How Hard Is It to Have Children Close Together?

I don't know how hard it is to have kids close together (mine are two minutes apart!), but when I was debating whether or not to have another child, my mom gave me some great advice: you'll know the time is right when you want that next baby as badly as you wanted the first. I understand the appeal of having kids close together and then being done, but the timing is different for every family, and you will all be glad if you truly choose the "right" time for you.

-B. C.

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I will tell you it is tough!!!! My BF has 5 kids under the age of 5. Back to back sets of twins and then a single birth. The kids gang up on the parents because they know that there is only two parents and 5 of them. Also the kids compete for attention in every way possible. They are very competitive with each other also and that makes things even harder. I won't go into the financial side of things or how hard it was on her physically to have three pregnancies that close together. I was a nanny before I became a mom and worked for lots of different families. I learned what worked and what didn't. I would say 3 to 4 years between children is the perfect span. The older one is old enough to be somewhat independant and help with the younger one. Also the older understands that they aren't the baby anymore and that they have new responsibilities. Anything less than 2.5 years apart I have found huge amounts of jealousy, wanting to be the baby still, struggles with potty training, fit throwing and increased problems with the terrible twos. I hope this will help and good luck with whatever you decide.

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Besides the fact that I already have two kids, you sound remarkably like me-- I am 28 and want to have lots of kids, but I have also said that I want to have all of my kids before I'm 35. Just like you--how funny! To answer your question, I LOVE having my children close together. It is way easier than I expected, actually.
I have a son who's just over 2 1/2 and a daughter who just turned one. 19 months has been perfect spacing for us--we'd like to keep that up and have all of ours between 18 and 24 months apart. Here are a couple of advantages of having kids close together:
You never get out of "baby mode," so you don't have to get back into it. I have a friend who has a 10-year-old and a 7-year-old and she is expecting--she's trying hard to gear herself up for baby mode again!

Already, my kids are learning to play together, and it is SO cute to watch! The way I see it, I have more time to keep up on all the things I need to do when my kids have someone to play with and interact with. They're still a bit young for that now, but I see that they're starting to learn, which is exciting.

The kids are forced to learn to be unselfish while they're young, before they're old enough to get too used to having all of Mom's attention. When my second was born, my son was a little jealous of my time while I was nursing my little girl, but I was amazed at how quickly he just got used to it and accepted it.

Babies are so fun and cute and adorable! Just as you start to realize that your little baby isn't actually a baby anymore, you have another one!! Then you get to enjoy the precious stage of babyhood and the adorable and hilarious stage of toddlerhood simultaneously. It's the best of both worlds!

Oh, I just thought of another one. If you get really tired when you're pregnant, than it's actually a good move to be pregnant before your toddler grows out of naps, which my 2 1/2-year-old is trying to do now! Then you can nap when your baby/toddler does! For over half of my pregnancy, my son still took two naps a day!

Of course the perfect timing is different for every family, but if you want a big family, I'm here to say that less than two years apart is really not as daunting as you may think. Good luck!

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M., as a mother of two wild and crazy 8 and 6 year old girls I can honestly say I would never do it any other way! I got pregnant when my eldest was 18 months old. By then she was just starting to be potty trained. When my youngest was born she was 2 years and 3 months old. I was told she might regrese and revert back to having accidents and well, lo and behold she did! I won't sugar coat anything I was a young mom and it was hard. I am 33 now and think my daughters have the most wonderful relationship...well with the exception of the cat fights here and there that I totally can't understand but that is another blog..lol. Now that they are older it is awesome, they are always with one another and always have someone to have by their side and not be alone. I wish you the best!

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I have a 2 1/2 all most 3 yr old, I have a 15 all most 16 month old and one due any day. That's closer than what you would like. But to offer my two cents I was at first leary about it. But the two get along so well, there's a little bit of jealousy occassionally. But like yourself I'm 28 and would like to be done way before I hit 35. Its hard if you don't like changing diapers or want to enjoy all the things your child learns to do. My oldest is very self suffecent for her age. So that's really helped me out. She potty trained before she turned 2. I'm hoping my son does the same, but we'll see. I would do it again. One of the big advantages at least with the first set mine still napped and so I was able to nap when she did to keep up on my sleep. This time its a little harder but she's pretty good if I need a nap and she's not allowed to.

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Have you considered having them three years apart? There is a HUGE difference between three and two. My son is approaching three and he is potty trained, independent and sleeps well. At two he was not.

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