How Can I Discipine My 14 Month Old?

Hi D.
After going through that age with both my boys, I have found that it is difficult to "discipline" between 12-24 months because they don't really understand. Mostly I tried to redirect them to something else and this was, in my opinion, good enough. I think that disciplining at that age is too much for their little brains to handle, and that they just need lots of love and attention.
C.

Children this young understand tone of voice and the word "no". Demonstrating how to be gentle and kind is great, but he will need to see it over and over again to retain the message. You really can't start to genuinely discipline a child until their language develops to a point where he can connect his actions to your words and the consequence- usually around 18 months/two.

Removing him briefly to the other side of the rug and saying "no" is about all you can (and should) do right now!

Hi D.,
Try to give a lot positive reinforcement when behaves well and is gentle. You are right not to give attention to his bad behavior. Giving a lot of attention to his unwanted behavior is still attention none the less. Children sometimes enjoy negative attention. It can be part of a power struggle for them. I think that you are doing the right thing. You don't necessarily need to leave the room at this age, but by passively withdrawing your attention for a few minutes, it is like a mini time-out. You can explain in simple and direct terms that "Mommy cannot play with you if you are hurting her.", but after the 'time-out', quickly let him know that you love him and explain the behavior that you would like to see and then move on to another activity.
Children really don't start to understand the concept of empathy until about age 2 or 3, but you can begin to introduce the idea now. Tell very simple stories about people or animals who get hurt or are in unfortunate situations and then how nice it is when other people help them and are kind. Talk to him about his emotions (and other peoples emotions) and help him start to label his feelings like angry, frustrated, happy, afraid. Later he will gain the vocabulary to communicate (appropriately) how he is feeling. You can talk to him about what caused the emotion and give him ways that are acceptable to deal with negative emotions like frustration and anger (hitting a pillow or maybe even just telling you how he is feeling. Fourteen months is still very young, but you can begin talking to him in very simple terms now and then get a little more detailed as he becomes developmentally ready.
I think that it is important to respect and validate the child's emotions and also give them the tools to express them appropriately. You can say for example, "I understand that you feel" _____________ (sad, frustrated, angry) about such and such....and then give them tools to help them deal with the emotion. I guess by showing empathy you are also teaching empathy.
Hope some of this helps.
best of luck,
B.

In addition to what Krista said, I would also hold his hands and look him right in the eyes when you firmly say "No, that hurts mommy!" Leaving the room should do the trick; just give it time.

D., to be totally honest, 14 months is not too early to be disciplined. You can put him in the crib and let him see you doing something (you're ignoring him) and then pick him up. But, before you put him in, when he hits, you say in a firm voice, no, that hurts and you will go in the crib. If again, tell him no, that hurts, you don't hit and put him in the crib. Before you take him out (these are what I did with my oldest and 10 minutes later when he was that small, he remembered why I put in there, but the other two couldn't do that at that age, tell me) and tell him, you love him and no more hittinga nd show him the gentle way of touching people. All children do and it's natural until they learn. Leaving him there and still seeing you is you ignoring him and perhaps he may be experiencing separation anxiety or he may not. All three of my boys were different and you have to know what kind of person he is to figure out the right punishment. The two things I believe are wrong and you are not doing those things: Beat him up and letting him get away with hitting and hurting people. You are doing a great job and don't feel guilty when it comes down to punishement. You willfeel guilty if you didn't correct him while growing up and he abuses people as an adult. I have felt that way, but they have to learn and do the punishment by saying no, then if he does it again, you tell him the consequesnces and you must follow through with those and they come out much better in their attitudes and know that monther means it when she says it. You are doing great!! Let us know what you have decided to do....we'll be curious.

When my son first started doing things like this, I'd act sad and say "That's not nice, that hurts Mommy." Sometimes he'd laugh and he'd still think it's funny, but sometimes he'd kind of get the point. 14 months is very young for any kind of discipline. My son will be 2 next week and we're just started to put him in time-outs for small periods of time, which I even hate that because I feel like he truly doesn't understand the difference between right and wrong, yet feel like I have to do SOMETHING when he misbehaves. I've heard that the book "Happiest Toddler on the Block" is an informative read on how to handle misbehaving toddlers. Maybe that will give you some insight?
Good luck! For now I would just stick with what you're doing...they all go through this.
Lynsey

Amazingly enough babies as young as 6 months old can understand tone of voice and by the time they are 12 months can understand a lot of words too. Leaving the room is a good thing, but when you return pick him up and explain what he did wrong. Tell him it was inappropriate and you will not allow him to behave in such a manner. He WILL understand.
However I a m not fond of the idea of isolation at this age. They are experiencing separation anxiety about now. I think it's better to stand him in a corner, or plop him in his high chair, then ignore him for 2 minutes. This way he can see you and will understand that you are ignoring him because he has misbehaved.

hi-
i have had this same problem with my daughter swatting my face in a fresh way. i started time out on the "naughty chair"- leave room for one minute and then come back and explain that she hit me and that is not allowed. then give hugs and kisses and distract her. seems to be working somewhat- she gets upset when i leave. but don't feel guilty- it doesn't matter if you work or stay home like me. good manners are a gift you give your child and if they can't learn from you, who will they learn from. it is your job to display good manners and teach them. it is fine to start now. don't wait for you child's teacher to teach them. it takes a long time i understand to work. best to you!

Hi D.,

Going through the same stuff with my 14 month old daughter. Try the book, Happiest toddler on the block by karp. My husband and I have been trying some of the ideas and they seem to be working with our daughter. Good luck!

Jen T

Dear D.,

I agree 100 percent with all the moms who have posted below. I just want to add one more thing: This is going to take time. 14 months is young, especially for a boy, to connect actions to results. I mean, for many toddlers this age, gravity is still fascinating. They can't believe that if they drop the 500th thing from their highchair, it'll still fall. Think of how much more abstract the idea that other people have feelings too is. However, by the time your son is 18 or 19 months, these things should start to click. So please don't think you have to change tactics, or use a harsher punishment, because you're not getting results right now. What you're probably doing instead is steadily reinforcing an idea. As soon as your son is cognitively ready to act on that idea, he will.

Best of luck,

Mira

Discipline means "to teach". No, it's not too young to discipline a toddler.

When a child is very young (like yours) s/he needs to redirected...even at 14 months.

Use a firm voice when needed.

Ex. When my toddler screamed in public at the playground as I was lifting her from the swing...I said, "It's time to go home. We need to get our lunch. She screamed louder. I picked her up and carried her to the car. I put her in the car seat and said, "It was fun swinging on the swing. Now, let's sing our ABC's as we drive home." I sang in a silly voice...and off we went.

That's discipline/teaching. Action and learning limits... She would've stayed on the swing for another hour!

When I was training to teach parenting workshops, one of the PhD's I was trained by said this to me, "If you don't take care of simple discipline issues during the toddler and preschool yrs, then, the teen years will be that much, much, much more difficult."