How Do I Motivate My Child to Try Harder and Take Pride in Her Work?

There's quite a bit being discovered about motivation in children. Three surprising facts:

1. You shouldn't praise a child for "being something" (like "You are so good, so smart, so pretty, such a careful worker, so responsible, such a nice person, so…) because it makes them afraid to try anything new and risk the adult's assessment of them. You can and should encourage effort, but don't go overboard or the child then begins to rely on satisfying you rather than herself.

2. Rewards are actually demotivational. They, too, move the focus away from the child's own natural, internal desire for exploration and mastery to an externalized reward. This can appear to work for awhile, but then the child becomes bored with the task/accomplishment and just wants greater and greater rewards. This is an extremely unhappy cycle to initiate.

3. Lots of children need more space and time for self-discovery than modern life allows them to experience. Free, imaginative play is the primary mode of learning for children right up into the elementary years. Too much focus on academics frequently results in squelching children's curiosity and sours them on learning.

It's hard to tell with so little detail, but this teacher sounds like her expectations are not well matched to your daughter's needs. Those are pretty harsh criticisms for a child who's only beginning her educational career. I'd be worried about a toxic situation if I heard those things about my very young child.

Hi, I know you are supposed to praise them for the effort and not the result. And don't praise for things they have no control over like beauty, intelligence, etc. They should get 5 positive feedback for every one negative feedback. Their "bucket" must be full to accept the corrective or "negative" comment in order to be able to accept it and not feel like they can do nothing right. I learned all this in management classes but it applies to every relationship you have. I use these techniques with my employees, my husband and my daughter and it does work...just takes practice.

This is a difficult thing because she is so young still . Do we, as parents, want our children to be focused at this age....or are they to still be children and playing. I feel your dilima. I don't have the best advice. My thoughts are maybe to find the things that she is most passionate about and use that for " rewards " for taking her time in one or two specific areas. I am not sure I would tackle all the things at once.
In my daughters Kindergarden class....I think it was laid back so I am surprised that the teacher is making it an issue. She is only 6 . I think the focus will come with age and maturity. But that is my best guess.
Good luck.

I will have to disagree with Pam about this. I don't always think teachers are being too harsh. That teacher is getting a great view of MANY childrens work and pointing out to you her opinion. Teachers aren't always right but it doesn't mean there isn't some laziness to the work.

You are describing my daughter. My daughter is now 11 and going into sixth grade. I thought that as my daughter got older that she would start to take more pride in her work but it really hasn't happened. I'm not sure why and I really don't know what to suggest. But, I did want to encourage you to take this serious because you are doing the right thing by not ignoring it. I wish that I had not waited for years to prove that this was a permanent issue and not just age.

When my daughter was in the 4th grade her work improved tremendously. She LOVED her teacher that year (and still talks about her daily) and wanted to impress her. I thought things had changed but sure enough she is back to her old ways. She really is happy with "good enough" for all of her work.It's hard for me to understand her attitude because I was always the opposite.

I do think my daughter does better work if I am involved. I do feel like she wants to impress me but only if I am hands on with the work. Good luck in finding help with this because I believe it just becomes more frustrating with age.

Sounds like me! Only wanting to do the easy work!~ Anyway, does she want to be in gymnastics, did she beg for it or is this something that just happened because it's in the neighborhood or someone thought it is good?
If she just gets it done, that is not necessarily bad, a lot of children will not even do these things. I think that you should take a little time and just love your daughter to pieces and not worry about all of these things.Eventually she will find her nitch, her successful subjects and her best athletic skill. Being six is still very little and she is beginning to come into her own. Do not worry Mama, she sounds like a wonderful little girl and sometimes teachers do not understand that it takes time. If you see in the future that she has something you can identify as a serious problem then worry, but in the meantime just enjoy her and the things she delights in.

How about read with her together and make it fun. Make sure you enjoy apending time with her because she can sense it if you half hearted. Maybe set a side half -one hours a day just for her.
Always using positive commons, thank you so much for helping mommy. You did such a good job. That's a great move, I wish I can do that. I am so pride of you. I love you so much. Let's read a book together. Let's go for a walk together (holding hands and talking stories - anything = bonding time).
After doing thos things together for a while, you will see change in your daughter. She might want to do thing better just to make you happy and make mommy more pride of her.