Imaginary Friend

Had to laugh a little....I have a Bear at my house, man does she get into trouble, especcaly at night that Bear needs a lot of things, one more hug, a drink. The Bear even gets on my DD nerves somethimes at night she will tell Bear to be quiet and go to sleep.
I think it is kinda cute and I also use Bear to teach life lessons (like someone else said)

My oldest son had "boys" they went with us everywhere. I even slammed one in a car door once. I couldn't see them, but I believe they were his spirit guides. That or they were ghosts, but they watched over him, and they were never scary to him,so I played along. I think it's just fine for Jessica to be around. Encourage him to be nice to her, though, as she is probably sent to watch over him. N., Mom of 5

I had an imaginary dog when I was a kid. Used to warn the mail man to watch out for him. My grandparents even took a picture of him and I together. Then one day, he was just gone. For many kids its a safety blanket. As much as they know their friend is there, they also know the difference between reality and fantasy; kids who use their imagination more (like the ones who have imaginary friends) are actually better at knowing the difference between reality and fantasy then kids with little or no imagination. Like the other moms have said, as long as it doesn't get in the way....

My son is 5 and has an imaginary friend Chad. We don't know a Chad, no Chad in his class at school either... We use Chad to teach my son many things, like manners "Hey look the way Chad eats so nicely at the table". Or "Wow Chad is going to get a surprise for being such a good boy while we are shopping", works like a charm :) Not sure how much longer Chad is going to be with us, but we sure will miss him when he's gone :) Just turn it into a positive thing. He still pretty young.
Good Luck,
J. in Macomb

Hi H., I know this sounds a little out of sort, but its proven fact that children and animals can see spirits.Don't brush this off as a crazy person, I went thru the same thing when I was was a child. If you really want to know ask him about her, what she is wearing, how old she is, then if it sounds as if he really is seeing her, then tell her " Jessica cross over, go to the other side". It can't hurt to try. Then you will see a change in both your son and dog

My son is 2, and also sees someone in our home. He calls her "Floating Mommy". She is nice, and he likes having her around, so I am not in the same boat you are. At first it worried me, but I have decided that it may be his guardian angel. I think it is good that you helped your son kick Jessica out if it scared him. Hopefully she won't come back. If she does, it may help to explain to your son that she can't hurt him and she may be there to help watch over him and keep him safe. At one time, my son was quite sick. His lymph nodes were very swollen for a long time, and I was quite worried. My son said to me, " The floating mommy says that I will be okay. She says you don't need to worry." Then he kissed me on the nose and said, "That was from her." This is when I decided that it was okay with me that she was around. Maybe Jessica is there to watch over your son too. Good luck. I know how scarry this can be.

Also Penn State university has a "paranormal research society" that you may be able to contact, and actually I am pretty sure that they have message boards and you can talk to other people who are going experiancing similar things. I think the website is www.pennstateprs.com. Sounds similar to things that I experienced when I was a kid. If you'd like someone to talk about your/his experiences with, I've been through some things. Hope you get the answers your looking for and that "jessica" leaves!

When my son was 3 years old he had an imaginary friend that was a factory. They ran production at his factory, had meetings and even a hazardous waste spill. He once told me that he couldn't go to daycare because he needed to stay home to take a conference call about an issue at his factory. He talked in so much detail about the factory at daycare that one of his caregivers asked me where the factory was. My husband and I just played along with his game. Finally he stopped talking about the factory. I asked him why he wasn't talking about the factory anymore and my son told me that the station master had told him it was time for the factory to go away. My son never mentioned the factory or station master again. Sometimes imaginery friends are just a game and why for a child to express themselves. My son has grown up to be a pretty normal kid with a very creative mind. I like to think that his time with the factory was part of his growth process during childhood. Good luck with your son and his friend Jessica. Everything will turn out okay.

You need not destroy his imagination in order to indicate that you're not 'in on it.'

Imaginary friends are very real to small children, who still live in the land of make-believe: to them, a hammer only breaks a glass tabletop if the hammer is angry or the table wants to break. The unreal is real, and they believe in fairies and goblins and dragons... for probably another 4 or 5 years, until their brains grow more and evolve, gaining the capacity to understand cause and effect.

That these are real to children is no excuse to 'play along' as if you believe in them. "Oh, that's nice dear" is more valuable than arguing with his imagination or pretending you can see anything where there is nothing.

