A good friend of mine needs your help ladies(she does not have MP account) She thinks something is going on with her oldest child (6 1/2 y o boy). He get fixated on certain things and wants to play with only those things for long periods of time(windshield wipers, cooking spoons, ect) He does not like to play with toys ,but when he comes to our house or( that's how it was at her house till she got rid of averything with small parts )he dumps every single bin out(legos/blocks/starwars figures), puts it in the pile, likes to throw things around. At home she says he can not walk past anything that lays on the floor(like his little sister's toy or whatever) he needs to step /jump/stomp on it ,he likes to damage stuff. A neighbour girl told him he is not allowed in her room anymore because he breaks her toys. Of course he gets in trouble, he gets grounded,ect but nothing ever change. Is it a maturity thing? He does get along better with our 4 year old than our 6 y o.
And that's how he's always been, she just thought he'll outgrow this.....
Also i do not know if it matters he does not/never did like to cuddle.....you can not cuddle with him to watch a movie or anything, a min later he starts to poke your eyes/face and he also gets intimidated with new people that he does not know or in the large
groups. My friend and her husband have hard time bonding with, because they "do not get him", sometimes. Of course they love him , tell him they do all day long,show affection ,ect
Does anybody have a child like that, what worked for u ?
my friend homeschools him........
He definitely has some red flags for being on the spectrum. I see you are in Holly Springs; she could contact TEACCH in Chapel Hill for an affordable evaluation. They would also be very helpful in giving her some strategies to help him at home.
Ask her what her pediatrician has to say.
I'd be concerned he may have a form of autism, or other developmental or learning disability. But I am not an expert, and they really need to be talking with their pediatrician, as well as the teacher and counselor at his school, about getting referred to a child psychologist and getting him evaluated. I would be really surprised if they didn't notice anything "off" about him before. If he is autistic, or has some other social/psychological/neurological disorder, they are going to need professional help for him - they won't be able to figure it out and treat it on their own.
There's something else. If he's always been like this, it's probably not something he will grow out of. It's not normal or acceptable behavior & your friend knows this. She needs to get him some help.
Tell her to look up Asperger's Syndrome. It's on the autism spectrum, but is usually high functioning (some are brilliant, but just extremely socially inept, and they don't learn like other do by their mistakes. Ouch, quit it! Ouch, quit it!)) Do consult her doctor. Although I think we race to find labels for our kids issues, it IS nice to know what you are dealing with. I have four kids, and my oldest has issues. I thought there was something wrong with my parenting, but ALL my kids are so different and I'm the same mom! It's also nice to be able to explain behaviors to others. My son has severe ADHD, but is really smart and, now as a teenager, very respectful and kind (although still impulsive and innattentive.) I've always suspected borderline Asperger's (although I've been told he'd be "much worse" if he were.) My son has always snuggled. He had social skills classes in elementary school were they literally spelled it all out. "When a person tells you they don't want to play anymore, that means you need to fiind someone else to play with ." Okay, maybe not an exact quote, but you get it.
Now my plug for medication: We tried EVERYTHING to avoid medication, including those classes, counseling, diet, etc., but- after swearing never to even try it- started it years later (Concerta) and he was a different kid (not "cured", but better able to function in life.) HE liked himself better because he had control. The medication was for him, not us. He says it's like putting on glasses and now he can see! I homeschool him now, but at the time his school called me to tell me he's just turned a corner! We hadn't told them we medicated. In short, if your child needs it and handles LIFE better with it, then I'm all for it at this point. You wouldn't deny a diabetic their insulin? (I've heard too many people tell me they'd never medicate a child- one even tell me that ADHD is just the devil inside him and I should just take him to church! Don't follow anyone's advice- even mine. You have to follow YOUR gut and your friend KNOWS something is up!)
It sounds like something on the spectrum, that includes ADD to Autism.
A lot of what you describe would have worked for me as a child and a couple of my kids. :) I grew up when you didn't medicate for these things and although I did overcome most of the difficulties my childhood would have been a lot easier with meds.
I would suggest she have her son see a psychiatrist to see if he falls on the spectrum.
It sounds like he is highly functional autistic with some OCD. I would suggest that your friend videotape some of this behavior, show it to their pediatrician, and get a referral. I wish her the best. I also recommend Andrea at http://holisticapproach4autism.com/, she is amazing.
Good morning L.,
Your friend's child should be evaluated for an Autism Spectrum Disorder and Sensory Processing Disorder. His sensory-seeking behavior (step/jump/stomp), preferring to be around younger children, fixating on things, uncomfortable with touch, uncomfortable with new people and large groups of people, repetitive play....are signs of a child with sensory issues that may be (very likely) autism-related. At the very least, your friend should have her son evaluated by an Occupational Therapist. This could be done by requesting it through the school system (on the WCPSS homepage there is a link to Special Education and directions how to get an eval -- basically a letter has to be written, nothing difficult). The child should also be evaluated for Autism, again this would be free through the school system. I recommend taking the child to TEACCH in Carrboro for a free evaluation (if the wait isn't too long...waiting for intervention isn't good...the sooner the reasons are uncovered, the sooner therapy can begin). There is an outstanding book "Understanding your Child's Temperament" by Dr. William Carey that she could get from the library or purchase. It will give advice how to "get him" on issues such as touch avoidance. Your friend's child sounds exactly like my son who has sensory processing disorder and autism (although thankfully my child is a cuddler, that must be so hard for your friend!) Another outstanding information source is Dr. Brynn Siegal's "The World of the Autistic Child"....I have little doubt your friend will recognize her son's behaviors and get a clearer understanding of how to bond and help him reach his potential. Please give your friend understanding and support during these next few months. Receiving a diagnosis of sensory processing disorder or autism will feel like a gut punch x 1,000, especially if she hasn't suspected a developmental disability that has no "cure". Once diagnosed, there is a plethora of information available about treatments. Please help her to help her child. Best wishes and thanks to you for being such a loving friend to seek out an answer! Regards, J.
So many questions. How is he at school.? Do they notice what his family
does? Can he communicate with other children? Has she spoken to
pediatrician? Has he been evaluated by a school psychologist, tested etc?
It is really hard to give any direction because there are so many unknowns
here.
If her intuition is telling her to check things out then she should do it--either she will get the assurance that he is okay or can get whatever help is needed. I have a background in counseling and a 5 year old son. I just can't tell from what you describe because most of the individual behaviors could be in the normal range or could possibly part of a pattern that fits a specific disorder. It is just too hard to tell without meeting a child in person and getting feedback from those who see him often (parents, teachers, etc). Even if they don't find a specific diagnosis a good child/family therapist can help with specific problem behaviors.
and why hasnt this mother taken him to a therapist? start there.like today....
you should talk to his dr and let him be evaluated by a psychologist. if there is more of a problem and the parents are that concerned seek the help of a professional, i mean i think all boys like to break stuff but a parent know her child, and mothers intuition will let the mother know when she needs to be concerned, he might have emotional issues my mother works with kids with the kinds of problems you are explaining, and he might be developing slower than normal (referring to the fact that her gets along with the 4 yo more than kids his age).
