Hubby Doesn't Have a Lot of Friends

Hehe that's pretty funny...my hubby & i are the opposite. HE is the social butterfly who can befriend a random person on the street & be friends with them for life.

I however, have literally 2 people I would say are my friends. And they're married to eachother :) *other than family*
I have NO friends where I live, and I can't seem to find any lol
I'm a social person, not shy or anything. I just think I'm "odd" to everyone else lol

I know some 'shy' type guys, that joined Toastmasters groups.... specifically in order to help them get more socialized and more comfortable with interactions. And, you would never think they were the types to join these groups, but they did. And it turns out that they REALLY enjoy it... because there are others there, just like them.

Even my Dad as a college kid, joined a club and he did so to enable him to become 'successful' personally. It is personal enrichment.

Next, your Hubby is your opposite. And also, not everyone, "enjoys' hanging out with co-workers, after hours. I personally do NOT. I like to separate my 'personal' life and my 'work' life. Blatantly.

Just talk with him about it. Nicely. Don't make him feel like a 3rd wheel. Men, are sensitive.

And no, I would not set him up on play-dates for him... that can be emasculating for him, and really embarrassing... and I would think, that no 'man' would want everyone to know his Wife is doing that.

He is the opposite of you. Don't make him feel odd about that.

Or maybe suggest he join special interest groups.... hobby groups. Those are real fun.

Next: Be REAL glad....your Husband is not a "partying" type Man.... and a bar fly and that he does NOT have party-hardy type friends. That... is not a fun Husband to have, nor one you want to have. At all.
Your Husband sounds great... just shy.
Its okay... but you can talk with him about it.
Maybe it does NOT bother him, but it makes 'you' feel awkward.....

Suggest the Toastmasters clubs... or a hobby group. Something HE enjoys.

all the best,
Susan

My husband is an EXTREME intravert... I on the other hand am a social butterfly. I too walk away exchanging numbers with strangers and have so many people I make daily contact with. I am the one that packs our parties and set up any social activities. It is just me and the what I enjoy... Well guess what; believe it or not being a loaner is what my husband actually enjoys... Me making him socialize is like placing me into a room with all white walls, no tv, no radio, no computer and no phone.... I would go stir crazy in about 8 minutes.... So it is just what he enjoys! He goes to a few sports events with the guys 1-2 times a year and I get very excited if his phone actually rings' but guess what he LIKES it! So my 1st question is.... Does he enjoy being alone and not going out? Does he "cling" to you because he needs social interaction or just because he enjoys YOU! If he actually enjoys being out with the guys and just does not know how to make friends or is new to an area; I say buy a couple of sporting tickets; a few gift cards for a sports bar type place and encourage him to go out... If he does not get enjoyment from that; then let him be. Maybe you are seeing a problem that is not a problem. My husband thinks it is crazy that I get on sites like this or the other social sites I do. He thinks of it as a "waste of time". I actually enjoy connecting with "others" regardless if they are strangers or not. LOL... For example my hubby says some of his favorite nights are when he can come home and watch tv in total quiet. He even told me once; "I enjoy it as much as you enjoy going scrapbooking with the girls for a weekend." So now when I take the kids out to a movie and dinner without him; I tell him I am giving him "scrapbooking time." LOL... So ask your hubby if he enjoys loaner time or does he enjoy football at the bar with the guys better... You may be suprised!

My husband was the same way when we moved out to AZ. I actually did set him up so to speak. The girlfriends that I had, if their husband had things in common with my husband, I would start inviting them over for dinner and stuff. When he woudl have a day off I would always suggest he call so and so to go dirt biking or to come over to watch a game. Eventually he started hanging out with a couple and is now really good firends with 2 if them. I think this also helped him to expand that group to new people. Sometimes guys arent as social as us girls and need a little push. If oyu have friends with husbands, start double dating, but what hubby doesnt know its a blind date for him :) Hope this helps ((HUGS))

My DH is also somewhat shy in new social settings and while he does have good friends that he thinks of as buddies, he doesn't pick up the phone and call them - I remind him that friendship flows both ways, but he just doesn't do it, and then he's lonely.

So: I'm sending him and my almost 3-year-old son to "Daddy and Me" Saturday preschool at a local community college this fall. It'll be great for my husband to see other dads in action with their children and I know he'll find some camradare there. Is there anything similar in your area that might be an option?

My husband is the same way. He has a few guy friends. I do not even know where he finds these guys.. I am the in the middle of a crowd of people and he is on the sidelines trying to see how the building was made..

His friends are nerds like him.. Computer geeks, the guys that like old cars, wooden boats, new inventions, bikes.. They are an odd group, but so are we.

He admits that guys are just different. They do not sit around talking about emotional stuff, they are always talking about a project.

Then there are the guys that have buddies. Golfing, boating, football, drinking buddies.. They just enjoy that activity, but rarely socialize in any other way.

Just let him be. Do not feel sorry for him, do not try to set him up.. he maybe a guys that just enjoys quiet time to contemplate things.

