How to Wean a 3-Year Old?

Hi M.,

That was what worked for us (or similar anyway). I had to leave for a three day business trip and when I came back my son was weaned. Now granted he was younger (15 months) but I don't see why it won't work in your situation. However unless you are committed to weaning your son as well it won't work.

Best of luck,
K.

P.S. I think that your husband is being super wonderful by offering to do this!!!

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I would recommend reading http://www.amazon.com/Mothering-Nursing-Toddler-Norma-Bum.... I remember there being good suggestions in there. You could talk to him and tell him that Mommy's milk is going bye bye and just see how he does with it. Or explain that he is getting to be a big boy and that it is time to be done and then say that we are going to stop one at a time. My boys made it easy on me that they kind of dropped feedings on their own as they ate more and I just did "Don't offer, don't refuse". So when they woke up in the morning I wouldn't immediately take them to bed to nurse, I would just get up and go about my day. If they asked, fine, we would nurse. If not, then we didn't. After a while they stopped asking during the day and then the last one to go was the bedtime nursing. Both my boys decided to be done with nursing shortly after they got their big boy beds. They didn't want to sit in the rocking chair with me cause they wanted to be in their big boy beds and I said there would be no nursing in the bed, only in the rocking chair. So then they were like...OK....then I am going to bed, and that was that. Your husband's plan may work too, but I think with a 3 year old it might be easier/more gradual for them to adjust to if you do it in a less obvious/gradual way and/or talk to them about it, depending on what you think would work best for your child.

Congrats on the 3 years, that's fantastic. We made it to 2 1/2 here and I know what you mean about just having to be done. At some point you need to have a little more autonomy on both your sides. You get to the point more that you resent it rather than look forward to it and at that point you just need to be done for your own mental health. I hope it goes smoothly!

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Your husbands idea is perfect. There is no reason you need to keep breast feeding a three year old. If you do not want to do the trip, than just tell your son no, that big boys drink their milk from a cup!

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It sounds like a good idea and if your son has a hard time with it initially you could try the method I used. I weaned my son at 21 months and he did not want to stop. Someone suggested that I put bandaids on my nipples at the times he was used to nursing and explain to him that my nipples are soar and hurt when I nurse him so I need bandaids to protect them and he couldn't nurse anymore. He was very sympathetic and even when he was tired and was falling asleep or waking up and wanting the reassurance of breastfeeding, he would see and feel the bandaids and remember. We transitioned to cuddling instead so he didn't feel abandoned and he was fine with that alone within a couple days. I wore the bandaids for about a week and then didn't need them anymore. Good luck!

J.

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I have a 20 month old who I'm trying to wean. I've been slowly weaning like not doing the usual routine and going about my business. For example, in the morning my son grabs 2 cars or little trucks and walks over to couch, usually where I'm waiting. This is right after his diaper is changed. I just go in kitchen now and go about my morning. Middle of day he has been random...if he bumps his head he might come running, but other than that he kind of weaned himself. At night I do it before stories (that's the one time we still do it). He has gone to bed when I haven't been home and been fine, so I think it is habit. Part of me is having a hard time letting go because we aren't planning anymore children, personally I think my son would be fine. Once they get to a certain age, I think it is more comfort. I know for my son it is comfort, not hunger. I would start cutting out one time a day you do it, then go to 2 times a day, then finally one. I chose the night time as the last one, as I could disappear and have my husband do routine. Although I haven't done it yet. For my first son we were going to a wedding out of town and I just stopped. When I returned my son was like whatever.......he never asked again. All kids are different. If you are ready don't feel guilty(if you are feeling that way). I was happy when I got to 1 and now that I'm going on two years I'm happy about that, and 3 is wonderful!
One last thing I have a sister in law who is still nursing a 4 year old, and older they get and communicate more, harder it may be. With my son at 20 months he says words but not sentences so it isn't as hard for me to wean. The more aware they are and more questions they ask, might be harder. Good luck!

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I think your husband is a genious.
I had to cold turkey my son at 15 months because I had to go into the hospital. I was gone for 4 days and he was just so happy to have me back that the whole boobie thing was just all gone. My husband and daughter weathered it. It was actually easier not having me there. He wasn't traumatized or anything. He knew mommy had to go to the hospital and her milk was all gone.
I didn't have any choice so there was no dragging it out and it worked out just fine. My son didn't once try to nurse after I got home. My goal was 18 months and I didn't make it that far, but trust me, my son is perfectly fine.

Best wishes.

