How to Get Lazy 4 Year Old Out of Bed for Preschool

I'm a member of www.FLYlady.com, which really helps me keep my house clean and keep routines and have a healthy attitude towards it all. It's geared towards adults getting their homes and lives in order, but she provides a "control journal" for children to keep track of their homework, chores, etc, on their own without their parents nagging, which might really help. Kids (and husbands!) automatically resist us when we're telling them what to do, even if it's for their own good. The student control journal helps them stay organized and establish routines. Here's the link to the control journal: http://www.flylady.net/images/student_CJ.pdf#search=%22st...

Also check out her homepage flylady.net Her systems might really help you find peace in your own life like it did for me.

Flylady is an advocate of her colleague's website, www.housefairy.org, which is a website to help motivate and encourage children to clean their rooms. On the website there's a video of The Housefairy where she talks to your kids and tells them she's going to stop by unexpectedly every once in awhile and check on their rooms and see if they've been cleaning it like their parents have asked and leave little notes and rewards if they have. The website also helps give you ideas on how to make a game out of cleaning, and turn it into a positive experience so they can develop good habits for life. Praise and rewards are usually bigger incentives than punishment, and much more positive and help their self-esteem. In fact, while studying for his Master's in Business, my husband learned that people performed better with the incentive of receiving recognition and praise than they did with the motivation of monetary rewards in the workplace. You can plan family activities as rewards, doing what she wants, which she most likely prefers over material things, plus it sends a better message. The housefairy.org website has a LONG list of incentive ideas, posted by other parents.

Good luck! Be firm and make sure there are consequences, both positive and negative, for their behavior. Consistency pays off. I am a BIG advocate of the Love and Logic parenting style of letting your children suffer the natural consequences of their choices and enforcing limits, but doing so in a loving, empathetic way. Love and Logic also stresses the importance of reinforcing a warm parent/child relationship by being involved and spending time together. They offer awesome parenting classes that I strongly encourage taking (www.keriparentcoach.com is their excellent local instructor here in AZ), have some great books ("Parenting with Love and Logic"), and DVDs and CDs. Check them out at the library or purchase at www.loveandlogic.com When I attended the parenting classes it became apparent that this approach to parenting is very similar to how I was raised, and I really appreciate my upbringing and always had a fantastic relationship with my mom, even during my teenage years.

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Sounds like he's still tired. If it takes 20-25 minutes to wake him up, send him to bed 20-25 minutes earlier the night before. And explain to him, that since he has a hard time getting up that is why he is going to be earlier each night. This may cause him to perk up a little more in the morning.
Good Luck.

At 8, I still have to wake my son every morning for school. We also have a great bedtime and morning routine, but I get my son up 15 to 20 minutes early to allow for wake up time. I love the singing idea another mom gave but my son just tells me to please stop singing (and has since he learned to talk) so not an option for me. I find giving enough time in the morning to get out of the "grouches" has worked best, although this means moving bedtime earlier to compensate for the lost sleep. Good Luck.

I see you have quite a few responses...but the thing that struck me most is that your son has no trouble waking up on days off. I would suspect he finds preschool tiring or stressful or both. Yeah, maybe he is trying to avoid it, and/or it just wipes him out having to deal with a new environment and unpredictable adults and kids. This may fade as he adjusts to the new school, rules, schedule, people etc. Or, it may get worse if it is hard to adapt.
I think it is important to realize that preschool is not a requirement for success in life. I would even say the same for all formal schooling.
Formal schooling says it can address they wide variety of student intellectual, social, emotional, psychological and physical needs, but I, as a former educator, feel that it can not. Because it is a structured environment it demands students adapt to it. Most do, but some do it poorly. So their education suffers.
I guess you have to ask yourself "Is my child getting what I want them to get out of school?" And if the answer is "no" then is there a better way?
Sorry if it seems I digress from your question..but it seems the problem is not waking...but school day waking.

