July 13, 2010,
S.T. asks from Park Ridge, NJ on February 16, 2008
Sex During Pregnancy?
18 1/2 weeks pregnant... sex or no sex? Who had intercourse during pregnancy? We have not been intimate since conception in October. Sometimes I feel like I want to have sex and other times I am just so exhausted to even think about it. Hubby isn't asking for it but I feel bad. When we had our first child we didn't have any sex until after she was born and the 6 week waiting period.
So What Happened?™
Thank you all for the so many responses that I received! Well we bit the bullet and had wonderful sex the other night. We had no problems and took things slowly. Just for FYI I wasn't having sex because I was afraid of hurting the baby. It has just been a long haul to conceive this baby that I was afraid of taking any chances. Once again thank you for your replies. You helped me!
K.F. answers from Rochester on February 16, 2008
Stefanie, this might seem a little strange, advice coming from a guy, but as a father of seven I do have a little bit of experience in this, not to include that I am a Pastor so I can talk about these things :). First, it is OK to have sex during pregancy UNLESS you are having any kind of problems, then it is always wise to follow any Dr's advice. If the pregnancy is normal than quit frankly being tired is understandable. But during those times that either a: you feel like your in the mood or b: you purposely take it easier in the day so that you have the energy, then TELL your husband that you WANT to have sex. You see alot of guys have hangups or misconceptions about what might happen if you have sex. "Oh my God if we have sex I may hurt the baby (yea right guys :) assure him the baby is well out of reach for any "normal" man), or what happens if I get carried away and get too rough, or perhaps I will make her have a miscarriage", to a slew of other insecurities. You have to tell him it's ok, you also just need to tell him we can just do it missionary style if your afraid, there's nothing wrong with just making love slowly. Pregnancy believe it or not is a scary thing to alot of men and the thought of having sex on top of it just adds to the fear. Now, this is the Pastorly advice, not having intimate relations for months on end is NOT healthy for any marriage. Not only did God create sex, He told us to never hold out on one another unless we open the door for the enemy to come in and ruin the relationship. (Paraphrasing, read I Corinthians 7:4-5). So the bottom line Stephanie it that it is perfectly normal to want, need and desire to have sex during pregnancy, throughout the entire course. Both of you enjoy, it will help to bring you even closer during this blessed time in your lives. God Bless.
2 moms found this helpful
D.R. answers from New York on February 17, 2008
My best advice to you (after 15 years of marriage and two normal, healthy pregnancies and deliveries) is tell your husband when you want to have sex. If he's not asking for it...well, you obviously already know what a gem you have. I would imagine he would welcome the opportunity to be intimate with you whenever the urge might overtake you! :) So don't be shy; let him know. And it doesn't have to be all candles and incense...I've said something like this: "Honey, I don't have the energy for all the foreplay, but I could use a good poke! You up for it?" He was undressing before I got to "up." ;)
p.s. We intentionally "induced" our second baby's labor by having intercourse the night before he was born...I just couldn't wait any more!! :)
1 mom found this helpful
C.V. answers from New York on February 16, 2008
While I was pregnant, I had sex up until 3 weeks before I was due! Theres no problem to having sex throughout your pregnancy as long as your up for it. We had no complications with it whatsoever so you should give it a try! Good luck!
1 mom found this helpful
S.C. answers from New York on February 17, 2008
OH MY GOD!!! How is your head not popping off?? and how is HIS staying on???? I was like a teenage boy with both pregs!! If we weren't having sex, I was thinking about it! It was nuts! We had sex all the way thru both pregs. The body is a wonderful thing. Don't worry that you will "poke the head" or "poke his/her eye out". These things will not happen. If you are worried that you will crush the poor child, sit up, go from behind, etc. If you are worried that you will bounce him/her around too much, forget about that too!! Ask your OB if you want their opinion.
I say, have all the fun you can handle! Have a great time. The bodies rxn to sex/orgasm/joy is a chemical one and it is GREAT for an unborn child!!
1 mom found this helpful
C.L. answers from Jamestown on February 16, 2008
I could not have said it any better than Kelly F. You should continue to have intimacy in your marriage. Not only is it okay, but it is healthy. God Bless!