I love the implication that your son may be seeing spirits or ghosts. Sure, maybe he is -- what would you do about it if he were? I mean, so what? What difference does it make if it's his imagination (even a hallucination) or it's just something he can see that you can't?

My son went through a stage with imaginary friends he called his "ghost friends" which used to freak everyone out even us once in a while, but then it went from ghost friends to jerry the mouse and now he doesn't have any. I wouldn't worry I was told it is an active imagination and that is good for kids to have.

H.,
I agree with the previous responses. My daughter who is 5 now, has had many many different "friends" since she was 2. Most of them are pretty well gone now. We had to take Tia with us everywhere, and buckle her in when we went in the car. Sometimes her friend Tia had to have Farmer Jack bring her over to our house because she couldn't cross the street by herself. So I say indulge him, let him play with her or talk to her. I remember when Mollie was 2 her cousin Erin went on vacation for two weeks. the girls used to see each other all the time... all of the sudden we had a "friend" named Erin who was at our house, and playing with Mollie all of the time. I think it is sometimes their way of coping with changes or situations. Now that she is 5 and going to school all day everyday, i think she has moved on from most of them. We still have one that she talks about, but it is always in the past tense, so I don't know where her "Grandfather" is or when he was here. I agree with the people before saying as long as it's not interfering with his learning, etc then let him have his friend & you have fun with it.

A.

You should ask your 2 year old if he/she wants that person to go away and if the child says yes then you need to in front of the child say Jessica go away you are not real (or alive). They say that he is seeing a ghost and the only way the ghost will go away is if you tell it to. If that doesn't work then you need to have somebody from a church come and pray (unless you go to church) then you would pray to god to make all evil spirits go away. I have had to do this and it does work. (I am not trying to scare you so I hope I didn't.)

My DD is 4 and we have had LOTS of imaginery friends! At first I was kinda freaked out by it as well...because, like you, we didn't know anyone by the name of Kate, Jasmine etc., but then I noticed that the names she was chosing were names of charaters in books or movies we own. Kate, was the baby sister in the Arther series, Jasmine from the Aladdin movie and our latest friend Anna...is a girl she met last summer who use to live next to us and then moved shortly after the two became friends. Their were a few others, that I can't remember, but I do remember figuring out where they came from, if that makes sense. Check the books, movies, tv shows your little one watches and see if you can find a Jessica anywhere...if not I'm really not sure what to tell you. I personally would pray, but not sure if that is something you do. Other than that I would let your son know that you don't see her and encourage him to talk about her. If she truly is just an imaginery friend...then get ready...I remember having to yell at Kate who was running around in a store when she was suppose to be standing next to us waiting patiently, and my DD would insist I buckle the friend in when we'd get in the car and I'd have to set a plate for her at the table! It was an intersting exprience, that's for sure!

OK. I have read your request 3 times and didn't know whether to respond or not. I do believe that sometimes children and other people are attuned to things and can feel and see things that many of us cannot. I think you were wise not to 'pooh pooh' his comments and think that he is just making stuff up. I would suggest that you contact D'Ann Rohrbach. Her phone # is ###-###-####. Her Business is call Harmonic Vibrational Therapy. She is a lovely woman and when what your son is experiencing, I think she will be able to tell you immediately whether she can shed some light on this situation or not. You have nothing to lose by making a phone call - and perhaps you could gain a lot. Good luck with this.

Barb A.

When my son was 2 1/2 we went on a trip to Tennessee. We were driving through a battlefield and getting out every now and then to look at the memorials. My son kept looking around as if he had lost something. When we asked him about it, he said he was looking for his lost brother Chickamauga! Boy, was he mad that we had left Chickamauga in the South - he talked about him for months!

Really, with the dog acting strange too, I'm inclined to believe you may have a ghost too. Your son may be open to signs that get squashed when we grow up. Either you can kindly tell Jessica to move on or wait until your son is old enough to grow out of seeing Jessica.

