I Just Found Out My Childs Friends Father Is a Sex Offender What Should I Do?

I would not stop my daughter's friendship with her friend who has done nothing wrong, but I would focus more on making the rules VERY firm about the general safety rules: who my daughter can and cannot get in a car with, the secret family password, explain that even when she knows someone that doesn't mean she's to leave with them, etc. And no, I wouldn't let my child over to her friend's house but the friend would always be welcome at mine! I will refrain from getting on a soapbox here, but unfortunately, I HOPE NOT, but the friend may need you (a safe house and responsible adult) one day.

Just as first thought, I would think it was a "consensual" relationship (though wrong) and that's why he is a sex offender...her parents were upset. HOWEVER, I would not let my child go over to their house at all. I would let them remain friends, but I would absolutely keep the hang outs at my house and my house only.

I went and looked up what exactly "aggravated sexual battery" was in Kansas.
This is what I came up with.....

"(a) Aggravated sexual battery is the intentional touching of the person of another who is 16 or more years of age and who does not consent thereto, with the intent to arouse or satisfy the sexual desires of the offender or another under any of the following circumstances:
(1) When the victim is overcome by force or fear;

(2) when the victim is unconscious or physically powerless;

(3) when the victim is incapable of giving consent because of mental deficiency or disease, or when the victim is incapable of giving consent because of the effect of any alcoholic liquor, narcotic, drug or other substance, which condition was known by, or was reasonably apparent to, the offender.

(b) Aggravated sexual battery is a severity level 5, person felony.

(c) This section shall be part of and supplemental to the Kansas criminal code."

I would just keep your child in your home and if she wants to have a friendship with his daughter then they need to play or have sleepovers at your house. If the father came to you and asked about why your daughter can't come to his house then I would be completely honest.
"Phil, we think your daughter is great. We love having her over. However, when I was checking the sex offender registry for our neighborhood your name came up on the registry. Our daughter isn't going to be going over there. Your daughter is welcome to come to our place to play."
Honest, straightforward, and direct.
L.

ETA: I agree a lot with what Gamma said. Sometimes people ARE railroaded. To be honest, he should be trying with every fiber in his being to have the charges overturned if he is not guilty, leaving no stone unturned. Perhaps he doesn't have enough money to fight it, or he isn't trying.

The only thing I disagree with is the idea of talking to him. You will never be able to believe him when the court doesn't. It doesn't matter what he says. If he tells you he's not guilty, will it really change your mind and make you decide to send your daughter over there? No. So don't muddy the waters by talking to him when you know in your heart that you won't allow her over there anyway.

If he were to convince the court of his innocence, that would be something to pay a lot more attention to.

Original:
I don't think you change anything. As long as you aren't letting your daughter go over there, it should be fine. If this girl behaves inappropriately at your house, THEN you say no to her coming over. But if she doesn't, then please allow her to be friends with your daughter. She will never be able to have friends over. It's not her fault her father did this.

We do not punish the child for the sins of her father.

And so you let their natural friendship continue.

You just make sure they come to your home to play or for sleep overs.

Try to just let it be. If your daughter is invited over just decline. IF the parents ever ask you why, you can tell them what you know.

As an adult I found out that a very good friend of mine, his father was a child molester. I had no idea, and I still have never told anyone. Looking back I can now understand more about my friend and why he ended up moving away and never speaks about his parents. He deflects those questions.

His father was an alcoholic and had anger issues, but I had never realized his other problems.

I'm with Nervy Girl. I would never "ask his side" of the story.
I'm betting this conviction is WHY your daughter isn't invited over or for sleepovers, right?
If it was you or me on that list, I'd bet we'd ASSUME everyone is aware of my status.
Keep it as it is.
She comes to your house.
Poor kid--thank God she has a friend with parents who do t immediately pull the plug on the friendship! Good for you.
Just keep it safe...sounds like that's second nature for you anyway.
Good luck!

If this were something that had happened when he was 19, or 20, or even 21, and unmarried.... I wouldn't be as concerned, as this type of thing does happen... he may not have been totally aware that she was 16, and assumed (wrongfully) that she was closer to his age...

However, since it appears that it happened while he was married, and a father (since his daughter is most likely more than 7), I would be much more concerned...

I totally understand your concern and desire to protect your daughter....

I would not ask him his side... just assume that since he is a registered sex offender, that it was a rightful conviction.

All play dates/sleepovers should be at your house, with proper supervision. I would also hesitate to have him drive your daughter anywhere.

If they ask why you are being so cautious, just tell them that since his name is on the sex offender list, you want to make sure your daughter is under your watchful eye when around that family.

It is not the little girls fault. Let them be friends at school. Do not let your daughter go anywhere with them. Tell your daughter not to get on a car with him

SCARY! Yes obviously NEVER EVER let your daughter over there! If it's ever questioned you can share what you know. Maybe the mom doesn't know?
Your daughter is your first priority hands down!

I've only read a couple of the responses, but I agree that you should not stop the friendship - your daughter's friend is innocent - no need to make her be a victim as well. But I would keep all the hang-outs at my house.

Just reading the conviction isn't enough to base it on. I'd start by finding out if the victim was male or female. If it was a male, your daughter may be totally safe - this man may only be interested in young men. I'd get more details. I think it's ok to ask.

Anyway, for now, have their daughter come play at your house instead. You may politely decline invitations to play there and, if they ask why, be honest.

I'm not saying what he did was acceptable in ANY way. But, once you hear the details, you may realize that your daughter isn't at risk and the offense wasn't as bad as it sounds.

I don't have advice, but will just give you my experience ... former foster father molested, me, another foster sibling and quite possibly a third and younger sibling (this all inside our home)
prior to my arriving, I found while playing with another neighbor girl that this man had asked her to pull down her pants (from that point on) the girl was not allowed over the house and was warned to stay away from him)
I think sex offenders do in fact have repeat offenses, and those are the only ones you hear about. which leads me to think, while he was convicted of that one offense, how many more was he not caught in the act.............
also, I'd much rather have a spoiled friendship than a spoiled childhood..
when I was molested, I, myself feared being home alone with the foster father because even at a young age, I knew he'd strike again (and he tried) ..........Also, gotta wonder, if your daughter's little friend is safe....

I understand your concern for this matter concerning your daughters saftey but you are over thinking this. Sure don't trust him to watch you daughter alone but don't show any indication of shunning him or knowing this information because he has obviously picked the peices of his life together and going through his personal information is not going to make you any more comfterble then it would be if he found out.

If you want your daughter to keep the friendship, just keep things the way they are-the other girl comes over to your house, and your daughter never goes over to their house. If he or his wife ever question why the playdates are always at your house, you can take the opportunity to let them know what you found out.

But since I like to avoid confrontations, and uncomfortable situations, I would just gradually back away from the friendship and encourage my daughter to hang out with other girls more, and with this girl less.

I would continue only allowing the girl to your house to play. I wouldn't send your daughter to the other girl's house or allow her on any outings with the other girl and mom, even if you believe the dad is not going.
The other thing is, whatever age your daughter is, when she gets to the point of internet contact - Facetime, Facebook, anything like that, even texting, she should not have that contact with this friend.

I think I would keep doing what you are doing. No playdates at their house. If this girl is a good friend of your daughter's, she shouldn't be punished with the loss of a friend for something her Dad did when she was 2y.

I would just keep the play dates at your house.