Husband Spending Time with Me and My Son on the Weekends

My husband works full time, and I stay home. He likes us to get all the park stuff, and shopping, and other kid related stuff out of the way while he is at work, so that on the weekends we can be home with him. He doesn't want us to be away from him on the weekend, unless it is something special, like a birthday party, then he will 99% of the time opt to stay home and relax, rather than come, but he likes us to be with him, he just maybe does not want to go anywhere.
Most birthday parties that I go to are mainly moms, it's a mom thing! And lets face it, how much do we enjoy following a 2 year old around mcdonalds? I don't think he is shirking, he sounds pretty typical male to me.
I wouldn't personally nag him about it.

Not really sure exactly which the problem is: Is it that you don't all go to the park together, or that he doesn't go with you two to birthday parties?

If it is the parties... I would say toughen up. My husband worked weekends for the first 10 of my son's 12.5 years, so I went to EVERYTHING with him alone without my husband. Family reunions, birthday parties, sporting events, you name it. I KNOW you cannot be the only mom there without her husband. I've only been to a handful of birthday parties that any of the Dad's were there, let alone everyone's dad.

If it is that you want to do more "family" stuff on the weekends, then you can figure out ways to work something in. Maybe once a month, plan a trip to the park with lunch after. Or biking with an ice cream treat after. I'll be honest here, taking my kids to the park has never been MY favorite activity. It can be pretty boring. But if you make it into something MORE than just sitting on a bench watching or pushing the swing, then he might be more inclined to go. I will also say, that 2 is very young to have major family outings. When he is 4, it will be SO much easier to DO things (putt putt, walking, biking, going to the beach, hiking, etc).

Maybe he needs some time at home alone to recharge. I know that I can't stand it if I don't get some "home alone" time on a regular basis. I just feel stressed if I don't have the house to myself for a few hours. Probably a result of living single before getting married (alone, not with roommates), and always having my own bedroom that wasn't shared as I was the only girl. If I can't be "alone" some every day I get moody. Maybe he needs some of that time too?

I don't know how "normal" it is because I think we all have our own "normal" scale. When our sons were young, my husband didn't do much with us either, although he was a good provider and would always watch the boys if I wanted to get out. I can't tell you how many times I did the zoo all on my own. Now that my sons are older and my husband's work schedule is radically different, he spends lots of time with them and I'm the one who hangs in the shadows. I think these things might ebb, flow and evolve.

Pick your battles wisely, dear mama. Are you sure this is something you want to burn your "nag" points on? If you don't want to go alone, don't go. Send a gift and your regrets. Then, you can be home, happy and not feeling like a single parent. However, if you feel YOU need to do these things, for whatever reason, then go and enjoy yourself, happy in the knowledge that both you AND your husband are doing things that bring contentment and satisfaction.

Good luck!

Surely there's more for him --and you, and your son-- to do on weekends other than birthday parties and the park? Is there a bigger issue here? Does you husband PLAY with your son at all on weekends, rolling a ball to him in the yard, getting down on the floor and playing pretend games or helping him set up his little toy train set or zooming cars down the ramps of the Fisher-Price toddler garage set?

In other words -- is dad engaging his son at all, or engaging him plenty and the issue is just these outings? If dad's playing with your son, and really being part of his life, you're doing OK even if dad doesn't want to do parties and parks. But if your husband is just not really interacting one on one (without you there) with your son, it may be time for dad to learn to play with a 2-year-old and also to think of your son as someone to involve in his OWN fun.

What is your husband doing with this down time at home? Vegging out in front of the TV? Does he have any interests or hobbies? If he's into building stuff, your son can "build" next to him using a kids' plastic building set (little plastic chunky hammers etc., look for them in toy stores and resale shops). If dad's into the lawn, your son can, with your help pointing things out, pick up sticks from the grass before dad mows (and dad should be out there encouraging him to pick up sticks too!). If dad's into messing around in the garage with the car, well, a 2-year-old can sit on his lap in the stationary car and wipe, wipe, wipe the nice round steering wheel with a cloth while dad laughs and encourages him....If your husband says, "That would just slow me down, I want to get X done," remind him: All too soon your son will be old enough that he won't have much interest in sitting on dad's lap, toddling behind dad in the yard, watching dad zoom those plastic cars on the floor.

The idea is, your husband doesn't need to do this activity or always go to the party in order to interact with his son. He needs to start thinking of how to integrate his son into his daily life. He should want to spend time with his son doing anything or nothing on the weekends. It sounds like possibly your husband just doesn't yet see your son as a person who can do things alongside him -- he sees your son as the baby, and the baby stuff doesn't interest him. Two is too young to engage in a lot of ways, but not too young for dad to start spending time with him and playing. And please don't let your husband (if he's like this; he may not be) consider watching TV together to be spending time together. It's not. It's two people individually vegging out , not interacting. Just a thought.

