I Am Getting Played by a Two Year Old!

hey T. let me start by saying girls are rotten and she is palying you with girls you will find everthing is about controle be stronge

We went through this to some extent with my last one (Who's finally potty trained! Woo-hoo!! No more potty training EVER!!! Yay!) Lol ... sorry - after potty training 6 kids and spending 10 consecutive years changing diapers, I feel like I just won a marathon! Anyway, she was bored sitting on the potty and had other things she'd rather do, so she'd dribble and then want to get up and go play again, only to pee her pants minutes later. I did let her know I wasn't real happy about it since I knew she was aware she had to go (she knew she had to go in the first place) and had simply made the decision that she had better things to do. I made her help "clean up" a few of the messes. I also started making her sit on the potty longer, explaining that if she insisted on getting up before she was done, then I had to make sure that she sat there until she really was done. After a few days of that she was really tired of sitting on the potty. We still had "I didn't get there" accidents, but no more "dribble" issues - the thought of being made to sit there forever for sure didn't appeal to her.

We also just recently broke her of the "BUT MOM, I NEED GO POTTY!!" thing at bedtime. Now, I make sure I have her go potty before getting in bed, and I sometimes allow her ONE more trip depending on whether or not she seems sincere or just not wanting to go to bed. If she persists, I just say "You've already gone potty. Good night." and continue on with whatever I'm doing. If she does get up for that one more trip and doesn't actually go potty, and just seems to be sitting there and enjoying the bedtime reprieve, she gets in trouble for not being honest with me and gets sent straight back to bed. I do not allow this last trip to be a long one. If she doesn't have to go in the first minute or so, and I know she's already gone - then she's not going to go. "I wonder if I can squeeze a drop out so I don't have to go to bed" and "I have to go potty" are two different things. Now - this is just my child. Your child may have different reasons. But with my daughter, this is what has worked. I decided to go off diapers in December, and though she was one of my roughest ones in terms of getting her to stop what she was doing and get in there, she almost never has an accident day or night now. Only you can really be the judge of what approach to take with your little one, or what her reasons may be for the current situation. I'm sure you'll figure it out soon! Good Luck!

All I want to say is that if you make a big deal out of this, it will become a long battle you don't want. You're probably not old enough to remember the Viet Nam War, but you get the picture! I'd tread lightly. She's still young. She needs to beel in control of this. I'd just drop it for awhile. My 2 1/2 yr old granddaughter just decided she wanted to use the potty and it's going well. I have a very smart daughter (she's an MD now) who was close to 4 because I started too young and she just loved to make me crazy with it. I didn't own a dryer either, so you can imagine...

Hang in there, Mom! All things in time. G. B.

Maybe it is too soon for her. I was pregnant with my daughter, when potty training my 2 1/2 year old son. I didn't want two in diapers. I think I pushed him and as a result he had problems with his BMs. I think it was too soon for him. She is only two and she just may need more time. Don't feel pressured into having her potty trained by a certain age. Every child is different.

Also, have you tried the age old incentive about wearing big girl panties?

Good luck to both of you.

M.

Dear T.,

Just as a thought, it sounds like maybe she isn't ready for potty training yet. She doesn't seem to be able to differentiate between 'going' and 'dribbling'. I'd say give it a rest for a little while and revisit later on. I have 3 kids, and they all traiend differently, but rest assured they will all be trained! Patience, patience, patience!

I just wanted to say don't get so discouraged by so many people saying she just may not be ready. She might not be. But your her mom and you know if she seems ready or not. Does she understand when she pees what just happened? Things of that nature. I have three kids. My oldest literally was fully potty trained in a few days. He was 100 percent potty trained by his first birthday. My 2nd child was completely potty trained by 13/14 months. My third was 2. NOt because she wasn't ready but because mom had to much on her plate and didn't stay as consistant as she should. I think most people do wait longer to potty train now and days but as a mom we usually know in our hearts if its time. So how did i do this you ask? lol well i will tell you. two main things. First off no diaper!!!!!Let her run around with no bottoms if you see a sign put her on the potty. Second Bribary. Yes i bribed and bribed and that worked really well with the first and last child the middle one had a little more comprehension issues with it. but regardless it still took a short time. and by the way yes she has control right now and unfortunately you know as well as i do when a kid has control its hard to take it back. just stay consistant best advice i can give-- oh and remember bribe, bribe and bribe some more. lol and leave the bottom with nothing on its easier to rush to the potty. good luck. i feel your pain. lol

