How to Approach a Parent When...

The best chance for a good response to this is the way you initially deliver the information to her. One way to approach it may be to tell her about the child that you had last year (not necessarily mention any names). "Did I ever tell you about the child I had last year that used to..." Identify some of behaviors the other child presented. Let the mother know that the child was diagnosed and that the interventions were helpful. THEN let her know that you are concerned because you are noticing some of the same behaviors in her child. It may be easier to hear when someone else has already been diagnosed and that there are helpful interventions. Keep in mind that rather than the mom not actually seeing anything wrong, she may not WANT to see anything wrong. Best of luck in this difficult situation.

Parents are always the last to admit there is something wrong. You will be beating a dead bush and be looked upon as nosey until they do.

Why throw the word Autism into it? That word is terrifying to many parents, and I would bet her gut will be to reject it. Plus, what if you're wrong? Instead, tell the mother that her child is showing some signs of slower social development, and is being disruptive in class. Reinforce that you do not think this child is stupid or bad, but that he may have some developmental issues and recommend that she have him evaluated by a professional. Offer to provide her with information about his behavior that you see as possible "tells" to talk to her pediatrician about. Let the Pediatrician break the news if he does have some sort of ASD.

You need to tell HER the same things you just said in the e-mail. You are doing this in his best interest. Approach it as an "awareness issue" from the mother's standpoint and tell her what you experienced with the other child. When you talk about it from an "outside perspective" it takes the "blame/accusation" off her child.

You need to ALSO talk about the success of various therapies with autism...diet changes, Quantum biofeedback, etc. I have a three year old autistic boy in my Sunday school class. He's been there about six months and doing BEAUTIFULLY. He's so much more responsive, we are addressing his behavior issues in a very subtle but effective manner. He's so much more interractive with the other kids, too. Keep reminding her that you're doing this because it's in the child's best interest.

If a parent gets defensive.......shame on them. THATS not our fault. You've done your part. Direct them to various counselors, docs, alternative therapy locations, etc that will help in the process. Be a good resource person. Don't just drop the ball and leave her hanging.

I have an Aspberger child, believe me, the teachers had no problem telling me when he was 5 he had social problems, was disruptive, and his behavior was unacceptable. He was diagnosed with ADHD, ODD, Depression, Anxiety, and borderline Aspberger (because supposedly they can not totally diagnosis it until the child reaches puberty) but it is a form of Autism.

Holding back about the disruptive and unacceptable behavior isn't helping the child who needs to be the main concern.

I am not trying to be harsh, cold, or dictatorial, just honest.

contact your district's special education office and tell them that you want to refer a child for an evaluation because of the behavior problems, etc. This child may very well need to have an IEP.

I'm not sure where you teach or what grade you teach, but all children are entitled to evaluations for special services through the public school system if there are concerns (which I'm sure you are aware). If this child is showing definite concerns it would certainly be best to start the process of getting the child the help he/she needs, whether it's an evaluation or consultation from professionals about what you can do in your classroom to help him/her. As for the mother, it's always important to be honest and voice your concerns; however, you could start out with more specific concerns as opposed to bringing up ASD immediately. Most children with ASD experience sensory, motor, social, and/or speech concerns so start with one or more of those and leave the label out of the conversation at this time. If you are truly concerned about this mother's reaction, get another voice to support you such as a principal, school psychologist, school counselor, or therapist (physical, occupational, speech) to talk with mom also so it doesn't appear to be only "your opinion." Remember the most important thing is that the child gets the help he/she needs. Good luck!

