How to Get Kids to Go Home Next Day (Kind of Long)

I would tell the parents "I'll drop her off at home at noon." I'm guessing that the kids are just making excuses to stay longer, and that the parents aren't even aware that you want the kids to leave.

I always have plans arranged that just happen to coincide with pick up time. "Can you pick up (insert childs name) at 12.30 as we have something important planned at 1.00." Now maybe we don't have plans but maybe we do. haha or maybe you should start charging them for childcare that wasn't pre-arranged!! :-) Its not technically a lie as actually I do have plans - plans to spend quality family time with my kid/s

Tell the parents you have an appointment and they need to pick their kids up by XXam or they'll have to sit outside to wait for their parents to pick them up because you are leaving at XXam....

But seriously. If you invite someone over it's almost always expected to get up and stay for a while the next day to play. I would stop inviting kids over if you don't really want them to be there.

Put the guest children in your car and drop them off at their homes, saying you are headed out. In the invitation, tell the parents that you will bring their children to their door at 10 AM on your way out. The visiting children should NOT be in charge of this - that gets rid of the "I don't have a key" thing. I wouldn't leave a 4 or 9 year old alone for safety reasons, and I wouldn't leave a 13 year old alone because they're old enough to get into stuff or engage in activities they shouldn't.

When you say the pick-up time is not followed, do you mean that the parents do not show up? I would insist on a cell phone number and, at 15 minutes past "pick up" call and say, "Our party is over and we are heading out - are you picking Becky up or should I drop her at the house?" I know that it means you have to head out, but at least you can be more obvious and insistent about it.

If you don't get any cooperation at all, then guess which kids don't get invited next time? And yes, back off on the invites for awhile, especially if they are not reciprocated. My house is a mecca for my son's friends, but they don't get to stay over excessively.

Just a thought, but maybe speak to the kids and tell them that if they are not picked up on time then they will not be invited to sleep over any more. Then speak to thier parents as well to make sure that the pick up time is being properly communicated to them.

As far as the neighbor kids, same thing goes. Tell them visiting time ends at X o'clock and as much as you enjoy their compamy, if they can't comply then they will no longer be welcome. And of course again, make sure their parents are getting the correct info regarding when thier kids are welcome.

Good luck!

I would stop having the children do all of the communicating, first off. It should all be between you and the parents. Make plans ahead of time for their parents to pick them up and if the parents are hesitant, then push it with, "Since it's inconvenient for you to pick her up then I'll be dropping her off at home for you by ___. We have a prior commitment that we really can't be late for. I'm sure you understand." It's not rude to stick to your guns.

You also have the right to say "no" if the next morning will likely be a bad time to have company staying later than you'd like.

You have the right to say "no" if you just don't feel like having company over at all for a while. Perhaps during the last couple of weeks of summer vacation you could initiate a "no more sleepovers" rule for your house. They're done. If they're invited somewhere, then plan for the other parents to do the driving if possible and keep in (gentle) contact with them when it comes to your desired schedule.

for the neighbor kids how about putting a sign on the door like "kids can play from 2-4 today, come back then"........then when it's 3;30, give them the 30 minute warning, then at 3:50 give them the 10 minute warning.

Or tell them kids can play on tuesday & thursday ONLY

I have sleepovers for my daughter all the time and play dates for both my kids ALL the time.

I state a drop off time and a pick up time.
NO matter what their parent's schedules are or their work schedules, they pick up their child at the pick up time.
If they cannot, then I say "sorry you can't make it... maybe next time."
And I also tell them, that pick times the next day, are BECAUSE we have other commitments that day. And the kids need to do homework etc.
The parents, do it. And I also say, nicely, that I cannot have the kids over, ALL day nor the next day.
I am a good Host when my kids have friends over... but I also say, what my limits are.
AND I tell the MOM... what the drop-off and pick-up time is... I don't rely on the kid to tell their Mom. I... say it to the parent myself.

Per kids just popping over/neighbor kids, I say no.... when/if I need to say no.
My kids, got tired of the neighbor kids, just ambushing them, whenever they had their own activities, by themselves or with their own friends.
And they got to the point they didn't even want to go out in our own yard or driveway to play. Because some RUDE neighbors would just send their kids over. So I told the parent, nicely.... we do not like, pop-ins. And when we are home, we like our privacy, and have our own schedules. It is our private, time.
That solved it.

I don't mind play dates etc., but I and my kids... DO NOT LIKE pop-ins.

I had that. A summer ago, my son's friend spent the day/evening with us. When I went to drop him off - he was staying at his father's house *around the corner* - his stepmom was just not home. I knew Dad would be at work - but really, Stepmom just went off to dinner with friends and blew the kid off. Dad got mad at the son for calling him at work - I took the phone from the child and told Dad - forget it, I will keep him. You just call me when it is convenient for your wife for him to come home.

