Husbands Lack of Sex Drive

Are you married to my husband? haha

Personally, my plan is to get all these kids out of him and leave him when I'm 40.

That way, he'll have them every other weekend so I can go out and get some action!

hahahahaha I'm only kidding. But, it is good to know I'm not the only one.

Omg A.!
I am so glad i'm not alone in this! Everyone has pretty much summed it up, i just wanted you to know there is "one more" out there. My husband actually talked to his dr about this and found out he had low testosterone levels, so he does go in about every 2 months for a shot-it seems to help somewhat. We sometimes go a week without sex, but i know that having 3 boys(9,6,3) has a lot to do with it. Anyway, we do tell each other "i love you" everyday, and we have a wonderful marriage-he likes to hold hands too- so i guess i should thank my lucky stars i've found someone to spend my life with-and who knows-once the kids are older, we can start focusing more on each other, if you know what i mean. Good luck and happy holidays!

First of all GO GIRL!
I don't think a mans sex drive goes down as he gets older, look at the 50-60 year old men with a 25-30 year female. Maybe they take Viagra.
After a child the female sex drive normally decreases, then again you are currently pregnant, which means your hormones are unusually high. I think your sex drive will cool down after this baby, cause you will be so drained with the work out of two.
It sounds like you have a great husband, and he works hard to provide both financially and sexually. Maybe he is tired, pamper him one day see if things change.I would not advise an argument about it, it just makes men resent what you nag about. Best of luck for you!

A. you are ot alone in this area. Like your husband, mine has never seemed to have what I consider the stereotyical male sex drive. I sometimes feel like there is something wrong since I would love to be having it everyday! Unfortunatley, I don't think there is anything wrong with any man that doesn't have what we would consider to be a "normal" male sex drive. We have just been conditioned by society to believe that every man wants sex all the time and the simple fact is not every man does.

It sounds like you have a good strong marriage and I wouldn't worry about anything as long as everyone is satisfied when it is all said and done! :)

First of all, there are plenty of women with a high sex drive. Secondly, my boyfriend/significant other is like that. He doesn't turn me away, but rarely initiates it. We are both 25 and have an 8 mo old. The only time he really "didn't want to" was about the last month of the pregnancy he was weirded out about the fact that he was right there where his son was... lol.
He is in great shape and is a wrestler/coach so he works out and has practices a couple times a day. I know he is often tired when he gets home and sometimes doesn't feel like it. I thought that was strange, too since I'd never had a guy turn me down before. But it sounds to me like you have a great situation with a great husband. I would just take care of your additional needs yourself. There are great products out there;)
Good luck

I have been married for 18 years. The first 4 years, we had the best sex life. Since then, my husband has very little, if any sex drive. It almost ended our marriage. I am lucky to have sex once a month. What I finally had to do, was focus my attention on the rest of my marriage and accept that his sex drive is not now and will probably never will be comparable to mine. We still have the occasional argument about it. I always get the "I'll try to work on it"statement.
He has seen a physician and has no physical problems. He is affectionate in every other way and I am not willing to give up my best friend for his lack of sex drive. I am sure this is not the response that you wanted. I am glad to know that I am not the only one out there. The problem is not you. I know that is hard to believe, but it's true. I hope things do improve for your sex life.

A....don't take it too personally, and there isn't anything wrong with your husband, if this is how it has been the duration of your relationship, he may simply not have the drive you have at this time in his life...1 or 2 times a week really isn't bad at all...now if it were 1 or 2 times a month i would understand your frustration...my husband has always had less drive than i do...we keep it around a couple of times a week and i am okay with that (we have been together almost 10 yrs)...why don't you get a couple of fun toys and have him help you have a little extra fun when u r on and he is simply not (trying to keep this post as clean as possible!)...differences are part of marriage, even on this topic, you guys just have to find a middle ground to where u r both comfortable...good luck

Well I'll be. I don't know what to say. I'm with you on what I'd like...and we agree. BUT, my husband is not able to keep up with that plain and simple. He is also attentive when we are together. But, if I push things with him he'll shut down and not want it or, if he tries too hard he'll not be able to do so at all which is embarrasing for the both of us.

If we were together twice per week I'd be VERY happy. We've gone weeks, months and even 2 years once without being together. By the way, the long stretches always come after I try and get him to work on it. I'm beginning to think it's just not worth it anymore.

Suzi

My fiancee is kinda like your husband. We usually don't do it for like weeks. So you are not alone. I work 2 jobs and he works one so I don't know if that has anything to do with our situation. I think some women have higher sex drives than the guys do. We have been together for almost 10 years.

TWICE a week!! That is pretty good!!

A., I feel for you!

Remember that old advice: Wrap yourself in Saran Wrap and meet him at the door! JUST TEASING. I wonder how the Saran Wrap company felt about that kind of free advertising!

Anyway, we're significantly older than you, but we suffer from some of the same. I'll start by saying that I haven't "let myself go" and we are still very attracted to each other - so that rules out physical avoidance. In our case, it is tiredness that effects sex drive. We get up at 6 to get the older one on the bus for middle school and don't stop until around 11 p.m. By the end of the day, after working all day, being taxi and chauffer, chasing three kids around the homework tree and straightening stuff up a little, he's exhausted. We both are, actually, but it's only his drive that seems to be effected! All he wants to do is collapse in front of a TV and veg out. By the time he winds down, it's often really late and he's too tired.