Hi S.,

My 5yr old girl is a grouch in the morning too. I have had great succes with moving her bedtime from 9:00p.m.to 7:30p.m. We also have a night routine of laying out school clothes, and getting backpack ready. She chooses after schoool snacks to put in her backpack to eat on the way home. And we have a morning routine. Wash face,brush teeth,comb hair,get dressed, have breakfast. If all that gets done without alot of whining or a "meltdown" she gets to watch a few minutes of her favorite morning show before she goes off to school. We also make Friday a special day as reward for having gone to school all week. We celebrate it with doughnut from the gas station, or pizza, popcorn movie night.
This has dramatically changed our mornings from dreading to wake my daughter up to watching her embrace and become involved in the choices and choosing her behavior. Having her eye on the prize has made the not so fun parts do-able.
Best wishes,
K. P.C.

Hi S.,

Sounds like your little guy isn't a morning person :) We all have our own time clocks. Unfortunatley many times we need to adjust them to do the things we need to do...like wake up early for school:) How about getting him to bed earlier? Maybe he needs more sleep. What time does he have to wake up now? I read some research that our bodies natural state for best sleep is between 4-7am. Waking in those hours can be not only harder, but doesn't allow our bodies to really get the rest it needs. I have to fight this EVERY DAY, because my children's school starts early and they are up by 6:40am. It's a total drag!!! But I've learned to get them to bed earlier if possible, and get them up earlier because it takes time for their bodies to adjust. Maybe you can try the earlier down and earlier up routine...but give him time to wake up. It will help to be organized the night before with his clothes set out, lunches made, and as much morning-get out the door- stuff as possible ready. It's less stress for you as well. Do the best you can, nothing is a perfect system.
I get that he just has to wake up and get ready to go to school - that's all there is to it. Many times, we just have to do it - right? But he is only 4, and since he's going to be getting up early for school for a very long time, then perhaps it will help to make it more bearable for him, and maybe even fun, and eventually he'll start waking less grumpy and on his own. I'm not a huge believer in rewards to get our children to do things. I'm a huge believer in the process and the journey...not the end result. That said, sometimes we do need to dangle a carrot in front of them to encourage certain behaviors or actions. (like I said, nothing is a perfect system:) Does he have a favorite breakfast he can get if he gets out of bed at a certain time? Put a timer in his room. Wake him, then tell him when the timer rings he needs to get out of bed and then he can eat his favorite breakfast. (give him the time he needs when you set the timer). Does he like music? Put on some lively fun music he likes. Music has a way of making everyone smile if it's the right kind. Get a sticker chart, and every morning he gets out of bed and ready for school on time he gets a sticker for that morning. When he gets so many stickers - like 3 or 4, he can have a special treat or do something special (it doesn't have to be big). This reward system could work for a while, then the novelty wears off, because kids just learn to do something to get something in return....they aren't doing something because it's the best or right or good thing to do. But every child is different, and it really depends on how it's approached by us. If we can keep the process in mind insted of the end result, it helps the child much better. Also, how are you approaching the morning routine? What kind of language are you using when you wake him up? Happy, grumpy, "get out of bed you lazy kid"? I am NOT a morning person. I really really don't like to get my kids up early for school, not just for my sake, but for theirs as well. BUT..I have learned by trial and error over the past 12 years that my attitude can set the whole tone for the morning and possibly their school day. Sometimes I have to be a Hitler to get their hineys up and going, but mostly, I learned to relax my attitude about it, and know that in the end they will do the right thing when they know what is expected and I let them deal with the consequences....teeth not brushed, hair not combed, "Well, you did have time to get ready, but now it's time to go...so, you need to think about how you can get ready to leave on time." My kids are older, and I do and did use natural and logical consequences even when they were younger...but it can be done in a non-stressed way. See if you can find the balance and the way that is right for you and your son to learn self responsiblity, encourage a positive morning tone, and allowing him the time he needs to wake up.

Much good energy to you and your family,

In peace,
A.
mom of 4, Birth and Parenting Mentor
www.birthingfromwithin.com

I use an alarm clock for my son, who is 4. He is so excited, it makes him feel like a big boy

Last school year I was working in my daughter's 2 year old year and I had to get her up really early- 6:15, boy she wasn't it much of a mood to be awake and I'd have to carry her around and feed her myself. You didn't say what time he has to wake up but it's probably not that early. It really sounds like he's pretty tired. Try an earlier bedtime or bring back naps if he'd stopped. Try to budget in that extra time he needs to wake by, yes, waking him 15 minutes earlier. That way you don't feel rushed and impatient. Good luck!

