How to Build in Family Habits.

Keep it simple and short. For family meals, I know a friend who would sometimes have cereal for supper. She didn't tell too many folks, because of the judgment factor. But she often had a brief window of time, needed to be flexible, and when she had 15 minutes with her kids, she wanted to be sitting around the kitchen table, eating and talking with them. They all called it their family treat time! Conversation abounded! All her kids are grown, successful and loving family members. Same thing could be done whenever time opens up, if you have supplies ready. The attitude and presentation make the memories. Family ice cream sundae break, always with special bowls. Family chapter book break, always with cocoa or chocolate milk. Anything you are ready and willing to do when 10 minutes are available to all. All my best to you!

My husband works the evening shift and can only join us for dinner twice a week (on the weekend). We sit down at the table as a family every night at 5:00pm, regardless of who is there. If my husband is at work and my older son is at a friends place, I still sit at the table and have dinner with my younger son.

Haven't read any responses but I am going to say that I was born when my Dad was in Med School (MD) and it wasn't until I was 8 that he was completely done with Residency/Internship/Fellowship/etc... so I can give some perspective.

My most favorite memories was my Dad & I going and getting fresh French or Cuban bread on the Sundays he didn't work and us eating it on the way home.

When he would study I remember just coloring on the floor next to him

He read me the comic pages every week

We would go an visit him at the Hospital for lunch and he would take me to meet the nurses since he was a Pedi, sometimes his patients (especially if they were near my age) *This was when he was working with kids with Cancer*

We also saw movies just the two of us (for us it was the Star Wars)

Also when Dad worked overnight Mom & I had TV Dinners and I got to have a sleepover in their bed.

I am 40 years old and lost my Dad last year and I can tell you I will never forget those times

With a Spouse going to school.... it is very busy.
My Husband was going to school and working.
EVERY day and night, he was, justifiably, busy. NO free time.
Sure, breaks here and there for the brain. But it is busy, every day and night. When he was not working, he was studying. And carrying a full load of classes. Studying takes... lots of time, uninterrupted time and there needs to be quiet so they can concentrate. So, Hubs would study at home.... or, outside the home.
When he was going to school, he could NOT, just take off or go on trips or vacations. He also took Summer and Winter intercession classes. It was year round. My friend's Husband also was going to school and they have kids too. For each of us, it was like being a "Single Parent' while they went to school.
The going-to-school Spouse, is not available, for things. They don't have much time and have to keep up their school work and grade point average and there are many projects as well and deadlines.
My Husband studied day and night, 7 days a week.
So, for the years he went to school, I did not expect... him to have a normal family life or obligations. He did try to make time for the family... but it was nothing concrete. Nor regular. And I did not pressure him about it. His "job".... was going to school, and also working at a normal job.

You and your Husband, NEED to talk about this. And what the routines may be. Daily.

My Husband's Academic Advisor, the Advisor makes sure to tell the married Students that many non-traditional students, who are a spouse or have kids... have lots more pressure, in ADDITION to school, obligations. Hence, the stress levels... increases. And some Spouses of the students, could not handle it. Hence, conflicts within the family etc. and even divorce, because of it. So if you know that ahead of time, then you may know what to expect and work around it. And learn to tolerate their going-to-school, years.
But going to school, is important. And they need to do what they need to to, in order to graduate etc.

You... will need to be flexible.
Have your routines with your child.
Your Husband's schedule... WILL very per the classes he takes/his class schedule which cannot always be as you want it to be, and the load of studying etc. So, he cannot.... (at least my Husband could not), make a certain "schedule" with me or my kids. Because, how much one has to study and attend classes, will vary, and per assignments and prepping for it.
Studying, is the priority.
While one goes to school.