My daughter was 21 months old when "Jeffrey" came around. At first I thought she was talking about the giraffe from Toys R us. Nope, he rode in the car, ate at our table, got tucked into bed, etc. He came to us right after the birth of my son.
After awhile we got Talla, then Peanut, Alicia (pronounced with a spanish accent), and Alex. They were her "kids" We always heard about these kids for about 2 years. The other day I realized that my son now has "my Talla" as his friend--I'm sure because of his sister always talking about her kids.
But, it dawned on me the other day that she does not have these kids any longer. She even told her brother that "Talla is not real"--which really made him upset.
She just grew out of it.
She is not alone a lot, I am a SAHM who is always doing things with my kids. We have tons of friends that we do play dates with, so it was not due to isolation or lonleyness. It is just a kid thing.
My mom said I also had an imaginary friend, Timmy, when I was her age.

My sister told me her 3 year old son has imaginary friends who are characters on t.v like Bob the Builder and Diego from Dora. He will ask her to get his friends milk and lunch. So it isn't strange for them to have a friend.

I do have experience with this and not to scare you but alot of times kids can see what adults don't. I know this is a difficult idea, but I would say he is seeing something. Your child already told you how to get rid of it. You need to tell Jessica to go away. If she is an imaginary friend or a ghost it should still work. Tell her to go away and that she must listen. You are mom it is your house and she is not welcome and must do what you say. If she is an imaginary friend then your son will think she has been sent away and should stop bringing her up. If she is a ghost tell her to get out. She is making your son uncomfortable and that is enough reason for her to be sent away. Also tell him to tell her to go away. I know what you are going through and it would take me all night to explain what I went through. You have the power to make her go away and you should immediately. If I can be of any help please let me know. Stay strong.

Personally, I wouldn't read too much into it- (I have a 2 1/2 year old son as well and they are quite imaginative. your son may have picked up the name from t.v. or when you were out shopping. kids are bright little things and don't forget much so that could be where he got the name from. However, i don't think i would play along with it saying that you see her or however you communicate that to him. you want to help teach him the difference b/w reality and play. you might say, "oh, are you pretending there's someone there named Jessica? Is she your friend? Mommy doesn't see her, but it's o.k. if you want to pretend." i think it's important to help them make that distinction b/w reality and "fiction." Hope that helps!

Hi H.<

I think you should go to your local natural foods type place and buy dry sage stick, then take your son to the sitter. when you get home burn the sage and walk around your house making sure the smoke get in every nook and cranny in every room in the house. this process is called smudging it is suppose to make your home inhabital to spirits. i know it seems weird but it worked for me when i was in a similar situation. i hope this helps and since your son says she doesn't leave the house i think it will

H.,

I'm Mom to an 18 year old, but when he was a little kid (maybe 4 or 5) he also had an imaginary playmate. I worried at first also, mostly because I didn't want anyone to think there was something strange about my son, but you know what, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Decided to not pay much attention to Tamarak (interesting name even) and eventually he went the way of the pacifier, blanket and other lovies. My son is an only so I thought maybe the "friend" was a way to have a sibling, but my son was adamant that Tamarak was only a friend and not even a child his age. He would talk to him, occasionally have disagreements, but eventually Tamarak just went away. I even questioned if he was maybe seeing a ghost - now I'm the crazy one - but he really just needed to have an outlet to work out his kid stuff. No lasting problems or anything. My son is now 18, working, going to college, no voices in his head, no imaginary people around. I've asked him about Tamarak in the years since and he fondly recalls having his imaginary friend. Nothing to worry about, just keep encouraging your son to treat his friend well (at least he'll learn manners) and in time, maybe a few years even, Jessica will fade into the background and you might even find that you miss her. Hope this helps you feel better.

Carol

Are you a Christian? In our home, we would tell it to be gone, in the name of Jesus. My daughter has many imaginary play friends, animals, etc., and those are fine :) But a creepy freaky presence, unwanted even by your son, is another story. That's not a play FRIEND.

I would have to agree with MC on her thoughts. I have two boys 16 and 8 now they both have gone through the imaginary friends but at times I was not so sure they were imaginary. My oldest was 2 1/2 (we lived in Iceland at the time) I had gotten him a couple of cats and at times when his friend was around watching him as your son says the cats would act very strange and other times they would act as if someone was petting them. My youngest sons experience was not as good the first so called "friend" was not very nice and would scare him and move things around in the house. I just did as Sylvia advised and told that friend to go away and leave our home. I am not sure it ever really left but things got better. When I moved in with my mother a couple of years ago he had another he would talk to so far our new home doesn't seem to have any friends.
But like another person has suggested us them as an example to so proper behavior but since you cannot see what they are doing always ask your son what his friend is doing before you use them as an example. Kids are smart if you say see your friend is sitting at the table properly they may look and smile because that friend may not be even sitting at the table or may be playing with his silverware. Sometimes an imaginary friend is a way for a child to test the bounderies or act out things they are thinking of doing if mom doesn't seem to get made about it then they may try it themselves.