1 mom found this helpful
R.D. answers from Syracuse on February 17, 2008
Okay, sex is TOTALLY okay during pregnancy! I have read many articles in reputable magazines such as Parenting, Baby Talk, and American Baby that have all stated in no uncertain terms that sex during pregnancy is completely safe (unless you have a high risk pregnancy and your doctor has specifically told you to not have intercourse). My OB-GYN has confirmed this with me as well. My husband and I had regular sex with both of my pregnancies, and let me tell you from experience - you don't know what you're missing! Sex is so amazing during pregnancy! Seriously, it's actually scientifically proven that most women have heightened pleasure with sex during pregnancy - between the higher horomones and the increaseed blow volume and flow, your body feels EVERYTHING (in every area that counts) more intensely. I know that it's a bummer that your body isn't quite as sexy with a little belly (although some guys would argue with that, especially since most women get bigger boobs, too!), but the experience is totally worth it, and your husband will be totally turned on by the fact that YOU are enjoying it so much. Also, I think that kind of closeness is essential in a marriage - why put it on hold for almost a year? You're denying both you and your husband not only physical pleasure, but the physical and psychological closeness that comes from being intimate with one another. I say GO FOR IT! You won't be able to believe that you went without it for so long before!
1 mom found this helpful
C.F. answers from Tuscaloosa on February 17, 2008
My husband and I have been married for five years also and just had our first child. We had sex throughout my entire pregnancy. Not often, because I had bad morning sickness for the first half and bad heartburn for the second half. Like you, I was very tired throughout.
We had intercourse when I felt like it and did lots of other fun stuff when I didn't want to have intercourse. My husband asked for sex once in a while but he understood that I was feeling strange and let me take the initiative. He was cool when I said no and even said no himself once in a while when I was in the mood. We kept the hugs and general affection going in the day which helped us stay connected. We e-mailed and talked on the phone while at work, snuggled and watched movies, that kind of thing.
After our daughter was born, I was scared that sex would hurt so we waited about seven weeks. We had sex again and it was a little tender but not bad. With a new born, we have not had much sex because we have been beyond exhausted, as I am sure you remember. But just last week we made an agreement to have at least a few moments of intimacy each night and it has been nice. Sometimes it is sex or a shower together, other times it is kissing and talking, we just have to make the effort or we won't have sex again until the baby is in college!
Another complication is the fact that I am nursing, so we are not using any birth control except condoms, which I HATE. We don't want to get pregnant again so we are in the process of figuring out birth control. So far IUD looks like the best bet but I have to talk to my OB and see what she thinks.
Our lives are so different now that we have a ten week old baby but we are learning to adjust. She is so wonderful but a lot of work. I can't imagine doing this all over again with a three year old. I am hoping it is a little easier the second time around. Good luck and have fun! Keeping your relationship with your husband strong and healthy is the best gift you can give your kids, in my opinion.
1 mom found this helpful
S.L. answers from Binghamton on February 17, 2008
G.K. answers from New York on February 19, 2008
I just had to answer you..I had sex with my husband the whole time I was with child ..I believe up until the 9th month..I was 45 years old at the time, I didn't want sex every time he did but I did it any way..but most times I wanted it. That was 11 yrs ago. we had a beautil baby boy, he is still beautiful and the love of our lives. Having sex will not harm your child.
M.S. answers from New York on February 17, 2008
Sorry to sound so crude but get it when you feel like it. Some of the best sex my husband and I have had was when I was pregnant. We have had sex up to a couple days before the due dates. Just do what feels good. If you are not in the mood there are other things you can do for your husband that will help satisfy him to make you feel less guilty for being tired.
Mom of 4
M.T. answers from New York on February 17, 2008
It's perfectly fine to have sex during pregnancy, unless some medical complication would make your doctor to advise against it. If you and your husband have just avoided the issue during your pregnancies, you might want to have a discussion about it. Maybe he honestly does not know that sex is normal and safe during pregnancy, or maybe he thinks that you do not want sex and aren't thinking about it ... and if this is making you feel bad, making you feel undesirable, it's important to get this out into the open. Remember that intimacy during pregnancy (or anytime) doesn't have to be all about intercourse either, but I think it's important to continue to have some physical intimacy.