You stay connected by thinking outside the box, and having to be.... flexible.
My Husband would, make a few minutes here and there to play with the kids. BUT, he ALSO had to, deflate too, after work, and before hitting the books. It is a daily, thing. AND my kids clearly understood, that school and studying, was important... for my Husband, AND us. They saw him studying hard.... and thus, learned what school/college is. It was also a life lesson for them. We made it a positive thing for them.
So, talk to your Husband.
He will not be able to fully predict his school work demands, until he starts the program.
But, when possible, have some routines that are, doable for him.
Or, he may even have night classes. Thus, will having dinner together actually, be doable???? for example.
My husband had night classes, that were RIGHT after his job.
So, the "ideal" of us all having dinner together.... was NOT doable.
When he was going to school.
The spouse and family has to be very flexible.
And, there were many times... when my Husband could not even see the kids to bed. Why?
Well, when one is heavily concentrating and studying and in the midst of a project or online exam... they cannot just take off and get away from their desk. Otherwise, their flow and concentration, will be interrupted. For example. Hence, I did not demand or expect, my Husband to do the bedtime thing with my kids, all the time. It was, as it could be done, or not. Nothing rigid. For example.

**ETA: while my Hubs was in school, he also... was not able to, to attend all family functions/holidays. Because, of studying. And often, even if on a break.... there was still studying because- projects were due right AFTER the break. ie: Spring Break/Fall Break etc.
So, this is school life in conjunction with family.
I had 2 kids already, while my Husband was going to school and working.
So it was a lot of duties to do, and juggling. For FOUR years we did this. Constantly. And my Husband was not always, there. Even if he was at home, studying. He had to, study. Or be up late at night doing so, even after midnight.
When a Spouse is going to school, making family "routines"... is harder. It is not like, a regular family life.
Also because, classes and class load and "schedules" for the student-Spouse, will vary. They cannot just decide not to take available classes, not at dinner time. For example. They have to register and take classes, WHEN it is available. And not all classes may be available every semester. Some classes are only offered once a year or only during certain semesters. For example.
So the Wife/Spouse and kids, have to be very flexible.
If for example I 'demanded' time of my Husband, it would not fly very well. And it was stressful. He was busy. Justifiably. He had work and studying. I was busy. We were all busy. When/if my Husband could spare some time... it was either for him to just deflate or relax his brain from studying/taking time off for himself/or having a few minutes here and there, for us and catching up.
Time is at a premium.
And, if "we" wanted to do anything... it could not be spur of the moment. It is hard, for one to just switch gears and turn off their brain... when they are studying and then just go play or hang out. Even when hanging out... my Husband's brain was churning and thinking out his projects. Even if he was hanging out with us. Away from his desk. At home he had a ROOM in which to study. One in which he could close the door. From distractions.

If your Husband has night/evening classes or weekend classes (yes, that does happen too), then you cannot count on.... "family nights" as a routine.

If your Husband also takes, classes during breaks (ie: winter or summer) for example, these classes are typically more accelerated. Thus, it is more studying, in a heavier manner. Because it is accelerated classes for a shorter term. For example.
So many things, to keep in mind.

The family, has to be very flexible when a Spouse is going to school.
And the one going to school, has to put school, first.
Classes or school work or grades, cannot be, put aside.

I went through this for four.... years.
When my Husband graduated.... my children, were over-the-moon-soooooooooo-excited for my Husband and was so PROUD of him.
I was too. We all went to his graduation. My kids NOW know... what "college" is. They learned a valuable "lesson" seeing their Daddy do it.
Successfully. And that it takes hard work.

My Husband knew, it was not easy on me. But his going to school, was for everyone. That is what I kept in mind. Not about how routines, was more important. For that time being. I kept the kids and me and the family, glued together, even if my Hubby was not able to do everything with us. Due to studying. And I never made him feel bad.... for it.
But ...when a spouse is going to school, the other Spouse is like a Single Parent. But again, look at the bigger picture.
Talk with your Husband too. See what is or is not, workable per your "ideals" for family/child routines.
School is for, many years.
And it has to be a priority.
But moments of family time, can be done.

The Spouse cannot concentrate nor keep up grades, if they are called upon every 10 minutes. In the most basic sense.
They need a place to study, undisturbed, at home, or they will need to go elsewhere to study.

