How Do We Get Toddler Out of Our Bed and into Toddler Bed

Updated on September 01, 2009
K.C. asks from Pittsburg, CA
11 answers

Our son is going to be 33 months old next week. He has slept in our be since he was 9 months old. (Prior to that he slept in a bassinet and then a crib in his own room. When my husband got sick, it became easier just to bring him in our bed and we never got him out.) We tried several times to let him cry it out in his crib, but he would cry for 3+ hours and we just couldn't take it. About 2 months ago we took him to the store and let him pick out a big boy toddler bed. We thought he was going to sleep in it, but that hasn't happened. He will lay in it (even under a blanket) but won't go to sleep. I know that in general, he is dependent on us to lay down with him to go to sleep. He snuggles up to whoever is putting him down. But he will only sleep for so long by himself. In our bed, after awhile, he senses that no one is in the bed with him and wakes up.

Does anyone have any advice as to how we can break him from being so dependent on us when he is sleeping and how we can get him to sleep in his own bed. He is getting so big and wiggles so much in his sleep that my husband is not sleeping well. Plus we want our bed back for just the two of us.

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M.O.

answers from San Francisco on

My daughter was the same way! She slept with us and we tried the cry it out thing in the crib and she would cry for hours too! So I feel you on that...What we did when we got the toddler bed was I actually put it into our room close to our bed and for the first few night I would wake up numerous times to reassure her..I had it in close enough reach where I could just barely reach out to pat her back and tell her it was ok...But after maybe a week she was ok with it and I slowly moved it a little farther from my bed after she got used to it and then eventually..maybe after 1-3months (yes it took that long!) I put the toddler bed into her own room..Where I did have to get up a few times durring the night to put her back in bed but just have to stay consistent and stick to it and after a few LONG nights doing that she was ok.
Hope it works out and stay consistent so he knows he cant get away with sleeping in your bed anymore

1 mom found this helpful
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K.V.

answers from San Francisco on

The best advice I have is to stay consistent. There are a lot of ways to get your kids to sleep in their own beds so once you find one that works for you & hubby, stick w/it! When our youngest son was 2, he started climbing outa the crib. I took the advice I'd seen on that nanny show....every time he got out, I took him back. There was no comment or fuss made abut it....just took him back, turned on his music & left. Didn't talk to him, didn't look him in the eye & didn't even kiss him. I trained his older brother to completely ignore him standing there sheepishly in the hall. The first night, I probably did this about 35 times in the span of an hour or so b4 he settled in & it took less each night after. In total, it was probably about 3 nights of this b4 he got the picture. he stayed in the crib another 6 months b4 we put him in the bottom bunk & that wa a problem-free transition. So, you might try this theory as well. And since he's just 3 months short of 3, you could tie in a reward chart as well. For every night he stays in his bed, he gets a sticker or a star & then at the end of the week he gets a reward of some kind. If you go w/a reward chart/system, I'd take care to start petering it out after a couple of weeks cuz ultimately, you want him to go to bed on his own & not for the reward. Again, the key is consistency from both you & hubby, do not waiver at all & he'll get that you mean business

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F.S.

answers from San Francisco on

I would suggest putting his bed up by your bed for now. As time goes by, move the bed closer to the door and then in the hallway right ourside your door until his bed ends up in his bedroom. A friend did this and it worked but she used a sleeping bag. You might try a kid's sleeping bag too that opens into a comforter so when he gets to his bed he has the same comforter. Just a thought. It is fun to cuddle but best in the morning before everyone gets up for the day. On 20/20 kids cried it out and boy they will cry but it does work! Tough love is no fun bug it works.
F.

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D.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Hello K.: Having 5 children and now several grandchildren let me say that I didn't think they ever left our bed on a regular basis. My husband was in a hospital bed which is next to my bed and all the children wanted( older and baby alike) wanted to be with him all the time.
I finally got sleeping bags and told the little ones that they got to sleep in the bag, OR I keep a pile of blankets and quilts and they make nests like BIG BIRD and sleep that way. Toddlers hate being left out of anything. There is so much going on with thier lives that they don't want to miss a thing. Of course it is always better to be where all the warm comfy bodiesare as well for hearing the beathing and even snores. My 2 1/2 yo only wants daddy to hold hands at night and won't sleep unless he does. For my son who is disabled we learned to have him sleep with a large stuffed animal and one that has a heartbeart sound. This way he thinks that he is sunggled to dad and hears the comfort of the heartbeat. They sell lots of these animals at stores. Be sure that there is music or a fan going for light noise becasue that really seems to make a differance when they are in the light sleep sage it helps them go back to sleep. But the hardest part is to just be firm and say "Not Tonight". The worse thing that can happen is they get busy in their bedrooms and destroy it and that can be put back together. Being loving and being consistant is hard but works.
I will give you a giggle though. When my 2 1/2 yo granddaughter was supposed to be sleeping in my room instead of the crib in the play room -I found her sitting on my bed watching television just as happy as if it was her birthday! I took cable out of there the next day so if it happenes again she won't get but a couple of channels- and if I am lucky it will be the colorful asian channel that will facinate her to sleep! Good Luck in your adventure of parenthood. Nana G

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S.B.

answers from Redding on

Dear K.,
I hope I don't get any hate mail for this.....
Co-sleeping is fun and cozy until you decide you want your bed and your sex life back and you have a kid that's not going to go for that because they think your bed is THEIR bed.
Hindsight is worthless at this point, but kids need to be able to sleep in their own cribs/beds so that when you do co-sleep like camping or travelling, it's a treat, but they can still go back to their own beds. You're just going to have to get him used to sleeping by himself which won't be easy, but I have a wiggle worm son and he actually slept better by himself. It will be hard at first, but now is the time.
Just set up a routine. Bath, brush teeth, jammies, story, night night. You will just have to be consistant. If he gets up in the night and comes to your room, give him a hug and take him back to his bed. He may scream and fuss but just remember, it doesn't harm a child to have their own place to sleep. It really doesn't. Once you realize that, your child will realize that and get better sleep in the long run. Just stick with it.
I wish you the very best!

