How Do You Play with Your Kid(s)?

Well, we ended up buying a tea set and then teaching etiquette to my kids. Things like,this is how to properly hold a tea cup, or hold a fork and knife. I love etiquette so I am having a grand time teaching it. We also play the restaurant game and dress up and pretend to be in the fanciest eatery we can imagine. Dolls can be added to the meal.

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Yes - get her a friend that likes to do the stuff you don't.

I HATED barbies. So, I didn't play them with my daughter (also an only child) after the first couple of times that we were both miserable.

Teach your daughter that, like with everyone else she will encounter in her life, no one is expected to do stuff with her if they don't enjoy it. Teach her that different people fulfill different needs in her life. Teach her that it doesn't mean you love her less if you don't want to do that activity with her. Teach her that it wouldn't mean you love her MORE if you make yourself miserable in martyrdom by doing something you don't like on a consistent basis.

YOU are not the person who fulfills her doll-playmate needs.

Do the stuff with her you BOTH like so when you are doing it you are authentically having fun.

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You are doing plenty! I never really played with my kids, they played on their own or with each other just fine. I never saw it as my responsibility to entertain them, I just made sure they had lots of great engaging toys and activities. I also made sure they got lots of play time with cousins and friends. My quality time with my kids was spent doing things like reading, cooking/baking, watching movies, going to parks/museums, etc. Remember, you are the mommy, not a playmate, and it is important for children to be able to play independently :)

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Beyond inviting friends over, if you're game, just do it! "Hey, what's your name? I'm an evil horse from planet Zingosh. I hope you can teach me to a nice horse..." I guess I just still have at least a little bit of an imagination... But only sometimes.

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I just want to say I could have written this post 20 years ago.

I suck at playing with dolls. I just thought it was because I always had watch my younger siblings from the ripe age of 4, so I never learned to play with fake dolls, as I had the real deal.

And when my daughter asked me to play, I would sit on the carpet and just zone out, with a doll in my hands. The only thing I could think of was to get her dressed, so I bought lots of Barbie clothes and we would come up with goofy outfits. And this would last a total of 5 minutes before I had to get up and do something else.

Like suggested below I would set the timer for Barbies for 15 minutes then feel like I invested enough time. I would also play my favorite music so I had that to listen to during such playtime. And inviting a friend over on the weekend will help too.

Just know, you're not alone on this one.

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I stink at playing dolls, too. I'm much better if there's an activity like a bath where the ducks can fly in and crash in the water, or if there's a tea party or picnic. I'm so bad that DD will tell me I'm not holding the stuffed animals right for the best movement/effect. I guess I lost the ability in my adulthood.

DH, however, is excellent with pretend games, so he does a lot more stuffed animal parties and whatever with DD and I read with her, play hide and seek and do crafts. I can also be an excellent patient when required, or "check out" at the grocery store (she has a cart and goes shopping in the pantry.)

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A.,

It sounds like you are a wonderful, engaged mother! I think the only way to get better, is to practice. Ask your daughter for some scenarios that you two can play so you know what your role is...it will get easier with time. Hang in there and fake it till you make it :)

M

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Our daughter never really "played with Barbies" as much as put on "fashion shows" with her barbies.

This was before digital cameras were small enough for her to handle.. so we have a ton of photos she took using "box cameras".. Now you could take the photos with your phone on put them online for her to organize into a show.

Our daughter had tons of Kens and Barbies along with all of the clothing.. She would mix and match and make Barbie clothes out of pieces of fabric , ribbons, saran wrap, cardboard.. etc,, then pose them and line them up on shelves, book cases, the back of the sofa.. front steps.. It was pretty amazing and clever what she would come up with.. Then I would set them up and she would decide what was the prettiest, funniest, ugliest.. etc. She would make little awards or sashes for them..

Our daughter was never fond of baby dolls, but loved her stuffed animals and would use them to pretend she was a doctor or the vet and needed to care for them in the "hospital".

Or we would play toy store and I would buy toys and she would ring them up on her cash register (I was in retail, so she knew all about selling). She would have a sale on all of the Barbies.. and try to get me to buy them..

She did play alone a bit, but since my husband and I worked full time, we liked playing with her and spending time with her whenever we could.

Puzzles, blocks, games. She was always drawing, so we all spent a lot of time drawing, cutting, pasting.. etc.

Outside she loved her "Air pogo" and her "Twizzler" Both of them hung from the tree out front. She spent hours on them.

We also used our driveway with sidewalk chalk to make roads, parking spaces, traffic signs and destinations, so she could drive her trike or car around the road. I would be the Police directing "traffic". The we would trade places and I would walk along the "road" and she was directing me.

We would build tents inside with all of the sheets, pillows and blankets.. It was epic..

Enjoy this time with her. She will soon be a teen and you will miss her imagination and innocent ideas and spirit.

Our daughter is now 21 in college and still talks about how she loved the way we all played together. She says her friends up at school are jealous when she tells them about the crazy things we did (and do ) as a family.. Their parents apparently did not play with them.. Our daughter was surprised because we and all of our neighbors played with our kids quite a bit.

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I'm kind of a mean mommy... if I don't like it or don't want to play it, I don't. I used to try sitting on the floor and playing 'My Little Ponies' and realized I was getting bent out of shape because I was forcing myself to participate.

SO, after a few months of learning from each other and not having our own feelings hurt, the girls now know what I will drop anything for (like a game of Uno or iSpy) and which games I have no desire to play with (Barbies!), and they're okay with that.