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My daughter self-weaned at about 2.5 years old.
But along the way, I talked to her about it.... she is a big girl, one day she won't need to drink from Mommy etc., I taught her 'manners' about it and that she can't just lift up my shirt or demand it, never in public, only at home etc.
Then sometimes when she'd ask... I would simply say "In a minute, Mommy is busy..." then I would NOT sit down and make myself 'busy.' Then she'd forget about it and get distracted.

For both my kids, I let them self-wean. My daughter did and my son did at about 1 year old. Each child being different.

Then, my friends, who did extended breastfeeding and their kids were 2.5 years old.... what they did is this: they put Band-Aids on their nipples and told their child "Mommy's milk doesn't work anymore...." or, "Mommy has a boo-boo...." and they said that worked for them. Very well.

My daughter, just one day out of the blue, told me "I don't drink from you anymore...." and then she giggled like it was so funny she did that. And that was it. All done.

My son, would literally slap my boobs away and scream when I tried to nurse him.

By this age... the child is not nursing a lot nor frequently. AND the body's production of milk... lessens. Adjusting to the child. So, you really don't have to worry about getting engorged or anything... I never got engorged when my kids weaned. By then, my milk supply was reflecting their so called intake and frequency.

All the best,
Susan

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Unless you want to try to do it a meal at a time, I actually think that is a good idea! Make sure that they talk to him about drinking big boy milk, and let him know (even if you haven't dried up), that he is such a big boy, that there is no more milk from you.

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I had "parties" with my kids who made it that long. We made muffins and had juice and celebrated it as an important growing up event.
And good for you! Your son has an awesome mom!

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I was at this place with my daughter when she was about 2 1/2. I didn't like the idea of just stopping it cold turkey, so the way I did it was to first eliminate the nap time, then the bed time, then the morning. I did this gradually by timing it. If you know about how long your son nurses (for instance 15 minutes), watch the clock and stop him at 10 or 12 minutes. Do this for a couple days, then move it down a couple more minutes. After a couple weeks you're down to a very short time -- and eventually your milk supply will be gone.

We made the transition with warm milk in a sippy cup -- however, this has been hard for us to break (and my daughter is now 4). We're now trying to figure out how to eliminate this so that we can start working on potty training at bedtime!

Good luck!

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Sounds risky to me! It could result in some serious trauma for the little one. I still nurse at 22 months and plan to allow mine to self wean...my cut off is preschool which we plan to start at 3.5...so I've got some time still.

I've always heard that it's better to go gradual, especially when eliminating the nighttime. Perhaps slowly take away the nap or the morning by offering alternatives and keep night for now.

I know too, at this age, depending on the individual child, you can have a discussion about it. Mommy's (whatever word you use) aren't going to work anymore, etc....becoming a big boy...things like that have worked for friends. I am sure there will be a struggle and some tough days, but I would go gradual. Not eliminate Mom and the milk all at once with no option for it. I know in my case if I did something like that, mine would cry himself sick and there he'd be with dad and no option for it....

Best wishes, I can understand the hesitation! Let us know what you decide to do and how it works out!

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Your husband has excellent advice, I would definitely take him up on his offer. Also, you can teach him to open his own little milk bottles and put them in an area at the bottle of the fridge. Celebrate this as a big boy move, if you put a positive spin on it, he may be excited for what he is gaining, not losing. Also, when you cuddle with him, he will be used to nursing, so find other ways to cuddle where he isn't in a nursing hold. Read a story, sit him on your lap with his face away from you for a while, hold hands and watch a movie together... it's a process! Good luck :)

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Go for it.. What a great husband! In the meantime, also consider milk boxes your son can grab on his own in the bottom of the fridge. At 3 he should be starting to practice placing those straws in the boxes. He will love the independence.

Some children that have been breast fed this long like room temp milk so he may like the boxed milk just left in the pantry..

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Or he'll see you and immediately want to nurse all the time to make up for the 5 days he missed (looking at the glass half empty).

Seeing as you're still nursing a 3 year old, would this be the longest you've ever been away from him? Personally, I don't think I could do it - be away from him for 5 days, I mean.

Have you talked to him about weaning?

Perhaps I'm not the best example as I'm still nursing (my son is 2 1/2) but he's down to latching on for 30 seconds and then being finished (I started slowly shortening nursing times). So...we've gotten down to a minute of nursing a day, basically.

Good luck!

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I think it will work, smile. It was a lot easier than I thought it would be to wean my son. (He was 14-15m old then, and never has cared for any type of milk & isn't a big eater anyway.) If you are nursing more for nursing's sake than for him because he asks/needs it, it will be easier than you think. It was for me anyway. :/