How to Talk to Sis

Well actually in fact i am in a situation very similar to that. when it comes to your conversation just bring it up. tell her that no matter what you guys will always be strong. also mention that no one can control another s thoughts words actions or otherwise. so any action by an outside party cannot be blamed on a sister. you and your sisters have to keeps the bond strong. if it takes all your effort and none of theirs then you are fighting for a cause that will soon wear you down. i hope all turns out well for you and yours.

My husband doesn't like to interact with anyone (let alone my family) so if he ever comes to events with my family it's because I drag him there.
For your situation I recommend that you just be straightforward with your sister and let her know that you value your relationship with her. Maybe talk to your husband beforehand and see if he's willing to be the "bad guy" in this and take the blame for not doing stuff with them as a couple. Either way, don't badmouth her husband. If he has issues, she knows about them already and pointing them out (without her bringing them up first -- and even then you are on thin ice if you bash on him too much) won't help anything.
When you do talk to her you might want to have something planned that you'd like to do with her at a future date to reemphasize the fact that you value your relationship with her.
Good luck!

I have a similiar situation,except, it is a sister-in-law.
I have talked to my husband about this,but, all it did was make him mad at me and blame me for not trying.I have given up after 7 years of trying and there is always something there that will not heal.On family functions I suck it up and deal with it and ignore it best as possible.It is for our family we do this.If you do talk to her, just say it is a personality clash and no way reflects on her., because,as a couple you are a part of your partner.Good luck.

It really stinks when family members can't get along. My dad has created all this with my family. Growing up we had holidays with my family and I remember how much fun it was getting to see all my cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents (they all live in another state and we are in Colorado) My dad is a bitter person and has come to hate everyone, so he's completely cut off ties with my moms side of the family, he has 5 sisters and one brother, he talks to two of his sisters, but never sees them or gets together with them, they too live in another state, so it's just always been me, my husband/kids and my parents, I'm an only child because my brother passed away as a baby. As each holiday comes and goes, I really feel lonely, and like i'm missing something, and i feel bad that my kids don't get to experience the fun and chaos of seeing lots of family for the holidays, it's just always us, which doesn't make it special, it's just like any other day.
My point is, try not to become bitter and hateful, you probably won't get along with everyone, but if you only have to see them for a few hours a few times a year, just grin and bear, at least you'll have some memories, and give your kids memories of those times.

I commend you for understanding that you can't solve this problem and make it nice.

This is a tough one, because I don't think that your sister is going to like hearing this news. I wouldn't bring it up with her--after all, it's not your/her issue, it's the men's issue.

Personally, I would concentrate on bringing it up with my husband only when another family gathering was imminent. I would completely commisserate that he wouldn't be looking forward to seeing those men, and I would ask him how he wants to handle it. Your support will be key in his decision, so I wouldn't over-discuss it or re-hash the relationship mess. Just say something like, "Honey, Bob and Luke will be at Aunt Marian's wedding anniversary party. Think about whether you'd like to attend, and let me know if I can be of some help." And that's it. Don't beg him to attend or discuss all the relationship issues. He'll be relieved not to re-hash it all, and he'll appreciate you giving him the green light on coming up with his own solution.

Hi K.,

I have had a tremendous amount of experience with a not so well liked brother in-law. My sister and I were best friends. Here husband has just been someone that the entire family disliked from day one. It was something that was always felt but nothing was ever said. However one day it all snowballed and true feelings were revealed. To make an extremely long story short, I have not talked to my best friend in two and a half years. Word of advice: just accept who is in your family now, do not let it damage the relationship you have with your sister, it is not worth it!!

Dear K. S. I have learned you can not please every one and some times you just have to except it. I tryed to make my husbans famliy happy and tryed to go to all of there family gatherings. I played the good mother/wife and make sure the grandparents saw there grand kids. It seamed like I was fighting my husban and his parents all the time. Later my husban told me he was beat by his dad at Christmass and other gatherings. Eny way the family just hated me and I got the blame for all the truble between the family.
Looking back I should told him to make the desions wether we went over to his parents place ore not.
You need to have a long talk with your husban to find the real reason he dose not like your family. Then maybe you can work it out between you.

Hope this helps C. J.

I don't know it's hard when the in-laws don't get along. Can you go to your sister's more often by yourself? You have to be really careful in how you explain your action, reasons to your sister. Otherwise there will be major family issues.

My sister and I are still close, she lives in town and we get together weekly, but our husbands can't stand each other. As long as you both know that there's nothing wrong between you two, its all your husbands issues, then your relationship should be fine. And husbands have a way of surprising you when you need them the most. My sister and I were on vacation years ago and were in a bad car accident. My husband and her husband both came out to Iowa with my dad to pick us up. They managed to set their differences aside for that short trip for our sake. As soon as we were back in Colorado, they went back to hating each other again.

There have been a few times she's brought up to me how nice it would be for all of us to get together. I have to remind her that it will probably never happen, but we have a good relationship and we can't let our husbands affect us.

Hi K.,
Honestly I wouldn't have a discussion about it at all. Build your relationship with your sisters. You go and visit them, make plans for things to do with them and just leave the men out of it. If there is ever occassion for a full family gathering I would hope that they could all just cope with being near each other for a little while. I have an issue with a family member myself. But I decided that it is not worth losing a sibling or causing a huge family crisis over. I just keep my feelings to myself and do not pursue any type of interaction with this person unless forced to. Then it is kept to the topic at hand and I walk away as soon as possible. It works for me and I still get to enjoy a great relationship with my sibling and nieces. My situation has been years in the making, believe me everyone in the family already knows the issues. I would imagine it is the same in your situation. There really is no need to discuss it any further. Tell your sister you love her and go have a great visit.
Take care,
B.

Tough and hard.... keep it short, be positive. State the obvious, keep specifics out of it. Talk about your relationship, and ask what kinds of things the two of you can do to keep the relationship strong. Maybe talk about your kids' relationship as cousins too. Good luck with this. I'm lucky to still be "pretending". Let us know how it went!?!