A.C. answers from New York on February 18, 2008
obviously you shouldnt force yourself if you really dont want to, but other than that there is no physical reason not to - my partner and i had sex daily+ until the last month when it just started to be sort of impossible to maneuver. i always felt that all the good energy,love and endorphins made for a very happy baby!and a happy mama and poppa!
it felt so freeing to 'go for it' after so long of trying NOT to get pregnant,and we both enjoyed the physical differences and changes - it added to the experience - i miss it sometimes now!! all the best!! A.
S.S. answers from New York on February 17, 2008
YES! Some of our best love making memories are from my pregnancy! Unless your Dr. Has told you there is a medical reason to not make love, go for it and share some wonderful memories together.
C.P. answers from Rochester on February 17, 2008
If your doctor didn't advise against it, you should be perfectly fine! What are you afraid of? Did something happen to someone you know, or did you hear or read something negative about it? The baby is cushioned by amniotic fluid and protected. I have had 3 healthy pregnancies and had sex thru all of them. Definitely go with your gut, but just to stay connected with your husband, I would think it would be an important aspect of your relationship. Good Luck with your decision!
S.B. answers from Albany on February 17, 2008
Sex during pregnancy is fine if it is a normal pregnancy. I am on baby #4. Unfortunately my hubby is in Iraq once again so I don't even get the option. Just do what you feel comfortable doing. If it starts to hurt change positions. It is probably just as awkward for hubby as it is for you. Take it slow, remember the romance, remember what made that little one growing in you in the first place, the love.
p.s. massages during are wonderful:) have fun
D.S. answers from New York on February 17, 2008
definitely! sex is fine during pregnancy, as long as everything is normal. you will be a little drier at first and it will be "different" but go ahead and do it! it's important, in my opinion to keep up that intimacy with your man!
www.babycenter.com has some information on pregnancy and sex that might be comfortable. go the mainpage and do a search.
M.B. answers from New York on February 17, 2008
it is safe to have sex during your pregnancy unless your doctor tells you not too. have fun if you can it can really help with stress lol....enjoy yourselves pregnancy is a beautiful thing and yes sex is too.
F.N. answers from New York on February 17, 2008
There's nothing wrong with having sex while you are pregnant. My husband and I made love during both pregnancies. It helps with the bonding between husband and wife and can even prevent the husband from feeling isolated. Speak with your obstetrician about this. If you are carrying in a healthy and normal way, no harm will come to your baby. My ob/gyn told us when to begin after I conceived and when to stop before I was due to give birth. Good luck.
J.B. answers from New York on February 17, 2008
Have sex and lots of it!! It's a great time to not have to worry about condoms or pills and it is totally safe. We went through phases during my pregnancy when we were not, and tiredness is a factor, but other times we had great sex. And around the due date, sex helps bring on labor.
M.F. answers from New York on February 17, 2008
Go For It! :)
Unless you have a medical reason not too, such as preterm labor. Sex is safe during pregancy. 9 months is a long time to go without!
M.S. answers from New York on February 18, 2008
Check with the dr to make sure it is safe. The orgazm may cause harm than good. Sex in the morning before you get up is great and gives you more energy to start your day:) to begin a good morning. See what your husband says. Good Luck!
K.F. answers from New York on February 19, 2008
Have you discussed this with your health care provider.
He or She will give you an answer. many women have sex with no problems.
J.M. answers from New York on February 17, 2008
The bigger you get the more creative the positions you can make! Go, have sex, stop chatting with us! Go enjoy each other! It's perfectly safe, unless you have some sort of condition where your doctors have recommended against it.
J.G. answers from Rochester on February 17, 2008
By all means, have sex! I can understand your concern, however, it is an unnecessary concern. I have 4 children and I had sex with everyone, even up until I gave birth!
Sex is different when pregnant, some women find that different positions feel better. I have a tipped uterus so I have to be careful with positions, but when I am pregnant, my uterus lifts up to normal and I can go into almost any postion. My advice would be to go slow and stay within your comfort zone. But experiment. As you get bigger, doctors will advise that you be on top so that your husbands weight is not on your tummy. But sex is safe and recommended. The rhythm has been suggested to put the fetus to sleep and when you are nearing your due date, the semen contains a hormone that can help start labor and start you dilating.
