41 answers

How Do I Get My 9 Year Old to Take Care of Her Hair?

I have just dealt with crying hysterics from my 9 (almost 10) year old because she has 2 giant knots in her hair. Her hair is thick and wavy, below her shoulders. She develops these knots that seriously will become dreadlocks if left. She stands in the shower and I slather the conditioner on the knot and brush it gently, but she becomes hysterical.

She hates to brush it on a daily basis because she says it hurts so she puts it in a pony tail (w/o brushing first). She will serioulsy go a week w/o brushing at all. She doesn't seem to care that her part is crooked/messy, and said she gets comments at school that she doesn't brush her hair and why is it messy? She won't let me brush it and says it hurts and when I ask her to do it she refuses.

She doesn't seem to care how she looks, I'm worried that she is not learning basic life skills like taking care of hygiene and hair. I haven't leaned too hard on her hair or what she wears b/c I feel like she will soon become very aware of it all, but I feel I have failed her in some way.

How do you all handle daughters with thick hair? Any advice would be appreciated.

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

I am pregnant with my second and it got to the point with my 6 year old that i just couldn't do her hair anymore. She didn't want to do it right so we cut it off. She actually loves her hair short to the shoulder and takes care of it on her own now.

I would tell her if she doesn't take care of it, you are going to have it cut off. That is what my mom did.

2 moms found this helpful

I use Johnson's No more tangles leave in conditioner on mine, which keeps it from getting too bad and sometimes I use my kiddo's de-tangler when there are knots.

1 mom found this helpful

You can do a couple of things. Get a hair brush for hair extensions which is more foregiving and flexible. Or and a leave in conditioner in the shower plus brush the conditioner thru while her hair is wet with the extension brush. Make the experience fun by having fun type bottles for her to use. I've seen some fun looking kids product lines.

More Answers

My motto: If a child is physically too young to take care of something, we don't allow the privledge. Privledge comes with responsibility and age.

If they can't take care of the hair, cut it short.
If they cant keep their ears cleaned by themselves daily, don't pierce them.
if they can't pick up poo in the yard, they don't get the dog.
If they cannot treat a rabbit right, they shouldn't have it in the first place.They are too young.
If they won't brush their teeth after being asked, they don't get treats after dinner anymore.

Allowing a child to have privledge without enforcing the care and upkeep of, results in children who do not learn responsibility. So you either have to not allow it, or enforce the upkeep after allowing it...which means spending lots of time training. As far as hygeine, I think it is important for mothers to teach DAILY hygene for girls from a very young age. Cut her hair short, but do hygene and body care with her EVERY day. She is clearly too young/immature to do it on her own. It will eventually become an ingrained habit. Tell her how beautiful she is after you brush her hair together. Encourage. Use your time brushing her hair together - to bond.
My eldest daughter has always had long hair. One way to keep it, is to braid it (not too loose not too tight) before going to bed. Then it can be combed out in the morning, with no knots, before a shower.

4 moms found this helpful

I have extremely thick hair. what I found that works for me is using biosilk shampoo/conditioner. Something in it just works really well. my backup is Pantene. I go and get my hair thinned regularly. this makes a world of difference. I go to Walmart salon which happens to have a pretty decent stylist there & I pay like $15.00. Obviously if she keeps it in check, then she won't have to deal with that big of a birds nest. I would go with a shorter bob, just to make it easier on her as there will be less tangling. The more you brush the tougher the scalp gets so I would start getting it done daily. Also look for brushes with wide set bristles & make sure they are solid. not the kind with the little short one next to the long solid as this kid tends to snag with thick hair. Poor thing, it really does hurt. oh & let the conditioner sit for a few minutes before washing it out. best of luck. Oh also a stylist can cut the under layer of her hair short so that it doesn't get tangled, but looks funny if she does pony tails, but is an idea if you decide to go with a short bob.

3 moms found this helpful

I am pregnant with my second and it got to the point with my 6 year old that i just couldn't do her hair anymore. She didn't want to do it right so we cut it off. She actually loves her hair short to the shoulder and takes care of it on her own now.

I would tell her if she doesn't take care of it, you are going to have it cut off. That is what my mom did.

2 moms found this helpful

Hi, J.! Could you take your daughter to get a new hair cut that is maybe shorter and layered a bit? I know she has thick hair, but a good stylist would know exactly what to do with her hair. I bet she would feel differently about taking care of her hair if she had a new do that is stylish and "hip"!

2 moms found this helpful

I say cut it so it's easier to manage! About six months ago we cut my 8yr old SD's hair from waist length to above the shoulders so she could wash and brush it herself. We where having problems with knots as well. She'd give in to brushing but would cry so much I couldn't stand to do it to her! She didn't like her hair being very messy but prefered it to having the knots brushed out. As soon as her hair was cut, all problems went away! She could wash and brush it all herself, and didn't mind doing it! Without having to be told to, she'd brush it every morning and after washing. I HATED seeing her beautiful hair cut, but I'd rather have her clean and able to take care of it herself!

2 moms found this helpful

Cut it short and don't let her grow it out until she's mature enough to take care of it.

2 moms found this helpful

THere are two consequences.

1 Do your hair or it will be cut short.
2. Let her go to school with a rat's nest on her head and let the other children tease her.

My mom cut my hair. I still rememnber how mad I was.
My rule with my girls, they have very long hair, is they keep it clean and brushed or I get to take care of it and I'll have Carla, our hairdresser, cut it off. I even showed them pictures of little boy cuts that I would give them.
THey also know I will follow through.

1 mom found this helpful

i had a similar problem with my sister when she was little...WHAT I DID? CUT HER HAIR OFF .....take her to the salon and ask them to cut her hair in a way that you'll don't need to brush it or take care of it and at the same way looks cute.
if she doesn't like the idea of cutting her hair off then will be much better cause when her hair grow back she'll take care of it.......believe me...it works.






1 mom found this helpful

1 / 3
Required Fields

Our records show that we already have a Mamapedia or Mamasource account created for you under the email address you entered.

Please enter your Mamapedia or Mamasource password to continue signing in.

Required Fields

, you’re almost done...

Since this is the first time you are logging in to Mamapedia with Facebook Connect, please provide the following information so you can participate in the Mamapedia community.

As a member, you’ll receive optional email newsletters and community updates sent to you from Mamapedia, and your email address will never be shared with third parties.

By clicking "Continue to Mamapedia", I agree to the Mamapedia Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy.