How Did Your Parent(s) Discipline You When You Were a Child?

We got spanked with a wooden spoon or the paddle (a flat piece of wood that had a handle). When I got to old for spankings my step dad would make me do military style drills (running laps in the backyard, running stairs, 100 push ups, etc) and he would usually wait until he could wake me up out of a sleep in the middle of the night to do it and he wouldn't let me stop until I was crying.
I don't discipline like my parents did. Ever. At all. I try really hard to do the opposite of my parents actually.

Spankings and lots of yelling. Always from my dad. It was horrible.

The final straw was one time he was "getting after" my little sister and she was trying to get away from him before the spanking, it was the same treatment I had put up with and this time, I was trying to pull my father away from her and my mom was crying and asking him to stop, I finally turned to my mom and said, "why can't you make him stop?"

My mom then grabbed the collar of his shirt and told him to "get out of the house." That was the beginning of the end of their marriage. Years later she said that it was my question, "why can't you make him stop?" , that woke her up to the fact that no child should be hit by anyone, especially their beloved parents.

It gave her strength to from then on talk back to him and speak up for all of us, He did not like the change and she only grew stronger.. They divorced.. Thank goodness..

I took child development classes for a full year in high school and then studied Early Childhood development in College. I learned that children do not need to be hit or yelled at to get them to behave, follow rules and respect their parents..

I am 45. My mom talked to me. Yep, that's it. From before I can remember (she says she started explaining things to me when I was 12-13 months old). Rarely my mom said 'I will tell your father when he gets home' - that worked but I have no idea why since I don't think it ever happened, nor do I think he would have done anything other explain what my mom had told me. Once when I was 17 I was grounded for driving with friends who didn't have a driver's license. I think it lasted maybe 3 days. I was a well behaved, polite child who did well in school despite a lack of spankings, time outs (I don't think they had those back then), punishments, consequences, stickers, bribes or other rewards. I hope I can do as well as my parents.

I was raised by 'The Evil Eye'. I am sure I got a couple spankings as a young child but I have no memories of ever getting a spanking from anyone, ever.

Your childhood sounds very similar to mine, except it was my mother that behaved this way. My father didn't do a lot of disciplining but we all knew he meant business and don't act up around him.

My mother spanked us all of the time and sometimes with belts. She hit us a few times also and I know she treated all four of us differently. My brother tells me stories of things she did really mean to him, like kicking him down stairs and chipping his tooth. She never hit me like that but she did try and I would always defend myself. We had several scuffs and brawls but it was usually me getting her away from me. Maybe she was this way more with my brother because he couldn't really do much because she was a woman.

I think for the most part we are all over it now but we do "remenisce" (for lack of a better word) from time to time about it still and it does anger us but we quickly accept, it is what it is.

My mother and I are very close, although we don't see eye to eye on much and I do lack respect for her in some areas because of this, she is still my mother and I love her very much.

You should really try to forgive and repair your relationship with your father. everyone makes mistakes and I now realize, my mom only did what she really knew how. She was pretty stressed and yes, she screwed things up, but you know what? We are all fine now and are raising our kids differently. So, try to understand why your fahter did what he did. You do say you felt very loved most of the time. Time is precious and our fathers aren't around forever. Good luck to you and your father!

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I want to second what Avasmom said. If you felt loved, then please don't let it start bothering you now. Of course we are always going to remember things from when we were kids, but if they are over and done with, please don't re-open the can. Just learn from the mistakes he made with you.

I was a very mild child and I always wanted to do the right things. My parents wanted to have complete control all the time and they used the belt a lot. I can't remember much of my childhood except getting beat. I found this to be very destructive behavior. My childhood was not happy at all. I find comfort and closure in knowing that I am not repeating the cycle, I go out of my way to listen to my kids. Once in a while I will slap my boys on the leg to get their attention. This is not punishment and I am not using it to harm anyone. I usually just ask them to talk to me. I never raise my voice or get upset so my kids get very uneasy when I do.

ha ha i think it's funny that some people are telling you to mend your relationship w/your dad & it's okay & blah, blah, that's not even what you were saying - ha! :) anyway, i was spanked ONE time when i was 7. she said "this hurts me more than it hurts you". poor mom. i'll never forget that. after that, just got grounded. i wonder all the time how she was such a GOOD mom. my brother & i were both really good kids and she never yelled or spanked. MAN! i have difficulty NOT spanking & yelling sometimes! i wish i were even half the mother my mom was to us! :)

My mom played the martyr or said wait until your dad gets home. Or both. When Dad got home, there was a spanking with a belt. (Looking back, and having discussed this concept with my husband, I'm sure Dad HATED that-- as he wasn't the one imposing the punishment but was put in the position of having to carry it out. But times were different back then--- uh--- 30 some odd years ago).... I rarely got spanked, but I had two older brothers who I watched and learned from. They got more spankings than me and I learned from their mistakes to some degree.