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A.F.

answers from San Francisco on

I don't know if this will work for you, but what worked for us was reasoning with our little 2 1/2 year old. She really wanted to go to school (preschool) so we told her that big girls who go to school sleep in their own beds, and all through the night. It took a few nights of wakings in the night (complete with crying), to which we just gently reminded her about the requirement for big girl school, and then she got it. I don't know if there's something your son is really wanting to do -- if not school, maybe a trip to somewhere special (like a zoo or a park or something) that you could try? Since our daughter was old enough to reason, I figured I'd try it and it worked. Also, I found the techniques in the book, "Sleeping Through the Night" by Jodi Mindell to be the only ones that really applied to our situation and worked for us. Hope that helps, and good luck!

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D.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi K.,

We moved our oldest from our bed to a toddler bed when he was 2. Here are some ideas for you:
- sit with him while he falls asleep in the toddler bed. Start by sitting on the bed with him -- when that's working well, transition to a chair next to the bed holding his hand. When that's working well, stop holding his hand. When that's working, move the chair away from the bed. As he gets used to falling asleep without body contact, he probably won't be as likely to wake when he senses someone not next to him.
- another possibility -- start with the toddler bed in your room next to your bed. let him fall asleep next to you in your bed, then move him to his toddler bed. if he wakes, he can get back in bed with you, but move him once he's asleep. you might have a lot of back-and-forth for a couple of nights, but what happened with us is that after a couple of nights of waking, our son would just sleep the night in his toddler bed next to our bed. can be good for getting him used to the sensation of sleeping in his own space, without the added factor of being in his own room.

We used both these strategies. After a few weeks, my son was falling asleep in his own toddler bed in his own room and staying there most nights. I seem to remember the 'No Cry Sleep Solution' being a useful book.

Good luck!
-D.

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T.R.

answers from San Francisco on

We need to get my granddaughter into her own bed which is in my daughters room and the way we have it worked out since my daughter works at night I put her in bed, read a couple books, sing a couple songs and then I stay with her until she falls asleep, sitting on the floor with my head in the crib. Usually if she has had a good enough of playing and running around, I don't have to sit there longer then 20 min before she is asleep. She has woke up a couple times and went into the living room and got on the couch to wait for her mommy to come home from work. and we fixed her crib up a little bit with princess signs and said it was a princess bed for a princess. this has all worked out pretty good, she is 2 1/2. But we just fixed up her own bedroom for her and not sure how that is going to work, I'm going to try weaning her off having me there while she falls asleep. I'd like to just read, sing a couple songs and have her lay down and go to sleep while I wait in the living room for her to fall asleep. Hopefully it will go well, and good luck with yours.

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K.M.

answers from San Francisco on

my oldest (now 60 months old) slept with us till 40 or 50 months old. I think it does have a lot to do with the bed and the desire to be in it. My 60 month old had a breakthrough when he inherited his Daddies bed. It's the full size we slept in for the first 18 years of our marriage. DH had inherited it when he was 48 months. The idea that the bed was soo special made my little guy super excited to use it and we have never looked back. Best of luck to you.

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C.D.

answers from San Francisco on

Hi -
We moved our boy to his 'big boy' bed with mickey mouse bedding right before he turned 2 (he had previously slept with us too). My husband always sleeps next to him until he falls asleep (sometimes my hubby falls asleep there too until I wake him up). However, this makes my son dependent on having someone there as well so he typically wakes up looking for daddy in the middle of the night - then my husband again, takes him to his own bed and lays next to him until he falls asleep.
i am also hoping this habit would break - but for now, it works for us (since we have a new born baby that likes to sleep between us as well).
good luck!

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E.M.

answers from San Francisco on

I actually think it's great that you have allowed your son the security of sleeping with his parents. But yes, it seems like it's time for him to move out!

Our son co-slept with us until about 18 months. Then he would let me nurse him to sleep and lay him down in his toddler bed asleep, and he would stay there most of the night. But right before his 2nd birthday it started becoming very difficult to nurse him to sleep because he was so easily distracted. We had tried CIO at one point and it was traumatic for all of us. So, we used an idea that I got from Dare to Discipline by James Dobson. Basically, his theory is that a child would never give up something he enjoys so much without some motivation. He suggested turning it into a game with rewards. For us, it was raisins because he loves them so much. We would lay him down in his bed and tell him that if he could be good and quiet for 1 minute, he could have a raisin. That was easy enough and he was very proud of himself when he did it. Slowly I would wait longer and longer until the next raisin, until he was laying there for 10 or 15 minutes without making a peep. If he started crying, I would come to the door and remind him that he had to be quiet to get the treat. The first night he didn't quite fall asleep by himself, I still had to nurse him. But by the 2nd or 3rd night, he actually fell asleep waiting for his next treat!

Now, my son is an extremely attached little guy, completely addicted to nursing and loved sleeping in our bed, and I was shocked at how easy this method made it. No crying, no trauma, just a fun game at bedtime. He's 27 months old now and climbs right into bed every night, we sing a song, tuck him in, and kiss him goodnight. Sometimes he still asks for a raisin but we only have to bring him one, then it's right to sleep.

Good luck with your transition. I would encourage you to make it gentle on the little guy, because there's no way for him to understand why he suddenly can't sleep with you anymore.

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