I Can't Afford Another Year of Preschool -- Help!

Don't fear. Kindergarten redshirting is really bad for kids, especially kids with needs, so as a group, the trend will (hopefully) begin to reverse soon. He will be fine, and if he were to have any unseen issue, you are actually doing the very best thing for him by sending him to school on time.

Another little talked about benefit to sending kids on time, most of the focus on this site is short sighted, looking only at the next couple of years of comfort, but the data does not lie. Kids who are older than their grade peers in the last two years of highschool have more contact with the Juvinile justice system, drop out more, and use drugs more.

Send him with confidence.

M.

Well, at 5 he's ready for Kindergarten, right? So no worries over $$ for pre-school there.
He'll be fine. My son tended to be quiet, shy, etc. but he was fine in Kindergarten. Kids do cry in K. The teachers know how to best handle it. My son has a buddy that squeaked into K with an August birthday and yes--he is younger, but he's doing great. I don't think you *can* bully-proof a child!

For the financial aspect of your post, just wanted to rec a Dave Ramsay book (or listen to him on the radio or catch his tv show) Financial Peace or Total Money Makeover.
It's all about paying OFF and eliminating debt (credit card & other) and living on less than you make. If you don't have the cash, you don't need it. Might be hard to see that position right now, but get RID of those cards and start getting rid of those monthly payments--that's probably what's hurting you the most--so get rid of those cards right now!

My son is horribly unathletic ( i know not a word lol), also cries easily and throws tantrums - is a computer geek, and pretty unpopular - he doesn't really get bullied though, the teachers are on to it pretty quick these days - he got bullied one time last year, the teacher gave the other boy lines.

in K, they are watched all the time, even at recess, so I am sure he will be fine, and fine a similarly geeky friend to hang out with!

I had my son in various things b4 he started school, to try and "toughen him up", but to be honest it did not change his innate personality - and I realize now I shouldn't have tried, the world needs sensitive and passionate boys!

I think the best things you can do is keep lines of communication open, talk with him often, let him know that he needs to talk (not shy away from) kids who are "not nice" to him.

Our oldest daughter was a "young 5" when she entered K too. She was very "handsy" and that immaturity was the ONLY thing making it obvious that she wasn't the same age otherwise with the other kids.

We did deal with some not nice kids, but she did fine. She learned to stand up for herself, tell other kids to leave her alone and how to deal with them.

The bottom line is I don't think you can "bully proof" your child. I think you can teach them skills on how to deal with bullies/mean kids, you can talk with them often about "how's school going", "who are your friends", and we played "roses and thorns" at dinner time - you say the highs and lows of your day.

The next best thing you can do as a parent is try, try, try to have him make some friends and have them over for playdates, join the same soccer team, and make friends with the mom of his friend. FRIENDS stick up for each other, FRIENDS stick together. Try to not make Kindergarten a new, scary place. Talk about how much fun he's going to have, about seeing his friends everyday, etc.

We've made some friends that haven't panned out, due to different interests, finding new friends, etc. We don't focus on "losing" those friends. We just say, "OK, so she has someone else she likes to play with. That's ok." And then I schedule playdates with the kids that my child really does like, play with on the playground, etc. I work hard to make our house the "funnest one" to come to, so that my daughter gets lots of playdate invitations in return. Now we have several "go to" friends that also play soccer, joined Brownies, etc.

If you are worried you will project that onto him. Try to be upbeat and focus on friends and fun and you'll both be just fine.

IF you notice a problem or suspect bullying, get involved with the bus driver, teacher or school principal right away. Don't wait for it to get better. Don't make excuses for your child being "young" or "sensitive". There's nothing you can do about those things. Focus on how the children treat each other and ask for their ideas and suggestions to help everyone get along.

Best wishes
Been there

Ok, martial arts can be a great way to boost self-esteem- but I have a few things to say about it.

My son has taken aikido, a Japanese martial art, since he was about 5 and half. But- he was very mature for his age when he started and our dojo generally does not start kids younger than six. You will see a lot of places with classes for kids as young as 3 or 4- in my opinion, if you want them to start that young, it is just like going to a gym play group.

I just don't think kids that young get much mentally or emotionally out of martial arts -and I have seen way too many kids start that young and then by the time they are old enough to really be getting something out of the program, they are burnt out and tired of it and drop out!

If you do decide to check out a martial art, know that some programs are much more expensive than others. Be wary of any dojo that makes you pay for a certain amount of time up front or doesn't allow a trial period, especially with such a young child.

There are many excellent dojos in all different disciplines teaching martial arts to kids. But there are some that are just cashing in on kids classes. All martial arts can be very different and all dojos have a different approach to their art. Go to several different places/disciplines in your area and ask a LOT of questions to see what would be the best fit for your son. I am not saying it is all Karate Kid vs. Cobra Kai- but some places are sort of like that! Talk to other parents at each place if you can. A few good questions:

1)What is the main philosophy/history of your primary discipline?

2)Does your dojo focus on just one type of martial art or several? How do I choose which one is the best fit for my son?

3)Is your dojo competitive? Is your martial art also considered a sport (like judo) or is it not a sport? Do students here compete- are they required to?