I kept the boy for two days, out of spite - got permission from his real Mom to keep him. LOL Dad then apologized and brought his lawn care equipment over and re-did both my front and back yards. After that there were no more incidents when the boy stayed over. And, honestly, I kept him a lot that summer - even got him into Boys & Girls Clubs with my son for a few weeks.

There is another friend of my son's that comes for two to three days at a time over the summer. In fact, he is the one most likely to live with us before high school is over. And he knows that I have a bedroom waiting for him. We talked about it this summer - he said maybe when he turns 17 or 18, and can get a job after school so he could pay his own way. I honestly expect him to live with us by the time they are in Junior College. Always have - we have known the boy since 6th grade and they are entering Junior year this year.

All this to say, sometimes kids need to be away from their homes. For whatever reason. And while I long for alone time with my son sometimes when all the wayward boys are with us, I realize that my home is much more stable than their own homes. They need and want the structure that I provide - if they stay more than one night they are expected to help around the house - take out trash, do their own laundry, etc.

But, setting limits is also a good thing. Make some house rules and begin explaining them to your visitors - times of accepted visiting, expectations of involvement, etc. If the kids are teens, there is nothing wrong with telling them that you are bringing them home at "x" time and then make sure you talk to the parents - I realized that many times my son and his friends would make plans but the other parents didn't know there was a time limit on the visit.

And with school about to be starting again - now is the perfect time to change the rules of engagement. Institute school rules and let everyone know in advance what they are.

But always keep in mind why the kids may need to be at your house instead of their own.

Hugs!

Speak with the other parent directly. If you can't get ahold of them to do so, then the kid doesn't stay over. Stop having sleepovers until you get this hammered out. GL!

For the neighbor kids--- have a certain time frame that you allow for kids over--like an hour etc. Then when hour is up you say, ok its time to go home kids-- we are having family time. Then walk them to the door--thank them for coming over and say goodbye. It will be uncomfortable but you have to do it or they and their parents will continue to walk all over you and your family.

If this is a continuing theme, I think I'd just start saying "no" to sleepovers, especially repeat offenders. Or I'd have to talk directly to the parents about pick up time. (It's hard to tell from your post, but it sounds like you aren't talking to the parents' of the older children.)

I am extremely close with our neighbors. I have no problem telling them no if we are busy. I simply say, that "Today is not a good day for us, maybe tomorrow." Most kids aren't good with subtlety. When you say that your kids are busy with chores, their brains hear "Come back in about thirty minutes and they might be done and ready to play".

I have a friend with a VERY open door policy. Kids are always coming and going from her house. Sometimes they even come to play when her son isn't even home. She usually doesn't mind at all. But there are days where it bothers her a bit. So she on days she doesn't want company, she puts a red dot by her doorbell. She's let her neighbors know that it's her code to everyone that she's not a good time for kids to hang out. It seems to work for her.

Um...I assume this is going to end when school starts, right?

Surely this isn't going to continue when all these kids have school the next day?

That will take care of the many sleepovers, but I don't think you should wait until then, because it seems to me you're being taken advantage of twice: Once by the kids themselves, who apparently have not been taught anything about being good and considerate guests, and a second time by their parents, who are using you for free babysitting. OK, maybe if you're really good friends with the parents it's not like that but I don't get the impression here that these are close friends of YOURS whose kids you are watching all night and again all the next day.

I would tell the one set of kids who are there overnight then return the whole next day that you are going to limit sleepovers at your house (not just wtih their kids, with ALL kids) to once a week in summer. Period. New rule. Your kids will fuss but that's the deal. I think it's letting the kids (yours and the guest kids) run the show if they basically say "We're having a sleepover" as opposed to asking, and they're having too many.

I agree with the folks who posted various ideas for getting kids out of the house the next day, even dropping them off yourself. But I'd really put it more on the parents of the guest kids and let them know: "We have something else going on that morning and if you can't pick Johnny and Jill up before 9:00, we will have to drop them off, and next time we'll have to keep it to a daytime play date."

I think the bigger issue here is the way kids seem to be in and out of your house on their schedule, not yours. It's time for your kids and the other kids to learn some limits.

School will end the constant sleepovers but you may run into these neighbor kids coming over every day after school, on weekends, etc. That would drive me nuts and is not good for your kids in establishing a routine for homework and chores. If you find these kids coming over unannounced I'd nip it in the bud the very first time and say "During the school year we need to schedule play dates between the parents; sorry but you can't drop in one day unless I've OK'd it with your parents the day before, and the answer will not always be yes because of homework, piano lessons (whatever)." Then stick to it. Yeah, even for the 13-year-old -- that's middle school, and homework is becoming more important than ever in those years. I think you're being very nice, but perhaps too nice, and the kids are assuming your house is their house. Time their parents got the message that it isn't, and that you are no longer available to babysit their kids.