I have to say that you have an extrodinary husband if he waited all that time.
-J. (Army wife and mom to 4 beautiful children)
B.F. answers from New York on February 19, 2008
Oh my goodness S., please have sex! No reason to put it off for the entire pregnancy! It is perfectly safe to have sex throughout your entire pregnancy, and even is the recommended natural way to induce labor when the time is near! There is absolutely no harm in having sex, have a great time and once you have two kids running around it won't be easy to find time after the baby is born so go for it! And ENJOY it!
K.L. answers from New York on February 17, 2008
It is totally safe to have sex during pregnancy. I had sex all the way up until I was induced. We actually had more sex in the end b/c I was late and wanted her out so bad, and heard that sex could induce labor. But it is such a long time after the baby is born to engage in sex might as well get it in while you can. Have fun!
J.D. answers from New York on February 17, 2008
OF COURSE YOU CAN HAVE SEX!!! It is beyond completely healthy (unless your Dr tells you otherwise) and fun! I don't know if you're up for it, but there is a lot of sexy preggo lingerie too... Enjoy your pregnancy and everything along with it, including sex WHEN YOU'RE UP FOR IT!!!
M.M. answers from Syracuse on February 17, 2008
Hi S.! OMG! Poor guy...I know when I was pregnant I did not feel beautiful at all and didn't want to do anything...sex is okay during pregnancy...just be careful. You should probably talk to your husband about the situation and see how he feels about it. Maybe, in order to get you in the mood and wake you up, he can try seductive back or foot massages or some kind of romantic gesture to make sure you feel sexy with your growing belly. ;-) Hope this helps!
Q.F. answers from New York on February 20, 2008
this is a very hard subject. at least for me. my husband and i were intimate MAYBE 2 or 3 times throughout the pregnancy, and NOTHING after the 1st trimester. about 6 months in i actually had my dr. practically begging him to have sex with me, but he refused because he was afraid he was going to hurt the baby. he was given all the info on it, and still no change. but she wanted sex for me towards the end because i wasn't dropping, and she wanted it to help promote labor. still no go lol. everyone i know was having sex throughout the pregnancy (when not exhausted) up until a couple weeks before the baby was born. they all said it was much better for both of them. but some people are just scared. talk to your dr. because the only reason you should not have sex during the pregnancy (from what i'm told) is when you're considered high risk. gl and congrats.
P.S. answers from New York on February 17, 2008
I had sex during my pregnancy up until one month prior to my due date. Everything was fine, including my baby. I suggest you ask your doctor first to be sure that there are no problems which may occur as a result.
M.B. answers from Syracuse on February 17, 2008
Sex is fine during pregnancy up to about 71/2 -8 months. It is not as easy but don't let your love life suffer because you are pregnant. In fact the 2nd trimester is the best time because of the surge in hormones. Take advantage.
M. - mother of 2 and a grandma and a nurse
C.B. answers from Buffalo on February 18, 2008
S., let's not forget how you got pregnant in the first place. :)
Sex is a positive way of connecting with your husband, I'd tell him you're frisky and would like to experiment. I believe sex in marriage is an anytime deal, especially when you're pregnant. You will never have this special opportunity again.
Also, why go for sex for 10-11 months just because you're pregnant, that doesn't sound like any fun.
S.F. answers from Binghamton on February 17, 2008
Unless there is a medical reason for no sex, there is nothing wrong with it. Sex may not look the same as before conception. Be gentle. Be patient with each other. Talk about it.
M.F. answers from Utica on February 17, 2008
When I first got pregnant I didn't want to have sex, morning sickness all day and night. But once that was done we went at it. It's all a personal choice. If your doctor has told you not to then don't but if they said it was ok then go for it.
C.T. answers from New York on February 17, 2008
My husband is a third year medical student, and we had intercourse during both of my pregnancies, right up to the day that our son and daughter were born. If your concern is for the baby, you just have to be careful of your belly in the third trimester. As for you, if you feel like it, go for it. It is okay. If you don't, it is still okay, but sometimes hubby can help it along if he is willing to work for it. My husband would rub my back to help me relax and make me feel better. It is the best fore play ever when you are tired and worn out.