Generally speaking, we were pretty good kids. We experimented with smoking once. My older brothers probably sampled some alcohol- but I don't know about it if they did. We were latch-key kids to some degree. When we were older (teen years) we weren't spanked anymore, but we were grounded. Which basically meant no going anywhere. Not down the street, not to some friend's house, not to a party or sleepover, not to the movies... etc. We still had to (got to) go to any extracurricular activities we were a part of (band, football, etc) but we were required to come directly home and no hanging out with friends afterwards, or post game drivethru etc...

The worst thing I probably learned from my parents' style of discipline, was how to guilt my kids. I catch myself sometimes and it makes me feel sick. :( My mom STILL does stuff like that sometimes, and I just ignore it-- or on occasion call her on it. But I have to be careful, b/c sometimes Dad will agree with me, and sometimes he will defend her. It all depends on how close to HIM it is, lol. I try to ignore it, unless it involves my kids. And then, I defend my kids. My dad is often a big kid himself (and always has been that way-- he gets the kids more and more wound up the more he "seems" like he is trying to calm them down-- him reading bedtime stories to them? Forget it.. it becomes a wrestling match and belly laughing comic fest. That sort of thing). Until he is "done". Then he expects the dynamic to instantly change to "now you go to sleep and I am done". Uhhhh..... no Dad. It doesn't really work that way. :/

It was a very different time than today. Then, parents were just trying to keep a roof over their family's head and dinner on the table and get the kids through school, hoping to save something for retirement along the way. Today, parents are more concerned about the quality of memories they are building for their kids. And how to either provide them with EVERYTHING and/or to shelter them FROM everything. Families are almost completely child centered. Rather than marriage centered. And I for one, think that is a mistake. Of course, there are a lot more blended families these days, and that skews the whole well being of the marriage first before the kids concept. In a "whole" nuclear family unit, if the marriage is well kept, then typically the family as a whole and the children as a part of that are well kept as well, as it flows out of the marriage. That just seems like it is missing more and more today.
Sorry-- I seem to have gotten off point. LOL

I wasn't in trouble often. My mom mostly reasoned with me and since her rules seemed to make sense, I mostly followed them.

When I didn't, I was grounded or lost priviledges. (although her basic grounding started at ONE MONTH)

I was never hit except for a few times early in my childhood by my non-custodial, father. That had nothing to do with discipline for me, though, because he wasn't raising me or making any rules that mattered.

HTH
T.

funny galway girl...

that you would ask this question...

My mom now has alzheimers...and currently lives with my brother.

My father, now deceased, was a retired military officer.

MY memories of my childhood include many 'groundings' and loss of privileges...My older brother's recollection is very different...he remembers 'beatings'....I remember NONE of this...

And...I feel sad that my father...is not here to discuss...

Having said that...I believe in 'positive guidance' for 'youngers'...(basically...tell them what to do...what to say...kind of like a script...lol)

Have FEW rules...and when you have them...use positive language....in stating those few rules...

"Catch them being 'good'"

and 'love them'...simply love them...

But...as to your question...My father MUST have been a different parent when he/they had my brother...and I suspect they evolved in parenting...

As we ALL do...and that is to 'evolve'

Best luck
michele/cat

My dad was pretty much like yours except we had to choose our branch vs just the belt or wire hangers (mostly on my sisters I was much younger) but I got the branch a few times. My mom was VERY different, she was a communicator kind of like the current choices in parenting styles but overall I was a good kid and did not get punished often in general Good thing they divorced :).

My dear dad held the most authority of any person I, or pretty much anyone he knew, had met. He simply had to look sideways to have control. He was a big, strong man who had actually been a champion boxer in his day, but he never used physical discipline or shouting. He just had the x-factor when it came to discipline. My mother used a bit more raising of the voice, and she swatted me lightly once or twice. She didn't really have a problem though because of my dad.