ADDED: In the SWH you asked, how do I ban the neighbor kids from my house; they leave and are back in an hour and a half...Please focus on the parents, not the kids! You need to have a talk directly and in person with both the parents of these kids who are living at your house. Tell them that you like the kids, your children like them, but from now on you need the parents to call you and arrange a play date -- call it what you want but it needs to be arranged, not a casual knock on the door and "can we come in" situation. Clearly these kids do not understand boundaries but that's because their parents aren't teaching them any and, frankly, because you too are not enforcing any. If they overstay, you phone the parents and say that their kids are going to be coming back to their own house in five minutes. I guess the gist here is "If they come back and you dont' want them there, tell them so nicely and say your kids will call when they're ready to have them over. If they are there and won't leave promptly when asked or at an appointed time, make it happen by walking them back to their house." Don't cave to "Just five more minutes!" or "But my mom's not home!" Have both parents' cell numbers and you, not the kids, do the calling. But ensure that the parents understand -- no more drop-ins. Blame it on school coming up soon, blame it on having family activities. I wonder why these neighbor kids don't have ANYthing else in their summers other than "summer camp" at your house?

Do you talk to the parents before the sleepover, to set a plan for pick up the day, expectations, etc.? Seems like the easiest way to avoid the late pick up problem. Also, maybe setting boundaries, or having "no sleepover/guests" periods of time/days? And if they show up, ask them to please come back at such & such a time or day.

I speak up and tell the kids, "at 11:00 it will be time for X to go home, I will be happy to drive, or X, you should call now and let your parents know you will need to be picked up by 11:00" I've never had an issue with making this announcement.

Also, I don't allow my kids to ask for sleepovers when their friends are present. I'm always irritated with the "ask your Mom if I can sleep over" whispers. I'm not even sure MY kid really wants overnight company, or if they are just being put on the spot. When they do ask me privately, I would ask they consider choosing a guest that respects going home at a reasonable time. The 13 year old can be coached to gently tell her friend after breakfast that she needs a little quiet time to herself or wants to take a shower, or get ready for going somplace, etc. Hangers-on should get the message, or those that are really reluctant to leave won't be asked back any time soon.

For the kids visiting, I would be talking straight to their parents... that way, the parents KNOW what is expected. Sometimes, the kids aren't so great about telling their parents when they are supposed to be home... Ask the parents for an emergency number that you can use in case something happens, and you can use that to get a hold of them if they don't answer their regular phone. (that's assuming they have a different 'emergency' number.)

As far as the neighbor kids... I had a friend who put a green bulb instead of a plain one on their porch. When the kids were allowed to come over and play, the light was on. If the light was off, it meant to not even bother asking, because the answer is no. :)

Seems like you can be sort of a pushover. I can be like that sometimes too. Just last week, my 11 yo planned a sleep over at the last minute. When I told him to ask his dad first to see if it was ok he did. Husband said it was ok but not until he finds out if his cousin was coming over. So I told my 11 yo to hold off telling his friend until I find we got confirmation on his cousin. So I said Thursday would be better than Wednesday but wait until I say it's ok. Well next thing I know, my sons friend's mom calls me to ask me what time she can drop her son off. At that point, I was livid. I didn't want to seem like I didn't want him over so I said sure why not, you can drop him off when you can. He comes over an hour later. Then my phone rang and my 11yo's other bff calls and my son tells him that their mutual friend is over for a sleepover. So I new what was to follow. I said ok, he can stay also. Parents ask me what time should they pick up next day, I said whatever time is good for them since I wasn't going anywhere. Big mistake. They were supposed to leave in the afternoon. Then they talked me into staying another day. I ended up waiting on them hand and foot like clock work. Again one parent said they will pick up at 3:30 the other asked if I can drop her son off.Then later that afternoon, they asked if they can extend it to 4:30 pm. Me being a pushover said ok but that's it. Well 4:30 pm comes around no one shows up to pick up 1st boys.I'm steaming.They think I'm some sort of babysitter or something. When it got to 5 pm I told the boy to call his mom to come get him because I have somewhere to go. When mom gets there, she gave me a lame story and then left. Moral of the story is put your foot down. If they can't respect your wishes then they don't need to have sleepovers. Btw, I was sooo beat from the sleepover last week that I have decided that I will limit it to once a year. I told my two boys, don't ask me ever again until next year. It's just too much work and responsibility. Sorry to be long winded but I needed to vent. Hope this helps.