D. answers from New York on February 19, 2008
Sex baby. You are safe to have sex, unless you are high risk and then your doc would tell you not to. You can have sex up until your water breaks. Sometimes towards the end it can help induce labor.
S.T. answers from Albany on February 18, 2008
It's okay that you are tired and so let him take over and take the lead but let him know what you do and do not like since you are pregnant and it's not healthy for you both to be without sex during the 9 months of pregnancy because of temptations could come in. So, talk with your OB Dr and ask for suggestions and what to do. See if you can do it at a different time of the day. At night could be very tiring especially after the baby is born. Other times, like after you wake up before the children wake up. Or during the children's naptime. Talk with your husband and wee what he says and suggests. Let us know what the update is....pray for you
L.S. answers from New York on February 21, 2008
hi, you don't have sex? How do you cope??? :))) i had sex till last day of my pregnancy (literally) I actually think that i wanted sex even more in my pregnancy than normally - crazy hormones. I asked about it my doctor, she said that to have sex is perfectly normal and safe for the baby, so i just didn't see the reason, why not to have sex. It felt natural and every touch on my pregnant body was just awesome and it was such a closeness with my husband while we were expecting our baby of love. I thought that it was magical.
P.T. answers from Syracuse on February 17, 2008
Oh My God!! No sex?? Because you are afraid to hurt the baby? Don't have the desire? He's afraid to hurt you or baby?? CRAZY!! Get at it, Girl! This is the best time to be having sex because nothing's gonna happen - - it already did!! Some of the best sex I've had was when I was pregnant. Hormones are a great thing - makes those erogenous zones that more erogenous! Too tired to get it started? Let the hubby get it started and you just enjoy. I'm sure he won't mind. If you find something a little too rigorous or not so comfortable, just kindly say you don't think that's going to work right now, but unless your doctor has told you there is some kind of high risk, go for it. I found I never felt sexier and more attractive than when I was full of belly and breasts. If your husband knows you are ok with it, he will be VERY ok with it. Enjoy yourself and your husband and both of you enjoy your ever changing body. It's a beautiful thing.
W.M. answers from New York on February 17, 2008
As long as your doctor says it's o.k., you're fine. You may have to try different positions though, to be more comfortable.
K.K. answers from New York on February 17, 2008
I am 10 weeks pregnant with my first (I want to be surprised by the gender) and have had sex fairly regularly, almost as if I am not pregnant. I, too, am often exhausted and not in the mood, however, as soon as my man gets close and relaxes me (massage is the best!) my energy changes. I don't see that changing too much through this pregnancy - even if I have to do it myself...
You say you are not always in the mood which means you are occasionally...so find out if he's ever in the mood. You can try setting the "mood" and tone of an evening together - alone. Also, find out why he is not asking you to be intimate. Maybe he's afraid of what it will do the baby. Or does he have some other notions about why he shouldn't be intimate with you? If there is nothing there - take full advantage of your occasional desires - -besides being a time to be together and share pleasure, on a more practical level, having sex during pregnancy can assist you with kegal exercises...!
N.R. answers from Buffalo on February 17, 2008
Hi, mother of 4 here. Sex is very healthy in a pregnancy. My doctors said it's good all the way thru. My husband and i did uptil the baby was born. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing and lots of massaging and kissing will bring you and your husband closer. Enjoy your pregnancy together. Have fun. All the best!
J.V. answers from Syracuse on February 22, 2008
I would suggest talking to your Dr. and see what he/she recommends. We had intercourse throughout both of my pregnancies with no problems.
M.K. answers from Syracuse on February 16, 2008
If there was any complications is your pregnancy your doc would have already told you no sex. I had sex throughout my entire pregnancy, actually to be honest, that is the time I wanted it the most and we did it at least 5 times a week, it won't cause any problems. have fun ;)
S.S. answers from New York on February 17, 2008
when you feel you can, do.
it is perfectly fine for the baby. when you start to feel the baby move, don't worry. the baby will go to sleep while you are "active" and neither of you should feel it.
as you get bigger you may have to find some new positions.
A little about me:
I am married 20 years this summer, and have 5 children who's ages range from 18 - 2.