My husband works for the police dept and he says the last thing he wants to do at the end of the day or in his free times, is hang around those guys.. Too much drama..

Hi D., I think you may be married to my husband, lol. I will keep checking in to see what the other moms come up with. I do try and set him up with my friends husbands from time to time. I would love to see him have some guy buds to hang out with. If he likes sports you can always get him a pair of tickets to something and then he can find someone to go. That is the only time my husband goes out with the guys, when someone has an extra ticket it's hard to say no.

I have friend and her husband is a cop too and he is exactly the same way. I don't know if its the type of job they do or just their characteristics but he is very cautious whereas she has never met a stranger. I guess they just balance each other out but she told me that when they moved to Oregan she made friends and they would go out and he wouldn't engage in anything ...conversations -nothing. She is very out-going whereas he is not. He works so much though and their work schedules are so different that I don't think he cares when she goes out because he is at home asleep usually.
I'm not sure how you can encourage him to be more out-going when its not within his character to be that way. The only thing I might suggest is maybe have him join some type of group or something. I mean what does he enjoy doing? You already said he didn't like to party and drink but does he like to play poker? Does he like to fish? Does he like to hunt? There has got to be local groups in your area he could join but he has to be the one to want to do it.
Some people are just "homebodies" my dad was/is this way. The only thing he ever enjoyed doing was playing a guitar so as a child I have fond memories of going to some "pickin" parties-lol! I know very redneck huh? It was mostly just family and friends but that is the only time he would spend with them outside of his job and it was something that he enjoyed and could bring his wife and kids too. Other than that he just didn't go out. Now the old fart that he is he never goes out unless it is to a Dr appointment or something that needs done-no more "pickin" parties because he can't play guitar anymore due to his RA (Reamatoid Arthritis). He has friends but I guess because their life and his life is so busy they just don't "hang" out with one another. If they do they might go out to dinner and maybe a movie but my dad likes to stay at the house and tinker with things. Meanwhile my mother is always out and about. Its just who he is and he has been this way for years but he is a sociable person-never met a stranger. I can remember him stopping at gas stations and getting involved in a conversation with someone and when we would ask him who that was he would say "I don't know just somebody I was talking too" we used to make fun of him as kids because of how often it would happen when he did go out and about. Now I kinda see why he does it....nobody to talk to so when he goes out he just talks it up to strangers-lol! He is retired now but not by choice really and my mother is about 2 years from retirement. She makes him go out to the store with her and makes him do things because she says it would do him good. Now whether he agrees with that or not I do not know but I can tell when he gets to go out he enjoys it but he likes to be home too.

my husband has one friend whom he has not seen in years. i have enough friends to export :)
so he has always socialized with my girlfriends' husbands but never really gone out with them unless i was around.
i found out that one of my friend's husbands loves to go out on a boat and fish. so i set up a fishing day for them, with the help of my friend. they went out and had a great time. they have yet to set up a 2nd fishing playdate but we're keeping tabs on them and encouraging them to do so soon.
i have no problem with my husband not having friends. i hear horror stories about husbands having guys night out frequently etc. my husband is not like that. he is quiet and would prefer to stay home. my only issue is that he tends to not do his things because he's alone, like fishing, hence his fishing playdate.
so i see no problem you setting him up with someone to do something together. i did and they had a great time.

Have you seen that movie "I love you, man"? haha. watch it..sounds like your sitch.

Definitely encourage him to hang out with some guy buds but be a little lowkey about it if you're setting up an actual playdate..you dont want him to feel like you're forcing him to hang out..good luck!

D.,

Your husband is obviousy introverted and was attracted to you because of your outgoing nature. I consider myself an introvert too and my husband is the outgoing, easily approachable one. (those opposites really do attract!) My husband is also a cop so I know how that dynamic fits into social settings. He has almost no close friendships with other men that are not cops, so I am surprised that your husband has not found at least one buddy in his department that he likes to hang out with. Even if he hasn't I don't think it is that big of a deal. Why don't you just make sure that you and he have your own special time together as he must really enjoy the time he spends with you the best. I don't know your husband, but I don't think I could ever set up social activities for my husband. If he is game, it's worth a try but it just doesn't seem like a guy thing. Don't feel guilty about your girls night out and things like that. Some people really do enjoy time alone and don't need all the social interaction that others enjoy. I'm one of those who would rather do things by myself or one other person rather than a group. He is probably just the same, he likes being by himself or with you. Nothing wrong with that. If he's not complaining then I say don't worry about him, just continue to be his best buddy and I'll bet he will be fine with that.

S.

id count my blessings, my husbands friends are the WORST. Your post reminds me of that movie "i love you man", I dont know what really to say other than, take him with you more places, ive seen these tables turned too many times and the women on the lonely end get very irate being left alone.

Truly, not everyone *needs* friends. It's very hard for extroverted people to see the world this way, but for introverts being around people is an energy drain. Extroverts get a buzz from being with people, introverts do not. Introverts get their batteries re-charged be being by themselves and decompressing.

In social situations he's probably clingy because he's just not happy being there.

My advice? Don't fix what's not broken.