Husband/Mother-in-law Make Decisions Concerning Kids Summer Vacation W/o Me

Hi T., My husband sometimes doesn't ask my opinion before making plans either; I don't believe on the same scale though. You have to let him know how you feel. Maybe point out how he didn't like it when you did the same thing. You work full time in and out of the home, I'm sure, and deserve to have your side considered. I don't know what your religious convictions are, but a man and wife are to be one after marriage. He needs to consider, with great effort, your feelings and ideas as if they were his own. Put your foot down. Hope this helps. God Bless! N. L.

This comes 4 years later, but I am dealing with almost the same situation, just not as lengthy of a trip. My inlaws asked my husband if they could take the kids to the beach, while my FIL was on a business trip to Myrtle Beach. They will only be gone 4 days. But, my husband, without asking me or telling them we'd get back to them, agreed that this was a great idea. My kids are 2 and 3 years old and are in a paid preschool 2 days a week, as well as were already signed up for VBS at our church the same week. So, not only will be losing money for preschool that is prepaid, but the kids will miss their VBS, to which the flyer has been on the fridge for 3 months!

My husband is angry at me, saying it's only 4 days, but it's 10 hours away. I wouldn't take my kids somewhere 10 hours away for basically 2 days! It's wrong and ridiculous that he has made these plans, without regard to my feelings or to our schedule. The other clencher is that he just changed jobs and will probably be on his "off" rotation those days that they are "gone," but I will be at work. So, it is like a personal little vacation for him, while I work. So, everyone BUT me wins, and I think honestly that this was his plan from the get-go, which it is terrible to say!

He told me I am crazy and ridiculous. He said very mean things, and accused me of being a control freak. His parents will only make plans "through" him all of a sudden. I think that this behavior is childish and unhealthy. I told him last night that they couldn't go, and he said that I was just mad because they didn't invite me! And apparently the plot thickens, as my SIL and BIL are going. So, they invited my kids, but not the rest of our family?? This is wrong, and I am about this close to telling them to pick HIM up and take him, and not return him!

T.,

I feel for you. I sense that you and your husband are not seeing eye to eye spiritually and I will be praying for you guys. All I can say to you is to wait on the Lord and submit to what He would want you to do. Would pleasing your husband and sacrificing your will be the best as well as the hardest? Only you can answer. You can read my own testimony of my struggle here if it is any help: http://therealdeel.blogspot.com/2008/02/as-i-wait.html

God has done amazing things in our marriage and is leading our family back on course.

V.

I think you should stand up to him. I know first hand that it is easier said than done but you need to if you ever want a say in any decision. If you don't stand up and say something then it will eat at you for who knows how long. Let your kids go for a couple of weeks and then you and your husband go together to get them. Leave a few days early to stop off some where and have that honeymoon. This way your kids get to see their grandparents, you and your husband get your honeymoon and noone misses the graduation party. It should be a win win situation. Good luck!!!

I am in a similar situation as far as your husband throwing a fit about what you want to do. I haven't quite figured out how to handle the situation yet, but I have figured out that we have to make them understand that it is something that is really important to us. I feel like I have to deal with it a little more because I am a stay at home mom, but I see that you are a full time working mom, so you contribute to the money coming into the household. You have a right to do something that is important to you. I think you just have to put your foot down with your kids. You are there mother and you have a right to have a say in that. Have you thought of telling your husband that you can turn his solo trip into your honeymoon trip? I don't think it is fair that he gets to go some where on his own especially if he is going to throw a fit about you going some where. My husband has taken a few trips solo, mostly because of his job, but still. I have to look at pictures of him on a beach when I am at home with the kids. I wish you luck on this matter. Men can be selfish and I think it is just built into their brains that they are ok to be that way.
Put your foot down concerning your kids.
Good luck

Wow, I would be so P-O'd if I were in your shoes! It seems like you have been married a while from the ages of your kids, has hubby always thought he was the sole decision maker? If yes, then it will be a lot harder for you to try and have a say now; if no, then what gives?

Ask hubby who he thinks he is to send your kids away without even asking you! I would explain to him that is was very hurtful of him to exclude you from his plans, and put my foot down saying that they can only go for two weeks, which happen to include the time of your mission trip! Problem solved! Of course, it probably won't work out too well if he is used to you always 'giving in' even if you are upset.

I know sometimes in marraige, we do things we don't really want to, or parhaps miss out on things we might like to do, but your feelings are just as important as his, if he doesn't realize that, I'm really sorry and there is nothing I (or anyone) can say to help you in this situation

Hi T.,

Any way your hubby could be planning a surprise?

I recently heard a story of a mom being all upset about some plans her hubby made and it ended up being a huge surprise for her....

On the other hand, if don't agree, tell him that unless you are part of ALL the planning with HIM, before any plans are made with his mother, the kids won't go, period.
If he sees you as determined, he won't have a choice.
I have a sister who's hubby is very much a planner, loves doing things with his parents and they always fight about it.
I wish I had a simple solution. With me I am just as stubborn and I won't give if he won't give so we both agree to give and be flexible... we always have to agree....

In the event that your husband is not just being a jerk, you can always reshcedule the graduation party. You can plan a trip for the two of you as a surprise and just take him. With all the kids in Florida you will have the time. Who knows? Maybe the whole summer can be a honeymoon.

I understand the kids being gone so long. Last summer was the first time our older kids went to Oklahoma for the whole summer to visit their dad. I hated it. I did everything I could think of to shorten their time away and nothing worked. Now that I have done it, I still miss them, but I would lie if I didn't say there were some benefits. I would still rather have them here, but it wasn't as bad as I feared.

As to you going on a missions trip. GO!! Try and reason, argue if you must, but if nothing else works say you are going and then GO! You work full time and raise six kids. That means not only are you a breadwinner, you are the maid, the cook, the judge and jailer(if they are in trouble), the coach, the teacher, the nurse. You have earned the right to do something for you that fills you back up after you pour yourself out for your family. Since it is a church thing I will say that I understand the Christian concept of submission, but I don't think God ever meant for you to starve yourself of the things you need like a time away in service that also refreshes you. So... GO!

they're your kids too! Who on earth does he think he is making a decision like that for the entire family? I would tell him that you're putting your foot down. The kids can for a certain amount of time and that's it. End of the story. No arguing, no haggling. Period! 3 months away from mom and dad is WAY too long, especially for your younger ones. I just can't believe he would plan your kids ENTIRE summer with out any input from you! You really need to stand up to him. If you need to, call his mother and explain that you are incredibly uncomfortable with your kids being gone for that long. Explain that you want the kids to go see her, but only for 2 weeks max. If you don't do something, you're going to be miserable all summer long.

Sounds like they are planning something nice and special for you. A whole summer just you and your husband, sounds great. I would relax and enjoy the time, be with him and enjoy not being mommy for a little while.