Hi everyone. My husband and I have been married for four years now and together for eight years. I am 32 and he is 36 years of age. We have a great relationship full of laughs and seldomly argue. We have a 2.5 yr old son whom we enjoy very much. We had many discussions before getting married. One being how many children we want. We came to the agreement of one maybe two. After having my first child I swore to never have another. lol It was def a huge adjustment. I told my husband one was enough. Now I'm having second thoughts. A lil background on us. I am one out of 7 children. My parents immigrated from Asia and we struggled to make ends meet. I started working at 16 years old to help them out and have been working since. My husband was raised as an "only child." He has an older sister who is 15 years older and she moved out at 18. He talked about having the best childhood ever. His parents never experienced any money problems. With that being said, between my husband and I we make a lil over six figures. However we do have debt. For the past couple months I have brought up the subject about having another child jokingly. I wasn't sure if I really wanted another one and I know my husband is happy on having one. He has made funny remarks like "I'm not sure where the second baby is coming from?" I know he will be understanding but I just want some good pointers. I def miss holding a lil baby and doing the motherhood thing all over again. Any advice/suggestions are appreciated....Thanks.
Just tell him how you feel. I don't understand couples who have to hint at how they are feeling and what they are thinking. Can't you just sit down and say, "I know I've been joking about another baby but I think I do want another one, what do you think" and talk it out. Good luck!
I would start off by saying, "honey how would you like to have more sex?" then take it from there
Did y'all keep your son's baby clothes and toys and car seat and all that stuff? We are in a similar boat - like how I don't want to be a nag about baby #2 with my husband. But my husband purges things that we dont need. BUT - He kept a whole crate of baby clothes and a whole crate of baby toys and so forth. So I know he wants a number two. He's just not ready for it yet. I am. But ya know, God will give us a baby when it's time. Maybe I think I'm ready but really I'm not, as I am still bent over (literally) changing diapers and life is finally getting a little easier in regards to being able to be a bit more social now that my son is 3.5.
So if I were you, I'd just say something to him, flat out. Just ask "It's not that I expect a baby right now, but I need to know if we're planning on having a second."
Be honest and upfront about your feelings - he's your *husband*, not some random guy, right? lol
But before you decide anything, make sure you're BOTH on the same page about it. The last thing you want to do is "accidentally" get pregnant just for the truth to come out and then your husband resents you or the new baby.
It's a perfect time to start trying. God gives you what you need not what you want.
Talk to him!!! Don't forget the little baby you want to hold grows up and becomes very expensive (if you give them all of the opportunities I think they deserve). I feel that the one that one that doesn't want the additional child "wins". They should be wanted more than anything by both parents.
To address the poster below regarding only children being the worst thing they can do to them. Really?? The worst?? I can think of MANY more horrible things. Siblings are fine sometimes but I really hate my sister, always have. I am also the mom of an amazing only child, a daughter that is 18. Totally your opinion but you have no idea how wonderul life can be with an only child. Families are different and I would never make a sweeping blanket statement that having more than one child is the WORST thing to ever do. Wow!
Honey, I'm pregnant! Just kidding, Actually I think if I told my husband about this questions he would be reading the answers. I think he wants to approach the subject of a second child....yet somehow I keep 'missing' the subtle hints.
Hi Tiffany,
I tend to use jokes and banter to feel out topics too. When you engage him in a more serious conversation, I would be clear about your feelings and also try to listen to him. Since he was an only child and you previously talked about having only one, he may be pretty settle on that idea. That may be hard for you to hear since your heart is longing for another one. Don't give up. You need to work together to figure out what is right for your family. Good luck!
Just be open and honest with him. Tell him what you told us, that you have recovered from the initial shock of the parenthood adjustment and now you want to revisit the topic. Don't try to make it a joke or he may not take you seriously. Make a list of the pros and cons of adding to your family and listen to what he says. Families come in every shape and size and the only way to figure out what is right for you is to talk it out.
hehehehe oh Sarah S! so funny!
REALLY though.... i would say that you really miss holding a new baby. Remind him of the fun times you had the first time 'round and how great it was. and then get straight to it... ask him what he thinks about trying for another baby. Tell him you are getting near the point of no return (from 30 on it will get harder every year to get pregnant) and you would like to consider another baby. Tell him trying for a girl could be so much fun, and another little boy would be great too! Dresses and dolls is a whole new world from trucks and trains!
oh and the sex- don't forget the sex HAHAHAHAHA!
-M.
My thought is...the worse thing you can do to a child is to make them an only child. Just my opinion and don't mean this in an offensive way AT ALL. I just think a sibling is so important.
Next time you two are talking just nonchalantly ask, "just so we are on the same page, are you wanting another child or do you feel you are done?" if he says, "I don't know, why, are you wanting another one?" you can say, "well, the more I think about it, I'd like our son to have a sibling" ......and let it go from there. Or, you could just "forget" to use birth control, LOL!
