How to Tell Grandma?

My cousin is in the army and ended up getting married just because he would get more money. They were going to live together, so they got married for the money and hid it from everyone. She got pregnant a week after they got married. His mom really didn't want to be a grandma yet, she said she was too young, and told him they couldn't have kids yet. She got pregnant in October, so on Christmas they gave her a card and wrote "Grandma Antolik" on it. That would have been his grandma on his dads side. She found it in her pile of stuff and was saying its at the wrong house... everyone told her it was where it was supposed to be, and she eventually realized what they meant. At first... she said no I don't want to be a grandma... but after about 2 minutes she was excited about it. Noone can not be excited... being upset does not change that the baby is coming. Christmas is a ways away, but i liked the card idea.

Hi I'm Dani, I had almost the same issue. What we did was waited until the 3 months were up, I was high risk so we wanted to be safe. Then we sent out just radom cards, inside the cards was an ultrasound. We went to wal-mart and made copys, put a cute border around them and personalized them for each person.

We sent them to our parents, siblings, and friends, asking everyone not to say anything for one month.

After that month was up everyone was talking. It was great.

Good Luck
and CONGRATS MAMA

Why not send her a "gift" in the mail from her grandchild? This way you will not be there when she gets the news and it can soften a little bit. Make it something fun - flowers, add your pregnancy test, and then add a note from the baby saying how excited he or she will be to meet her and love her. You can also add a note from the two of you telling her how excited you both are and how you tried for x months to achieve this little bundle of joy.

I did something like this with my dh for one of our children and I found a really cute card with baby feet on it.

Well Congrats!
Don't be nervous. I personally think 24 is a great age to have a child. Usually your done with the partying and a little more responsible by that age. I had my daughter at 21, and was really scared to tell my grandparents,(they're old fashioned)(we weren't married) and they lived out of state so I sent a card. My grandma was very pleased and loves her great grandaughter and spoils her so much. Maybe the 5 yr.old isn't very involved with grandma I'm not sure of the circumstances make it a point to her that you want her to be involved. She'll feel needed and wanted and take it easier.

you just need to tell her. The longer you wait the more upset she may be because you weren't honest and upfront with her. It may make her feel a little better to know the baby was planned if the first child was an unexpected child.
Just being honest is the best thing.

Get very clear on this. You both wanted a baby. It's your life, not his mother's.
At first she might not be happy,possibly becauseyou are not married.
However, unless she is really very nasty, once she sees you both excited and happy, and especially when she sees that baby, she will most likely come around.

Also 5 yrs ago your boyfriend was just a teenager. Now at 24, hopefully he has a job, can support a child and be an adult.

As for parenting, there are dozens of books out there that can teach you about parenting.and look for a parenting support group. They are out there.
even ask his mother if she has any ideas to help you. Mothers are full of wisdom.
Listen to your gut. This is your child and you will be building a relationship with him/her.

J.

Just let it happen.

Dear J.,
First things 1st Congratulation on Becoming a Mom!
Its the most rewarding job you will ever do.

I have been where you are at now, The best way I think is to sit her down and have both of you tell her. Just practice with someone first if you feel the need to, as this sometimes helps me.
You Guys are 24 now and maybe when her son -5 years ago, well maybe she didn't think that was old enough to be a parent.So thats why she got so upset.

But anyway you Both are an adults and I think Its great for you Both.
If you need any advice I am Mom to 3 Beautiful Daughters
29..28 and 24
and 1 son 15yrs. I don't have all the answers but I will help you anyway I can.

Good Luck! K.�

I was 19 when I was pregnant with my first child, and believe me, it was a lot easier telling my family then as compared to now. My first time around, I was with my high school sweetheart of a few years, and our families weren't too surprised (not thrilled, but not surprised either). Since then, I've met my husband, and when I got pregnant last year with my daughter, I had to tell my soon-to-be mother-in-law.

Even though we've been together for three years and are now married, she still wasn't keen on the idea of a grandchild (she's a bit over-bearing, though she's getting much better). As time went on and she saw and heard how happy we were, she realized that we're adults now (rather, her SON is an adult now and she can let go) and can make our own decisions. We hadn't planned the pregnancy, but it didn't mean we weren't still happy.

I think once grandma realizes that you two are stable and willing to take the twists and turns of pregnancy together, she'll be just as thrilled as the two of you. She may not have been happy about his first child due to his youth or the status of his relationship with the mom (relationships go through the ringer during pregnancy). But like you said, just tell her that you planned this, it's something you're ready for and something you'd like her to be a part of. Pregnancy is an absolute joy when you share it with your family. :) Best of luck to you, and congrats on being a Mommy!