B.Y. answers from New York on February 18, 2008
My husband and I had sex through all 3 of our pregnancies. He was freaked out at first (afraid of poking the baby on the head...). Our doctor said sex was fine, baby would be fine. You just can't go too crazy. With all 3 pregnancies, we had sex right up to the end. Plus we feel that sex was really great during pregnancy.
S.M. answers from Rochester on February 18, 2008
As long as there is no medical reason by your doctor and you are in the mood go for it. We did.
K.S. answers from New York on February 17, 2008
If you feel like it, then do it. But if you don't feel like it, it is COMPLETELY understandable so don't do it. Maybe you feel like it this week and then not for 2 months, who cares. Go with what you're feeling.
We had sex throughout our entire pregnancy. Because we both felt like it. There is no right or wrong here, in my opinion. Just whatever you feel.
M.O. answers from New York on February 18, 2008
Unless it's contraindicated (e.g., if you have a condition like placenta previa), go for it! Every woman I've talked to about this (not enough for a scientific sample, but hey) says there's nothing in the world like second-trimester sex. And in my third trimester, my midwives basically instructed us to have sex -- it's been known to bring on late labor and to make labor shorter and easier.
S.S. answers from New York on February 17, 2008
go for it! it's perfectly safe as long as you're not having any major complications and it's important for your relationship.
N.R. answers from New York on February 17, 2008
Yes, you and your husband should enjoy each other throughout your entire pregnancy, even until the end. There are different positions to try for comfort for each of you. You won't hurt the baby, I'm sure if you asked your OB, he would tell you the same thing.
E.J. answers from Miami on July 13, 2010
Guys and girls can live with out sex for nine months, right? could be dangerous to much movement 4 the baby...By the way I found a website that give you prizes for your opinions and 4 play games here is the topic about this:
L.H. answers from New York on February 16, 2008
im a mother of 4 and i had sex up until my last week of my due date as long as you are comfortable and ok with you you are good , enjoy it because once you have the baby you will be to tired god bless and good luck L.
R.M. answers from Binghamton on February 18, 2008
I had sex when I was pregnant with both my kids. If you feel comfortable enough, you should go ahead and do it. My husband always asked me if I was comfortable, if I wasn't he stopped. My doctor even told me that it was ok to do it, you're not going to hurt your baby. HAVE FUN if you decide to do IT!-)
D.A. answers from New York on February 18, 2008
Have sex! At least once or twice before the baby comes....
or do "other things" that are intimate.
You have to keep that intimacy going....I'm pretty sure that your husband wants it. I'd make the effort for him...even if you're not "into it" or too tired in the beginning - in initiating it - I find that I "get into it" by the end...and it's very much worth it. I always say to myself why didn't I just go for it in the 1st place.....does that make sense?
H.V. answers from Jamestown on February 16, 2008
Sex is perfectly fine as long as your pregnancy is healthy and not high risk. and as long as both of you are up to it.
I'm also pregnant and have 2 older children.
B.H. answers from New York on February 19, 2008
i definitely did, and everything i read/heard said it was ok- sometimes even encouraged it. (especially when you come up on your due date- which can be quite a trick!) plus- you don't have to worry about getting pregnant;) of course, whatever you feel comfortable is what you should do. and i don't know- obviously- what your particuar physical state is, if there's some reason not to, but i'd say if your in the mood- go for it!
C.H. answers from New York on February 21, 2008
Sex is good for pregnancy. I read up on it alot during mine and it doesn't hurt a thing. You just have to watch cuz it could cause your water to break later on. LOL. But yeah, if your in the mood, you should go for it. But don't do it just for him bc it prob. won't work anyway (from personal experience) LOL. Congrats on the new baby, Good LUCK.
K.M. answers from Syracuse on February 16, 2008
Like everyone else has said, as long as your pregnancy is normal, have all the sex you want. When it beomes uncomfortable, and it will, just try a new position.
L.W. answers from Albany on February 17, 2008
Hi Stephanie. I have three wonderful children and my husband and I never refrained from sex during my pregnancies and I never had any problems. If you feel like it, go for it! It is good exercise anyway and will not hurt the baby in any way. The baby is well protected during the pregnancy. So enjoy!!!