She may simply not be fully ready. Just be firm with her. "No getting up off the pottychair until you pee in it". And stick to it. If she doesn't follow the rule, she misses out on a favorite something.
And at night....grief! 25 times? I sure hope that's an exaggeration! So limit her liquid intake before bedtime. She's become a Pavlov's dog; very conditioned to a routine that now she functions automatically. Make a deal with her and stick to it. If she doesn't want to wear pull ups during the night, she'd better go before bedtime and maybe once during the night. It's not doing you or dad's necessary sleep any good to constantly get interrupted. Quit running to her. Put a waterproof pad in her bed, and if an accident occurs, well she is only 2.
When she wants to feel like a big girl she'll agree to regulate things. Pre-school? They won't allow a kid who's not trained. So if she wants to go she'll have to really work on it.
Final possibility, she may have trouble holding it which then you might want to consult a specialist. This is your child, and like all other things with having kids, patience is needed. It's a learning process for all. You didn't sign on for fast and easy.

T.,

She knows she's in control at bedtime because you don't want her to have an accident. Our daughter (around 4 at the time) would say she needed to go to the potty at bedtime. When she would sit there for 30 minutes and wouldn't go we soon realized it was just a delaying tactic to keep from going to bed.

Since the weather is getting warmer I suggest what we finally tried (suggested by our pediatrician). She advised giving our daughter plenty to drink, as much as she would take, then putting her in a long t-shirt to cover the private area. Take her outside to play with a training potty. Once she feels the pee running down her legs she will discover what it feels like and want to do something about it. If she completely ignores it she could be too young too train at this point. Every child will let you know how much they understand.

This worked wonders for our daughter and soon got her started down the right path.

For nighttime...my mother suggested putting the kids to bed and then waking them up a couple of hours later and taking them to the bathroom. This is still our normal routine every night (daughter, 6 and son, 4) and seems to lessen any nighttime accidents. This doesn't wake them up enough that they don't want to go back to sleep. Usually we have trouble waking them up enough to pee.

Good luck and hang it there! She will get the hang of it.

I SO feel your pain! I have 2 daughters, ages 3 (almost 4) and a 2 year old that I am potty training. Both of mine went through the stage of going on the potty and NOT wetting and then wetting afterward. My youngest still does this sometimes. I had tried everything with my first, patience (until it ran out) frustration, discipline, rewards of food, stickers, new toys, promises of trips and special time, reading books on the potty, having the potty in the living room, going on a little potty, going on the big potty with a seat, without a seat, with me, without me. If it can be suggested, I tried it! I was frustrated because my first was trained just before she was 2 years old around the time my second was born- but then regression hit like running into the great wall of China... we weren't going anywhere! It took 2 years to get her to the point she is at now and NONE of it was because of any kind of strategy I employed other than finally backing off and accepting that when she was ready, she would do it. I've tried underwear on and off again but for some reason, this time when we tried it, she was ready for it and hasn't turned back yet. So, all that to say, try to be patient with your daughter. Getting frustrated will only help make you feel better for a temporary moment and it will only make her feel worse and delay her ability to get it right quicker. I know because that is the reality that took me this long to figure out!

Remember that your daughter desperately wants to please you! A simple "uh, oh, we missed the potty" and nothing more should give her the picture that she's not suppose to go in her pants without too much negative reinforcement. I find that if I'm too animated one way or another, the kids will repeat that behavior over and over just to get the reaction out of it- at this age, it's like a game and part of the way they learn. Try not to focus on your feelings of being played. I really understand what that feels like but it's not personal. You may feel like they are getting a kick out of watching you change them yet again and in a way, they are... but it's not to exact revenge or watch you sweat or being naughty. Do your best to control your emotions of frustration and keep your responses, planned, pleasant or matter of fact, and simple. Soon she'll get it that she's not going to get a rile out of mommy this way and she'll move on with increasing self control. HTH.