Hi M.,
I know it can be very hard to talk w/ parents, especially when you see lights blinking over a child's head blaring an issue. (Trust me, I've been there countless times.) You can broach the characterists/traits/behaviors you're seeing w/ the parent, but be careful, because as teachers (yes, I think it's crazy!) we're not qualified to diagnose a child w/ any disorder. We can observe and make recommendations, but only a school psychologist (or doctor) can make a diagnosis. So, honestly, my recommendation would be to get your school psych. to come make an evaluation...even start an MFE/ETR for the child, but be careful in your wording.
I know this is hard. I have extensive training in ASDs. (I definately know more about it than most school psychs!) But even as a special education teacher w/ credentials in Autism, I had to defer to my school's psychologists to make the diagnosis. Trust me, it's frustrating, but as of now, that's the way it is.)
Good Luck!

M.,
I was in a similar situation as a teacher last year. It was very hard for the parents to see that their child might need some extra help. I approached the parents in a way that showed them we wanted to help their child. I also invited them to visit our classroom one day. I wanted them to see how other children acted/responded to different situations. (I did not tell them that is why I wanted them in the room.) It was a difficult year and we went the entire year without the parents wanting to accept that something was just not right. I am very glad to say though that this child now has a diagnosis and is receiving extra help/therapies! He is doing great! The parents are very happy too! Hang in there and remember that many/most parents will have a hard time hearing this. Be as loving and caring as you can to the parents and love that little one to pieces. I know it will be challenging at times, but he/she needs that love from you!

M.,

I am assuming that you work at a preschool, because if you worked at a school aged public school, you would know what to do: you would be required to make a referral for an evaluation, the school then has the obligation to evaluate, even if they have to override the parents lack of consent, which can be done in Due process hearing. The school has an affirmative obligation to do so if they take federal funds.

Schools often discourage teachers from making such referrals, because the do not want to identify children, and schools often will play along with parents who take this kind of attitude to save money, even though they know what is going on. This does not bennefit children, so please do not play along, document what you are seeing (objectivley) for the good of the child. By objectively, I mean to write down what he did, when he did it, what happened before he did it, and so on, without any kind of comentary about why, what he was thinking, what you thought he was trying to accomplish, etc. Johnny picked up a crayon, there was a fire truck siren from outside, Johnny colored on the walls...Not Johnny grabbed the crayon from the box because he did not want Sarah to have it and when he heard the noise from the street he went crazy and colored on the walls to get my attention)

After you have collected data over several days, give the information to the parent and make a referral to the local school distisct because once the child is 3, they are included in the public schools obligation for "Child Find" under IDEA, which means that they are responsible for finding all the children in thier boarders with disablities and offering a Free and Appropriate Education (FAPE).

Schools try to keep teachers from "suggesting" what they think the problem is because once you have brought up a specific diagnosis, they are obligated to evaluate for that even if the psycholgist thinks that they do not need to. They must evaluate when a disabilty is "suspected" and by bringing up the diagnosis, you raise suspecion that they must then act on.

Something to remember, once you have met one child with Autism, you have met one child with Autism, and that is all you can really say. They are all very different, and the behaviors that you see from them are shared by a whole constelation of diagnisis; ADHD, Tourette, Bipolar, dyslexia, etc, will all share some symptoms in common. Focus isntead on what you see that is atypcial (NOT ABNORMAL) and document it so that the parent can use this to thier advantage (meaning that they can get appropriate services as early as possible) from the public school, this knife cuts both ways, if you have documented approriately, you have a way to deal with the parent who is in denial too and by all means, if the child has behavior that is so disruptive that he can no longer participate in your program, you need this kind of documentation so that the parent has their first dose of reality, I hope that you do such a good job that it is thier last dose and they realize that their son needs help.

M. (educational advocate for kids with disablities)

Talk to the parents about seeking outside counsel like Madison Center or thru the Public school system. You need to guide the Parents in the right direction for the help they need to get their child thru school the best way possible. Don't feel that it is Ur fault or Ur to blame. You are the one that noticed that this child has special needs and as your job as a Teacher exstends to both the child and the Parent for this child.Guide them both in the right direction for the best of the child. You are the teacher/caregiver it's in the best of both interests that the problem at hand needs to be done with directley.

