings too but have you asked them what it is they are upset about and if they can forgive you and move on for the sake of your husband?

Love always softens things. Try not to be angry but keep saying or doing a loving thing every chance you get towards them. Hate does not win after all.

Send a nice note, birthday card, say a kind thing, compliment when you speak to them no matter how much they don't deserve it. Thank them for their opinion even though you hate it.

They are probably thinking they are in the right for their judgments so instead of trying to change them, or change you, try just being additionally forgiving and loving.

So in then end, if they do not bend, you will have no regrets because you have made every effort to be kind and loving and your husband will respect you for it. It is not fair of him though, to always expect you to be the one that gives in so be strong here and know your boundaries: When to step out of conversation, out of the room, out of the visits.
He loves his sisters and it is okay if he goes sometimes by himself but not always. You are his companion and his strength and he needs you too.

Just to let you know, I have seen a family I love dearly fall apart because of just this thing. They become a divided family and lose the love that should be theirs. Instead of embracing the in-law, they made her an outcast and later she divided the family. I am so sad because it didn't have to be that way. It was hardest for the son and he finally had to choose and it broke his heart.

I pray that things will be better for you and God will bless you with love.
Please read about Ruth in the bible.
Love to you, C.

M., I'm so sorry for you. I would not go and or make plans that seem to be unbreakable. Your Husband seems to be acting quit babyish. Does he not realize what his sisters are doing? Is He the baby of the family?, because sometimes the youngest has a hard time standing up for what's right. I know as the wife we are required to do what our husbands need or ask us to do, but there are times we have to bring things to their attention. Letting his sisters run his life doesn't allow him to grow up and be the adult he was meant to be. I've been married almost 16 years, and my Husband had to tell his father (7 months after we got married)that I was married to only him and that I was not his personal maid. We didn't go over to the "in-laws" house for weeks until they started to treat me better. I was there and I'm still very sorry that his sisters are acting the way that they are. It's up to you to show your husband his and their actions, but it's also your decision it the end. I know God will show you which way to go, pray about it. I'll be praying for you and them too.

PS I also agree with Sarah

M.,

He chose you and they are being petty and selfish to not be supportive of him in his decision for a mate. They can just get glad in the pants they got mad in. As long as you and your husband present a united front and he supports you, then you are going to be just fine. That doesn't mean he can't spend time with his sisters without you being there, but he needs to make it clear to them that this isn't going to happen every time. They are either going to be accepting of you or they can run the risk of losing contact with him and that it is his choice, not yours.

You shouldn't have to put up with their childish behavior and neither should your husband. They will be the ones that miss out and have to answer for their behavior in the next life.

Good luck!

If you are truly offering to give him space to be with them and mourn as siblings and he is adament that you be there then let him fight that battle. He is your husband, you did not marry his sisters. If they don't respect his wishes then they are the ones that are going to push him away.

My vote is for April, and Kaycee. Steal yourself and let your husband fight for you. Find yourself a mantra and laugh off as much as possible. I know it is easier said than done, but don't let these women hurt you. There is the possibility things will change. As time goes by we often see the value in each other we couldn't see earlier.

I also agree with just going with your husband when the plans are made.

You or your husband should tell them, "Is this really a time to be petty? I am hear to support my husband who is hurting right now, and if you cared about your brother, you would want to spend time with him regardless of the company. We need to put this aside and be a supportive family right now."

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OR, tell your husband to just go without you. My husband drives me nuts sometimes because he wants me to go with him to his parent's house every time... and sometimes I have things to get done, but he doesn't want to go without me.

I tell him, they are YOUR family, you don't need me in order for you to hang out with your family.

So, really, if you go, to what I suggested in the first half, and if you don't want to go, do what I suggested in the second half :)

I agree with what Kaycee said about just telling the sisters that your husband needs the support of his wife at this time, but I disagree that it should come from you. I think your husband should be the one to say it.

I think this is your husband's to deal with. I know he is dealing with a lot right now, but if after 6 years, they still don't accept you, there is probably nothing YOU can say or do. If he wants you there, you go with him and don't have to make conversation with the sisters. However, it is 100% his job to let them know that your place is there with him, either pre-emptively or if they make an issue of it. No matter what you try to say to them, they will see it as disrespectful during this time, and it will not go over well.

Be honest, and Be yourself! Your husband loves you, don't worry about his sisters. If they love him they will come around. Or stand up for yourself and tell them, you said your peace with mother-in-law, and do so with sisters, tell them your husband, their brother has chosen you to be in his life, maybe they need to except it. Use this as a new starting point, and begin again.

Good luck!

Why are you going? For your husband. What should you do? What your husband asks.

Screw them and the horse they rode in on - and I wouldn't bother saying anything other than Hi. I am so sorry for your loss. to them.

If his sisters say it is time for them to go, or for him to go - be autistically ambivalent. :) I mean, read nothing more into the situation than it is time for them to cut their toenails, so someone needs to go... know nothing about his feelings, because he is a big boy - and can tell his sisters what's what when he feels like.

I know it's hard - but if your husband is your priority, you can't let the hags get to you - not even through him.

S.