Wow, you have a full house! I am in awe that you can handle 4 children! I only have 3 kids and many times feel that they are ganging up on me!

My DD#1 was in preK last year and had the same problem. She was NOT a morning person. She would have to wake up at 7, but would rather sleep in until 9! What helped me was bedtime was steadfast at 8 p.m. AND I would start waking her up 30 minutes early. It took a few months but she would actually start waking up on her own at 6:30 (the 30-minute-early time) She now automatically wakes up between 6:30-7 every morning (luckily I wake up at 5! or I wouldn't get anything done!)

Since he is still so young, he's following his body and not trying to be lazy. He's either not getting enough sleep or you're trying to wake him when he's just not ready (mid sleep cycle or whatever). Is preschool absolutely necessary? Can he go later?

Now, if he hasn't always been this way and this is a brand new development, perhaps he does not like preschool. Has he mentioned anything along those lines?

You have four kids so I know you need to work within schedules the needs of the others. But maybe trying to work more with his sleep needs rather than against them might make things easier for everyone.

If changing the morning routine isn't working, try to get him to bed earlier, if possible. Good luck!

Hi S.,
Just a comment on your follow-up... I never bothered to explain to my 2 yo why his new baby brother got to get up at night for feedings (right after we put the 2 yo to bed), it was just, "this is how it is." If you, as Mom, make the decision to put your 4 yo son to bed before your 6 yo, there shouldn't be a need for some long explanation.
I'd suggest moving him into the new bedtime over a few days, though, and not all at once.
Luckily the sun is setting earlier every day, so the extra darkness should help move him along.
Good luck :)

have you tried an earlier bedtime, even if he doesn't fall asleep he needs to stay in bed? if this upsets him, then you can reward him by letting him know that the days that he wakes up willingly he can stay up a little later...

For your second problem (about explaining about the 6 year old)....each kid is different. There are differences in gender as well as age. What might be age appropriate for your 6 year old doesn't have to be age appropriate for your 4 year old. Instead of concentrating on how to explain it to him, just do it. I would start with just changing your order of doing things--just put him to bed first and then the girls or doing it in "age order". And actually, your 2 year old and your 4 year old should be going to be at the same time anyway--their nap times should be different, but they need about the same amount of sleep at night. So just start with putting them to bed in "age order"...then gradually move the bedtime up for the 2 and 4 year old--they won't know the 6 year old isn't in bed yet.

Hope this helps!

My daughter is usually up on her own between 6:30-7:00 but on the rare occasion I have to wake her up in the morning or from a nap, this is what I do.

I go in, open the blinds and kneel beside her bed. In a soft voice I sing the good morning song. (she is usually awake within the first few words singing right along!) After the song we do our good morning stretches. Then we go potty and sing the today song.We talk about the day, the weather, what to wear...We never rush and talk (and sing!) alot.

The days my daughter has gymnastics or playgroup or some activity we talk about it when I tuck her in the night before. She likes knowing what is going to happen.

Good Morning Song...
Good morning to you, good morning to you, good morning sweet _______, good morning to you.

The Today Song...
Today is Tuesday (or whatever), today is Tuesday, all day long, all day long, it will be a good day, it will be a good day, all day long, all day long.

Hope this helps. Sounds silly but works for us. Good luck and happy mornings :)

Have you tried a kid friendly alarm clock? He may not be getting enough sleep at night. Maybe start the bedtime routine a little earlier. My sister had the same problem with her little one. She tried these things and now he is easier to get out of bed. When the alarm goes off she goes in to help him turn it off and makes sure she is really upbeat and excited while in there. This has helped alot. Good Luck!

M.

Ahh, I had the same problem with my preschooler. My best advice: put him to bed in the clothes he'll wear for school the next day. That way, he's already dressed, and the extra time/hassle it will save you, will allow him to wake up. Also try, putting him to bed 15 min earlier each night, until he's going to bed an hour earlier. Make sure he's not eating/drinking sugary or caffenited things. Also he may be playing in his room (before he falls asleep) which could be making him tired? Just something to look out for - lol

Best,
C.