Hi moms! My son is 13 months old now and he stays at home. I love bringing him to playgrounds and we started a music class and a play group this week. My son never hits or pushes anyone... at least not yet. However, we recently have had a few incidents where other children (his age or older wanted to or actually did push or hit him). For example, today in our play group there was a 2.5 year old boywho hit another 2.5 year old (pretty hard I must say) and the mom said "I am sorry" to another mom but also shrug her shoulders and smiled at the same time. Then my son wanted to play in the sand box and the same boy was also there. There were a few toys in the sand box (that belonged to school) and my son picked one up, following by a boy immediately throwing a full shovel of sand in my son's face and the sand getting in his eyes. My son was crying pretty hard because I think it hurt him. The boys mom said "sorry" but I didn't hear her saying anything to her son. I wiped my son's eyes and the teacher helped me to take care of him. As a nurse I was also concerned about him getting eye abrasion or eye infection therefore I was really upset (even though I tried now to show it) I just don't know what I should do when something like this happens again? Should I say "No hitting or no throwing sand" to the child, should I talk to the teacher? I am a first time mom and need an advice from experienced moms :-) Thank you all!
Yes I think you could say something to the kid since the mom isn't and he is way old enough to understand. This is horrible. I would also talk to whoever is in charge about approaching the mom about her kids bad behaviors
Same thing at the zoo playground yesterday. My 15 mo DS was at the top of the slide and a 2.5 yr old was standing behind him started to push. I yelled "no pushing" (the same loudness I would if my son was in the wrong) until I reached the boys (I was on the other side of the structure) and put my hands on my son and made eye contact with the boy and parents. The family looked up after I reached my son and said "he wouldn't do that", I said " he just did and that is why I was yelling 'no pushing'". I wasn't being rude; no pushing, no throwing sand, and no hitting are playground rules. If other families don't have those rules, someone has to tell them the rules of the playground for safety. I would only get staff involved if the mom doesn't respond next time.
I will say one of our friends has a poker/biter for a kid, it is rough, she tries every day to stop him from hurting other. This mom may just be spent, no reason to allow it, but it made me a little more sensitive to what rough kids' moms might be going through. She might need you to help by saying "no throwing".
When I was a first time mom, I was horrified at the way other kids acted, pushing, shoving, hitting, etc. I remember taking my 20 month old to this play place and just being horrified by the behavior I saw that day.
When kid two came along, I finally understood: hitting, pushing, throwing sand, etc. are all things ALL kids will do at some point. It's best to be understanding of other parents. Maybe they were having an off day.
Not that long ago, some woman was actually mean about my son at the library. My son is uber verbal. he is a sweet soul that rarely ever hits, etc. In fact, that stage lasted about 1 day when he was a toddler. In any case, at the library he shoved this other little boy that was trying to push my son out of his own chair! The other mom said," let's not play with these mean kids." The mom was a first time mom, of a toddler. Her son was right on top of my son, and was pushing him out of his chair. Of course my son is going to move his shoulder in a way that nudges the other kid out of the way. Little kids that lack words communicate this way. In fact, the mom should have grabbed her son and made him stop what he was doing, since that is the only way toddlers-3 hear anything. (i did, btw, remind my son to use his words, but words wouldn't have worked, the other kid was too young for words!)
As adults, it's our job to state clearly the rules. When the kid threw sand at the park, I would have just said,"Sand stays on the ground. We don't want to hurt eyes." But I wouldn't have gotten upset about it. Kids will throw sand in teh sand box. It's the nature of the sandbox. If you can't stomach these sorts of things, then I suggest you avoid them. Also. it is very, very common for 2.5 year olds to hit each other. I will always remember two of my friend's kids literally swinging at each other at this age as if in a boxing match. I was stunned, but they are 2.5. They don't really know any better.
Now, the key to handing toddler aggression is prevention. You need to be right on top of your kid, and you need to prevent, prevent, prevent. When something happens, the kid should be told how to behave (so instead of saying a negative, "no hitting," you say "we use nice hands. use your words,"etc.
If they are unable to act appropriately after that point, they may need to stay by mom or go home.
Your son is only 13 months. He is too young to push or hit. But it will be in your future.
For me, it depends on the situation.
If there is no actual danger, I will typically sit back and let my DD handle the problem herself... Either telling the other kid to stop, or walking away. I intervene when she asks the kid to stop if he doesn't, or if the kid follows her when she leaves. Usually I just say "We don't ______, but you can ________" or, for slightly older kids, "she doesn't like it when you ________, how about _______ instead?"
I intervene immediately in situations when an actual injury could occur~ pushing on the equipment! throwing sand at kids (shovel ifull in the face = we don't throw sand at other kids, sand can go in a pile!..." Kid just playfully tossing sand in the air = my kid can ask other kid to stop (and, I will reinforce her request), turn around, or walk away from the situation.) I have no problem telling other kids to stop doing things when it causes a true safety hazard.... If the kid's parents can't be bothered to supervise or teach them better, you bet your hiney I'm not going to let it hurt MY child!
Your situation is a bit different, as your kid is currently half the age of mine... But she learned how to stand up for/defend herself by having this behavior modeled from the get-go.
The teacher should be managing this. Talk to her. She should be talking to the parents as a whole about how this class is to be structured. Kids are running around amok? Why? If the mom's are there why aren't they up and playing/dancing with the kiddo's? Why are they running around and not participating in the class activity?
I have no problem saying something (kindly) to the child like 'that's not nice to throw sand' or (with the hitting/pushing) 'no hitting/pushing our friends'. Just something simple like that. I'm not reprimanding anyones child, just stating a fact about playing nice. Or even a simple 'play nice' or 'watch the smaller kids'. Shame on these moms for not speaking to their kids or making their child apologized. If a mom is just going to apologize for their child without telling them what they did was wrong, then how are they supposed to learn. And if the other child continues the bad behavior, I remove my child from play and explain to my child that their new friend isn't playing nice and let's do something else.
Well, if another toddler hits or pushes my toddler I smile at the parent. I am embarrassed for the parent (b/c it happens all the time and I DON'T want them to feel bad). They can deal with their child as they see fit, but I am in no way appalled or angry. And I will not say anything to another child or parent.
Nor do I remove a toddler from my baby's face. Usually the parent sees this and freaks out and asks if the newborn is OK. The baby is fine. Yes, even if their toddler touched him.
You try to be as patient and understanding as you can, storing up karma for the day when your kid is the one doing the hitting and pushing.