My daughter started talking about her imaginary friend "Googer" and he was a dragon when she was two years old. As time went on she just talked about him less and now, doesn't talk about him at all. She's three now. It might help for your son to draw a picture of Jessica or if he wants her to go away, you can open the door and send her away. There might be some books at the library, such as Charlie and Lola books that incorporate an imaginary friend. Lola has an imaginary friend too. I wouldn't be too worried about it, it's a normal part of development and your son obviously has a great imagination that will give him hours of fun!

You are doing the right thing...respond without giving him a sense of being abnormal...These "friends" can be a great source of comfort.

I have two kids both have/had imaginary freinds. This friend seems to be a bad friend. Ask your son how he feels about the friend? Maybe he's telling you he wants privacy.

My daughter has a friend whom she blames when she's in trouble, however on our trip to the dr. she made mention of him and we ended up at CPS, so, becareful who you tell. You might fin dyourself in a really wierd situation. We rarely are apart from our daughter so I know nothing has ever happened to her.

sometimes kids can try to manipulte you by using theor imaginary friend, ie she knwe she would be getting shots, imaginary fiend appears......

Take it all in stride, focus on when the friend appears, and why?

My son was just lonely. His friend look like mr. rogers....
i ACTUALLY MISS HIM. LOL.

iT'LL PASSS, BUT i WOULD TELL cAM TO TELL HIS FRIEND TO LEAVE.

p.s. watch the cartoons he watches I suspect they may get this idea from them. maybe?

I'm of the opinion that as long as the "friend" does not get in the way, the more the merrier. For example, I worked with a preschool student and the "friend" got in the way of our speech therapy time. So, I made a rule that the "friend" could not come to speech, he had to wait in a special spot. Eventually, the rule had to be made that the "friend" had to wait at home and then somehow the "friend" went away. You can always say things like, "She must only talk to you can hear her. What did she say, so I can give an answer?" Or, the biggest excuse I hear is, "Friend did it." And, my answer is always, well that may be, but I can only see you so you have to be responsible for "whatever it is".
B.

Realistically although I agree with the other posts regarding imaginery friends, I have to admit that when I read your post, my first thought was that of psychic Sylvia Browne who appears on Montel and who would say that your son is having a psychic experience. Most people don't believe in that stuff, but can it be proven that it doesn't exist? From what I've heard and read about the paranormal, children and pets can see things like spirits/feel energies that we adults cannot. Some people are more of a medium than others. As long as he isn't scared, I don't see a problem. But, I would be honest with him and tell him that you don't see Jessica and inquire that he talk about her to see what you can find out. Now, as far as you being freaked out about this and the dog, I don't know what to tell you other than give it some time and hopefully it's just a phase and goes away.

Good Luck,

MC

i have no idea. i've heard of kids seeing "spirits" and heard of animals acting up in a home that is haunted. but, maybe it's just his age??? my daughter, who is 2 1/2 insists that theres a dinosaur in her room. she's even woke up in the middle of the night and started talking to it and says it's nice, but sometimes when she is going to bed she won't go to sleep until i tell the dinosaur to go home and sleep in his own bed. then she's fine and goes to bed. maybe an overactive imagination and he'll grow out of it. i know this isn't much, but i'm curious to see what others have to say, too. good luck!

I don't want to sound weird and I don't know what your faith or beliefs are, but..My Mom is a psychic and I have lived with things like this my whole life. Sounds like you have a ghost. Just go to the middle of your house and say Jessica's name and tell her to go to the light and go to God. This is my house now and you need to move on. Then get a cup of water and Ask God to bless the water and go around to each door and window in the house and make the cross on each of them and ask God to protect your family and house with the White Light. This sounds weird I know but, try it, what can it hurt. If it doesn't work do it again until you feel safe. Should work on first time though. My son also has a friend named Chicky and we think it is his guide, he is not afraid of it and tells me its a boy and a girl. He also saw a bear on his basketball hoop and insists that it was not a bad dream. Makes life more interesting for us to think there could be things on the other side.