I potty trained 2 kids, my girlfriend trained 2 kids,and this program was taught in my psychology class in college. It works!! The book is called Potty Training in Less Than A Day.
J.,BHC

Just want to let you know you're not the only one going through this...my 2 year old often does a similar thing. She does fairly well during the day...we do have accidents, some days more than others...but I'm proud of her, and frankly with a baby due in 10 weeks I'd rather clean up accidents than change diapers!

When she gets up at night we do let her sit (b/c she always goes...and I agree...how can she go every 2-3 hours during the day and every 1/2 hour at night!) We let her sit...b/c we want to encourage her but she only gets to sit while I/or Dad sing the ABC's she then gets her pennies to put in the bank and get back to bed, no fooling around. It hasn't stopped her from getting up, but some nights are better than others. I figure she'll eventually get better and once she's totally potty trained we can put more of a stop to it.

Good Luck!!

We put a potty chair in her bedroom. I know it's gross but it was necessary since I don't leave her door open (fear of her falling down the stairs or off the ledge) and that way she was able to take care of it herself. Remember, this is just because she wants your attention, not because she can't go during the day, or has to go at night. I put pull ups on mine so that I didn't have to worry about her playing me, and I could just say oh well, and not be stressed about it. If she really has to go, she will use her potty.

I was totally against the reward system for potty training until my daughter started the same stuff on me. You can use a chart with stickers, but m&m's worked for us. I believe there are drawbacks with giving rewards for something like pottying and have seen those drawbacks, but I am sure that by the time she is 4, it won't be an issue anymore. Good luck

Hi T.,

Poddy training is different with every child...a long process too, esp. for Mommy! You said she "dribbles." Any chance there might be a "physical" problem going on with her? Check with your Pediatrition to eliminate that possibility first.

"Big Girl Panties" was the reward with our girls...seemed to work and encourage them to do better. Kept them in a diaper during night shift till they mastered the routine. They know when they're ready to give it up!

I'd limit her liquid intake after 6pm...making sure she has enough fluids during the day. Praise works well in this training phase and sharing her triumphs with Daddy, Grandma or Aunties in a special phone call, may encourage the success rate too. Has worked with our youngest granddaughter so far!

She'll master this routine...one day, one step at a time, I promise!

M. F
San Luis Potosi

T. ~
Have you tried just letting her run around with no pants on? That worked best with my son. If he had anything on, he would forget and go in his pants, but if he was naked, he went in the potty every time. I waited until summer, so it was warm enough to run around like that. The only problem was when he ran out the door! LOL
good luck!
D.

First, she is ONLY 2. Maybe you started training too soon. BUT, the other thing is, if she feels the urge to go so many times in the night, she might have a bladder infection. My oldest daughter had bladder infections for 3 years at that same age. She trained fine, but then it went to every 5 minutes she had to go and would only go a little bit. After 3 years of antibiotics, bladder and kidney x-rays, a cyctoscopy and a doctor that told me she would be plagued with this the rest of her life, I took her to a D.O. I had the simple question..."could it be our water?" We had well water at the time. The urologist had told me it couldn't be the water, of course in a very intimidating way. The D.O. said absolutely it could be the water. We started giving her bottled water only and she NEVER had another infection. All those antibiotics, traumatic tests for her and the stress of thinking she would have this forever never had to happen. The D.O. explained to me that there was some little micro-organism in the water that the rest of the family could handle, but her little system couldn't.
The signs at that age are subtle...pee accidents happen to 2 year olds, my daughter was 4 at the time. She only weighed 21 pounds. After we got her bladder straightened out she grew 3 inches and gained 15 pounds in 6 months.
I've babbled enough...go with your gut. Maybe take a break from the potty training for awhile and have her checked out for a bladder infection. I'd love to hear how it all goes. Good luck!

Have you tried giving her something else to think about while she's on the potty? A book maybe? You could put something in her potty to see if she can make it wet. This works better with boys, but it might work for her too.