At some level, I think this is a performance issue. TV is a means of avoidance as well as a means of vegging out. I think a lot of men feel that making sure their wives are satisfied is a performance issue, and if they're pooped, then they don't have it in them to "perform."

It's funny, for me, I'd be happy with some snuggling and a quickie if one of us is tired. I don't necessarily need a lot of "performance" on a nightly basis! I'm working on getting that across to him.

Here is something a friend recommended to me a couple of days ago. I am going to try it:

Tell him, "let's NOT have sex for a week, but let's just snuggle and kiss without making love." She said that it might take the pressure off of him to make love, and increase his willingness just to snuggle, etc. She hypothesizes that by the end of the week, he'll (well, we'll both) be so ready that it will jump start our sex life all over again. It might be worth a try!

Good luck and I'll be watching to see what kinds of answers you get.

boy i thought i was the only one like this. lol. i get it maybe twice a month if that. so i know what you are going through. my husband used to wake me in the middle of the night to "get some". he used to compliment me all the time and say "i love you" a hundred times a day when we first got married. we have been married 5 yrs. i am pregnant with my third child, due may 16th. my oldest is not his. he says he likes me being pregnant so that he can get it ne time he wants. he used to want it every night almost and would wake up in the mornings b4 work and want it, not ne more. he is 34 and i am 28 and we are, like you and yours, very happy. we are in the process of buying our house and upgrading a few things in/on it. if i would let him, he would like to have 6 or more kids, i am done with 3. neway, i hope you find the answers u are looking for. i just wanted to let you know that you ARE NOT the only one out there with a man like this. ttyl, R.

The stereotype of men typically having a higher sex drive is just that - a stereotype. Your description pretty much fits the bill for my marriage as well. I talk with a large group of women online and they pretty much share the same sex life as we do. It sounds like its quite the norm.

Our relationship is also quite similar, only I would be very happy with 1-2 a week. It is nice to know that I am not the only one who feels this way. One thing that you might want to keep in mind is that a man's sex drive peaks a lot earlier then a womans. Men generally are at their prime between the ages of about 18 and 25 I think while women don't hit their prime until about age 25-30. I don't have any references to this or I would give you some but I have heard it from more then one source. So if you are 25 and he is 29, you are actually at very different stages. So in a couple of years, things should level off. At least that is what I am hoping for as well. Until then, don't beat yourself up about it.

Hi, I Have been married 17 almost 18 years, to my highschool sweetheart. I have 3 children ranging from 10-16. I know that sometimes it is really hard to find the time for each other, but you have to. A husband can be tired after a long day, but that does not mean by any means that you should be lacking in the sex department. I am 35, and my husband is 36 we married at 18 and 19, and we have been together every since. on an average we are able to be together about 4-5 times a week sexually. Yes, there have been times it has been days, like when there has been alot of stress, or a sick child, but not just because we have passed our drive stages early in life. It is great that he is a touchy feely kind of guy, bc seriously how many guys are like that? Try spicing things up. Get some sexy clothing, some body oils, and maybe a few other items, and plan an evening in for the two of you.
Good luck, and hope that I have been of some help.... :)

You shouldnt worry A. because i use to be the same way. I didnt want to have sex the way my husband wanted to (which was all the time)all I wanted to do was like cuddle or just chill, that didnt mean anything I just didnt want to. Have you tried ____@____.com s-e-x? or like desserts, or role play? or have you ever just let him be the initatior? Alot of times guys may just be tired, he's a mechanic he work hard im sure and when he get home he just want to rest, thats understandable, just ease up cuz' when my husband kept pursuing it was making me really not want to "do it". so just chill out, and pray about it working on your sex life, because its a very beautiful thing and you shouldnt get discouraged or insecure, he's just tired from a hards day work. I hope this help;)

Sounds like you and your husband are a young couple...
You most likely live very active lives...
Sometimes that can get in the way.
I don't think this is as uncommon as you might think!
I agree with what some have already said...

Just a sugestion...
Take a little DOWN time ....
Just time enough for the two of you...
Maybe a day trip so you can take a time to talk this over...AWAY FROM HOME ....
Dinner or a favorite place to go and talk!
To see if you can find out just what the problem is....
KNOWING WHAT THE PROBLEM IS IS HALF THE ANWSER.....

With a little luck the two of you will have a long,healthy sex life....

hello, this sounds like me and my husband EXACTLY I was reading it and it is so familiar to me because my husband and I have also been married 6 years we have 2 girls (age 3 and 5) and we too have had the same arguments. good to know I am not the only one, I have just learned to accept this, but deep down I still wish it was different. I do not know what advice to give you but I have just learned to live day by day and try my best to turn him on ( by wearing something sexy) really, I have always wanted to talk to someone with the same problem. This morning thing really drives me crazy sometimes too, because I am not in the mood in the morning either, but again he is tired at night. so just to let you know there is other men out there and I also feel the same as you this is too familiar it is scary.