The Wife and whole family, has to be flexible. Not only for yourself... but for the one going to school. Any added "stress", feeds into their not being able to study. Appropriately.

We just do it!

If both adults value 'family' and 'together' time, then it will just happen!
It doesn't have to be dinner, like another poster said, maybe it can be breakfast? We have Family Sunday Breakfast, it's always a big production, we all help cook & talk & laugh while preparing the meal...granted its always more like 'brunch' by the time we are ready to sit down & eat but that part is inconsequential, the important part is, is that we are together!

Maybe you guys have family walks instead of meals? Who knows? It can be anything at any time, it's just important that you are all together doing it! Heck, it could be laundry day at the laundry mat! <----My BF growing up had parents that would take all the bedding & bedroom rugs to the laundry mat once a week as a family, they would buy donuts & chocolate milk & play cards while waiting for the laundry & she LOVED it..,she loved it so much it is a tradition she has continued with her own family now!

Sometimes you just can't have dinner every ____@____.com I either eat early w/my son so he gets a good dinner & everybody
else eats when they get home.
You can do other things as a family to instill that "family time" like:
-go for a walk together on the weekend
-watch a 30 min family show together
-follow or create holiday traditions (go together to pick out a tree or if you
have a fake tree you decorate it together, go to the pumpkin patch as a
family then carve jack-o-lanterns all together, go out for ice cream etc.
-squeeze in time when it fits your family. If that's the weekends or at night
-how about breakfast on the weekends as a family?
-play a game in the evening as a unit. Make it a board game that's age
appropriate.
-go to a park together for an hour as a family then let him get back to
studying. Maybe you could all go to the library together where he could
study & your daughter oculd go to reading time or you help her pick out
a book that you read to her there. That way you are all together but
hubby can still study.
-look at your schedule & build in time where you see you can fit it in with
your newfound schedule (hubby's school).
It can be done but you will need to look at your schedule to see where
time allows. Best of luck!

We absolutely do have family dinner time. You all need to eat some time, so make a point to sit at the table and eat together. It's really not hard. During dinner, we go around the table and each person shares three good things and one thing to improve about their day. It helps us to really get into one another's world.

We do family night on Friday nights. We play a game (Uno) is short and fun, and watch a family movie. We do family meetings or address any issues that need to be discussed as a family during this time.

There are some things that MUST be sacred when he's home. Dinners, family nights (even if it's just a few hands of Uno or whatever before he has to go study).

It is very hard. Your life is turned upside down. I second, third and fourth SH for what she wrote.

In fact, if anyone wanting a degree, this is what they should do to get it. School is number one and everything else falls in behind that. The intense studying is mindboggling for someone who has not studied in such a way but it has to be done or you don't graduate.

Yes, you become a single married mom for the duration and do things with your children without dad being there. The same thing applies to a military spouse and family.

You have to learn not to take it personally that they student does not have the time for the family but they are trying their best to make it a better life the whole unit. Seek out a few wives in the same situation and make friends. Perhaps you can switch off babysitting and such to get a bit of personal time.

Once graduated then plan the family traditions and keep them going.

the other S.

Family time can be whatever works for your family. Some choose sunday breakfast, some do game night on a friday night. Some go bike riding after dinner, some walk the dog together.

My father would take us kids by subway to central park to feed the pigeons on sundays, i also remember going fishing with him, doing picnics and snow ball fights.

Not sure if this is helpful, but hubs was all but unavailable during law school, between classes, study, externships, etc. Now that he's working, he's got much more time for all of us.

The easiest thing to do, although perhaps not the most exotic, is take a job which has built in cycles, and make it part of the fun. i.e. All of you rake leaves and have apple cider come the autumn, the whole family folds laundry together and you toss socks at each other, everyone gets involved in scrubbing the patio and pressure washing while wearing pirate hats, dad and junior go to the car wash together and chat about their favorite sports team.