This is a difficult situation and I don't know the age of the child. I have a child with ASD and have met other parents who had children who had similiar behaviors but did not seem to see it in their own child. I also was in a preschool with my daughter where there was an autistic child and the parent was not aware of it. The director spoke to the parents about the child's behavior and recommended that he be tested by the school psychologist to help them to identify how to help their child. Each school district has a child psychologist and in my district they tested him at age 4. My son was tested at 3. I would not offer them any diagnosis but let a trained psychologist be the heavy on that. All you can do is keep the folks in charge of your school informed and they should probably be the one to talk to the parents and direct these parents to the help they need. It also depends on how your school is set up too. Good luck to you.

The mother is in denial. schedule an appointment for a meeting with this mother and approach very gently, but the subject does need to be brought up. the sooner the child gets help the better. I have a 19 year old with ASD and I can tell you from experience, no parent wants this for their child but there is help out there. There are 2 very good schools in NW Ohio for Autism (my son goes to Autism Model School) Autism is a VERY scary word. there is no cure and it is a lifelong disability. the child needs to be diagnosed by a physician and the mother needs to take the reins and help her child. the "cute" things the child is doing are not cute...they are a cue and a cry for help. Maybe no one has approached the mother that maybe her child has ASD. Be gentle, but speak to her. There are also very good doctors out there too. If you want the name of my son's special needs doctor, let me know, I will be glad to give you her name and phone number to pass on to the mother. good luck.

Hi M.! If that were my child I would want to know. You need to be straight forward and honest with her. Tell her of the similarities you see. Don't let that child slip through the cracks if he can be helped. Good Luck and God Bless! N. L.

Do you have a school psychologist or counselor? Make sure that person has taken time to observe this child and is on the same page as you. Not sure where you are or what the laws are like around you, but classroom teachers are not legally allowed to diagnose children around here. We can make observations of behaviors and recommend that a family seek advice from a pediatrician or whatever, but an incorrect diagnosis from a classroom teacher can lead to lawsuits. Protect yourself and guide the family to the people who can help.

My son has Mild ASD also. So many people still think of Autism as a bad thing that means your kid is not "normal." Its a label that parents don't want on their kids. There are so many good things about it. My son started reading years before his peers. He is very affectionate and incredibly smart. He sees something the first time and remembers it. We received his diagnoses at age 4. Now at 8 he doesn't have the disruptive behaviors that he had years ago. Through therapy and programs he's learned better communication, not to be frustrated easy when he learns things like bike riding, and he's more social with other children now.

If you are discussing this with parents I believe you have to point out the good characteristics with the negative. Have a list of programs available for Autism therapy to give to the parents. Maybe the parent of the other Autistic child would be willing to talk about it if need be. You could give a checklist to the parents of possible Autism factors. Just seeing something on paper may open their eyes to what they didn't want to look at before. Since you already discussed it and the parents did not want to accept that, you may want to get the backing from school leaders saying "please have your child evaluated. It wouldn't hurt. The issues in the classroom need to be addressed for further attendence here."

I'm glad you care to make a difference for that child. There is so much out there for parents and children. I would not have my son any other way.

I being that mom once before know that it can be hard to accept that there might be something wrong w/ your child. At first I was in total denial and would get angry at those who seen those signs. I was better when they told me of ways they could help those issues rather than say he had autism. The more they pounded that word in to me the more defensive I got. When they realized this they just would tell me different therapies and things they could do to "fix" those particular issues that he had.. delayed speech, physical therapy..developmental therapy.. Then when I seen them working with him, (what he thought was just playing) I could see the therapy working. I hope you can take her aside and not confront her in front of others. Talk to her as a human being.. try very hard not to talk down to her.. Show her what are the signs and have some reading material w/ those signs on it. Offer help and try to be very sympathetic and be the one in her shoes... I found it very very difficult to accept in the beginning, but eventually I knew I had to do what was best w/ my son.. it just took some time to let it sink in and figure out where I would go from there... Just remember this could be a life altering change

I would approach the parents in a loving and respectful way. Just discuss some of the signs you have noticed and out of concern for the best treatment and well being for the child you are coming to them so that the child gets evaluated and the correct steps are taken from that point. Make sure you make it clear you are not saying their is something wrong, but just wanting to help the child.
There are so many new options for children who are autistic and so many new ways to help those who are autistic.
I would pray about how to approach the situation and do what you feel comfortable with.
I hope I was able to help.
M.