Although competitive martial arts can be really exciting for kids, it is not for everyone. If a dojo is all about trophies, and 30 little kids doing kicks and punches, it might not be the small group attention that your shy son will need to build his self confidence.

As far as bully-proofing him- make sure he has friends before school starts if you can. If he knows some other kids going into kindergarten it will probably help a lot. Look into the martial arts- it can be GREAT- but do your background so you don't end up paying for something that doesn't really help your son. good luck!

Karate is a great way to build self-esteem, so I think that's a great idea! However, I wouldn't borrow trouble too much. You never know how your son's kindergarten class will be, and chances are he'll have a great class of kids and a lot of fun -after all, he's made it through pre school! Just encourage him to always talk to you and let you know if someone is being mean to him. Tell him no matter what anyone tells him -it really IS okay to tell you stuff that happens! You also never know where he might find an unlikely friend. My wild, rough and tumble crazy boy is best friends this year with the most well-behaved little girl in his prek class! They just "click" -so your son may become great friends with someone you would never imagine.

I think Karate is an excellent idea! It will not only give him a way to protect himself but a sense of power and security and at the same time they do teach them respect and tolerance. Super idea!

My husband is a black belt. He is not an agressive person but he feels always very confident that if needed he can protect himself and his family.

Many schools have implemented a zero policy when it comes to bullying. From teachers to fellow students, they learn from an early age how to protect one another, deflect bullying in a non-confrontational way and teachers know to take it seriously.
I would touch base with your school of choice and find out what they have in place for bully prevention and deterrance. Talk with his teacher at the start of the year in a one-on-one conference about your concerns. They are usually so willing to support families. They know what a difficult thing it is to send these precious little babies to school for the first time!
I honestly am not connecting the issue of unathletic at 5 yo and redshirting in college. I may have misread that. but if he is unathletic, chances are he will never make it to that level of play. BUT if your concern is him having an athletic outlet for his energy level, running/cross country and swimming are all great options for individual achievement and don't take significant skill other than dedication to train.

Hi M.!

My oldest daughter turned 5... 2 days before the K cut off...She was several weeks early, and a smaller baby than her two older brothers...I toyed with the idea of holding her back, and now I am SO glad I did not! She was one of the tallest in her class in the next few years...and very mature for her age. By her junior year in HS, she was ready to 'fly the nest' LOL.

Happy to report that she is now a very happy sophomore in college! She did tend to be shy, BUT was able to confront a difficult roommate situation on her own...

Good Luck!
Things will work out
michele/cat

My son started kindergarten at 4 and he is smaller in size even for his age. I thought for sure that he would be a bully target because he is so sweet and geeky. Luckily for us, the other kids really like his sweet nature and the girls like to "baby" him. He is in second grade now and I ask him all the time about bullies, but his teacher and school really support a family and helpful atmosphere. You should start making contact with the school system to, hopefully, put your fears to rest. Also, I am told that boy bullying does not get bad until 5th grade, so maybe we just have not hit it yet.
Good luck and don't stress yourself out over it because it seems like you have a lot on your plate.
C.

it sound like your gut feeling is he needs another year of pre K so maybe you should try harder to make that happen. (and I'm a proponent of not letting your child be the youngest in a grade) Does your church/temple have a program? Ours it not cheap but pretty liberal with scholarships. Will your present school offer a larger scholarship if you ask and explain the circumstances? Does the teacher agree he could use another year in PREK? Is there a public school Pre K you might be able to get him into? Look for a CO OP nursery school where you volunteer once a week in exchange for lower rates. Bullying is not a big issue in Kindergarten, they are very accepting of differences and crying until 2nd grade unless maybe you live in a bad area when and how was he hassled by another child?

All 3 of my kids do Tae Kwon Do and it has increased their confidence ten fold. None of them were overly shy to being with, but it teaches them so much about how to be a better person, they are huge on respect. Respect others, yourself, your body, mind, etc. It teaches you to be confident, honest, loyal, etc. I can't even name off the ten things they say in each class, but my 3 year old can :o). Really any activity will work to get him out of his shell. Or, maybe talk with the teachers. A lot of kindergarteners are very shy at first. I'm sure he'll be fine mama!!

Sometimes you will be amazed at what can happen in a year. My daughter was very shy, cried her first week of school and took two months to open up in preschool last year. Her birthday is in September and the cutoff is December 1. So she was able to move right onto Kindergarten too. I can't believe the complete 180 this year. Even at the end of preschool last year she wasn't as outgoing as she's been this year. She is just blossoming this year and I've been so amazed! So it is possible he might grow by next year.

Otherwise, is it possible that he could go to a young five program in your school area. That might resolve your issue too.

My son turned 5 the week school (kindergarten) started. He's now 15 and for the last 8 or so years, I've wished I'd waited. But, I understand your predicament, and he'll probably be fine. But I would plan on, and insist upon, him doing TWO years of kindergarten. It'll be worth it in the long run! Good luck :)

Kids tend to grow a LOT emotionally and physically during the year they are five and six. It is a wonderful stage of development. I think in the next year you'll see a great maturing in him. Continue to allow him choices that strengthen his confidence and self image.

I think you might be able to look around your neighborhood and find a few other kids, maybe girls since they might be less threatening, that will be in his school or grade and start now with play dates.