...because you know what? Most of the time they don't want me interrupting their play anyway!! ;)

It's not the quantity of time spent together, it's the quality. My favorite thing to do with the kiddos is go to or try something new with them. Like we do a lot of science experiments (no one can get upset if it doesn't work, since none of us have done it before, but it was fun trying!)... or we'll go to the science museum or the park. I love seeing their little eyes light up :)

Like Christmas Day we went to see the Mummy exhibit at the VA museum of Fine Arts... BEST DAY EVER!! :)

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If you aren't into the doll games you can kind of let her take the lead. Ask her what she wants to have the dolls do or just talk about what she is having the dolls do. You can then do things that go along with her ideas and give her choices about what she might want her dolls to do (make some silly if you want to get a laugh). You could also suggest an idea or setting (beach, school, vet, whatever) and help her fill in what her dolls would do in that scene. My son had one preschool teacher who would get out a new bunch of props every few weeks and the kids could play a new setting (restaraunt, fire house, doctor, etc) and learn about it.

I admit, some days I am tired and have trouble summoning up much creativity or interest in my 5 year old's involved games with Cars movie cars. But pretend play is a way kids this age learn and process things.

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Easiest best case scenario?
Set a time limit.
Play Barbies w/her for 15 mins.
Tell her up front.
Set the timer on the microwave.
This way, you have a time limit set for your boredom yet you are engaging w/your daughter.
Playing "with" your child is important but so is independent play. This is
much easier when you have 2 kids as they have their siblings as built-in
playmates.
Since you have one child: you play with her AND set that time limit.
Then she gets to play by herself.
Make it seem appealing. :)

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I feel the same guilt but my kids are almost 4.5 and almost 2.5. I love to play the same games you mention and do not mind playing Barbies or other pretend games but often after 10 mins, I get bored...LOL (Yes I realize it's not about me...but still...). So often we'll play for awhile and I'll tell her I have to go to the bathroom, check on the laundry, etc. Then she ends up playing with her brother or alone. I felt bad so I brought this up to my mom and she said they did the same thing with my brother, sister and I!!!

It's important that she (and I believe my kids) learn how to interact alone, with other kids, with family and parents. So I think as long as you are giving her the attention she needs/deserves and play with her most of the time, you are doing a wonderful job!

I do have to say that I tend to buy gifts (birthdays, Christmas) etc that I like to play with so my kids do a lot of arts and crafts (stickers, coloring with markers, color wonder, crayons, paints, etc).

I try to make sure each day (or night since I work days) I play with them for some measurable amount of time. I hate to admit it but I don't always do that. We DO read 99.99% of the nights before bed so I guess that counts. But sometimes when we are rushed and have stuff to do or places to go or gymnastics or dance, we are basically just rushing around all evening so we don't get quality play time in. But I try to make up for it on the weekends.

So don't worry - you are definitely not alone in that feeling. But know that because you care and worry about it shows how great of a mom you are. Play the things she likes but you don't for a few minutes then try to steer her in antoher direction or go 'check on the laundry'. See how that works!

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Yes, the age old...my kids are BORING! Now that is not an insult but a 30 year old really has nothing in common with a 6 year old and that is good, that is the way it is supposed to be. Normal is an adult WILL get bored when playing kids games. You are normal.

So really it's about the guilt, isn't it? Why are you feeling guilty that you don't want to play her doll games? Do you feel you SHOULD, you HAVE TO or are you really not spending the time and you are using dolls as an excuse? It sounds to me like you are already doing a lot of stuff with her. games, the park, outdoor stuff, that is all great. So she plays dolls and imagination games on her own...that is great too. You are not there to entertain her every second of every day, that is the problem with many of our kids today, they have been so over stimulated they have no idea how to entertain them selves.

So a couple of suggestions:
1. Take the Barbies and other dolls to the park, on a picnic or set them up to play your game with you (yes, they get a piece and a turn and everything). Play with them just like you play with your daughter. Engage her play time with your play time and see where it goes. Don't be attached to "sucking" at playing with dolls, again, an adult mind is very different from a 6 yr old mind. Don't punish yourself because of it. Go with your strengths.

2. When your daughter asks you to play with dolls tell her that you have forgotten how to play with dolls and could she help you. I remember one time (i am like you...dolls were not my thing, probably because I grew up playing GI Joe and Lego with my cousin) my daughter asked me to play dolls. I said, what do you want me to do, she said, "oh put this on her and hold this one," and she went about her own imaginative play. She didn't need me to play with her, she just wanted me there and to help her dress her dolls. Find out what SHE wants and don't get caught up in what you think she wants.

3. If you really don't want to play with dolls, then say so. Tell her that dolls are not your thing but you will play...(fill in with something else, not an excuse - perhaps offer her an option to do one of the #1 activities suggested above). She will let you know if she wants to play something else or if she will go off and play dolls by herself. She is 6, she can make an informed decision about what she wants to play.

A., don't get hung up on the small stuff. 6 is easy...my oldest just turned 16...

B.
Family Success Coach
PS: I just blogged about this, thanks for inspiring me! (www.AskBarbilee.com)

It sounds like you do lots of stuff with her, and are a great mom, so please lay down your burden of guilt. :)

If you do want to play dolls with her, how about getting puppets? You can go from the crafty part of making puppets all the way to the imaginative play.

I also find that if you can't think of anything imaginative (or can't get into the flow of it), try just re-enacting a story she likes, a fairytale, a movie (or part of it), etc. If she's struggling with something at school or with friends, do that "story" but with her as the "hero" with solutions to the problems.

She really should be playing these types of things in her room by herself. She is old enough to entertain herself and keep herself occupied. I would also say she is old enough to start making friends that want her to come over and play some too. We always had a case of Barbies tied to our bikes and would end up in one neighbors yard or the other playing with them.

can she play by her self?