Learn to tell the kids... and their parents no. If it's a bad time... then send the child home. Maybe even coming up with a set time, and making sure the parents know the time, like Tuesdays and Thursdays from 1 to 3 would be helpful. This is the parents pawning their kids off on you and conveniently not getting their kids, so you need to be firm with your schedule.

I would continue to talk the parents of the offending kids before any arrangements are made. My two oldest are 14 and we still talk to parents before sleep overs. When we host, we need to make sure that the parents know what time we need them to pick up the next day. When another family hosts, we call to make sure that a parent is home and find out what time they want us to pick up or tell them what time our child needs to be sent home (a lot of the kids live in the neighborhood).

Your 13 year old is old enough to make this her responsibility too. Tell her that if communication between friends and parents doesn't immediately improve, no more sleep overs. Our older kids know to not make firm plans without checking with us and they know that their friends have to hunt down a parent for us to touch base with before we OK anything. This also lays the groundwork for making sure that when they get older, they're not partying at someone else house while both sets of parents think that the kids are at a different friend's house sleeping over.

how about designating a few days a week that the kids DO NOT have any friends over? Then stick to it. Your kids will have to be on board with you on this, and you can't cave in.

I would suggest that you can plan a family-only activity that requires you to leave the house by a certain time. If the guests and their parents know in advance that they can't just hang out at your house all day, they should be able to get the idea. I'd tell the parents point-blank, "We'd like to invite Sally over to spend the night on Friday, but we do have a family event we have to attend on Saturday afternoon. Would you please be sure to pick her up by 11 am, or to give her a key so we can drop her off?"

As far as the neighborhood kids I can totally understand the need to create some boundries so your family can have it's own time together. A friend of mine had this problem and she established a rule that if their garage door was open then "camp #@$%^&*" was ready to play and the kids could come by. If it wasn't they needed to let them be.Is there some way you could let the kids know of a sign to look for that lets them know they can come by? A flag, open garage, orange cone .... I love having a house full of kids and I'm sure that with out some limits it could be to much of a good thing. As far as the sleep overs and kids not going home..... Do you set these up with the parents? I think more communication with the parents is better as far as pick up and drop off schedules. Kids get things mixed up. It's easy as they get into their teen years to start letting them do more of the communicating but then you'll have problems like your having.

I think I would tell the kids that, "We need some family time." Or "Not tonight. I don't want to host." We've been honest with the kids that we're tired/had a long day/need to get chores and stuff done. They understood. If it was OK sometimes we allowed THEM to visit their friends vs the other way around.

My SD also understood that some of her friends could not come with open ended invitations. One in particular was always picked up late by her dad and it was annoying. Many times we drove her home to get her out of the house, and made sure that someone was home or later she had a key (dep. on age). Even if you like having kids around, you can put limits on it. Also, anybody around at a certain time can be put to work. We ask SD and her BF to unload the dishwasher when they are here for dinner.

You can also say that in preparation for going back to school, you will no longer allow sleepovers on weeknights.

You can teach your kids that they have to ask and they can signal you to say no. Maybe a code word or phrase like asking if there are any green bananas. With tweens, that seems to work pretty well. Your DD is already asking for a text. Instead of taking the kids' word about it, call the parents and make it CLEAR that the child will be dropped off or sent home by x time if not picked up. If the communication isn't with the parent so much anymore, that may help. And if that friend can't make it home on time, then that friend can't stay.

ETA: Sounds like the 13 yr olds cannot stay because they cannot reliably get home on time, whatever the cause. So start saying no unless they can get home when you need them to get home.

For the other kids tell them not tonight. Go home and try again tomorrow. Or you could tell them that IF your kids can play, they will call later.

Have you thought about getting the other parents cell phones and then taking the other kids home?

I do that frequently. If I drive them home, I decide when they leave. Just call the parents and say, "We on our way out, I'm dropping them off".

I'm late to this post, but I will chime in anyway...

Even with the 13 yr old, I would STILL want to speak person to person with a parent (preferably the one responsible for pick-up at the end of the visit). And for the kids who live in the neighborhood, I think it is reasonable to tell the PARENTS that you have plans for "family time" the next day after little Suzie or Johnny goes home at "x" time. That should solve the problem of them coming back over after taking their stuff home. And if it doesn't, then just tell little Suzie or little Johnny (when you answer the door) that you are "sorry, but ____ (your child) can't play right now. We are having time with just family."

Hopefully after a few times of getting the "sorry but" and sent home treatment at the door FROM YOU, they will get the message.

Good luck.
Having kids in the neighborhood can be both a blessing and a curse. ;)