You just need to, voice this to your Husband.
Men don't think sometimes.
It is not nagging.

A child, needs to grow up, knowing their parent and having time with them and memories. That is what forms childhood.

But a guy, does not have to attend b-day parties. My Husband does not. I am the one that takes our kids to any parties. It doesn't bother me. Many Men, don't like to go to the kiddie parties.

Or your Husband is a homebody.

But the other question is: does he, spend time with his son or you, at home???? Or does he just tune out and is never available????
Does he DO anything at home to help or with his son or you?

I think you should just be honest with him, without sounding like a nag, and tell him that it would be nice if once in a while he would come with you to the park or a birthday party so that the two of you can watch your son play and have fun. Maybe compromise; instead of asking him to go every time, maybe he can go on a family outing once or twice a month. That way he doesn't feel like he's having to go all the time, but you don't always feel alone.

My husband is the same way; he doesn't like going to the park or any kids' activities because he gets really bored and would rather stay at home. I will pick my battles; most of the time I will go myself (because I'll have other moms to talk to so I won't feel very bored), but if I really want his company I will ask him and tell him why and he usually will go along. Tell your husband how you feel and hopefully you can work something out that works for both of you.

I think the birthday party thing is such a drag for moms and dads! I have twins so my husband had to come (they were total runners!) b/c it was a safety issue....

Most dads don't do parties and if we're being honest activities w/ a 2 yo are really not that much fun... we were always just chasing them around and not really enjoying the activity. When they get a little more independent the outings get so much better. I would do what others have suggested... plan one or two activities per month make sure they are AGE appropriate for a 2 yo and make them short and sweet... this will allow your hubby to get his feet wet w/ out any of the drama/boredom that can come from activities that aren't totally age appropriate.

You could try encouraging him to go on a short family outing (an hour or 2 but not more than half a day). Pick something he likes and you think is manageable for a 2 year old.

This is totally me! I have felt exactly the same way as you do, I was actually jealous of the other moms whose husbands would attend birthday parties and other functions, some fathers would attend EVERYthing while mine would attend next to nothing. My husband knows how I feel, I've discussed it with him numerous times, but not much has changed. I've given up and just learned to attend things without him and have fun, and not make a big deal about it. I have friends who do the same thing so it's not uncommon.

Your husband seems pretty normal, but you should talk it out with him. Just tell him what you told us and get a talk started. My husband hates to leave the house on his days off as well, but I hate staying home, as he just sits and watches tv... 'we are spending time together.' 'no you are watching tv and I am bored...' 'Oh!' was the talk we had. We also have time when we watch tv and time we don't which has helped a lot!.
Good luck!
R.

My husband was the same way. I told him how I felt, brought up the fact that he only got to spend every other weekend with his dad (which made him think). Now he does something with the family every weekend. Some times the movies, hiking on a local trail, but never parties. Good luck I know how you feel.

I have one of those husbands, too. Because I do know how little he likes the birthday rounds we settle on a compromise. We will go to one out of three birthdays and I let him know about the not so important ones and the ones that I really want to go to. He is joining us for the important ones.

Negotiate the weekend activities openly, open communication is key, and also do something that's enjoyable for him or you. In my case, we realized that hubby has to do so much smalltalk at work that he just does not want any more on the weekends. So I respect that.

You won't be able to bond with other couple/parent sets but there should be some 'single like' parents out there to do things together, too.

Have you ever sat down and told your husband how you feel? You mention "my two year old". Is he the father of this child? Perhaps he doesn't realize how you feel. It might be very helpful if instead of him helping you around the house every weekend, you could suggest he go to the part with you instead. So a couple weekend things do not get done... Big deal! You can pick up a little more when he is at work.... As for the birthday parties, you may have a better chance if you could introduce your husband to some of the fathers of the birthday kids... esp if there is something they have in common. Best of luck ... Bleand yours

My recommendation is that YOU plan one thing every weekend for just the 3 of you. Tell him beforehand how important it is for you to go together, say to the park, or zoo, or a little train ride, or pony ride, or beach....you pick.

Keep the trip short with your age kiddo. Overtime your husband will start to relax and enjoy the outings. Bring snacks for all.

But the birthday party thing...forget it. I hated toddler birthday parties as a mom, and my husband did not know those people, so he was miserable when he went, it's not like you're having family time there. You're just talking to strangers and taking turns keeping an eye on your toddler - this is all very stressful IMHO. I would only ask my husband to attend birthday parties of relatives and very close friends. Never children's acquaintances.

Good luck!