M.,

As a long time teacher and now administrator I feel your pain. You can't really suggest that there is anything wrong to this parent. All you can do is keep pointing out the behaviors and why it is disruptive or hindering learning. Have you talked to your special ed team? As a team, you might be able to suggest they take the child to the doctor and have him tested. Good Luck

How old is the child? Her pediatrician should give her a screening check list at 18 and 24 months well-checks so you wouldn't need to say anything if you feel uncomfortable. If she's past this and hasn't had the opportunity, you can find a screening guide online or get one from a pediatrician and screen him yourself and then go to her with the list and ask that she talk with her child's doctor.

I'm not sure if you are a teacher or in what case you have children in a classroom. In my opinion, if you are in a setting that has a counselor or someone, you may want to speak with them. I taught 2nd grade before i had my twins and a child in my classroom had signs of a specific delay. When i brought this up to the school counselor and principal, our plan of action was to have the counselor contact the parents and discuss further testing for the child. In this istuation, the parent was able to come in and go over the reasons for concern with the myself as well as the school counselor and principal. I think that if it were myselsf as the parent, i would want explanation and such and also wnt to know what types of testing and other things the school will do fo rmy child. maybe they realize this problem too but they're too affraid to bring it up to anyone. Good Luck.

As a parent, I appreciate honesty from a teacher. NO mother wants to think her child is not "normal" but keeping quiet is only hurting the child; not helping. Pray! God will guide you.

You should just explain to her the way you did here. Tell her that you are very concerned and hopefully she will get it. You have experience with this behavior and that should tell her that you might know what you are talking about. If you can find some literature to print off and give her with some examples that may help. Explain to her that the sooner she gets help the easier it will be for the child.
I wouldn't want to be in your position, but I would hope that someone would tell me if there was an issue with one of my kids.
Good Luck!

M.,

When school started last year, we had orientation with the teacher. After the teacher's presentation, I asked the teacher how my daughter was doing. After one week, she was able to detect that there was something wrong. She told me that she believed that my daughter had ADHD, when in fact it was something just like ADHD. I appreciated the teacher talking to me about this.

I would suggest you approach her like my daughter's teacher approached me. Explain to her the how similiar the behavior between the two children and that the child should be taken to the doctor.........maybe she makes such comments because she doesn't want to face the truth.

I wish you the best of luck!

Just be gentle and prepared for the worst. At my school, which is private, a preschool teacher had suggested to another teacher that her child was showing signs of autism and she was very upset about it.

Teachers are afraid to say something because of the possible negative reaction they might get, and some teachers aren't even knowledgeable enough to notice the signs.

Good for you for paying attention and knowing that the sooner you begin some therapy, the better. My own son's teachers seemed oblivious to his awkward behavior, and his speech therapist had to suggest we have him evaluated.

I think it's best to talk to your administrator, and try to help, then at least you will know that you did your part, even if the parent still refuses to admit there might be a problem.

what age do you work with? Ohio law requires that those working with preschool children 3-5 years contact the home school district if issues are seen, and the parent is unwilling to do so. I would tell mom what you are seeing and your concerns. Direct her to her pediatrician and local school BOE office. Her child's educational and behavioral services, if diagnosed as ASD, will be paid by the city of residence, and the child's future will be set up for success. Just curious... can you share some of the traits you are seeing?