***
Just saw what S.H. wrote. and I want to second that feeling. Hubs was all but unavailable during school. That's just the way of it. Please be prepared and talk it through, a lot. I don't know if people realize all of what they are in for when a partner does this type of degree. Having been to law school myself, when single and child free; didn't prepare me to see my hubs go through it.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

Any quality time is perfect. Maybe dad can read or be read to for 15 mins a day..it could be before bed or anytime that is avial. Everyone needs a few mins break. Quality, not quantity is the key.

Dinner, do you eat dinner at the same time? If so have him sit at the table with you and talk about your day. This is how the strength of the bonds get stronger. My son is not much of a dinner eater- he eats a big breakfast and good lunch by dinner he is just not that hungry. But we turn the TV off and have a Family sit down time and we talk about our day or what we are going to do that evening.

Summer: We eat dinner, and then go swimming. Bath time and then rest time before bed. Or we go to the park-even if only for a few mins. We tend to be more active in the summer than the winter it is just easier.

Pick seasonal activities.. picnic diner outside? Camping over night in the back yard. Quality activities.

Keep in mind, he is doing this for the family to give you guys a better life.

Try for just one meal a day if that's all you've got time for. His hours are going to be crazy the next few years. If he's home in the morning after a long night shift, then you and your son sit down for breakfast while Dad eats dinner. If he's working a 48 hr shift during his intern year or residency, then take him dinner on his break. Just make it a priority that you will see each other for a meal at least once a day, and be flexible about when or what it is. Good luck, you are all in for some trying times!

My husband works crazy-long hours, so he learned long ago that his time with the boys is more about quality than quantity. I LIKE routine, so I'm the one that has started (and continued) all of the routines in our family. My husband joins us whenever he can, but we carry on whether he's here or not.

My husband is here in the mornings, so he has breakfast with the boys every day. That is there time to catch up. They sit together at the table and share whatever is going on in their lives. My husband also drives our youngest to school. He also has certain activities he likes to do with each of the boys. He likes to shoot hoops with our youngest whenever he has a chance - usually several times a week. They also like to go golfing together. He likes to watch late night movies with our oldest. They do this several times a week during the summer, and often on Friday nights during the school year. That's how they stay connected. I join in on all of these activities whenever I feel like it. :)

The boys and I have all kinds of routines that the three of us love. Some of them are daily routines, and some change with the seasons. We are a very close, happy family - all four of us. Even with my husband's challenging schedule, we have found a way to make it work, and this has gone on a long time (20 years).

Good luck. I'm sure working together you and your husband will find a system that works for your family.

We always eat dinner together; but we still have young kids with few activities and regular work schedules. We go around the table and everyone states their favourite part of their day. We chat about upcoming events, discuss plans for our vacations, etc. But maybe a breakfast will be more realistic for *your* schedules? Even if you all get up 20 mins earlier to make time for it.

We also do one family night per week. Activities vary, from movies and popcorn to camping to games, etc. It's not about WHAT you do, but that you're spending time together.

If you really feel like there's no time, then treat family time as an appointment and MAKE the time. Maybe it won't be every day, but it's quality family time that's what's important.

We used to go to our Rec Center and play ping pong together. Now is the best time to teach your son. He can sit by and watch you two for a bit, too.

We always go out Saturday for lunch to whatever place we have a coupon for, at least for the last 26 yrs!

Of course, our faith and church life gives us a foundation and a platform for bonding. Something bigger than all of us. Come visit us there! Lake Worth Baptist. This Sunday our pastor will be there 30 yrs. food to follow!

We have family dinner every night. We also do family video on the weekend, and family swim --though since having a baby, it's more dad swim with the older kids time.

I think the key is to decide when and what, and just do it! If you treat it as an actual appointment, it is much easier to make it happen. We almost always schedule in our family stuff, no matter what.

We always eat dinner together. We have eaten dinner together forever - long long before DS was born. We ate dinner together while we were in veterinary school too, through internships and residencies. It can be done if it is a priority.