J., YOU ARE BOTH 24 NOW, THATS A BIG DIFFERENCE THAN 19, AND YOUR COMMITTED TO ONE ANOTHER. HES 24 A GROWN ADULT ABLE TO MAKE HIS OWN CHOICES, IF HIS MOTHER DOESNT LIKE IT THAN SHES A PRETTY SELFISH GRANDMA, BUT MY GUESS IS SHE'LL BE A LITTLE MORE ACCEPTING OF IT THIS TIME AROUND.
GOOD LUCK

I'm sure part of the problem the first time around was age -- no mama wants to see her son locked in to being a dad at 19! Also, most 19 year old relationships aren't that stable. It's likely your boyfriend's mom will be more excited just by virtue of the fact that you're in a stable relationship, the pregnancy was planned, as a dad, and with some maturity, your boyfriend now knows what he's getting in to. I would stress all of those things to her.

As you recognize, it's important to tell her soon -- if you wait she'll feel left out and it could impact her feelings about you for a long time -- she will forgive her son, she will "forgive the baby" as soon as she sees an ultrasound picture, their first smile, etc. But you'll take the brunt of it and your boyfriend can't let that happen for the future peace and stability of your family. His concern needs to be with you and your child (and the child he has already) and not with his mom.

I like the gift idea -- but if she's in the area, I'd certainly advise delivering the news in person -- I know friends who've gotten "grandma" picture frames, or "the best thing about grandma" books. I had planned to tell my parents I was pregnant by inviting them over and taking them into the baby's room to show them my "nursery thoughts" and to have a teddy bear or some children's books in the room. What actually did happen was that my fertilty doc had told me I was told I was definately not pregnant -- and when I was still late a week later and had a second test, I was told that I was indeed pregnant on my mother's birthday. I was meeting my mom for lunch -- she arrived late and I was already seated in the last available waiting chair. After teasing her for being late I added "well, I'd offer you my seat birthday girl, but given my condition, I think it's me who needs the seat this time!" (After it registered and I explained the good news we were both standing up and jumping up and down after that...not sure who took the chair!) Ah well, the best laid plans...

HI J.,

Why don't you invite her for lunch, and tell her you will be sharing some WONDERFUL news. When you tell her, make it clear you are both very happy and excited, and grateful you've finally been blessed. Be prepared for a less than enthusiastic reaction just in case that happens, but this is a different situation than last time, and she may react just fine. In time, she will come around.

And TRY not to be nervous - it's very exciting and will be one of the most (if not THE most) wonderful experience of your life. What is it exactly that you're worried about? If you have specific worries, research each one, and the more you know, the less you'll be worried. I'd be happy to share my knowledge too, just contact me. Take care, and good luck with grandma!

I think the best way is to sit down with her (Maybe a nice restaraunt if you think she's going to flip :) and say "We've got great news!" And act very positive with her. If your happy and positive about it she may as well. It all depends on the relationship that you have with her and her son. If it's been a rocky road don't expect her to be happy about it.

Give her a pair of baby shoes with the month and year of when you are due in a gift bag to see if she gets it. that is how i told my parents. I told my step dad by giving him a bib that says I love Grandpa. that is some things that i did to have fun with it. hope it works out for you.

I think if you're honest with her you'll feel better in the end. tell her how excited you are and that you are excited for her to be a grandma to another wonderful child. she's entitled to her own opinion but you are entitled to how you feel which is excited. don't let anyone ruin that for you. if you and your boyfriend are committed, loving and kind people there should be no reason for her to judge you. I say congratulations to you!!

Well, a couple thinks tp consider here. Does the gramma have a good relationship with the 5 year old grandson AND his mother? Does your boyfriend work and do you have a stable place to live? Gramma may not be too excited if you dont have enuff money, a stable home and she may be aafrais of a bad relationship with you, which would lead to one w/ the baby. If you tried to get pregnant, then Im assuming you have all your ducks in a row. Dont be actually nervous about the baby, there are som many free rescources...from a maternal nurse who comes to your home, from ECFE where you can join dozens off New mom classes...Where do you live? I can help yiu find the resources if ya want, Im pretty on top of that stuff.

Congratulations on your wonderful news! I understand being nervous about your first baby, I was too. But everything turned out fine with my pregnancy and being a mom is the greatest joy of my life without a doubt. It is so wonderful. We were unable to have a second child and after a long long wait, we just adopted our second child, a beautiful little girl. There are many people who would like to support you J.. You might try the lifecare centers, they might give you and idea of ways to apprach Grandma. I know there is one in Minnetonka. Let us know how it goes.